New update is here. Sorry they're not as frequent guys, but my stupid job takes up a lot of time. I'll try to get another one in this weekend ok? And as always thank you so much for the fantastic feedback, you know I love it so!!

TOXIC

Chapter 25

All You Wanted

No matter what anyone tells you, it is impossible to find someone if your actually trying to look for them. It's always happens this way. The second you don't want to run into someone, "poof" there they are right in front of you. But when you finally decide to search someone out, as Haley was coming to learn, they were physically unattainable.

She'd spent over an hour scouring campus for him. Unable to stand the suspense, when she knew earlier that day he'd taken his Stats final. The tutor in her was dying to know how he did, and the girl in her, the part of her she'd been trying to avoid for months now, just wanted to see him in general. They hadn't really gotten to talk much since the big excursion to Coralwood, and she feared that maybe it was partly her fault.

The more she tried to get closer to Nathan, the more she felt herself pushing him away. Out of fear of rejection, or fear of what they could be, she wasn't sure. It was like the more he seemed to change the more she wanted everything to stay the same, the more she wanted to stay the same.

Honestly she hadn't expected him to try so hard. Not someone like Nathan Scott. It sounded so hypocritical and judgmental when you said it out loud, but the truth was, people like Nathan usually didn't want to be different. They liked their small but affluent assemblage of friends and family. There was no branching out, or meeting less privileged people, because there was no need. Wealth like the Scott's was abundant in Bayview, almost half the family's in town were apart or in someway associated with the country club, and so the inner groups never had to mingle with the outside. There was never a need.

This little aspect alone was enough to scare Haley away from whatever prospects her and Nathan could potentially have. However there was also, that little issue of them having actually been intimate with each other that they had never fully resolved. Where they both destined to just be friends', or was Haley holding them both back from something larger, something that could end up being really amazing?

She didn't want to think about the answer to that question, despite the fact that it had been consistently rapping her brain all week. Right now she needed to find Nathan, talk to him about his final, talk to him in general.

Haley traveled down toward the east end of campus coming to a stop in front of the Gymnasium. Looking at, as it stood tall and wide in front of her, ominous in the afternoon sun, she wondered why the first place she figured to look for him, was the last place she ended up going. Deciding not to contemplate it, she stepped up the concrete stairs and pushed the large metal door open. Inside it was mostly dark, only a few lights on at the opposite end of the court where Nathan was shooting hoops by himself. Silently she watched him as he bounced the ball effortlessly between his hands, his feet gliding along the floor and then jumping up into the air as he made a slam dunk. It was so easy for him to just play by himself, no Dad's hassling you, or older brothers' outshining you, or domineering coach's with messed up agenda's. When it was just him and the ball, Nathan found, he could play for himself, play the way he always loved to play.

Haley watched this in fascination, lightly treading farther into the gym, and taking a soft seat on the first open bleacher. She hadn't really expected to find him in there alone, and yet seeing as most of the students were packing and getting ready to go home for the summer, it only made sense that Nathan would be practicing here by himself instead of at the country club, under the scrutiny of the people there.

It didn't take long for Nathan to notice that someone was watching him, He could always feel when her eyes were on him. Something he'd come to develop over the time he'd spent with her, like a sixth sense or something. He'd be working on some homework or a quiz, and she'd look at him through the corner of her eye, or her the spaces between her hair. He loved it and hated it, because he so badly wanted to look back up at her, and grab a hold of her face and...........

But he couldn't or he wouldn't and it angered him, with himself more than her. Neither of them where taking any sort of initiative in whatever it is you would call their relationship. They were at a complete stand still, and Nathan felt it was almost worse, than if they were right back in that parking lot yelling at each other again.

Making one last shot, he walked over to the bleachers and grabbed his towel up, wiping the sweat from his face and then taking a drink of his gate-o-rade. Haley was waiting for him to acknowledge her presence. And so he finally did, throwing the towel over his shoulder and looking over at her at the other end of the gym.

"Hey," he called, his body tired from the long workout. Haley couldn't quite distinguish his attitude as he walked over to her, She wanted him to be more happy to see her, but he looked indescribable, and it bothered her.

"Hey," she ran a nervous hand through her hair, and then let it fall back onto the books she had sitting on her lap. Nathan took a jagged seat down next to her, his chest heavy as his lungs tried to even out.

"What's up," he asked, leaning back on the bleachers so that his elbows rested against the next level of bleachers. To an outsider he would've come off as completely cocky, but Haley knew Nathan to well, and when he tried to come off more confident than what he really was, it was only to hide how insecure he was really feeling.

"Do the coaches always let you use the gym for your own personal pleasure," Haley questioned him, unable to stop from teasing him when he seemed so intent to look serious.

"I talked to the coach a couple weeks ago, and after he looked over my record and grades he said I'd mostly likely be eligible to play next year. Just as long as I spent the summer working my ass off to get up to speed for the new season and the draft picks," Nathan spilled out, watching for Haley's reaction to it all. He expected her to look surprised or at least a little taken aback, but she only gave him a confident smile, as if she'd known he could do it all along.

"That's wonderful Nathan. I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks," he shrugged, not knowing how to really take her praise. No matter how many times he heard her praise other people, it always sounded strange when she said it to him.

"Actually, the real reason I'm here bothering you was, I was wondering how you did on your Stats final. I know we had some problems with those last few chapters, so I just wanted to make sure."

"I think I probably bombed on the last two problems, but other than that I think it went ok."

Haley smiled at him brightly. She so badly wanted for him to get the B he'd been struggling for all semester, and it was evident in the way she worried about it. Nathan couldn't help but think, that part of the reason he'd tried so damn hard this last semester, was because every time he got a good grade, or got something right on the homework her entire face would just beam for him.

"So you really think you did well," she asked again, eager to hear his own assurance.

"Yeah, I do. I'll find out for sure on Friday though."

"Will you let me know, when you do," Haley looked at him expectantly, and it was so cute the way her eyes grew so big and sweet, that he had to comply. He nodded at her, with a half smile, and watched as she smiled back at him satisfied.

She usually wasn't such a Nazi when it came to knowing her student's grades, but Nathan was a special case, in and out of her life.

"Well now that I've completed my duty of harassing you about your grade for the day, my mission is now complete. You can now return to your regularly scheduled play," Haley grabbed her books from her lap, and stood up from the bleachers.

"You don't have to go you know. You could stay and hang out for a while," Nathan offered, leaning back up so that he sat straight. His hands mindlessly fumbled with the sports bottle, as he tired to come off nonchalant in his request.

"I would, but I've got a late cram session with one of my Advanced English people, so I can't," she said honestly, and felt part of the comradery they'd built up, fall away a little. Nathan tried to look disinterested.

"Yeah sure, whatever. It's cool. Some other time then," he jumped up off the bleachers, and stood in front of her, his body towering over hers in that all too familiar way that always sent shivers up her spine.

"Some other time," Haley repeated his words with a nod and half smile. It felt so awkward leaving like this, when what she really wanted was to stay. This was the last time either of them technically needed to speak to each other, and although Nathan had left somewhat of an opening for them to see each other again, Haley didn't know how strong that bind would hold.

So as she watched Nathan give her a quick wave and head back over to the end of the court, she knew she couldn't leave him like this, not after all he'd done.

"Hey Nathan" she called out loudly across the court, and waiting until he turned around to look at her.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted you to know that I think you've done a great job. All the work you've done and the time you spent working so hard to get where you are now. I know it wasn't easy, and I' m not always the most fun to work with, but you never quit, and that's all that matters. You should be proud of yourself Nathan, because I know I'm proud of you."

He let her words wash over him for a minute, taking in what she had said, and what it meant. Haley didn't say words like those without truly meaning them. It was something to take seriously, and Nathan planned on doing that.

"We're friends right," he asked, and Haley cocked her head to the side at him curiously. She wasn't sure were the change of subject had suddenly come from, but she could see he was definitely going somewhere with it.

"We are," she agreed, her feet taking her slowly back toward him, until they met again at the middle of the gym.

"Do you wish we were more," his voice was soft, but certain as he searched her face. Haley felt her breath catch in her throat. The conversation had quickly turned in a direction she wasn't prepared for.

"Is there a right answer to that question," she looked up at him uncomfortably. She didn't want to have to be the one that made the next decision. She was always that person for everyone else. For once in her life, Haley wanted someone else to do it. She wanted him to do it.

Nathan moved about, shifting his body weight on his feet uncontrollably. "You wanna be my date to the Summer Kick off party on Sunday," he blurted out all at once, and watched as Haley's face scrunched up on confusion.

"For the what?"

"For the Summer Kick off party at the Country Club. My Dad's friends throw it every year and it's really boring and dull, and I could definitely use a friend."

"What about Jake or Tim. Why don't you ask them," she pried, trying to get him to say why it was that he wanted her to come with him. Especially to something where all of his upper crust friends were guaranteed to be at.

"They don't get back for another week. And besides, you look better next to me anyway," he joked, trying to avoid the obvious answer to her question. Because Nathan did know what it was he was asking her to do, he wasn't stupid. Yet he also knew if either of them were ever going to get passed this roadblock that was standing in front of them like the Chinese Wall, they'd have to do it together.

"Are you seriously asking me this," Haley searched his eyes.

"I wouldn't ask if I wasn't serious," he answered back.

"What if it turns out to be a complete disaster," she throughout at him. It was an honest question, one they both weren't entirely capable of answering. Haley needed to know from Nathan though that if she was really going to do this, put herself out there for everyone to see, that if things came crashing down, he'd be there.

"Then we'll deal with it. It won't be so bad Haley. Not all of my family's evil," he smiled at her, knowing that she was beginning to cave in.

Haley shook her head, a small smile bursting onto her lips. She couldn't help but smile when she saw his face light up the way it did. It made her heart soar.

"It's not your family I'm worried about Nathan. It's everyone else."

"Just stick by me then, and everything will be fine," he reassured her with another sparkling smile. She wanted to be comforted by his words, but deep down she knew things like this were always more easily said than done.