We're winding down towards the end here my pretties. There will be a few more chapters after this one, and then I must sadly say this story will becoming to an end. But we're not done quite yet ;)

TOXIC

Chapter 28

Clarity

The bright red lighted numbers of Nathan's bedside alarm clock glared back at him wickedly through his blurry eyes. It was nearly three in the morning and he'd been tossing and turning in his bed ever since he laid down. Everyone had decided to call it a night around twelve and instead of driving all the way back to town Luke had suggested they just spend the night at the beach house.  So after finally putting the fire out and lugging everyone up the docks back to the house Lucas and Brooke ended up taking his room to sleep in. Nathan took his as well, while Peyton and Jake took the spare guest room, leaving Haley with the pull out sofa bed in the living room. It wasn't the best setup in the world, but it was the best they could do on short notice.

Nathan however hadn't beenable to get one wink of sleep with the thought of Haley alone in his living room, only a few feet away. He also couldn't get the image of her wet soaked body out of his mind either. Especially the look of joy she'd had on her face coming after him and pulling him back into the water with her. Them both splashing around in their wet clothes, not caring about anyone else. She seemed to be having so much more fun than she was when he'd come up to her earlier; her face sad, and her words distant. It bothered him that she looked so unhappy at times, and he wished he knew how to fix it, make it better for her.

Rolling over on his side once more, Nathan groaned into the side of his pillow. Sleep was definitely not his friend tonight. Giving up he, pushed himself into a sitting position on the bed and slowly pulled his sheet off of him and then placed his feet on the floor. He walked down the hall to the bathroom, wanting a drink of water when he paused and decided that a glass of water from downstairs sounded much more appetizing.

Easing his way down onto the first floor, he softly padded his way across the living room toward the kitchen. He stopped in his tracks though, when he noticed that the sofa bed Haley was supposed to be sleeping on was empty. He traced his footsteps back until he reached the stairs and searched the rest of the first floor for her. As he was going back toward the kitchen, he caught a glimpse of a small body sitting alone on the beach.

"What are you doing out here," he asked when he made it out onto the beach where Haley was sitting, her legs curled up in her arms as the breeze swept over her thin cotton nightgown.

She glanced up at him, as he towered over her. "I couldn't sleep," she said, which was partially the truth. Yes she couldn't fall asleep, but that was mostly due to the fact that she was thinking about him, and hadn't stop thinking about him since the party. She felt like she was on some kind of a ticking time bomb when it came to telling him how she felt, and at any second everything between them could explode and be shattered into a million different irreplaceable pieces.

"Yeah me neither," he shrugged and leaned down to take a seat near by her.

No matter how much he twisted her up inside, Haley knew that not being around Nathan was worse than having to deal with the tug of war in herself. She just didn't know how to tell him that. Sighing she rested her head on her knees and turned to him.

"You know that sofa bed of yours, isn't big with the being comfortable," she teased, rubbing at her back for emphasis.  It was so much easier to be like this with him. Just joke around and have fun."I actually think I might've broken something."

"Hey I offered you my bed," Nathan defended with a smirk, causing Haley to roll her eyes.

"What! And be so rude after you ever so kindly gave me a bath in the ocean earlier tonight? I wouldn't dream of it," she waved her arm about in a dramatic gesture. Nathan laughed and shook his head.

"You know that was fun. Just admit it."

Haley smiled fondly, as if it was memory she would never really forget, and then let her eyes fall down to the sand. She ran her hand through it, picking up a small white seashell and rubbing it in between her fingers.

"I always have fun with you Nathan. It's everyone else...........," she let the words die on her mouth, dropping the seashell back onto the sand, as she looked out ahead of her.

Nathan could see her closing herself off again. This time he was determined to find out what she was talking about.

"Everyone else? What do you mean Haley," he leaned his head to the side to look at her face.

"Nothing," she answered back quickly, quietly.

This was getting ridiculous. The more she didn't talk to him, the more he needed to know. The more it drove him crazy.

"No! Tell me. I want to know," he looked at her upset.

"It doesn't mean anything Nathan. I'm just babbling. Forget it," she tried to brush him off, getting up from her sitting position.

Nathan could see she was getting ready to run away again, and part of him wanted to. He didn't want to deal with any of this bulls hit. He didn't want to put his feelings on the line. And right now all she was giving him was excuses. It was futile to keep fighting, if she was so willing to just give up. Jumping up from the sand, Nathan stood tall by her, his face full of emotions.

"Forget what? You haven't said anything that means anything to me tonight, at the party, or for the last three months," he blew out at her in frustration. He wanted some kind of response from her, something that he knew was real. But when she just stood there staring at him blankly he couldn't take it anymore.

He turned around hard on the balls of his feet ready to walk back to the house when he heard Haley's soft voice. Even as she spoke she knew that another moment And here was yet another moment of no return.

"What scares you the most," she blurted out, not sure where the question came from, but knowing that she had to do anything she could to get him from walking away. If he walked away now he might not ever come back. And then she'd be left in normal once again. She didn't want to be normal anymore, she didn't want to be in normal, and if returning to that meant she'd have to lose Nathan, then Haley was coming to realize she never wanted to feel normal again.

"What scares me the most," he repeated like he was asking himself the question again. "I don't know Haley. Never succeeding I guess. Always being held in my father's shadow. Never really finding my own place in the spotlight. Why? What scares you the most," he asked her the same question honestly. His eyes open wide, his heart open even more.

Haley searched his face with her own, letting the deep blue color of his eyes come over her and take her into a place that no one else had ever been. A place that would always be only hers.

"You," she looked up at him, her body stiff, and her heart racing "Being with you scares me the most Nathan."

"Why?"

"Because I want it so badly, and I know that it has this huge possibility for failure," she ran a jagged hand through her hair, wrapping her other arm around her middle. The feeling of being so exposed was getting to her quickly.

Nathan watched her every move intently. "Yeah but so does anything else."

"No, not really. I mean if you work hard enough at school or your job you move forward eventually. It takes time, but you move forward. But with relationships you can work at it until there's nothing left and it will still fall apart."

"What's this really about Haley," Nathan asked, trying to get to the core of what she was saying. "You being scared to be with me, or just anyone in general?"

"I don't know..........." she shrugged defeatedly, throwing her arms up in the air, when no words would come to her. "I DON'T KNOW!"

"Yes you do," he yelled back at her in anger. "You just don't want to say it."

Haley could see all the built up emotion in him start to leak out.  She could see it in herself as well. All those months of waiting for something you weren't sure was going to happen. What did you do when it was so close you could see it, touch it?. Haley still didn't know, and it gave her a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Say what? What do you want from me Nathan," she cried.

Nathan shook his head "The truth. Just tell me how you feel?"

That was the million-dollar question now wasn't it. How did she feel? There was no way to skirt around the issue anymore, not after he'd come out point blank and asked her. Honestly she didn't want to hide it anymore anyway. She didn't want to keep running, because all you got from that was a safe emptiness. She didn't want that anymore.

"I'm scared all right. I'm scared and I'm happy and I can't stop thinking about you," she finally let out, her eyes drifting to the ground and then back up to him, his face breaking into a small smile. It seemed her answer had pleased him.

"Well two out of three ain't bad," he grinned and walked up closer to her so that their bodies were only a couple feet away. The proximity was unnerving and comforting all at the same time. Still she didn't understand why he was trying to joke at a time like this.

"This isn't funny Nathan," she wrapped her arms around her body more tightly.

"I'm not laughing," he said more seriously, moving even more closer to her. She looked away from him in protest and could feel his hand come out and pry her arms free from her body, so that he could hold them. His touch was intoxicating and caused her to lose her breath and any sort of thought she had running through her mind. She couldn't fall back into his arms so easily though. Nothing felt resolved. Or maybe she didn't feel resolved.

Pulling her hands away from him, Haley moved back uneasily."Look I can't deal with this right now, everything's too confusing."

"Everything always is confusing Haley!" Nathan uttered to her. "That's not gonna change. You think walking away from me now is going to help you figure things out? Because it won't. Trust me I know. I've tried to get you out of my head for the last six months and nothing's worked. Walking away now isn't going to either."

There was truth to his words, more truth than she'd like to admit, and that drove that sickening feeling in her gut up into her throat."But what if we fall apart? What if it doesn't work out?"

Nathan came back up to her, and drew her to him so that he could look down into her wide brown eyes."What if it does?"

He knew he was putting it all on her, and part of him hated that he had to do that, but he needed to know that she was ready to take that next step with him. He couldn't decide that for her, and he couldn't tell her when the right time was, she needed to see it for herself.

Haley could read the question in his eyes as much as she heard it on her lips. It was all about taking a leap of faith in someone, and risking yourself. Still....

"I want to be with you Nathan, but what about everyone else," Haley asked him the one question he'd been waiting for.

"Screw everyone else Haley. They don't matter. It took losing you to teach me that, but I get it now. All that matters is you and me, and what we want. And you know I want you."

He spoke to her softly, and Haley could see that he really wanted to try. Whatever it was they had between, this undeniable pull that kept bringing them back to each other, was something he was willing to fight for. She was something he was willing to fight for, and for the first time she was finally seeing it through his eyes. How beautiful he thought she really was, and she knew then she didn't want to let this go.

"I want you too Nathan," she said moving to him and reaching out to touch his hand. "I've wanted you ever since I woke up in your arms in that basement in December. I never stopped wanting you."

Nathan's smile broke out wide across his entire face. It was the most gorgeous thing she'd ever seen and it filled her with a warmth she'd never experienced before. That sick feeling in her stomach disappearing as he cupped the side of her face with both his hands and leaned down.

"See now that's all I needed to hear," he whispered to her before crashing his lips against her own and pulling her body flush against his so that they were melded into each others arms, the only sound behind them was the soft crashing of the waves.