Sorry about the long wait for this update everyone, but I was having some writer's block trouble. I'm pretty happy with this chapter though, despite the trouble getting it going. Hope you all like it too. Thanks as always for your encouraging and wonderful feedback. You make me blush. You really do!

TOXIC

Chapter 30

Spread Your Wings and Fly

Haley followed Nathan down what felt like a long corridor or hallway of some sort. She wasn't exactly sure what it was though, because she had her hand covering her eyes, and despite her best efforts to peek through her own fingers, Nathan kept catching her and snapping at her to stop. When she felt him halt for a moment, and heard him rifling around to be what sounded like his pockets for something she couldn't hold in her agitation any longer.

"Can I look yet," she grumbled, and Nathan let out a laugh.

"You're really sexy when you're angry you know that," he admitted, pulling a silver key from inside his wallet. "And no, you can't look yet. Just wait one more minute."

"That's what you said five minutes ago! And FYI, I don't like this game anymore. You're not fun to play with," she pouted like a petulant child.

"What, because I don't let you cheat and look?! That would ruin the surprise," he blew out, sticking the key in the lock of the door they'd stopped in front of.

"Well I don't like surprises," she countered, and started to move forward when she felt Nathan wrap his arm around her waist and lead her into a room of some kind.

"Yes you do. Now are you going to stop arguing with me so you can see what I brought you here for?"

"Is that a rhetorical question," she teased and felt him tickle at her sides. She tried to pull away, her hand still covering her face, but Nathan's grip was too strong. Reluctantly she gave up and huffed out a breath of air, trying to come off more irritated than she actually was. "Alright, alright, go ahead."

"Ok. On the count of three I want you to pull your hand away," he instructed, positioning her in the perfect spot in the room. Haley still didn't see what the big fuss was about. Yesterday he made it seem like this "whatever it was" he had to show her was no big deal, just something they could do while spending time together. But from the second he'd gotten off the highway and gone into a neighborhood nearby, he'd had her cover her eyes like there was some grand secret he'd been waiting years to show her. Actually she kind of thought it was cute, at first, until he'd gone all Nurse Ratchet on her whenever she tried to take a peek. Now she was just ready to get it over with and see what it was. She never really was one of those people that enjoyed the suspense. She much preferred to know how it was all going to end from the very begging. That way you could make out a plan of action, or decide how you wanted to feel about it, instead of sitting back and letting it play out in front of you. No way of knowing what was going to happen. That was the scary part.

However, this playful, quirky side of Nathan was worth going through this ridiculous game. She'd never seen him do playful before, and she liked it. A lot. But she had no intention of letting him know that. Not yet anyway. "'Wait till the count of three?' You're such a nerd Nathan," she giggled, after repeating his words back to him. He scowled down at her for a second and then popped his ever-present smirk back across his face.

"You only wish you were as cool as me. Now be quiet and wait to three," he ordered, placing his hand on top of hers so that she couldn't pull it away early. "Ready? One......Two.......Three," and with he whipped his hand away quickly so that Haley could remove hers as well.

She blinked her eyes open and shut a few times, letting them adjust to the light in the room. Slowly things came into focus and what she could tell that she was in some kind of studio apartment. It was fully furnished with all the basics like seating, television, stereo and kitchen amenities. The walls were bare and white, but alarmingly clean and fresh looking. In fact the entire apartment smelled as if it had just been moved into and then cleaned. Haley wondered if he might have possibly cleaned for her. And the thought warmed her heart. It wasn't some grand gesture, but it was something he'd done for her, because he wanted to show her his new home.

"So this is yours," she asked, turning around and walking about the room, checking everything out.

"Yeah. I signed the lease last week, but just got all my stuff set up the day before we met at the beach."

"It's really nice Nathan. I like it," she walked over to the large open window on the main wall and looked out it. A beautiful view of the park lay below the building, green trees and rich purple flowers bloomed all over, and there was a red and blue swing set not far from a bike path that lead into what looked like a small woods. All of it was so charming. So not what she thought Nathan would ever want for himself.

"I thought you would. Do you want the rest of the tour," he came up to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her to him, so that he could look down and meet her eyes.

There was something intense about his gaze in that moment, and Haley wasn't sure what to expect. Every time she thought one thing was going to happen, the exact opposite did, and there was no exception when it came to Nathan.

"What else is there to see," she smiled up at him, placing her hands on his muscular back, rubbing them up and down softly. She could tell her touch was having an effect on him, because his eye lids lowered just a little, his voice grew a bit huskier.

"The bedroom," he mentioned softly, and saw Haley audibly flinch at his insinuation.

"Maybe next time," she uttered, slowly easing her way out of his grasp. She straightened her shirt by the hem, and stumbled back a few steps. Nathan watched in her in curiosity, but wasn't able to say anything when she continued to speak, her voice awkward, her eyes hesitant. "I should probably get going anyway. I've got a lot of errands to run and stuff like that.....," she trailed off, and wanted to move toward the front door, but Nathan confused expression stopped her. His hand came up and he placed it gently on her arm.

"What? Haley you just got here," he said, his words more upset than he would've liked them to sound. But he couldn't understand what had happened in the few moments between them coming into this.

"I know," she nodded, and looked away. She was trying to hide what was bothering her by doing this. He knew she thought he couldn't read her if he couldn't see her eyes, and most times he couldn't. Everything she was, everything she felt shown through her eyes like an open doorway to her heart and soul. Yet, he could still tell something wasn't right.

"Then what's going on then? We were fine two minutes ago," he argued, and she moved her hand up to take hold of the hand that was touching her arm.

"And we're fine now," she maintained, before letting his hand drop from her own. It was all getting to close now. If she let him, she knew she would fall right back into bed with him. It's where she wanted to be, but not at the expense of their relationship. They'd both fought so hard to get it to a place where it was strong and sturdy. Taking such a big leap without thinking it through......well that could damage it all over again.

Nathan didn't know this though. Didn't know what she was thinking, or why she had suddenly pulled away from him again. He so badly wanted to be able to read her thoughts, to know what was going through her mind. "Then why do you want to leave? Did I do something wrong?"

His words were almost pleading as he spoke, and that brought her some source of comfort. She didn't want him to be upset by her own insecurities, but she needed to know how he felt about her. Yes, they'd both claimed they wanted to be together, and at the time it was everything he'd wanted it to be. But something between that moment and this one had changed. She'd changed, and now she wanted more. Especially before they moved forward again. It wasn't that she wanted to take a step back, God knows, they'd been doing the back and forth game for months now. It was just a simple gesture, a word, something to let her know that he was there. That he would be there, from now.

She didn't feel right in asking him for this. It wasn't the sort of thing you requested. It was a gift, from one person to another. And when he was ready, if he was ready, he'd give it to her. And she would wait for him, because her heart was already there.

Now though, she was the one who needed time. "I can't.........," she began to explain to him, but faltered. It was so much easier in her head. Words just didn't seem to fit what she was trying to say, and she could see this whole situation was upsetting to him.

"Can't what," he grew impatient, his blue eyes a vast sea of emotions. It almost broke her heart to know that she was going to hurt him with what she was about to say.

"I can't....sleep with you Nathan. Not yet," she finally blew out, her head hung low in embarrassment. It seemed so crass and vulgar coming out and saying it like that, like it wasn't something special. Yet that's why she was saying it in the first place. Being with him, making love with him, for their first time as a couple was something she wanted to remember. Not just another lustful, heat of the moment kind of deal.

Nathan tried to compute what she was saying into his head. Tried to understand where this had all come from. Yes, he'd mentioned them going to the bedroom, but he was only half-kidding. He hadn't brought her to his apartment for that, he thought she knew him better than that now. Still her words stung. Why couldn't they be together? After everything they've been through all he wanted to do now was hold her, and be with her. He didn't understand.

".........Why not," he asked, his eyes squinted, his forehead a roadmap of wrinkles.

His questioned angered her more than she could fathom in that second and so she unintentionally raised her voice, her arms flew out. "Because!" she cried. "Because I don't want us to rush into things like last time."

"But it's not like last time," he argued, and she looked down again, studying the ground.

"I know that. But it could be," her tone was solid, and Nathan knew she really believed what she was saying, and he hated that she still had so little trust in them.

"Look, I want to be with you , and only you ok," he stated, stepping to her and taking both her hands in his, leaning down a bit so he could make eye contact with her.

"I want to be with you too," she looked at him, her hands trembling a bit.

"Then what's stopping you," he asked, and again she glanced down. She stared at the new soft white carpet beneath her black flips and studied the contrasting colors. You'd never think looking at them at a glance that they would ever go with one another. Yet the more you looked, the more you watched, the more you could see how truly beautiful they were together. How they each compliment each other in their own different ways. It was quite fantastic really, how two entirely opposite colors could blend so well together.

Haley continued to stare down at her feet as she spoke, her words uneven as she said them. "What if we sleep together and you realize that same thing you realized when you left me the first time. What if I wake up and you're not there," she choked out, and felt her eyes involuntarily begin to water. She'd never been and overly emotional kind of person. Years spent in a big family, you grew to be tough, to take it like a man. But something about this moment, the way Nathan was holding her hands, rubbing soft circles into her flesh as he tried to search her face, it was all over overwhelming.

Nathan could see she was trying to pull away from him, and wouldn't let her. His heart was thumping a mile a minute in his chest, and his stomach was scrunched up into a huge knot, but he was determined to say what he needed her to hear.

"That's not going to happen Haley," he leaned down a bit more. "I'm not that person anymore. That guy, he was afraid. Afraid of what he felt when he kissed you, when he was with you. He didn't know what he wanted, so he ran away......I know what I want. And that's you," he let go of one of her hands and then cupped her chin, bringing it up so that he could look at her. A single tear fell on her cheek and he tenderly wiped it away.

"Yeah and how can you be so sure," she said, her voice trembling.

"Because I love you Haley," he stated, and realized that despite how terrifying he thought it would be, it was the easiest thing he'd ever said. He smiled down at her then and continued. "I tried to deny, and I tried to fight it, but I couldn't .You just came back into my life that night and messed it all up, made it perfect at the same time. And I never want to let that go. I never want to let you go."

Tears were falling rapidly down her cheeks now as she listened to him speak, his words were like poetry to her ears, and she wondered how anything would ever seem as beautiful to her now as what he'd just said to her right then.

Shyly she smiled at him, "Yeah," she asked, making sure it was all real.

Everything he said was true. And he knew then that the conversation hadn't been about sex. Not really. It was about her being scared, not knowing how he really felt, and he saw that now. More clearly than ever.

He nodded down at her, his face calm and strong. "Yeah," he affirmed, looking more gorgeous than ever.

Nathan felt her grip on his hand tighten, felt her body lean into his. "Well good," she spoke confidently now, "because I love you too."

And with that, Nathan's smile widened across his whole face. All of his striking features accented by the curve of his mouth and the brightness that shown through his eyes. Of all the things he'd heard, and had been said to him he couldn't remember a time when anything ever felt so right. There was no firework sin the background as he scooped her up into his arms and crushed his mouth to hers. There was no parade, no trombones blasting out a tune, or any cheesy music playing on the radio. It was just them. Him and her, together. His lips against hers, softly touching and then deepening as his tongue met hers, their arms wrapped tightly around one another. Their bodies molding as one.

When their mouths parted and they looked at each other, eyes hazy and breathless, Nathan looked at her sternly. "No more running, alright?"

She let out a small laugh and nodded in affirmation, her smile never wavering. "Yes sir."

"Should we shake on it," he said teasingly, not even attempting to remove his arms from around her body. Haley chose not to respond to his question and instead took her arms which where wrapped around his neck and placed them on his head bringing it to hers in another earth shattering kiss. Unsure of what the next moment would bring, and knowing that maybe, just maybe this time she could handle the suspense.