Epona's Bath
Rated PG for comic violence and mild swearing…and one possibly dirty joke.
Disclaimer: I own OOT!!! Well, the game is in my room somewhere…but I have no right to use its characters…anyway…R&R, pleeeeese?!
Link pulled out his ocarina, he was going to ride to Ganon's Fortress and kick Gannondorf's ugly butt. He was going to make a grand entrance on his proud steed, Epona. As usual, right after he had played Epona's Song she came charging towards him.
"Hey, Epona! It's nice…urg!"
Link held his breath as Epona came closer, she was absolutely filthy and reeked something terrible.
"Epona! Where have you been?!" asked Link, gagging from the smell.
Epona's only answer was a flick of her tail, swatting Navi into a tree.
"Epona, did you see that Gerudo horse again????"
Epona gave him a look that plainly said, so what if I have?
"Bad horse! I don't want you to be seeing that Gerudo horse again! You get so dirty in the desert!"
Epona snorted and shook her head.
"Give up on that, she'll never listen to you," said Navi while nursing a huge bruise on her head.
Link knew that he could never ride Epona in this condition, he'd probably faint from the smell and everyone would laugh at him. So, holding his breath, he led Epona by the reigns to Lake Hylia to wash her off.
After beating all the Tektites in the area, he led Epona down to the water's edge by the scarecrow. Then he realized that he needed a brush. He searched his bags only finding a bunch of weapons and other spiffy tools. He inspected an arrow from his quiver, wondering if he could use the feathers at the end of it. Rooting through his main sack he found a comb he had borrowed from Saria and never returned.
I don't she'll be expecting it back, he thought, I mean, it has been seven years.
A comb was no use to Link, then he came up with an idea. He would put Epona in the water and wash her off with his hands.
He grabbed Epona's reigns and started to pull her into the water, but Epona would not budge.
"Aww, c'mon!"
Epona whinnied and butted Link with her head. Link went flying and landed in the water with a splash.
The scarecrow let out a loud laugh, "Oh! Better luck next time, Ocarina Kid!"
Link swam to shore. He was sopping wet and mad as hell, "MOVE! You stupid horse!" He got behind Epona and started to push her, then Epona bucked Link. Link flew backwards and hit the cliff wall.
The scarecrow laughed with sheer mirth as he spun around and around on his stick. Then Navi flew right up to the scarecrow.
"It's not funny!" she shouted right in his face, "It's not funny at all!"
"Go screw yourself you stupid fairy!"
Navi's bottom lip quivered, then she burst into noisy tears and flew away.
The scarecrow was still laughing when Link came back. Link glared at him, then he broke into a wide smile. He advanced on the scarecrow.
"Hey! What are you doing???" the scarecrow cried.
Link didn't answer. He pulled the scarecrow out of the ground by the stick.
"What are you going to do to me?????"
"You're going to wash Epona!"
"What?! No! AAAAArgplth"
Link dunked the scarecrow in the lake and pulled him out again. The scarecrow had lost his hat and vest under water. The scarecrow trashed around as Link carried him over to Epona.
"NOOOOO! I am not a sponge!"
"Stop thrashing around! It's hard enough to carry you! What do you weigh, seventy pounds?"
"I have the right not to say-ack!"
Link had reached Epona and started brushing her with the scarecrow.
"I am so glad I don't have a nose! This horse is disgusting! Ew! Something got in my hair! Ack!"
The scarecrow started thrashing again and smacked Epona's rump. Epona got up on her hind legs and whinnied loudly. When she got down she charged at Link and flattened him. The scarecrow, who had been spared a trampling, started to laugh hysterically.
"You deserved it! You damn Ocarina Kid!"
Link jumped up and yelled. He drew his sword and sliced the scarecrow into a thousand pieces. Then he looked around for Epona. She was in the water up to her neck and apparently washing herself
Link falls down anime style.
Rated PG for comic violence and mild swearing…and one possibly dirty joke.
Disclaimer: I own OOT!!! Well, the game is in my room somewhere…but I have no right to use its characters…anyway…R&R, pleeeeese?!
Link pulled out his ocarina, he was going to ride to Ganon's Fortress and kick Gannondorf's ugly butt. He was going to make a grand entrance on his proud steed, Epona. As usual, right after he had played Epona's Song she came charging towards him.
"Hey, Epona! It's nice…urg!"
Link held his breath as Epona came closer, she was absolutely filthy and reeked something terrible.
"Epona! Where have you been?!" asked Link, gagging from the smell.
Epona's only answer was a flick of her tail, swatting Navi into a tree.
"Epona, did you see that Gerudo horse again????"
Epona gave him a look that plainly said, so what if I have?
"Bad horse! I don't want you to be seeing that Gerudo horse again! You get so dirty in the desert!"
Epona snorted and shook her head.
"Give up on that, she'll never listen to you," said Navi while nursing a huge bruise on her head.
Link knew that he could never ride Epona in this condition, he'd probably faint from the smell and everyone would laugh at him. So, holding his breath, he led Epona by the reigns to Lake Hylia to wash her off.
After beating all the Tektites in the area, he led Epona down to the water's edge by the scarecrow. Then he realized that he needed a brush. He searched his bags only finding a bunch of weapons and other spiffy tools. He inspected an arrow from his quiver, wondering if he could use the feathers at the end of it. Rooting through his main sack he found a comb he had borrowed from Saria and never returned.
I don't she'll be expecting it back, he thought, I mean, it has been seven years.
A comb was no use to Link, then he came up with an idea. He would put Epona in the water and wash her off with his hands.
He grabbed Epona's reigns and started to pull her into the water, but Epona would not budge.
"Aww, c'mon!"
Epona whinnied and butted Link with her head. Link went flying and landed in the water with a splash.
The scarecrow let out a loud laugh, "Oh! Better luck next time, Ocarina Kid!"
Link swam to shore. He was sopping wet and mad as hell, "MOVE! You stupid horse!" He got behind Epona and started to push her, then Epona bucked Link. Link flew backwards and hit the cliff wall.
The scarecrow laughed with sheer mirth as he spun around and around on his stick. Then Navi flew right up to the scarecrow.
"It's not funny!" she shouted right in his face, "It's not funny at all!"
"Go screw yourself you stupid fairy!"
Navi's bottom lip quivered, then she burst into noisy tears and flew away.
The scarecrow was still laughing when Link came back. Link glared at him, then he broke into a wide smile. He advanced on the scarecrow.
"Hey! What are you doing???" the scarecrow cried.
Link didn't answer. He pulled the scarecrow out of the ground by the stick.
"What are you going to do to me?????"
"You're going to wash Epona!"
"What?! No! AAAAArgplth"
Link dunked the scarecrow in the lake and pulled him out again. The scarecrow had lost his hat and vest under water. The scarecrow trashed around as Link carried him over to Epona.
"NOOOOO! I am not a sponge!"
"Stop thrashing around! It's hard enough to carry you! What do you weigh, seventy pounds?"
"I have the right not to say-ack!"
Link had reached Epona and started brushing her with the scarecrow.
"I am so glad I don't have a nose! This horse is disgusting! Ew! Something got in my hair! Ack!"
The scarecrow started thrashing again and smacked Epona's rump. Epona got up on her hind legs and whinnied loudly. When she got down she charged at Link and flattened him. The scarecrow, who had been spared a trampling, started to laugh hysterically.
"You deserved it! You damn Ocarina Kid!"
Link jumped up and yelled. He drew his sword and sliced the scarecrow into a thousand pieces. Then he looked around for Epona. She was in the water up to her neck and apparently washing herself
Link falls down anime style.