Epona's Bath Chapter 4:
The Final Long Chapter!
I'm getting slightly tired of doing this...but there will still be five chaps. Sorry this took waaaaay too long. I went to Montana to visit my grandparents, seriously. I feel as though this story is going in a steady decline. And yeah, I did dye my hair purple, but it was the wash out kind so dad didn't get too mad...R&R!
Rated PG for comic violence and mild swearing and a few possible dirty jokes
Disclaimer: I own OOT again! My friend got this disk with OOT and Master Quest on it for the Gamecube so I got my cheap 64 version back! But I'm not allowed to use the characters or anything.
Link ran all the way to Gerudo Valley, which wasn't very far. He knew that if he used Epona's Song again she'd just trample him again and he wouldn't be fit to kick Gannondorf's butt. Finally he reached the valley. He ran across the bridge and into the Gerudo Fortress where he spotted Epona with a tall black horse.
"Epona!" he called out, "You come here now!"
Epona only snorted. The black horse glared at him. Link moved towards Epona.
"C'mon Epona! I have to go beat Gannondorf and I can go without you!"
But when Link touched Epona the tall black horse whinnied and stood up on it's hind legs. Then the legs came down on Link.
"OW! Get off me you damn horse!"
The Gerudo that owned the horse heard the commotion outside and came charging out.
"If you so much as TOUCH my horse you thieves, I'll tear out your heart and eat it for dinner!"
"Ack! Wait! Stop!" Link cried out as the Gerudo trampled him searching for the thief.
The Gerudo jumped off Link, "Get off the boy!"
The horse, got off Link and he jumped up, "Could you get your horse to stop seeing Epona?! What if she got hurt or had a baby or something?!"
"I doubt that they'd have a baby, Gerudo only use female horses y'know."
It took a few seconds for this piece of information to sink in with Link. Then he stared at Epona. Epona just snorted.
"Well," he continued, "Can I have my horse back?"
"Your horse? It's my horse! She came to me and I own her!"
"No you don't! Just because she came to you doesn't mean she's yours! Give her back!"
"I will on one condition."
"Name it!"
"Be my boyfriend."
Link stared at the Gerudo. She was ugly, not as ugly as Impa, but still but ugly.
"Absolutely not!"
"Then no horse!"
"But it's my horse!"
"Prove it!"
"Fine!" Link tried to get up on the saddle, but Epona just bucked him off. The Gerudo let out a laugh. Link didn't like being laughed at, so he pulled out his sword, but the Gerudo blocked it.
The Gerudo was laughing like mad as she put her swords back in the sheaths, and Link hated being laughed at, then he got a great idea.
"Hey, stand right in front of Epona and I'll prove that she's mine."
"Fine."
As the Gerudo went forward, Link stood back. Then, when the Gerudo was right in front of Epona, Link played Epona's Song. Epona's ears pricked up, and she trampled the Gerudo and headed towards Link.
Link was the one laughing now, "Hahahaha! That's what you get you ugly b-"
He didn't get to finish his sentence because he was trampled by Epona.
SCENE CHANGE I didn't feel like doing another chapter, so I just put this in with it
Link walked away from the valley in a state of despair. Even when the Gerudo was unconscious, all his efforts to bring Epona back with him ended in pain. Then the Gerudo woke up and more pain ensued. He was going to the only person he could complain to: Malon.
He walked all the way to the LonLon Ranch and it was dawn by the time that he got there. Malon was already up tending to the Cuccos.
"Link!" she called out, "Where's Epona!?"
"I hate that damn horse!" he yelled back, "She never listens to me! All she ever does is trample me! She killed my hat and nearly killed me! Can I get an exchange or something?!"
Malon was mad, "You hate my horse?! That's the best horse and my favorite horse! How dare you insult dear Epona! Sure she may be a little wild, but she's not that bad! You're over reacting! I'll even show you!"
She was about to sing Epona's Song. Link shouted, "No!" but it was too late.
Epona ran up and trampled Link.
"See! I told you she was a menace!" he yelled, jumping up.
"She didn't mean it! Didn't you Epona?"
Link was very ticked off by then. He got out his arrows and shot one at Malon. She dodged it and it hit a Cucco.
The Cucco let out a loud crow, then all the Cuccos started chasing Link and pecking him.
"Ow! Ow! Owowowowowowow! That hurts -ow!- you dumb -ow!- birds!"
So Link ran off the ranch and never ever came back or called Epona again. So once he healed he went to beat Gannondorf, but all the Re-Deads laughed at him without a horse or best hat. But then all the Re-Deads found themselves in several pieces, so it doesn't matter anyway.
-THE END-