A/n- Present time is in regular font, memories are in italics, and song lyrics are in bold.
Sometimes I get to feelin'
I was back in the old days - long ago
When we were kids when we were young
Thing seemed so perfect - you know
Lately my memories have been coming back to me. I was ecstatic to learn that those memories the dementors took weren't gone for good. Now that I have those memories again I realize how little we really knew about the real world. We were young, beautiful, happy and innocent. Four boys who were, for the time, insignificant to the rest of the world. We lived every day wondering what fun we could have and which rule we could break next. We were the Marauders and we gave our professors hell.
Across the room, at my father's old desk, sits Remus. He's reading some book for Dumbledore. Order business of some sort. I probably could've done it, but apparently a clean house is more important for me to get done than whatever Remus is working on. I'm situated on the sofa, staring at the stained ceiling as memories run rampant through my mind.
The days were endless we were crazy we were young
The sun was always shinin' - we just lived for fun
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know
The rest of my life's been just a show
"Come on, Moony, just one ride!" I pleaded. Remus looked at my bike as if it was going to come alive and ask him to give it a pedicure. "I won't let you fall, love, I promise," I added.
"...I don't know,"
"Please?" I pouted, hoping that my puppy eyes worked. Remus shook his head and laughed.
"You know I can't resist that look," he stood on tiptoe and pecked me on the lips. "I'll go, just this once,"
I grinned and kissed him deeply. He moaned into my mouth and pushed himself closer so that I was leaning on my motorcycle to support both of us. With him throwing himself at me like this, I was definitely beginning to have second thoughts about the motorcycle ride. I kissed his delicious little neck slowly.
"We could stay here and do other things,"
Remus laughed, but spoke in a stern voice, "If you want me to get on that collection of scrap metal you like to call a motorcycle, you'd best do it now before I change my mind,"
I chuckled and reluctantly untangled myself from him. After I showed him where to sit, where to put his feet, and where to put his arms (and after a little argument over who would wear my only helmet) I buckled my helmet and started up my second love. I took a few precious seconds to appreciate the purr and vibrations of her engine, then started down the dark road.
"Where are we going?" Remus asked. I pretended not to hear him. I headed straight for the road that ended in a steady drop. "Sirius, there's a cliff over there!" he yelled over the engine.
"I know!" I shouted back. Remus gripped my stomach as I led the bike straight onto the drop.
"You're mad!" Remus yelled.
I laughed, "I know!"
"...You're crazy!"
"I know!"
Just as his grip around my stomach was getting so tight it hurt, I pushed the flight button and pulled my bike away from the drop. We fell a little, but I steadied her out so that we were flying level. As we flew higher, the view of the city below us got greater. The lights from the muggle buildings lit up the sky and the stars were shining brightly from the clear sky above us.
"You didn't tell me it could fly!"
"It was a surprise!"
Remus kissed my neck and said in my ear, "I love you, you crazy mutt,"
I grinned. I moved one of my hands from the handlebar and squeezed Remus' hand. I felt his breath on my neck as he sighed happily. Remus rested his cheek against my shoulder blades to watch the scenery as we flew by.
Those were the days of our lives
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one thing is true
When I look and I find I still love you
"...And the winner of the House Cup is... Ravenclaw!"
The students at the Ravenclaw table cheered and clapped, along with the Hufflepuffs and us Gryffindors. The Slytherins glared at everyone and everything, angry that they had come in second because of two points.
Remus joined the Gryffindors who were standing and whistled. Quickly, others from our house were jumping up to congratulate the other house. Peter was cheering loudly, but James was only clapping half-heartedly.
"Come on Prongs, where's your school spirit!" Remus yelled over the noise.
"I lost it when I lost that damn Quidditch game! We came in last place for the house cup!" he shouted back, actually sounding upset.
"Well it's your own fault that you can't throw a ball through a hoop," I yelled. The cheering from the Ravenclaw table was still strong and wasn't showing any signs of stopping.
"You're the one who got caught replacing the potions materials with cabbages. We lost so many points that night!" James said, rounding on me. He was grinning though, and it was hard to keep a straight face while Remus and Peter laughed.
"It was your idea in the first place!" I said.
"Well... You have bad hair!" James yelled back at me. We locked eyes, paused, then started laughing harder than either Peter or Remus were.
You can't turn back the clock you can't turn back the tide
Ain't that a shame
I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game
I wonder if Harry's life is as carefree as ours was. If the things that happened in his past have affected the person he is now. Those are stupid thoughts though, because any kid with a life like his would be different than he should have been. The last time I saw him his eyes were dark, his smile forced. I swear that I will remedy that when my freedom is proved. I'll help him learn that there is more good in this world than he has seen.
All I need to do is get out of here and find Wormtail, that traitor, and get my innocence proved. I can't sit here forever, no matter what Albus says! The second war will be soon and the side of Light will need everyone to fight. Why can't that old coot see that I can help too?
I'm not going to be useless, trapped in this place, while Harry risks his life. I won't stand for that.
No use in sitting and thinkin' on what you did
When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know
Better sit back and go with the flow
I look over at Remus again. His graying hair keeps falling into his eyes and he patiently pushes it back with an ink-spotted hand--only to have it fall into his eyes again. He turns the page of the ancient book with care.
"You're staring, Padfoot," he says without looking up from the book. I can feel the waves of deja vu, but I know that I had been in a moment like this one before.
"I can't help it... You're beautiful," I say, so much like my teenage self once did. Remus stops reading to look up at me.
"What... what did you just say?" Remus asked.
"I said that I can't help but stare at you--you're so beautiful," I said with a boldness that surprised even me. I reached over and stroked his cheek with my thumb. His eyes never left mine.
"Sirius..." he breathed.
"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"
"On a date?" Remus asked, his clear voice full of hope and doubt. I smiled nervously.
"Yeah, on-on a date," my insides were squirming, my face burning. "If you want to, that is, I mean, I'll understand if you don't--"
"I'd love to," Remus interrupted with a shy grin. I was quite glad for that; I was beginning to sound like an idiot.
"You mean that?" I asked once his words registered in my mind. No matter how hard I tired to hide it, a grin was slowly creeping onto my lips. He nodded. I was so happy I didn't know what to do.
In an instant I had hugged him and pulled him onto his feet. Remus' arms were warm and secure around my neck--I never wanted him to move them. My arms were around his waist, his perfect body against mine. We were laughing like madmen.
"I think you just made me the happiest man on the planet," I said through my smile.
"I don't think so," he said, his eyes twinkling brighter than ever. I asked him what he meant by that and he smiled sweetly, "You can't be the happiest man on the planet because I already am,"
It was sappy, corny, cliché, and completely 'romance novel' of him. I loved it. I loved him.
"Sirius?" a worried voice brakes through my thoughts.
Cos these are the days of our lives
They've flown in the swiftness of time
These days are all gone now but some things remain
When I look and I find no change
"Are you ok?" he asks, his eyebrows knotted in concern. That look used to give him an aura of maturity. Now it makes him look old and fragile.
"Yeah, Moony, I'm fine... Just thinking, that's all," Remus puts down his book and moves his body so that he can look at me better--a sign that he wants to talk.
"What about?"
I pause and look away from him. I wonder if I should tell him the truth? Everyone else can predict his reactions but me. It's surprising since I know him best, but I could never get his actions down. I sigh and look back at him. He has moved from his place at the desk to the spot next to me on the worn sofa.
"I'm thinking about Hogwarts... When we were at school," he tenses next to me, but the corners of his lips turn up a little. "I was thinking about how much fun we used to have, how little we knew about fate and cruelty... I miss those days, Rem," I finish softly. Remus smiles at the nickname and runs his fingers through my hair. I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder, enjoying the feeling of his nimble fingers running against my scalp.
"I miss it too, but there's nothing we can do about that... You know that as well as I do. Dwelling on it will only make you feel worse,"
I don't know what to say after that, so I remain silent. The smell and feel of him is driving me wild and if I were in a happier mood I'm sure that Remus wouldn't be in those clothes still. James would laugh if he could only hear me now. James' laugh was something else, I tell you what. His laugh was deep, true, and hearty.
"Do you remember that day in our sixth year when Snape spent a day picking salamanders off of himself?" I ask Remus.
"You mean the ones that you convinced Peter to charm there?" Remus replied mildly. He says 'Peter' because back then, while he was still Wormtail, he was first and foremost Peter--the blue-eyed, sandy-haired boy who looked innocent but was quick to prepare a prank and get us out of trouble.
Instrumental
"Drinks all around!" James shouted. The others in the Three Broomsticks cheered until Remus and Peter pulled him off of the table.
"James, are you crazy! How are you going to pay for all of those!" Remus hissed.
"Who said anything about paying for the drinks, Moony?" James replied smugly. Remus rolled his eyes and sipped at his butterbeer. "This drink is for you, Petey, for single-handedly pulling off the greatest prank of this year and getting us out of trouble!" James continued.
I supposed that he had put back one too many butterbeers, but I cheered with Remus and James all the same. Peter was blushing a little, mumbling things about how it wasn't that great and that any one of us could've done better. Remus smiled and clapped him on the back.
"Don't sell yourself short, Wormtail! You did the whole prank by yourself, even if Sirius and James had the idea," he said with a quick glare at us. "And James is right, you know, it's all 'cause of you that we aren't knee-deep in trophies and polish right now!"
I looked over at James, who was steadily gulping down another butterbeer, spilling at least half of the bottle onto his shirt. And he wondered why he couldn't get Evans to like him.
"Yeah, we only told you to charm salamanders on to his robes. It was your idea to make them follow him around all day, and keep re-appearing on his robes!" I said without taking my eyes off of James' display.
"That's disgusting Prongs," Peter said after a moment. Apparently he had caught Remus and Peter's attention as well. James stopped drinking and looked at us with a goofy smile.
"What is?"
Remus pointed to his shirt,"That is. You've spilt butterbeer all over yourself,"
James looked down at his shirt for a few seconds more than he needed to. He was planning something. His eyes suddenly got brighter and the corners of his mouth were twitching as he tried to hide a smile. Remus moved back. I hid my butterbeer. Peter was still staring at him.
"Well, we can't have me being the only slob, can we?" James asked as he lept forward and dumped the bottle on Remus, who shrieked in surprise.
Not the kind of people to let James team up on one person, Peter and I jumped up and started dumping drinks on James, who yelped, missed Remus and got some poor guy's robes soaked. The guy started yelling at us while we gave up teams and dumped anything we could find on each other. Remus' hair was soaked and he had his head thrown back, laughing. I smiled and charged forward to help out Peter who had been cornered by James.
No more than five minutes later we had been kicked out of there.
Those were the days of our lives - yeah
The bad things in life were so few
Those days are all gone now but one thing's still true
When I look and I find
I still love you
"Look, love, if I could give you back those days I would," he says tiredly. His hand stops massaging my scalp. I curl into Remus' arms, pressing my forehead against his neck. The smell of him–the mold of his old tattered robes and the scent of his soap–throws a haze over my senses and is making my eyelids heavy.
"I know... I guess that I'm just happy that I can remember them again... After Azkaban..." I trail off. The memories of that hell are clearer than the happy ones that I have been focusing on.
Remus pulls away from me, just far enough that he can kiss me gently. Some things you can forget, but I don't think I've ever forgotten how it feels to kiss him. When we break apart all I can do is stare at Remus. There's something so intimate about this moment that I can only thing of one thing to say.
"I love you," I whisper. He smiles and lazily kisses me again.
"I love you too," he mumbles happily against my lips.
Time feels like it's standing still as we sit here, but I know that somewhere out there life still goes on. Babies are still being born, people are still dying, falling in love, breaking people's hearts, having their hearts broken. Life is still happening around us.
I still love you...
A/n– I took out one of the memories I intended to write. I had a little trouble capturing the feeling I wanted in this fic and the other memory just didn't fit. This thing had like four different endings as well. And that 'you have bad hair' comment is from the movie Anchorman. Good movie!
AND my one-year anniversary for being on is coming up! It's on the fifteenth! Sadly enough, I'll be camping that day. I wanted to post this on that day, but I won't have 'net access. So this is sort of my one-year celebration fic!
Please review
:-:silver-sunn101:-: