It seems chapter two wasn't up to my usual standards. Sorry. I hadn't written anything to this story in weeks, and I wrote that in the middle of the night, half asleep, and I didn't go back and reread it. Come to think of it, I didn't reread this one either. If there's any spelling errors or anything, deal with it.

So anyway, I hope this chapter is funnier. Thanks to everybody who gave me ideas.

*~*~*~*

CHAPTER THREE

This is the situation

Shadow looked around when she heard the door close behind Hiei.

"Oh. Hi Hiei."

Hi? That's all she's got to say is hi?! She's standing in a police office wearing handcuffs and all she's got to say is HI?!

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Hiei exploded. The entire police station silenced and everybody stared at him. Shadow winced.

"She really had nothing to do with it," Kurama said, smiling slightly. Hiei groaned.

"Then what did you do?"

"I really had nothing to do with it either."

"Well then WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

"Because we are bad people," Eclipse said. Shadow kicked her.

"Because the police are STUPID!" she snapped. Everybody minus Shadow and the police winced. A particularly cruel looking police officer stood up and walked over to her.

"So we're stupid, huh?"

"Did I say that? I meant... um... Yes. You're stupid."

"Maybe you'd like to say that to my face!?"

"I... just... um... did..." Shadow said, confused.

"Maybe you'd like to say it to my face AGAIN!"

"Whatever. You're stupid."

Hiei darted over and got between Shadow and the police officer, who stood at least a foot taller than them.

"She doesn't mean it. She's mentally unstable," Hiei said. It was only a partial lie, really... The 'she doesn't mean it' part wasn't true...

"I do--"

Hiei clamped his hand over her mouth. "Anyway, I have to do my job. Come with me, you idiots."

"Idiots?! Don't you go getting cocky just because you're a police officer now, Hiei!" Kuwabara said.

"Shows how much you know... Baka. I'm not a police officer. I'm a prison guard. More precisely, the warden's bodyguard. Now shut up," Hiei said. "I want one of you to explain what exactly happened."

"It was Yusuke," Kurama said after a second. Hiei stopped and glared at Yusuke in such a way that the boy felt like he was three inches tall and shrinking fast.

"Oh?" is all Hiei said.

"Yes... See... He kind of... Um..."

"Why doesn't YUSUKE explain it!?" Shadow snapped. "Save poor Kurama the embarrassment."

"Embarrassment?" Hiei asked. "Okay, if you don't explain to me RIGHT NOW what you did, I'm gonna ask the kind man who brought you in."

"Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Well he really wasn't all that kind. He made me sit on Kuwabara's lap on the way here," Shadow said. "And Eclipse had to sit on Yusuke's lap. And Kurama was smashed against the door. The back of police cars really aren't made for five people."

"Let's not get off subject," Eclipse said. "Yusuke was going to tell Hiei what he did to land us all in PRISON."

Yusuke shrunk under everybody's stare.

"Well," he said, his voice high-pitched and freaky-sounding from being 2 inches tall. "I... Sumo wrestling."

"You what?!"

"I mistook a police office for a sumo wrestler."

"Liar," Shadow shot.

"No! I'm not lying! I thought the guy was a sumo wrestler."

"But that's not what got us in here."

"It couldn't have helped much," Kurama muttered.

"Okay. From the beginning," Hiei ordered.

So Yusuke managed to recount the events that had led to their arrest.

"You started a riot," Hiei stated dryly.

"No! We didn't purposely start a riot! It just ended up that way. Nobody got hurt... And nobody but us got arrested," Yusuke said.

"That's not a good thing," Shadow muttered.

"Speaking of being arrested... Aren't we supposed to be in a cell?" Eclipse asked. Hiei snapped back to reality and remembered what he was supposed to be doing. He led them to cell #13, took off their handcuffs, and put all five inside.

"Now... don't pick the lock or anything. Then I'd be the one who got in trouble, along with you," he said. Then he walked back towards Akamatsu's office. Once he was inside, Shadow kicked Yusuke.

"You lied to him!"

"I did not!"

"You said nobody got hurt."

"Nobody did get hurt!"

"Well then WHY was there a guy lying on a stretcher with paramedics and an ambulance?"

"What?"

"Yeah. Somebody got severly MAULED thanks to the little riot you started."

"It wasn't on purpose."

"So?! Cops don't care about that! Somebody got hurt, you started it, we were 'accomplices', WE'RE ALL SCREWED!"

"And it's ALL. YOUR. FAULT," Eclipse said, deciding to make him feel even worse than he already did.

"But it was an accident! We were just arguing and then we started fighting and then some other people started fighting, and they didn't even know why they were fighting! They should have just minded their own business!" Yusuke whined.

"But they didn't! You threw the first punch. That one guy got mauled. If he dies, couldn't you be charged with indirect manslaughter or something?!" Shadow looked to Kurama for help.

"We're all still considered juveniles. We wouldn't end up in prison... Well... Not this prison. We'd end up in the juvenile prison," he said.

"Juvie?! I'm not going to juvie! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING," Shadow said. Kurama grabbed her shoulders.

"Calm down," he said, pinning her against the bars. Eventually, she relaxed a bit and Kurama let go of her shoulders. She instantly grabbed his, got up in his face, and growled, "I. Didn't. Do anything!"

"This isn't fair!" she continued, pacing.

"I don't see why they couldn't have just arrested Urameshi and left us out of it," Kuwabara said in his oh-so-annoying-and-incredibly-stupid voice. Shadow glared at him.

"The police don't work that way," she said dryly.

"Well they're stupid."

"NO KIDDING?!"

Meanwhile, everybody who could see cell #13 was watching its occupants in disbelief and whispering to their cellmates.

"HIEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shadow screamed at the top of her voice.

Standing restlessly in his boss's office, Hiei heard Shadow screaming and he hid his face, closing his eyes and massaging his temples nervously. He could only hope his boss had bad hearing.

"HIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIII JAGANSHI!"

"Hiei... Did you hear that?"

"What?" Hiei looked up, acting innocent, like he hadn't heard.

"HIEI JAAAAGAAAANNNNNNSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! COME HERE RIGHT NOW!"

"Do you know any of the prisoners? Personally?"

Oh, shit, Hiei thought. If he finds out I know them, then I probably won't be allowed near them... Because he'd think I was treating them... like friends... Which I would be... Except Kuwabara. Well... Gotta lie.

"No. I don't know how she would know my name, either."

"Well... Go see what she wants."

Hiei nodded and walked out of the office. He ran to cell thirteen and stopped dead, looking at Shadow desperately.

"Are you trying to get me in trouble?!" he asked.

"What? No. Why?" she said cluelessly.

"If I tell that guy that I know you guys then I won't be allowed near you. SO just... don't draw attention to it."

"Oh. Well. I just wanted to ask you... WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY GONNA DO WITH US?!" she cried. Hiei shrugged.

"You don't know?! You work here and you don't know?" Kuwabara said. "A lot of help you are." Shadow kicked him.

"I'm sure they'll tell you. You're juveniles. First offense... You'll probably have a few options..." Hiei said, hoping to cheer them up slightly.

"What? Go to juvie, stay here, pay a fine... Something along those lines?" Eclipse said.

"Well everybody but you has parents who could bail them out."

"Gee. Great. That helps me a lot."

"Hiei!"

Hiei spun around and looked down the hall. Akamatsu was walking towards him.

"What do they want?"

"They... er... want to know when they'll get out."

"Heh. Don't worry kids. You'll probably only have 200 hours of community service to work off. Come on, Hiei. Time for the rounds."

As Hiei walked off, Shadow, Eclipse, and Kurama all melted into little puddles of misery. Kuwabara melted into a puddle of stupidity, and Yusuke stepped on them all.

"Two hundred hours?!" Kurama squeaked. "Two hundred hours?"

"What's so bad about that? It's only like... eight and a half days," Kuwabara said. Stupid, as usual.

"Congraulations on correctly dividing 200 by 24 without a calculator, but... We're not gonna be working 24 hours! It'll probably be like... five hours a day. And in THAT CASE... Forty. What... Forty days?" Shadow said. She died. Well, more passed out than died, but... whatever. Kurama caught her, saving her from like... head injuries (not that it'd do much damage... there's nothing in her head to injure).

"Shadow?" Eclipse said, poking her friend's shoulder. She was out cold.

"That's over a month," Kurama said. "A month of community service for doing nothing."

"What kind of community service do you suppose we'll get?"

"We don't even know we'll get community service. We might go to juvie. We might have to go on trial. We might be fined and sued and thrown in a dungeon!" Kuwabara whined.

"I doubt it, but I wonder what Koenma will think of this," Eclipse said, almost threatening them. Yusuke's eyes widened.

"Great."

Meanwhile, walking around the prison, Akamatsu suddenly realized something.

"You do know them! That was the girl who was with you at your job interview!"

Hiei groaned. "Yeah..." Damn.

They didn't say anything else for a minute.

"So... What will happen to them?"

"Like I said. Probably community service. How old are they?" Akamatsu asked.

"All but one are fifteen."

"Hm. They can get jobs. Yes... They could either do so many hours of community service, or they could get jobs for a set amount of time. Or, they could simply pay a fine, but that is usually not asked of teenagers."

"Good. Cuz Shadow has no money, and somehow I doubt any of the others would survive it if they told their parents they had to pay a fine..."

"... Doesn't Shadow have parents?"

"No."

"Hm... Then you're her guardian?"

"Not really..."

"Then... who is her guardian?"

"..."

"Anybody below eighteen has to have a legal guardian. If you aren't... She doesn't have one, does she? Then what are you to her?"

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Whatever you want it to."

Hiei glared at nobody in particular.

"She's just a friend. I live with her," he finally answered.

"Oh."

Yeah, you better not say anything else but oh, you loser, Hiei thought. He mentally punched himself. Employer! Hello, can't start hating him. Hate leads to injuries, and injured employer leads to new employer leads to who-knows-what, and who-knows-what could be bad.

Hiei trailed behind Akamatsu all the way back down to his office. On the way, he glanced at cell 13. Shadow and Eclipse were in the back corners glowering. Kuwabara looked stupid, as usual. Kurama looked rather calm, as usual. Yusuke was pacing. As Hiei passed, only Kurama looked at him. The others seemed slightly ticked.

"I heard somewhere," Shadow started dryly once Hiei was out of earshot, "that if you're in prison to long, you start to become bisexual."

This got everybody's attention and she got four shocked stares. She grinned.

"Shadow, even if it is true, first, none of us would be that desperate, second, we're not going to be here that long, and third... If we are here that long, and we stay with this cell arrangement, we've always got you," Kurama said. Shadow's eyes bulged. Kurama instantly hit himself in the head.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I lost control of Youko for a minute."

"Eeeerrgh," Shadow groaned, shrinking back into the corner. She suddenly lunged at the cell bars. "HEY BOSS WARDEN GUY!"

Back in Akamatsu's office, Hiei flinched when he heard that.

"Boss warden guy? She really needs to learn some respect," the 'boss warden guy' said. "I guess I could take care of them right now." He got up. "Come along, Hiei."

Hiei followed Akamatsu out to cell 13.

"When are you gonna let us out of here?" Shadow asked. "I don't wanna become bi-"

She was cut off by Kurama's hand over her mouth. He gave them the ^_^ look, accompanied by a sweat drop, then hissed, "Shut up about that," to Shadow. Akamatsu looked confused. Hiei looked embarrassed.

"Ah... Well, I suppose I could take you each one at a time to call home. Your parents will have some say in your punishment," the warden finally said, after Shadow had pried Kurama's hand off her mouth.

"Oh? And what about me?" Shadow asked.

"You... We're going to find you a legal guardian."

"WHAT?! You're kidding."

"No."

"Hiei."

"What?"

"Hiei has to be my legal guardian, then."

"If he agrees and signs all the appropriate papers..."

"He will. Now can we go now?"

Akamatsu took each of the four prisoners out to call their parents. Yusuke and Kuwabara went deaf from the screaming, Kurama was sure his mother had passed out, and Eclipse had called a wrong number. So anyway, the parents were all going to meet with Akamatsu, Hiei, and their children, to decide the wonderful punishment for starting and being involved in a riot.

"And what about me?" Shadow asked.

"Hiei can decide your punishment, since he seems to be your future legal guardian," Akamatsu answered. Hiei and Shadow's jaw both dropped.

"You're kidding!" Hiei said. "I can't choose her punishment! Aren't you afraid I'll let her off easy?!"

"Not any more afraid than I am that their parents will let them off. Remember, you have to act like a parent, not a friend."

"You're kidding! I've kissed him before! He's not about to become my father!"

Hiei shrunk under the looks his friends gave him.

"It didn't get past a kiss," he snarled. Yusuke and Kuwabara looked disappointed. Kurama just relaxed and looked normal. Eclipse looked like she was about to die.

"YOU KISSED HIM?! I knew there was something going on between you two!"

Shadow and Hiei both died right then and there. Rather... Shadow killed Eclipse and Hiei died of embarrassment.

"Let's stop discussing this, please," Hiei pleaded, covering his face.

"Well, it seems that Hiei can't be your legal guardian. No problem. We can find a new one," Akamatsu said.

"What?! No way! I'll abandon ship before I get shipped off to live with somebody I've never met!"

"Abandon ship?"

"Never mind. Look, we'll worry about this LATER, okay," Hiei begged. "Your parents should be here any second, so... Ah."

Before Hiei could finish his sentence, Shiori Minamino walked in the door. The second she saw Kurama, about 400 emotions mixed in her face. She looked happy and angry at the same time (I know that's only 2, but they were the dominant two). She walked over to her son and hugged him.

"Shuichi... I can't decide whether to be angry or relieved," she said.

"Be relieved," Shadow piped up. "He had nothing to do with it."

Just then, Shizuru and Atsuko arrived. Atsuko slapped Yusuke across the face as soon as she got to him, and Shizuru beat the living [insert obsenity here] out of her brother. (does Kuwa have parents? I don't know, so I just put his sis in.)

"My parents aren't home," Eclipse said. "You can go ahead and start anyway. I'll just take whatever punishment Shadow gets."

"Well," Akamatsu started, "we have a few choices. They could either pay a fine, get a job and work 2 or 300 hours, or do 2 or 300 hours of community service."

"Those are the only choices?" Shizuru asked.

"Yes."

"No juvie?"

"No. This wasn't serious enough for that."

"Oh. Well then my bro will be working 300 hours."

"Yusuke too," Atsuko said.

Instantly, both boys started complaining. They were shut up rather fast by a slap across the face.

"Mrs. Minamino?" Akamatsu prompted. Shiori looked torn. Since she didn't seem to be making up her mind, Kurama made it for her.

"Three hundred hours, same as Yusuke and Kuwabara," he said. His mother gasped.

"Shuichi!"

"I'll be fine, mother," Kurama said quietly.

"And these two aren't slacking off either," Hiei said, grabbing Shadow and Eclipse by their ponytails and pulling. "Three hundred hours for them too."

"What?!"

"Right?!" Hiei asked threateningly. Shadow cowered.

"Yes sir."

"Good. Then it's settled," Akamatsu said happily. Then he turned to the parents/sister. "They'll have to spend the night in prison. Tomorrow we'll call again and you can come pick them up. By then they'll have jobs picked out and everything will be taken care of."

Eventually, they managed to drag Shiori out of the police station while Kurama stood there, embarrassed beyond belief, drowning in sweat drops.

"Hiei," Akamatsu said slyly. Hiei looked at him, not liking the tone in his voice. "I want you to choose their jobs."

"What?!"

"You know them better than I do, so you know better what they're capable of. Don't pick anything too easy."

"But... but..."

"I'll get a list of openings to you as soon as possible, and you'll have to choose from that. Escort the prisoners back to their cell now, please."

Stunned, Hiei led his friend back to cell #13.

"I can't believe Hiei is gonna pick jobs for us," Kuwabara complained, like Hiei wasn't standing right there.

"I'm glad he is and not some weirdo I've never met," Shadow said.

"You better not pick something really hard for me, shorty! I'll make you go crying to Shadow!" Kuwabara snapped at Hiei.

"First, I don't cry. Second, if, by some overly lucky twist of fate, you ever managed to hurt me, it's natural I'd go to Shadow, since I LIVE WITH HER--"

"And kiss her," Eclipse whispered. Hiei glared.

"So my point is... Shut up and get in the cell, I'll pick whatever job I feel is right for you," Hiei said, smirking. He pushed Kuwabara into the cell and after everybody else was inside, he locked it. He seemed to be getting over the shock of having to pick jobs for his best friends (and Kuwabara), and was seeing the good side of it. He could torture them if he wanted. Maybe he'd make Shadow a secretary. Muwahahahaha.