CHAPTER FOUR
Jobs Chosen
"Let's see," Hiei mused to himself. "How best shall I torture my prey..."
He was sitting at a table with his foot on the edge of it, his legs crossed, tipping his chair back, and resting a stack of papers on his legs. Those papers were the job openings that would accept teenagers doing community service jobs. He flipped through them slowly, scanning them for anything interesting. He had already made two stacks: One with possibilities highlighted, and ones with absolutely no chance in hell of assigning his friends (aka prey) those jobs.
"Secretary... Sure. Nurse... Male nurse... Kurama could be a male nurse... Um... Sanitation officer...? Oh yeah! Perfect for Kuwabara!" Hiei said, highlighting it in yellow. He dropped that sheet in his "Possibilities" pile and went to the next page. Meanwhile...
"We're doomed!" Kuwabara complained. "Hiei is in some room right now picking our punishments! I dread what I'll end up as."
"Kuwabara, just because he doesn't like you doesn't mean he hates you," Kurama said. Then he blinked. "That didn't make a whole lot of sense..."
"You're not helping, fox," Shadow said. She was sitting in the corner with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. Her forehead rested on her knees.
"Shadow, don't get so down in the dumps!" Yusuke said. "Hiei loves you. He'll pick an easy job for you."
"Go screw yourself," Shadow retorted. "Didn't you hear him earlier? He's the one who decided I'd be in for the same punishment as all you guys. Three hundred frikkin hours. If I had had a choice, I would have pulled it off easy."
"You will have it easy! That's what I'm trying to say! Hiei doesn't want to make you hate him. He doesn't want you to be miserable. He'll let you off easy," Yusuke insisted.
"Nyeh nyeh nyeh. Just shut up Yusuke, you're not making it any better," Eclipse said. They all went back to sulking. Meanwhile...
"Swimsuit model?! Hm... I'd say Kuwabara, but I don't want to destroy the entire population of Earth. I'd rather make them my slaves... It's a possibility for Shadow, though."
Poor Shadow. Hiei really is being evil.
Several hours later, Hiei had narrowed it down to five job choices for each of them. At that point, he went to Cell #13 to talk to his friends.
"Hey guys," he said.
"Have you decided our doom yet?" Shadow asked. Hiei blinked.
"No. That's why I'm here. I need to talk to you one at a time to help choose which job you each get. Who wants to go first?" he said.
"I will," Yusuke said after a second. Hiei unlocked the cell and Yusuke walked out. After locking the door again, Hiei led Yusuke down the hall.
"Well, now we just have to sit and wait, right?" Kuwabara said.
"Baka! That's what we've been doing for the past several hours!" Eclipse snapped. Kuwabara looked confused. Then he looked surprised.
"Oh yeah, I guess you're right."
"Ugh. Baka."
"Move," Shadow ordered. She was getting sick of sitting in her corner and decided to do something new. Once everybody was out of her way, she carefully flipped over and did a handstand. Everybody stared at her like she was insane. Everybody meaning the people in other cells, too.
"Whatever floats your boat," Kurama muttered, taking Shadow's corner.
"Boat?" Kuwabara said stupidly. "Uh... Okay, whatever."
"It's a figure of speech, baka. Tell me you've never heard it before," Eclipse said.
"I've never heard it before."
"Geez."
"Well you told me to tell you that!"
"For God's sake! Just shut up. We'll all be a lot happier," Shadow said.
Meanwhile.
"So these five are what I've narrowed it down to," Hiei said, handing Yusuke a sheet of paper.
"Hair stylist, door-to-door salesman, garbage man, McDonald's... burger flipper, and circus lackey? You really do have it in for us. What jobs did you pick for Shadow? Since she's your sweetheart and everything, I'm assuming your picked more appealing jobs?" Yusuke said.
"Shut up, baka. She's not my sweetheart. She's my friend. My closest friend, besides Kurama."
"How close? Do you know each others deeeeepest secrets?"
"No, Yusuke, we do not sit down and have deep profound conversations about our emotions. Now would you choose a job and stop counseling me on my private life?"
"Oh, good. I thought you were gonna say love life. Umm..." Yusuke looked back over the list. "What would a circus lackey do?"
"Circus jobs."
"That tells me a lot."
"You'd probably like... clean up after the animals, clean up after the trainers, fix meals after scooping up crap... And get attacked by a tiger pumped up with angry drugs," Hiei said dryly.
"A tiger pumped up with 'angry drugs'? What the heck?!"
"I don't know. Shadow was watching some lame soap opera once and this guy got attacked by a tiger during a circus where these people had never ever attempted to walk the tight-rope but managed to do it perfectly and had no net, and anyway, so there was this murderer serial killer and pumped this tiger full of drugs and it was gonna eat everybody. It was really stupid. She started throwing things at the screen," Hiei answered. (That really happened on a soap opera, too. It's called "Days of Our Lives" which my mother watches, and it's REALLY STUPID. No offense if you like it, but I don't see how you could.)
"Um... What about hair stylist?"
"Baka! What does it sound like you'd do? Fry eggs?! You'll style hair! Being as you're so obsessive about your precious hair, what with the gel and spray and everything you use on it, I thought you might consider doing that to other peoples' hair. You have to pick one of those five jobs, unless you want to be a male stripper or something."
"How about... no? I'll take that job, I suppose. Styling hair. Woohoo," Yusuke said sarcastically.
"Good." Hiei wrote it down on a sheet of paper. He led Yusuke back to the cell they shared and stopped dead to stare at Shadow. She was still doing a handstand. Her shirt had slipped down... or up... a few inches to expose her back to anybody who wanted to look. And there were quite a few people looking.
"Hey Yusuke!" Kuwabara said loudly. "I see you didn't die! What's your job?"
"Hair stylist," he said, disgusted. "It was either that or cleaning up after circus animals."
"Uh oh. I'm even more scared now," the baka said.
"Who will be next?" Hiei finally asked, opening the cell.
"I'll go," Kurama said.
"Good luck," Kuwabara said as the redhead left the cell and followed Hiei down the hall.
Once the two were in the room with the door closed, Hiei walked to the table he'd been sitting at and picked up a sheet of paper.
"It's narrowed down to five. Choose one," he said, handing Kurama the paper. The boy glanced over it then looked up at Hiei.
"Do I sense some favoritism here?" he asked.
"What?"
"It seems Yusuke got job choices that were really lousy. Jobs nobody would really want. But is this just luck or did you pick jobs that fit my personality a bit better than Yusuke?"
"As far as I know, Yusuke was the cause of all of you ending up in jail. He deserved a miserable job. Besides, you're my best friend. Of course there'll be favoritism. But as far as anybody else knows, especially my boss, it was just luck that you ended up with a job you might enjoy," Hiei answered with a smirk. Kurama grinned and looked back at the list.
He had to choose from working at a zoo, in a botany lab, at Sea World (do they have Sea World in Japan? Well if they don't, let's just pretend.), in a flower shop, or helping on a farm. Sure, farm work isn't great fun, but not a whole lot of jobs are.
"Plants and animals. Plants or animals. Plants. Or. Animals. Um... I have a question. Are we going to have to provide our own transport to these jobs, or will it be some kind of prison carpool thing?" Kurama asked.
"... Beats me. You'd have to ask Akamatsu about that," Hiei said.
"I will, then."
"So, which job?"
"The botany lab... Where is it?"
"Um..." Hiei pulled out a map, scanned over it, and his eyes widened. "Wow, they really want to get rid of you, don't they...?"
"What?"
"Kumamoto. Know where that is?"
"Uh... Yeah. Kyushu. That's more than 400 miles away."
"I take it you don't want that job anymore."
"Not really. What about the flower shop?"
"That's just down the street from where I live. I'm sure you've been there."
"Yeah, plenty of times. I know all the people by their first names."
"Great. Want to work there? You could stay with me if they aren't gonna make you stay in prison overnight."
"Sure. That's fine with me."
"All right then. Let's go," Hiei said. A few minutes later, he was waiting for one of the remaining three to volunteer. Shadow was still doing her handstand. Half her back was still showing. Half the prison was still staring at that patch of bare skin.
"Come on, guys, you're just prolonging your torture," Hiei said.
"Nice way of putting it, Hiei. I'll go," Eclipse said dryly. Hiei flinched. He hadn't been able to find very many jobs to suit Eclipse. Or Shadow, either, for that matter. But he'd tried to pick ones they'd have fun with.
"Okay then."
When Hiei handed Eclipse her job choices, she looked at him funny.
"What?!" he asked.
"Nothing. So... These are my jobs?"
"Pick one."
"Great. Let's see. Cashier, concussion stand at football games--"
"Concession. Can't you read?"
"Not your handwriting."
"... That's printed out of a computer."
"Ack. That bites. Maybe I can't read."
"That's cool. Keep reading."
"... Whatever. Um... newspaper photographer, bowling alley worker, or dirt bike free stylist?"
"Yeah. Pick one."
"Dirt bike free stylist!"
"Do you even know how to operate a dirt bike?"
"I can learn."
"Good God. You're gonna die. But hey, you picked it. Now we've got Shadow and Kuwabaka... er... Kuwabara left," Hiei said. He noticed Eclipse was looking at him funny again. "What?!"
"No, nothing." She paused. "Yes, something. Is there anything going on between you and Shadow?"
"Shut up," Hiei retorted, grabbing her arm and pulling her out the door. He put her back in the cell.
"Which of you two wants to go next?"
"I'm going last. Bye, Kuwa," Shadow said.
"What?! Oh, fine," Kuwabara said miserably, walking out the door Hiei was holding open.
"Shadow, hasn't all the blood rushed to your head yet?" Hiei asked.
"Oh yeah. But I probably won't pass out until I upright myself," she answered.
"Well would you please upright yourself and pass out now so then when I get back with Kuwabara you'll be ready to pick your job?" Hiei asked.
"Oh, fine," Shadow muttered. She balanced on one hand for a second to show off, then her feet went down and she ended up on one knee with one hand on the floor. She looked very cool, until she swayed and collapsed.
"Told you," she mumbled.
"Sure, Shadow. Just let the blood go back to its normal route. I'm sure you'll feel lightheaded for a little while. I'll be back in a couple minutes with Kuwabaka's corpse. Er... I mean... With Kuwabara, of course," Hiei said, walking off. Kuwabara stood there staring at him.
"I told you he's gonna kill me!" he hissed to Yusuke.
"Oh, get real, Kuwa. He's joking," Kurama answered. "Now go get your job. Unless, of course, you'd rather spend several weeks in jail instead."
"Right," the baka said, running after Hiei.
"Your choices," Hiei said promptly as Kuwabara ran into the door. Literally. "Baka. Now pick a job and stop wasting my time."
Kuwabara was sprawled on the floor with swirly eyes from running into the door (Please don't ask how he ran into the door when it was open. You know Kuwabara. He'll find a way.).
"Fine. If you don't want to pick a job, I'll decide for you. Let's see. Kuwabara wants to be... hm... A male stripper," Hiei said, acting like he was going to write it down. In two seconds, Kuwabara was back to normal, stupidity levels higher than ever.
"Yeah, you wish," he said, snatching the paper from Hiei.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, baka," Hiei said. He paused thoughtfully. "Screw that. I'm going to acknowledge the fact that I did hear it, and I'm going to KILL YOU NOW FOR SAYING IT!" He punched Kuwabara in the head. The baka fell over with swirly eyes again.
"I do NOT want to EVER see you strip. It's enough those times you went and took off your shirt during a fight. I had to concentrate hard not to throw up." Hiei shuddered. "Yuck. I can barely stand to think about it."
"Yeah. I was wrong. You want to see Shadow strip," the human said. He got another crack in his skull and was on the floor again.
"I don't want to see anyone strip. Now pick a job, baka, or I'll pick one for you. I'll make you an highway carcass picker," Hiei snapped.
"Okee dokee," Kuwabara said, getting up. "Let's see then. What are my job choices again?"
Hiei sighed. "You're holding the paper, baka."
"Oh! Okay, let's see. Highway patrol aka carcass picker, sewage dude, mailman, burger flipper at McDonald's, or a cross dresser. What the heck?!"
"You know... Being a mailman might challenge your brain a bit too much. Let's see if we can find a replacement option for that," Hiei said, starting to flip through a stack of papers.
"No! Now just because you said that, I'm going to prove to you that I can do it! I'm gonna be a mailman!"
Hiei snickered. "Fine. That's okay with me. Let's go." He led Kuwabara back to the cell. "Okay Shadow. Last but not least."
"Oh yay." She followed him into the room.
"Okay, I had a bit of trouble finding jobs that would fit your personality... That you might be able to do... But I did my best. I tried to find some things you might find fun," Hiei said, handing her a paper. "Pick one."
"Oh yay. At least I get to choose my punishment."
"Try not to think of it as punishment. Think of it as... hm... something to fill up time until you're... uh... free. It's not like we're going to be standing around beating you or anything."
"Yeah. But I bet they'll have prison guards or police with us at all times."
"... I never thought of that. Yeah, most likely you will."
Shadow looked back at her paper. "Junior high assistant soccer coach. Phone operator... Like the person who answers the phone when you dial for the operator?"
"Yeah." Hiei saw Shadow's eyes glint. He smirked. She was starting to be normal again.
"Hm... Airliner pilot? Heh heh. Sports announcer... swimsuit model? Perv!"
Hiei smiled innocently.
"Well, once you get enough money from your wonderful job, I'm hoping to get a swimming pool. Then..." Shadow's eyes glinted. She turned back to her list with a smirk on her face. "This is hard."
"What?"
"I'm gonna have a bit of trouble deciding this. Don't you have to have certain papers and pass tests to be an airliner pilot?"
"Uh... Yeah. Wait. I think that's actually an opening for a stewardess."
"Stewardess?! The people who wear the short skirts and serve people sleeping pills and peanuts?"
"Yeah. Those people," Hiei said, suppressing a grin.
"So I'm left with soccer coach assistant person, phone operator, or sports announcer. I'm gonna go with the soccer coach."
"You sure?"
"Yeah! I can kick the ball and break some peoples's faces!" Shadow said. Hiei grinned, happy she wasn't miserable anymore.
"Yeah, but try not to get fired for that," he warned.
"What are the others' jobs?"
"Kuwabara's gonna be a mailman, Yusuke's gonna be a hair styler, Kurama is gonna work in that little flower shop down the street from our house, and Eclipse is gonna get killed being a dirt bike free stylist."
"You're kidding! She's gonna die!"
"That's what I told her. She doesn't care."
"She's ignorant."
"Yeah. Well, now that you all have your jobs chosen, I suppose we'll make the arrangements with the job bosses and Akamatsu is gonna call their parents up. You'll just go home with me when I get off my shift."
"Oh yay. When's that again?"
"Five."
"And what time is it now?"
"Around two thirty."
"Marvelous. Two and a half more hours in prison."
"Yeah, but then you get to go home, and hopefully never see this place again. Well, at least not from behind bars."
"Yeah, let's hope."
"Okay, well, I'd better get you back to the cell... I have to tell Akamatsu all this crap... Set up jobs... Transportation... All that stuff."
A few hours later, everything was set, and Yusuke, Kuwabara, Eclipse, and Kurama were back at home. Shadow had another half an hour to wait before Hiei would get off his shift and go home. She was pacing her cell when one of the prisoners across the hall called to her.
"Hey girl!"
She stopped and looked up. "What?"
"What are you?"
"What am I?"
"You heard me."
"Hearing and comprehending are two different things."
"What's with the fire?"
"Fire?"
"Uh, yeah. There's been little sparks of fire every time your feet hit the ground for the past... however long it's been since you started walking back and forth."
Shadow looked at her feet. "Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Well that's interesting." She continued pacing. There were no more little sparks, because she made a point of controlling her thoughts. A few minutes later, Hiei walked down the hall.
"Hey Shadow," he said.
"What's up?"
"He let me off a little early. Let's go," he said.
"Woohoo," Shadow said dryly. Hiei opened the cell and Shadow walked out.
"Why does she get to leave with you?" one prisoner asked.
"Because I am his loyal servant. I bow to him and fulfill his every whim, down to the letter," Shadow said, bowing slightly. "And if I disobey, I get spankings."
The prisoner raised his eyebrows.
"Yup," Shadow said, nodding and smiling. Hiei grabbed her wrist and pulled her down the hall. Once they were in the outer office, where the cops hung out, Hiei turned on her.
"You get spankings?! What the heck was that all about?!"
Instantly, the entire office silenced, froze, and everyone stared at him. He stopped and stared over his shoulder at them as Shadow waved and smiled.
"Baka!" Hiei hissed, grabbing her wrist and literally dragging her out the door and down the sidewalk a ways before she regained control and started walking.
"I love embarrassing you, Hiei."
"Well you'd better stop it, because I don't appreciate you, and I'm currently your guardian officer. I pulled a few strings, so to speak," he said. Shadow noticed his Jagan glow slightly. "Akamatsu put me in charge of you. I'm gonna follow you around on your job to make sure you don't get in any trouble, and you have to report to me when you're off, which isn't hard being as we live together. Kurama is going to be living with us for a while until he finishes his job, since he's working in that little flower shop place down the street. Fine with you?"
"What does it matter if it's fine with me? I'm your loyal servant, remember? Not to mention that you're the officer in charge of me. So in every way, you are in charge. Until I get off this stupid community service job. Then I'm back in charge! And we're getting a swimming pool, too. Don't forget about that."
"Whatever."
"Don't whatever me!"
"Whatever."
"AHH! SHUTUP!"
"Ha ha... Whatever."
Shadow tackled Hiei and strangled him.
And so begins their wonderful uh... release-from-prison-but-forced-to-do-some-stupid-jobs. ^_^
~*~*~*~*~*~
Okay, there was some note I was thinking of adding on the end here, but I don't remember, so I'll just cover it all: I don't own anything that is copyrighted that is mentioned in this chapter. If you didn't know, the little "spankings" thing just kinda popped into my head from Monty Python, which I don't own either. Now… I think that's it. Review, feel free to give me any ideas, I'm not used to getting criticism, but if you must, go ahead and give it to me, but try to go about it in a friendly way… ^_^ It'll make me mad otherwise. Like I said already, don't hesitate to give me any ideas. I've used people's ideas in my stories before, and if I think it's good enough, this situation won't be any different. OH! I remembered. In this story, the law system is nothing like what real life's law system is. Well maybe it's more like it than I know, but I have no clue how the police/prison system works, so I'm just making up my own system as I go. I'm the authoress, I can do that if I want. ^_^ It's my story.
REVIEW: SUGGEST, CORRECT (in a friendly way), CRITICIZE (in a VERY friendly way), LINE CHALLENGES, EVERYTHING IS ACCEPTED BY ME! AS I AM THE GREAT ONE WHO ACCEPTS ALL FORMS OF REVIEWS, AS LONG AS MY REVIEW NUMBERS GET BOOSTED UP! ^.~ Until later… ^_^ Bye.