Hey guys. Sorry I've been gone so long.... there are NO regular updates with this story, but I really don't like cranking out chapters full of crap every week, you know? Sometimes I get inspired by the gods and goddesses of stupidity/anime, and this happens. So yeah. Sorry for the infrequent updates, but I won't settle for anything but what I think is good writing with this.

Disclaimer: I dun own Cowboy Bebop! -.-' leave me alone.....

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"Edward! Oh Edward!"

"Yes Faye-faye!"

Faye flinched at the use of the horrid nickname, but quickly reminded herself of the mission she was on. The ever important mission to raise the risk of developing lung cancer, heart disease, or other serious illnesses. Yes. The mission for cigarettes.

"Uh, Edward. We need to talk... please come into my room." Ed followed Faye happily leaving Ein with a quick glomp and cartwheeling through the doorway. The innocent girl suspected nothing of the sinister plan about to take place.

"Is the gone yet?" Spike whispered to Jet, disturbingly aware of the fact that his friend was placed on a very inconvenient spot on his body, causing their hiding—well, spying, really—place in the air ducts to be even more uncomfortable than it already was.

"Yeah, I think so," Jet said gruffly, and a very relieved Spike threw himself against the grate until it opened. As Jet followed Spike out of the small space, he stared forlornly at the bent and battered metal plate.

"That was a Hanukkah gift from my mother, you bastard!"

"Jet! We're on a mission, remember?"

"Right," Jet answered, and the men's eyes traveled over to completely innocent Welsh corgi laying happily on the floor. The glanced back at each other once, and immediately lunged toward the poor dog.

There was no way for Ein to escape, and he stared in horror at the two men as the came at him from both sides and.... crashed into each other instead. They collided mid-air and fell to the ground, landing on top of each other in a rather compromising situation and not moving, both of them being knocked unconscious. Ein sniffed at Spike's head and Jet's ear before striding away to eat some tofu.

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"What's wrong, Faye-faye?" Ed asked in a genuinely concerned voice, looking at the woman, who was currently hunched over in a corner with her face in her hands whispering incomprehensible words to herself. "Are... you okay?"

"Uh, I'm fine, Edward!" Faye-faye—erg, Faye—said, smiling brightly and getting up, sitting on the bed next to Ed. "Uh.... how old are you now?"

"Edward is 13!" Ed answered.

"Oh," Faye said, her face turning red. "Well, when a girl gets to a certain age....." Faye looked back at Ed, who was staring straight at her; those amber eyes were slightly disturbing to her nicotine starved mind, and she realized that this girl was evil. This girl MUST be given the woman talk, she MUST be given alcohol, and she MUST be stopped.

Faye mustered her strength and looked at those eyes again. They no longer scared her; they were eyes of a little girl she could conquer. She took a deep breath and started to talk.

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Ein stared at the unmoving men. The were still.... unmoving.

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Ed stared at Faye with wide, unblinking eyes. "THEY DO THAT?!?!?!"

"Yes," Faye said unflinchingly, a smirk plastered on her face. "And then after that..."

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Jet and Spike were still lying on top of each other. Spike was snuggled against Jet's leg, using his posterior as a pillow. Jet, on the other hand, enjoyed the comforting feeling of a thick quilt resting on his back.

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Faye finished her speech with another smirk, Ed slightly pale beneath her tan and her eyes glazed over. "Uh, Faye?"

Faye stared in shock as she realized that Ed hadn't used the dreaded repetition of the first syllable, separated by a hyphen—ugh, I mean, her nickname. "Yes, Ed?"

"That was scary."

"Well, Ed, now that you know about these things, I think it's time to make you officially a woman." Faye snickered sinisterly as she pulled a bottle from beneath her pillow and cradling it in her arms in an almost motherly way. "This is an age-old tradition, Ed. The new woman must..." Faye paused dramatically, and Ed leaned forward to hear her more clearly. "The new woman must drink at least 5 shots of Aftershock. This.... is your mission, Ed. Drink it." Ed stared at the bottle held before her, wondering what the big deal was. It was just red liquid inside a bottle. There were odd crystals in the bottle, and when she opened it and sniffed gingerly, it smelled like cinnamon.

Shrugging, Ed smiled at Faye and began to drink.

Chug.

After chug.

After chug.

Faye stared in amazement as Ed finished the bottle, placing it down on the bed before her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fell back. "Wow," Faye said, staring at the bottle and wishing she hadn't drank all of it. "Well, beggars can't be choosers!" She said cheerfully, not knowing exactly what that meant, but grabbing Ed and holding the girl by her shoulders. Ed stumbled forward as Faye urged her to the door into where Spike and Jet had set the next stage of their plan to take place.

"Well, Ed, let's go take a look at what Spike and Jet are doing!" Faye cheerfully sang, barely able to keep herself from skipping. In less than an hour, she would be inhaling the toxic smoke and nicotine of her beloved cancer sticks.

She threw open the door and sprang into the room, shocked at the sight that befell her and the now slightly more awake Ed.

"What are Spike-spike and Jet-jet doing Faye-faye?"

Faye stared at the two men, shock emanating from her eyes as Spike looked up and met her gaze, saying in a tired voice, "Faye?"

Right then and there, the realization that their plan had failed them hit her, and Faye fell to her knees, wanting nothing more than a nice, wonderful, life-giving cancer stick.

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One of the shorter chapters, gomen, but I like how it's heading. I also have a good idea for next chapter, so I may (remember, may) update a little faster. XD glomps reviewers Thanks guys!!!!

Luvluvluv,

Qui