Silver Sniper- What do you mean 'separate the different subjects?'
Draikitha- Keiko isn't in my stories cuz I never remember she exists long enough to have a story for her... Pretty sad... Then again, I forgot the number of this chapter and just kinda wrote "Chapter... uhh... cheese!" as something to stay there until I looked up which chapter it was, but look, it's still there!
Gekiko- I'm updating faster now. I'm happy. :D
Kitsune Klepto- Yes, I updated and I'm updating again less than a week later, I think. Are you not happy?
C.C.C.- I updated! Gimme wolfy NOW! Muwahahaha! ::tackles and steals the wolfy and runs away laughing maniacally::
Mari Youma- Pretty much, that sums it all up perfectly. :D
Meiuko- Are you serious? That's kinda scary...
O.O- I know it is... I can't help it... ::sobs:: Blame it all on Eclipse! Yeah! It's her fault!
Shessha's Crazy- Jeez... ::mugs the money delivery person at SC's door and steals the money:: MUWAHA! ::runs away::
Robin Autumn- Yes, your royaltyness! I hath updated yet again!
chocogurl- Miroku! I love Miroku. He's a perv, but that's part of the reason I like him. He's funny. Ahem... Anyway... I'm glad you don't hate my pervertedicity...
alucard-2004- A God among writers, huh? Heh heh heh... I like that. Muwaha. Beat up Kuwabara more? I can do that... BUWAHA.
Wild Roses- I'm sorry about the perverted stuff but my mind hath been poisoned by the nuts (the two non-anime-fans) I hang out with... But everybody else seems to like the perverted stuff... I'll try to lay off a bit, though... Or at least, try to victimize somebody other than your dear Kurama, right?
Abanasinia- Glad you don't mind... And... I hath updateth.
Bar-Ohki- I don't kill people in my stories... Though Karasu does need to die at times...
Chaya Kaze- Um... She's reverted a bit more to baseball bats. But the good ol' crowbar should come in handy at some point or another... Muwahahaha... Poor people who annoy Shadow...
Okami Youkai- I think I updated within a week of the last update... Did I? Ah. It's been a week, exactly from the 19th to the 26th.
Ermanil Luinedhel Elfobbit- Jeez, your name is confusing... Um... Soccer terminology? Yeah... I don't remember what terms I used, but I played soccer in fifth grade so I still remember a little something... Like... You kick the soccer ball and try to get it in the goal... And the other team tries to stop you... Heh heh heh. All I do now that I'm nearly in ninth grade is vegetate and write and watch anime...
PicoPicoZufuChan- Yay, we're happy people! ::throws confetti::
phycotic person- I know. Thank you very much. ::bows:: 'Tis a great compliment.
I forgot what chapter number this was when I was writing it, so I just put "Chatper... uhh... cheese!" I intended to look up what the chapter number was, but I ended up not doing it, and I decided to leave it there because I ended up not looking it up and I still have no clue which chapter this is. :D
CHAPTER... UHH... CHEESE!
Monkie-chan
"Okay, Karasu. Rules of survival. First one is: Don't grope Kurama. Don't kiss Kurama, don't hit on Kurama, don't touch Kurama in any manner, don't stare at Kurama, don't have any sort of false impression that he may be interested in you, do not suggest going on dates or going anywhere in public with Kurama. Kurama is off limits. The closest you are permitted to get to Kurama, by rule of The Great And Wonderful Me, is five feet. Leave Kurama alone. He's not interested in you. He wants your hands nowhere on his body, he wants to be anywhere but in your thoughts... Well, I think he'd rather be in your thoughts than in your bed, but otherwise, he does not want to be in your thoughts, he does not want you to touch him, he does not want you to stare at him or hit on him. He does not want you to kiss him. He's straight, I'm glad to say, and though it may be bad news to you, we're all a lot happier because of it. Not that we discriminate against gays, dear Karasu, but when it comes to our friends, we're happy to say they're all straight. Now! Rule number two: Obey all the rules set down by Shadow. Unless you like pain, you do not mess with Shadow. She will be very pissed. She is also quite aware she is talking about herself in third person and does not in the least care about it. Do not correct Shadow, do not touch Shadow, do not disobey Shadow, and do not stare at Shadow's ass. Hey! Stop it! Ahem. And as I was saying before, disobedience of any of these rules will result in great and painful bludgeoning. Do you understand so far?"
"So far?! You mean there's more?"
"Yes there is, and would you stop staring at me?"
"Yes ma'am..."
"Do you understand everything so far?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Good boy."
Karasu groaned.
"Don't be like that! HIEI! GET THIS PERVERT AWAY FROM ME! HE'S LUSTING AFTER MY BODY!"
"He's gay, Shadow! And it's better you than Kurama, isn't it?"
Shadow whimpered. "I told him not to stare at Shadow."
"He's not staring, he's lusting. And besides, you came in here and started harassing him. It's not like he came to you to be lectured on proper behavior around the fox..."
"I didn't expect him to be lusting after me..."
"Well, we all pity you."
"Wait, he's lusting after you? Maybe he's getting less gay and I'll get to stop worrying about him harassing me! Isn't that grand?"
Shadow whimpered again, backing up against Kurama. "Yes, dandy. Just what I need is another pervert hanging around me!"
"Don't worry, Shadow. I'm not gonna hang around you. If I can't have Kurama, I'll just have to find somebody else. Hiei, perhaps?"
"GOD NO! Shadow, look what you've done!"
"I didn't do it! Besides, better you than Kurama, right?"
"NO, NOT RIGHT!"
"It's odd how you both can be so attractive to both males and females... I wonder what guys see in you..."
"Probably the same stuff women do, except men are more worried about being able to dominate us... Which won't happen for two reasons: One, because we are not gay, and because two, we're too powerful to be dominated."
"Guys are such control freaks..."
"Says who?"
"Let's get back to the matter at hand, shall we?!"
"Ah, yes. Karasu, get your hands AWAY FROM ME!"
"My hands are no where near you!"
"No, they're near me! Shadow, stay in front of me or I'll kill you."
"CONTROL FREAK! CONTROL FREAK! YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF CONTROL FREAKS!"
"We ARE NOT!"
"Okay, I give up! Let's go, people. We're leaving!"
Shadow grabbed the fronts of Hiei's and Kurama's shirts and dragged them out of the shop.
"Karasu, go find yourself a hotel to stay in. Don't stay in the shop this time. I know the plants remind you of your dear Kurama, but you're not gonna be able to live here after Kurama's done working here. So TAKE A HIKE!"
Karasu, grumbling about control freaks, followed them out of the shop. Kurama locked up and they went their separate ways (that is to say, everybody but Karasu went towards Shadow's house).
Shadow had managed to stay in the stewardess business for a week and had only ended up with one stalker problem, which she quickly solved to her satisfaction.
"That's why I don't go around people very often," Shadow had said. "They end up stalking me or hitting on me or something like that. It's just so much better if I just stay in my house and harass Hiei, isn't it?"
Shadow had no idea that she was indeed not being stalked, but just happened to see a suspicious-looking guy ('suspicious-looking' by her standards just requires him to be wearing a jacket and be standing still for more than five seconds in a place where there's either a lot of people moving around or no people at all.) more than twice in different places each time, and each time he happened to be looking in her general direction. She bludgeoned him and searched his wallet until she found his ID and discovered he was actually somebody from the airline company she was working with. After that she called in sick to work, saying she was deathly ill and unsure she'd survive, then went into fits of laughter. Hiei had to inform them she had been drugged by a recent stalker.
She hadn't, of course. We know that, but they don't.
"So... You've pretty much died as far as the airline knows," Kurama said. "Right?"
"That's what I hope..."
"Shadow, you know you're gonna end up taking longer than anyone else to complete your three hundred hours..." Hiei said.
"Huh-uh! Yusuke is! He's in the hospital! I'm just lying!"
"Lying isn't any good either," Kurama said.
"Hmph. Like I care!"
"Shadow, I really can't wait until there comes a day when you don't have somebody else to provide for you," Hiei said.
"Oh yeah? Who's providing for me now?!"
"Me!"
"You are?"
"Where the hell do you think all that money comes from?"
"A tree..."
"Good lord..."
"Oh! You mean you stole all that money from some bank or something? Or you sold stuff in Makai or stole stuff in Makai and sold it here?"
"Something like that..."
"DIDN'T I SAY I WANTED LEGAL MONEY?"
"Um... A couple weeks ago when you forced me to get a job... But you never said anything about it before then..."
"Oh. Well that's cuz I thought it grew on trees."
"You're retarded..."
"Thank you!"
"Shadow, that's nothing to be proud of," Kurama informed her.
"It's not?"
"WE'RE HOME! Let's stop talking about Shadow's stupidity for a while!" Hiei said with mock cheer, opening the door and walking inside to promptly get pummeled by a psychopathic Eclipse. She trampled Hiei and slammed into Shadow with a hug, sending her flying off the porch.
"Blaaaaaahhhhh!" Shadow screamed, slamming into the dirt. "What do you want, you nut?"
"I got fired!"
"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BAWLING TO ME ABOUT IT? THE PERSON YOU SHOULD BE TALKING TO IS CURRENTLY SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE PORCH, THANKS TO YOU!" Shadow screamed, sending Eclipse flying through the air like a slip of paper. She landed on Hiei just as he was getting up and knocked him back onto the ground.
"Git off me!" he snapped, standing up and sending her rolling down the steps, tripping Shadow.
"ECLIPSE WHATEVER-YOUR-MIDDLE-NAME-IS SHINOMORI! GET OFF ME OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE BLUDGEONER!"
Eclipse jumped up. Shadow glared. "Now GO TALK TO HIEI about LOSING YOUR JOB!"
"You lost your job?" Hiei asked coldly.
"Yessir."
"I give up."
"What?"
"You, Shadow, and Yusuke, the three who've lost their jobs the most, are going to spend the rest of your sentence in PRISON."
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!" Shadow bawled. "You wouldn't really do that, would you Hiei?"
"Yes I would. Tomorrow."
"Nooooooooooooooooooo!!" Shadow howled, throwing her arms around Hiei's neck and sobbing.
"Uh... Shadow? Could you, um... Let go of me... Maybe?"
Shadow stepped back and hit him in the side of the head. "YOU BUM!"
He fell over and was dragged inside by an angry Shadow.
"Well Hiei, since you were the one to suggest this, you can be their guard," Akamatsu said. Hiei looked at him in disbelief.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"Aren't you afraid I'll be easy on them or something?"
"If you are, you'll lose your job. Off you go."
Hiei went back to the cell he'd put Shadow and Eclipse in. "I'm your guard."
"So then we're really in here?" Eclipse asked.
"Yup."
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Shadow exploded suddenly. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DAYS MAKE UP 100 HOURS?!"
"About four," Hiei said. "Spending four days in prison is better than spending another two and a half weeks doing a job like swimsuit modeling, isn't it?"
"Yeah, but..."
"No buts."
"And what about Yusuke?"
"Yusuke will do his sentence after he gets out of the hospital. Unless he wants to try another job."
"ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU'LL GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE BUT YOU WON'T LET ME? YOU ARE AN EVIL BASTARD! I'M A DELICATE WOMAN! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'LL ACHIEVE BY LOCKING ME IN THIS STINKY CELL FOR HALF A WEEK, YOU BASTARD?!"
"Yeah, you're real delicate, Shadow..."
"THIS ISN'T GOING TO DO ANYONE ANY GOOD, YOU KNOW!"
"NEITHER WILL SHOUTING LIKE THAT!"
Shadow shrunk down and hid under her hands. "Sorry sir."
"You better be."
"I don't wanna eat prison food, either."
"Well I can't show favoritism, cuz then I'll lose my job, and if you want me to have money legally, then I can't do that, now can I?"
"I hate you, Hiei, and you're never going to be able to make this up to me," Shadow said, crossing her arms and glaring.
"It's Yusuke's fault you ended up in this situation anyway. Partially his, at least. The rest of it is your fault for being an incompetent fool," Hiei said.
"Oh, thanks! Now you're really not gonna make it up to me!"
"I could always just tell Akamatsu that you're too troublesome for me to put up with and he could get Mister Hairy to guard you..." Hiei said.
"What the hell kind of name is Mister Hairy?"
"The name of a guy who looks a lot like a fat monkey and who yells at people for breathing too loud. If they snore, he won't let them sleep while he's guarding them. So you'd have to sit perfectly still and breathe dead silently if he guarded you," Hiei informed her casually. Shadow raised an eyebrow.
"Me? Silent? Yeah right. I'd just tell him to screw off and then I'd go about my own happy little business of talking to that giant fuzzy wolf spider that's crawling up the wall in that back corner," Shadow said, pointing to the giant fuzzy wolf spider.
"Holy crap that's a big spider," Hiei said.
"No, I hadn't noticed," Shadow said sarcastically. "Can I eat it?"
"Um... Why would you do that?"
"It'd probably be better than prison food."
Hiei groaned. "God, Shadow..."
Hours upon hours passed in prison, and Shadow sat there glaring at Hiei the entire time, until Akamatsu came out of his office and called Hiei to him.
"There's some lunatic in the main office shouting about God's wrath or something... He won't let anybody near him. I'd like you to handle it, Hiei. Get him out," he said.
"Yes, sir," Hiei said, walking towards the front office. When he stepped out of the prison and into the police station part of the building, he was met with an odd sight. The man he saw looked quite familiar.
"Little One!" the man said happily, pushing through the ring of policemen around him. Hiei stared. A few police officers snickered at him being called 'little one.'
"Monk," he said with a lot less happiness. More like confused annoyance that leaned a bit more towards anger than annoyance. "What are you doing here and DON'T CALL ME LITTLE ONE!"
"Sorry," the non-monk said. "I heard about Shadow-chan and came as quick as I could."
"How did you hear about Shadow? She didn't tell anyone! She's in prison!"
"Ah, yes, but as a monk, I am blessed with grand intelligence."
"But you're not a monk. And what's intelligence got to do with knowing what's going on in a completely different part of the city?"
"My grand intelligence allows me to use things like cell phones and e-mail," the man said, keeping the same airy mystical tone in his voice that he'd had the entire conversation.
Hiei groaned. "I thought monks weren't allowed to use that stuff?"
"You said it yourself, Hiei-chan. I am not a monk."
"DON'T CALL ME HIEI-CHAN!"
"I'm sorry," the non-monk said.
"I have a question before my main and important question. What are you doing at a shrine with a bunch of monks if you aren't a monk?"
"They can't make me leave. They all took a vow of silence, and they think I did to, so they can't ask me who I am and I can't answer!"
"God, you're demented. What kind of person messes with sacred things like monks?! They aren't a joke, you know."
"I know. What was your main and important question?"
"What good is it gonna do Shadow for you to be here? Do you even have a name?"
"I have a name, and I am here to pay Shadow-chan's bail."
"Are you serious? Where would a monk get a hold of money like that? Does she even have a bail fee?"
"Doesn't everyone in prison?"
"I dunno."
"You should!"
"I don't."
"For shame..."
"You're the one who should be ashamed, posing as a monk. At least I'm not posing as a prison guard. I just don't know much about prisons," Hiei said.
"Ah, you are wise, Hiei."
"Yes, whatever. So, what's your name?"
"Uhhh... Jiro."
"Well, Jiro, I am not the one to talk to if you want to bail out Shadow."
"Who is?"
"That guy over there," Hiei said, pointing to one of the police officers who'd been trying to restrain the 'monk' when he first came in.
"That guy? He's in need of a monk's blessing," Jiro said, reaching into his robes and pulling out some paper talismans.
"What're those?"
"Talismans."
"Well I know that much," Hiei said. "What are they supposed to do?"
"Can't you read?"
"NOT IF I CAN'T SEE IT!"
"Well you don't need to read them. That's why I'm not showing them to you. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to speak with that man over there about having Shadow-chan released." Jiro walked away. Hiei sighed. One of the other cops came over to him.
"You know that guy?"
"I've met 'im once before... He's a friend of Shadow's," Hiei said.
"Is he really a monk?"
"You could say that..." Hiei replied distractedly, watching as Jiro stuck one of the talismans onto the police officer's forehead so it hung over his face. "'Scuse me..." Hiei pushed past the guy and went over to Jiro.
"What are you doing?!" he snapped.
"My talismans with ensure the man will allow Shadow-chan to be released."
"You don't need those, stupid! It's the law that if the bail is paid, the prisoner is released! Take it off!"
Jiro sighed. "Fine..." He snatched off the talisman.
"Don't put it back. I'm gonna go talk to Shadow. Are you paying Eclipse's bail as well?"
"Eclipse?"
"Oh, right. You don't know her. Well, I'm gonna go talk to Shadow, then." Hiei walked through the door leading to the prison and Akamatsu, who was waiting just through the door, exploded on him.
"WHAT'RE YOU DOING? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO THROW HIM OUT!"
"A monk?!"
"He was a monk? What's a monk doing in a prison?"
"He wanted to pay Shadow's bail."
"What connection does Shadow have with a monk?! How would a monk get the money to pay that?"
"Shadow is highly religious. Didn't you know?" Hiei asked.
"By the way I've heard her swear, I had no idea."
"Oh yeah. She is. And a monk would get the money to pay that from his former job."
"What was he before?"
"Um... I think he said something about being a doctor...?" Hiei lied.
"HIEI!" Shadow yelled. "WHAT'RE YOU SAYING ABOUT A MONK? IS MONKIE-CHAN HERE?"
"Monkie-chan?" Hiei said incredulously.
"Go talk to your precious girlfriend, then," Akamatsu said. "I'm going to go talk to this monk."
Hiei walked down to the cell Shadow and Eclipse shared and was grabbed and pulled against the bars.
"Is monkie-chan here?"
"If you mean that monk who isn't really a monk but says he is, yes, he's here, and he wants to pay your bail."
"Are you serious? Wow. Kindness really does pay off!" Shadow said, letting go of Hiei and looking happily thoughtful.
"... I'm not even going to inquire as to what manner of kindness you're referring to."
"Is he gonna pay my bail to?" Eclipse asked.
"Why would he? Does he know you?" Hiei asked.
"Yes!"
"No he doesn't!" Shadow snapped.
"Wait... Who're we talking about? Are we talking about that guy with the monkey on his shoulder that plays those little songs and hands out ice cream and balloons to the little kids?" Eclipse asked suspiciously.
"Ummm... No, Eclipse. We're talking about a monk. Not a monkey, and not a man with a monkey on his shoulder. We're talking about a MONK. The kind that wear cloaks and hoods and sit in shrines going 'OOOHHHHHMMMMMMMMM...' repeatedly!" Shadow explained. As they spoke, the monk drew nearer.
"The man accepted my money. You are both free to go," he said, startling them all.
"Hear that, Hiei?! Open up the door or I'll throttle you!" Shadow snapped.
"I haven't got an official order yet..." Hiei said.
"Let those two out, by all means!" Akamatsu said, running towards them counting money. He stopped by Jiro. "Thank you, generous monk!"
"No problem."
Hiei unlocked the cell door and Shadow flew out and slammed into Jiro, hugging him.
"Thankyouthankyou, Monkie-chan!" She kissed him on the cheek. "You're a lot nicer than Hiei, who got us thrown in here in the first place because he's too damn lazy to put up with my horrible skills on the job and my repeated loss of said jobs."
"It was no problem, Shadow-chan."
"Where'd you get all that money?"
"That's a secret."
"Well I wouldn't care if you did tell me. I'm going home. Is there any pressing urgency for you to get back to being a monkie?"
"No, no urgency at all," Jiro answered, maybe a little too quickly.
"Good! You can come have tea or something! Come along, monkie-chan!" Shadow grabbed Jiro's wrist and led him out of the building, Eclipse trailing along behind. Hiei stared.
"Jeez. Maybe she really does hate me now."
"Who cares? Look at all this money! He paid us way more than we asked for! He told us to keep it!" Akamatsu was saying. "Hiei, you can have a raise, just because it was your friend that gave us this!"
"Wow. Gee. Thanks. Shadow will be happy," Hiei said dryly.
Akamatsu paid no attention and went to his office to count his money like an old Scroogey-woojey.
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I'm not sure what should happen now... Hmm... Should I just write an epilogue? I have a sort of idea for an epilogue-ish kinda thing, but I'm absolutely clueless as to what else could happen if I decide to just keep writing about them at their jobs... It's getting kinda slightly repetitive if you ask me... And I don't wanna be redundant, so I think one more epilogue-ish chapter should do it.