= = = (*A Dream Come True*) = = =
After her sudden and abrupt re-introduction with solid ground, Helena got up slowly and looked at her surroundings. She seemed to be in a massive cylinder shaped room. There was no recognizable ceiling and the walls seemed to be simply made up of the notion that that the room had to stop at some point. All the features where a dark, misted gray, and they were completely bare. After a few moments, she realized that it was a projected mental image of the Training room. {This is weird . . .} Helena thought, {What am I doing here?}. After looking around a bit more, she saw that she was not alone. There on the floor, sitting on her knees and turned away, was Dinah. She looked almost meditative. Her head was slightly bowed, blonde mane covering here eyes, and hands resting motionless on her knees
"Dinah?" there was no response. "Dinah? Where are we? Are you okay?" She watched as Dinah slowly got up, and changed. She shrank down, devolved into a child. The figure stood with her back turned to Huntress, her small play-dress swaying in a wind that didn't exist. There was still no response, no reaction to Helena at all. "Dinah, what happened?" she asked softly, though the edge was still there, Helena was panicking slightly.
The girl slowly turned to face her, and what she saw made her want to jump back. Dinah's face was so . . . blank. There was no emotion. Her cheeks were wet with tears, and they ran uninhibitedly down her face . . . but there were no eyes. She looked rather like a manikin. As Helena looked onward, she understood. {She cried her eyes out}. Helena was just wondering if she'd ever see the girl's cute blue eyes again when it spoke.
"You're here to remind me." It said, the voice a misting echo. It sounded like a mix of Dinah and a tired child. He mask was still emotionless, her face's soft curves making it seem like it would have been unnatural for her to have eyes in the first place. Helena stepped closer, and the little child stepped back. Helena's heart ached slightly at seeing the girl was afraid of her.
"Remind you of what?" she asked slowly, fearing the answer. The girl stood there for a few moments, silent as before, seeming looking at her with eyes she no longer had.
"That to want means never to have." Now Helena was confused. She never really paid attention to her Philosophy teacher, so all this was lost on her. The little Dinah seemed to understand, because the tiniest of smiles played at the edge of her lips. "All the things I have ever wanted, I have never had."
"But what about being a Super-Hero?" Helena asked quickly. The small smiled faded.
"No." that was all she said. She didn't explain, she didn't elaborate, though Huntress waited for the other shoe to drop. It never came.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you really have to ask?" she asked, pain lacing the edge of her voice. "You and Barbara have never really let me out on my own. You've not let me take on my own guys, to save people that may need help that I could provide by myself . . ." Helena wasn't sure she liked this Dinah, she was a little too philosophical for the brunette to fallow.
"But Dinah, you need someone to watch your back. I'm just trying to protect you - "
"I'm Not A Fucking Child!" she screamed, and for that single second, she became Dinah again; blue eyes aflame with the fight and the strong will that Helena had come to respect. But as soon as the words left her mouth, she changed back.
"I'm not a child . . ." it whispered, almost to its self. The little girl plucked at her play dress, and mumbled"Besides, these clothes don't fit anymore . . ." Helena was still reeling from being yelled at like that. {But what's freakiest about it,} Helena thought, {Was that it didn't piss me off . . . }. And it hadn't. It hurt her like a slap to the face, because she knew. It was true . . . she had hurt the girl, she had hurt Dinah.
"Dinah, I'm . . ." Helena wanted to say she was sorry, but the girl was turned away again, looking off into a distance that Huntress couldn't seem to comprehend.
"Why do the best of things, never seem to last?" she asked, sounding rhetorical. Just then, across the room, a chair appeared. It was large and comfortable, and sitting astride it was a younger Carolyn Lance. She was smiling and laughing, and waving to Little Dinah. The child laughed and ran to her, and as she tried to jump into her mother's lap, the picture faded, and the blonde landed butt first on the ground. Getting up slowly, she whipped the tears away, and dusted off her dress. "She never stays for long."
"I'm sorry Dinah . . . I know how much you miss her."
"How can a sapling grow in the shade of the Mightiest Oaks?" {What?} Helena wondered, {What is it with her and all this Confusions Thinking?}.
"Dinah what are you trying to tell me?" she asked, flat out, not liking what the tone in the room had become. There was no reply to her question, and that scared her even more. Just as Helena was going to panic, she heard it.
"I don't belong here." And then came the panic.
"What do you mean you don't belong here? Of course you do, where else should you be?"
"You don't want me here." She said even more quietly. Helena cringed, realizing that she must have put out the wrong message, or that possible the message had never changed with her feelings. Just then, across the room, a figure appeared. Not so much as a body, but more of the idea that they were no longer alone.
The familiar slaps against the punching bag testifies to that. Looking over, Helena saw no one other than herself. {But that's not me,} Helena said, looking her double over, {I'm not eight-feet-tall and I don't slash the punching bag open with my nails and teeth . . .}. It was true, and now the 'Dream-Punching-Bag' was in tatters on the floor of this 'Dream- Training-Room'.
"Who's that?" Helena asked, unable to keep the words from coming out. The child looked at her like she was confused.
"Why, that's Huntress," she said looked from her to the giant savage and back again, "Can't you tell?" Just then, Huntress charged Little Dinah, and got right in her face.
"You stay out of my way!" she screamed, "We don't have an opening for a Junior Super Girl!" Helena watched as the clothes of her double change to that of the night when she had first met the blonde. She then crouched down so she was face to face with the girl, and practically Growled in her face.
"I'll *never* trust you, you could never earn it! And if I ever do it'll just get me killed!" That was all Helena could take, she stepped up to Huntress.
"You leave her alone . . ." she growled at the dark figure. Just then Huntress stood, now even taller than before, her face set in an animalistic smirk. Helena knew that smirk; it used to be her favorite accessory. She looked Helena up and down; the smaller brunette now felt self- conscience in her sweat-pants and tank-top, but she stood tall, trying to hide her fear. It didn't work, Huntress could always smell fear.
"What, you're gonna stop me?" she asked, a humorous tone in her voice.
"You can't stop her." Little Dinah said quietly.
"Why not?" Helena asked, confused as to what was going on.
"Because, she's become dominant." Now Helena was really lost.
"Huh?!" Little Dinah looked at her, and sighed slightly.
"It's simple Psychology." She stood between the two brunettes, and turned towards Helena. "You're half Meta, right?" Helena nodded. "Barbara told me that no-one knew you were Meta until after your mother died, is that correct?"
"Yeah, what does that have to do with - "
"Everything." The tiny Blonde stated. "It's Post-traumatic-Stress Dissociative-Personality-Disorder." If the crazy trip into Dinah's mind had made her dizzy, that sentence made her nauseous.
"WHAT?!" Little Dinah giggled, and looked from Huntress who was snarling, and back to Helena.
"You know what Post-Traumatic-Stress is, right?" Helena nodded, "And you know what multiple-Personality-Disorder is, right?" Helena nodded. "Disassociative-Personality-Disorder is the same thing, and is often brought on by Traumatic-Stress. When you're mother died, you created this 'Other Self' to take the pain that Helena couldn't bare. She was Meta, and she was ruthless, and she was everything you loved about your mother. She became the ideal that your mind had made for who your mother was and what you need in order to survive." Helena blinked a few times, {Hello Freud!} she thought suddenly.
"At first you created her to deal with the pain of your mother's death, and then the strength she had provided you with a way to express you rage that became a tool. Barbara started to train you to become a crime fighter, to use this power that the 'Other Self' had and you wanted. But as time when on, and you used Huntress as an escape for the pain of your mother's death, you never really grieved for her, so the pain got worse, and soon Huntress became the dominant figure in your body." Helena was fallowing along as best she could, and what she understood was (scarily) making sense. {When did Dinah become a Psychology Prodigy?} She asked herself.
"The only time I've ever . . ." Dinah trailed off, and looked away from the both of them, slowly, she became Dinah again, the way Helena was used to seeing her (eyes and all). "The only time you ever seem to be in Birth Mode is when you've talked to me." She said in a quiet whisper.
"Birth mode?" Helena asked slowly, not wanting to scare her back into a child.
"The Birth is the personality that occupied the body before the Traumatic Event. The TRUE SELF. The Real Helena, so to speak." Dinah sighed, and leaned against the air itself. "You've been Helena with me, when we talk about our moms, or when you took care of my hands . . ." Helena stopped and thought about it, and realized it was true. She realized why those feelings had been so alien to her, why she didn't recognize them; she had never felt them before.
"You know that Grief is part of life. I know you know that, and although I'm rather attached to Huntress as well . . ." Dinah quieted again, "I'd like to get to know Helena better." She turned to look at Helena for the first time, and for the first time all night, their eyes met, and Helena seemed to understand. {I could love her.}
"Dinah?" Helen asked slowly, "How do I get better?" now Helena sounded like a child, but she didn't care. Dinah gave a sad smile, and walked past her next to Huntress.
"You have to take her on." Dinah said, and Helena's eye nearly fell out of her head. "She's the Meta-human with Super-strength and a heart of steel. She was created to withstand pain and to block out things that get in her way." Helena took a step back.
"You've got to be kidding!" Helena said almost to herself. Dinah almost giggled.
"That's the point, Helena. Grief has become larger than life because you made it out to be that way. It will knock you down, and it'll make you cry, and it will take time to overcome it, but in the end . . . it's what you have to do. It's the only way to regain your humanity, to become the whole person that you were meant to be." Dinah walked over to her, and placed a hand on her shoulder, and suddenly there was a calm the spread through her like she'd not felt for years.
"If I beat her . . ." Helena asked slowly, glancing at the growling, towering figure across from them, "Will I still be Meta?" Dinah laughed and nodded. "Okay . . ." Helena took a deep breath and was getting ready to charge when she felt Dinah's hand grasp her shoulder quickly. Looking back at the blonde, Helena saw her smiling slightly.
"You don't have to do it now, Hel." She took her hand back, "When you're ready, and once you've had time to process all this. And besides, you don't want to kill Huntress, she's been a huge part of your life, and she's a big part of *you*. You just have to beat her, and then figure out a way to re-incorporate the two halves of Helena and Huntress to create the healthy woman you want to be. This isn't an over-night thing, and I think it may be best if you save the start of this journey for another night." Helena nodded, and stood down.
"It's time for you to go." Dinah said, sounding cryptic again. Helena looked at the still snarling Huntress who now had here eyes fixed on Dinah.
"Are you sure you'll be okay without me?" Dinah nodded, and glanced at Huntress, her smile dimming only slightly.
Just then a girl seemed to rum out of a door-way in the air it's self. She ran straight to Dinah, grabbed her by the shoulders, and kissed her lips passionately. Just as Helena was about to tear this blonde, ringletted girl away from her own, they broke apart. "Anything?" the girl asked. Dinah shook her head whispering, still nothing, and then the girl faded away like steam. Dinah acted like it was nothing and turned back to the Snarling Huntress (all the while Helena was trying to figure out what just happened).
"I'll be fine. You care for me as a friend, she cares for me as a partner, I think I'm pretty safe. Besides, she's just trying to make me tough like her. It's just in her nature. She was created from anger and grief, so she's teaching that to me." Dinah smiled at the giant brunette, and it growled at her. "She is *SO* going down . . ." she said, smugly, giving Helena a reassuring wink. The smaller brunette nodded, and suddenly Dinah took her hand and kissed it. The blonde raised it to her cheek, and just as suddenly there was the spinning whirling pull at her wrist, and Helena was back sitting on the blonde's bed.
There were still tear marks on the pillow, but her cheeks were dry, and her lips heald a slight smile to them. Helena quickly shook her head from the slight dizziness of the trip and her confusion. Leaning down, Helena gave Dinah's forehead a quick kiss, and silently got off the blonde's bed. As she opened the door, she looked back for one last second. Turning and Leaving the room slowly, she didn't notice the small blonde head poke it's self up from the other side of the bed, just missing who this night visitor had been. {Helena?}
.
.
(Author's Note: This is the second half of Chapter Four, and I know that it's very technical, and sorta confusing, but I think it's fairly well- explained. If there is any confusion, just let me know and I'll fix it as best as I can. Also, I hope you don't mind that it's a little crazy and also in a a VERY ROUGH-DRAFT-FORM. ~VixenRaign~ )
After her sudden and abrupt re-introduction with solid ground, Helena got up slowly and looked at her surroundings. She seemed to be in a massive cylinder shaped room. There was no recognizable ceiling and the walls seemed to be simply made up of the notion that that the room had to stop at some point. All the features where a dark, misted gray, and they were completely bare. After a few moments, she realized that it was a projected mental image of the Training room. {This is weird . . .} Helena thought, {What am I doing here?}. After looking around a bit more, she saw that she was not alone. There on the floor, sitting on her knees and turned away, was Dinah. She looked almost meditative. Her head was slightly bowed, blonde mane covering here eyes, and hands resting motionless on her knees
"Dinah?" there was no response. "Dinah? Where are we? Are you okay?" She watched as Dinah slowly got up, and changed. She shrank down, devolved into a child. The figure stood with her back turned to Huntress, her small play-dress swaying in a wind that didn't exist. There was still no response, no reaction to Helena at all. "Dinah, what happened?" she asked softly, though the edge was still there, Helena was panicking slightly.
The girl slowly turned to face her, and what she saw made her want to jump back. Dinah's face was so . . . blank. There was no emotion. Her cheeks were wet with tears, and they ran uninhibitedly down her face . . . but there were no eyes. She looked rather like a manikin. As Helena looked onward, she understood. {She cried her eyes out}. Helena was just wondering if she'd ever see the girl's cute blue eyes again when it spoke.
"You're here to remind me." It said, the voice a misting echo. It sounded like a mix of Dinah and a tired child. He mask was still emotionless, her face's soft curves making it seem like it would have been unnatural for her to have eyes in the first place. Helena stepped closer, and the little child stepped back. Helena's heart ached slightly at seeing the girl was afraid of her.
"Remind you of what?" she asked slowly, fearing the answer. The girl stood there for a few moments, silent as before, seeming looking at her with eyes she no longer had.
"That to want means never to have." Now Helena was confused. She never really paid attention to her Philosophy teacher, so all this was lost on her. The little Dinah seemed to understand, because the tiniest of smiles played at the edge of her lips. "All the things I have ever wanted, I have never had."
"But what about being a Super-Hero?" Helena asked quickly. The small smiled faded.
"No." that was all she said. She didn't explain, she didn't elaborate, though Huntress waited for the other shoe to drop. It never came.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you really have to ask?" she asked, pain lacing the edge of her voice. "You and Barbara have never really let me out on my own. You've not let me take on my own guys, to save people that may need help that I could provide by myself . . ." Helena wasn't sure she liked this Dinah, she was a little too philosophical for the brunette to fallow.
"But Dinah, you need someone to watch your back. I'm just trying to protect you - "
"I'm Not A Fucking Child!" she screamed, and for that single second, she became Dinah again; blue eyes aflame with the fight and the strong will that Helena had come to respect. But as soon as the words left her mouth, she changed back.
"I'm not a child . . ." it whispered, almost to its self. The little girl plucked at her play dress, and mumbled"Besides, these clothes don't fit anymore . . ." Helena was still reeling from being yelled at like that. {But what's freakiest about it,} Helena thought, {Was that it didn't piss me off . . . }. And it hadn't. It hurt her like a slap to the face, because she knew. It was true . . . she had hurt the girl, she had hurt Dinah.
"Dinah, I'm . . ." Helena wanted to say she was sorry, but the girl was turned away again, looking off into a distance that Huntress couldn't seem to comprehend.
"Why do the best of things, never seem to last?" she asked, sounding rhetorical. Just then, across the room, a chair appeared. It was large and comfortable, and sitting astride it was a younger Carolyn Lance. She was smiling and laughing, and waving to Little Dinah. The child laughed and ran to her, and as she tried to jump into her mother's lap, the picture faded, and the blonde landed butt first on the ground. Getting up slowly, she whipped the tears away, and dusted off her dress. "She never stays for long."
"I'm sorry Dinah . . . I know how much you miss her."
"How can a sapling grow in the shade of the Mightiest Oaks?" {What?} Helena wondered, {What is it with her and all this Confusions Thinking?}.
"Dinah what are you trying to tell me?" she asked, flat out, not liking what the tone in the room had become. There was no reply to her question, and that scared her even more. Just as Helena was going to panic, she heard it.
"I don't belong here." And then came the panic.
"What do you mean you don't belong here? Of course you do, where else should you be?"
"You don't want me here." She said even more quietly. Helena cringed, realizing that she must have put out the wrong message, or that possible the message had never changed with her feelings. Just then, across the room, a figure appeared. Not so much as a body, but more of the idea that they were no longer alone.
The familiar slaps against the punching bag testifies to that. Looking over, Helena saw no one other than herself. {But that's not me,} Helena said, looking her double over, {I'm not eight-feet-tall and I don't slash the punching bag open with my nails and teeth . . .}. It was true, and now the 'Dream-Punching-Bag' was in tatters on the floor of this 'Dream- Training-Room'.
"Who's that?" Helena asked, unable to keep the words from coming out. The child looked at her like she was confused.
"Why, that's Huntress," she said looked from her to the giant savage and back again, "Can't you tell?" Just then, Huntress charged Little Dinah, and got right in her face.
"You stay out of my way!" she screamed, "We don't have an opening for a Junior Super Girl!" Helena watched as the clothes of her double change to that of the night when she had first met the blonde. She then crouched down so she was face to face with the girl, and practically Growled in her face.
"I'll *never* trust you, you could never earn it! And if I ever do it'll just get me killed!" That was all Helena could take, she stepped up to Huntress.
"You leave her alone . . ." she growled at the dark figure. Just then Huntress stood, now even taller than before, her face set in an animalistic smirk. Helena knew that smirk; it used to be her favorite accessory. She looked Helena up and down; the smaller brunette now felt self- conscience in her sweat-pants and tank-top, but she stood tall, trying to hide her fear. It didn't work, Huntress could always smell fear.
"What, you're gonna stop me?" she asked, a humorous tone in her voice.
"You can't stop her." Little Dinah said quietly.
"Why not?" Helena asked, confused as to what was going on.
"Because, she's become dominant." Now Helena was really lost.
"Huh?!" Little Dinah looked at her, and sighed slightly.
"It's simple Psychology." She stood between the two brunettes, and turned towards Helena. "You're half Meta, right?" Helena nodded. "Barbara told me that no-one knew you were Meta until after your mother died, is that correct?"
"Yeah, what does that have to do with - "
"Everything." The tiny Blonde stated. "It's Post-traumatic-Stress Dissociative-Personality-Disorder." If the crazy trip into Dinah's mind had made her dizzy, that sentence made her nauseous.
"WHAT?!" Little Dinah giggled, and looked from Huntress who was snarling, and back to Helena.
"You know what Post-Traumatic-Stress is, right?" Helena nodded, "And you know what multiple-Personality-Disorder is, right?" Helena nodded. "Disassociative-Personality-Disorder is the same thing, and is often brought on by Traumatic-Stress. When you're mother died, you created this 'Other Self' to take the pain that Helena couldn't bare. She was Meta, and she was ruthless, and she was everything you loved about your mother. She became the ideal that your mind had made for who your mother was and what you need in order to survive." Helena blinked a few times, {Hello Freud!} she thought suddenly.
"At first you created her to deal with the pain of your mother's death, and then the strength she had provided you with a way to express you rage that became a tool. Barbara started to train you to become a crime fighter, to use this power that the 'Other Self' had and you wanted. But as time when on, and you used Huntress as an escape for the pain of your mother's death, you never really grieved for her, so the pain got worse, and soon Huntress became the dominant figure in your body." Helena was fallowing along as best she could, and what she understood was (scarily) making sense. {When did Dinah become a Psychology Prodigy?} She asked herself.
"The only time I've ever . . ." Dinah trailed off, and looked away from the both of them, slowly, she became Dinah again, the way Helena was used to seeing her (eyes and all). "The only time you ever seem to be in Birth Mode is when you've talked to me." She said in a quiet whisper.
"Birth mode?" Helena asked slowly, not wanting to scare her back into a child.
"The Birth is the personality that occupied the body before the Traumatic Event. The TRUE SELF. The Real Helena, so to speak." Dinah sighed, and leaned against the air itself. "You've been Helena with me, when we talk about our moms, or when you took care of my hands . . ." Helena stopped and thought about it, and realized it was true. She realized why those feelings had been so alien to her, why she didn't recognize them; she had never felt them before.
"You know that Grief is part of life. I know you know that, and although I'm rather attached to Huntress as well . . ." Dinah quieted again, "I'd like to get to know Helena better." She turned to look at Helena for the first time, and for the first time all night, their eyes met, and Helena seemed to understand. {I could love her.}
"Dinah?" Helen asked slowly, "How do I get better?" now Helena sounded like a child, but she didn't care. Dinah gave a sad smile, and walked past her next to Huntress.
"You have to take her on." Dinah said, and Helena's eye nearly fell out of her head. "She's the Meta-human with Super-strength and a heart of steel. She was created to withstand pain and to block out things that get in her way." Helena took a step back.
"You've got to be kidding!" Helena said almost to herself. Dinah almost giggled.
"That's the point, Helena. Grief has become larger than life because you made it out to be that way. It will knock you down, and it'll make you cry, and it will take time to overcome it, but in the end . . . it's what you have to do. It's the only way to regain your humanity, to become the whole person that you were meant to be." Dinah walked over to her, and placed a hand on her shoulder, and suddenly there was a calm the spread through her like she'd not felt for years.
"If I beat her . . ." Helena asked slowly, glancing at the growling, towering figure across from them, "Will I still be Meta?" Dinah laughed and nodded. "Okay . . ." Helena took a deep breath and was getting ready to charge when she felt Dinah's hand grasp her shoulder quickly. Looking back at the blonde, Helena saw her smiling slightly.
"You don't have to do it now, Hel." She took her hand back, "When you're ready, and once you've had time to process all this. And besides, you don't want to kill Huntress, she's been a huge part of your life, and she's a big part of *you*. You just have to beat her, and then figure out a way to re-incorporate the two halves of Helena and Huntress to create the healthy woman you want to be. This isn't an over-night thing, and I think it may be best if you save the start of this journey for another night." Helena nodded, and stood down.
"It's time for you to go." Dinah said, sounding cryptic again. Helena looked at the still snarling Huntress who now had here eyes fixed on Dinah.
"Are you sure you'll be okay without me?" Dinah nodded, and glanced at Huntress, her smile dimming only slightly.
Just then a girl seemed to rum out of a door-way in the air it's self. She ran straight to Dinah, grabbed her by the shoulders, and kissed her lips passionately. Just as Helena was about to tear this blonde, ringletted girl away from her own, they broke apart. "Anything?" the girl asked. Dinah shook her head whispering, still nothing, and then the girl faded away like steam. Dinah acted like it was nothing and turned back to the Snarling Huntress (all the while Helena was trying to figure out what just happened).
"I'll be fine. You care for me as a friend, she cares for me as a partner, I think I'm pretty safe. Besides, she's just trying to make me tough like her. It's just in her nature. She was created from anger and grief, so she's teaching that to me." Dinah smiled at the giant brunette, and it growled at her. "She is *SO* going down . . ." she said, smugly, giving Helena a reassuring wink. The smaller brunette nodded, and suddenly Dinah took her hand and kissed it. The blonde raised it to her cheek, and just as suddenly there was the spinning whirling pull at her wrist, and Helena was back sitting on the blonde's bed.
There were still tear marks on the pillow, but her cheeks were dry, and her lips heald a slight smile to them. Helena quickly shook her head from the slight dizziness of the trip and her confusion. Leaning down, Helena gave Dinah's forehead a quick kiss, and silently got off the blonde's bed. As she opened the door, she looked back for one last second. Turning and Leaving the room slowly, she didn't notice the small blonde head poke it's self up from the other side of the bed, just missing who this night visitor had been. {Helena?}
.
.
(Author's Note: This is the second half of Chapter Four, and I know that it's very technical, and sorta confusing, but I think it's fairly well- explained. If there is any confusion, just let me know and I'll fix it as best as I can. Also, I hope you don't mind that it's a little crazy and also in a a VERY ROUGH-DRAFT-FORM. ~VixenRaign~ )