A/n Here is another chapter of Remakes! Yay!!

Screen fades to where Cloud, Tifa, Barret and Nanaki are sitting in the Seventh Heaven, Tifa's bar.

Tifa="I got a new valve for my beer keg. When I lift it up it has small blades that grind the beer before putting it in a glass. I know beer is a liquid, but it there is an ice cube or a dead rat in there it is shredded and ground into liquid and put in the glass. I love it!"

Cloud="Ya'know Tifa. Why the hell do you own a bar? I mean, Your a woman. You prolly get raped every night by drunk guys."

Tifa="...You drank here a couple of nights ago, don't you remember?"

Cloud.= -O.O-"....Can't say...that I remember..."-clears throat.-

Barret="Well I for one, couldn't give a rats ass where Tifa works. Aslong as she is makin' money and I don't have to get her pregnant so she can go on welfare, I couldn't give a fuck."

Tifa&Cloud= -O.O-

Barret= -starts to sing- "I'm too sexy for my shirt...too sexy for my-"

Tifa and Cloud cut him off. "STOP!!!"

Nanaki orders another drink. He looks really drunk.

Tifa="I don't think you should have another drink..."

Nanaki= "I know what i fuckin want bitch! Gimme another drink!!"

Tifa="Geez, alright you PMSy jerkoff."

Nanaki="That's right."

Cloud= -stares at Tifa's boobs.-

Barret= "CLOUD!"

Cloud= -drools.-

Tifa slaps him a few times...with her hands...and wakes him up.

Cloud="Whoopies. My bad."

Tifa glares and sits down, handing Nanaki his drink.Cloud clears his throat and thinks about something for a moment.

Cloud="I wonder what Square Enix and the FF7 crew were thinking when they created Tifa....wait...nevermind. O.O"

Tifa="CLOUD!"

Cloud="Cuz I mean, damn. A martial artist with huge tits. She could proabably just suffocate Sephiroth."

Tifa="oh my god..." -in shock-

Sephiroth walks in, dressed in a hot pink halter top and high heels. He walks seductively over to the four and sits down, puckering out his lip-stick covered lips.

Sephy="Hey you sexy things."

Barret breaks into song again.

Barret="I'm too sexy for my car...too sexy for my...arms...Uh..

They ignore him and stare at Sephiroth.

Nanaki="Someone is Hot tonight!"

Sephiroth plays with his pigtails.

Sephy="Hehehe"

Cloud="Who woulda thought that the Great ex-general Sephiroth was...a...Transvestite!!?!?"

Tifa="See, so I couldn't of suffocated him with my sexy boobs vuz he thinks he's a woman! See!"

Barret="Well, you still coulda suffocated him, he just wouldn't have enjoyed it."

Tifa stands and knocks over all their drinks with her chest and walks away.

Cloud="...damnit..I payed twenty gil for this drink. Money hungry Bitch."

Nanaki and Sephy sneak out the bar and towards a hotel.

Barret and Cloud= -O.O-

Cloud="That was...unexpected."

Barret="well, I think i'll go give my Yogi bear daughter a talk about condoms and sex and herpes. Later."

Cloud="Bye! damn...i hafta pick up the check....Screw it."

Cloud runs out of the bar laughing like a maniac as the screen fades.

Screen fades back to the bar to where AVALANCHE enters the bar after their first mission. Marlene runs up and hugs Cloud's legs.
Marlene="Wait..Your not daddy! Daddy's balls hang lower!" -She kicks him in the shin and runs behind the counter.-

Cloud="Little brat."

Barret walks in and Marlene runs up and dives onto his legs. Barret's balls swing forward as he comes to a halt and they smack Marlene back into the various bottles of liquor that are situated on the shelves at the back of the bar.

Everyone= -O.O"-

Cloud="Wow, she was right."

Marlene="I like big...balls and I cannot...lie..." -She passes out and falls into the huge keg of beer.-

No one seems to notice and continue their activities.

Barret=" Awright you lazy ho, Gimme a drink!"

Tifa obediantly gets him a drink.

Cloud="Hmm....You lazy slut get me a fucking drink!"

Tifa turns and boob slaps him across the face. Cloud flies into a wall.

Cloud="You did it for Barret!"

Tifa="Barret has bigger balls than you."

Cloud grumbles and gets down from the wall. He sits by Wedge, Jessie, and Biggs.

Wedge="We don't talk. We have no signifance."

Biggs="Yeah. so you won't get a conversation out of us."

Cloud="Erm. Ok.."

Barret="Well lets go down into our secret hide out beneath the pinball machine along the right side of the wall."

Everyone in the bar turns to look at Barret and start to mumble. Barret stands, removes his face as if it was a mask. He turns out to be Will Smith. He puts on a pair of shades and "flashy things them." He puts the mask back on and shrugs.

Barret="C'mon foos."

Barret chases out the pedestrians and Avalanche goes over to the pinball machine.

Jessie="Hey...Let's do this like Noah's Ark. We'll go down two by two!"

Wedge="That is the dumbest idea I ever heard...I call Cloud!"

jessie="No I call cloud!"

As they argued Barret pushed them on and flipped the switch. Wedge and jessie glowered as they sunk down.

Barret="Next. Me and Biggs'll go."

Cloud=" No I don't wanna go down with Tifa!!"

Barret and biggs hurridly jump on the platform and they disapear.

Cloud="Bastards."

Tifa="Well, let's go down."

Cloud="you hafta sit on the pinball machine and face the wall."

Tifa="Why?!"

Cloud gets on the platform and so down Tifa. Cloud flips the switch but then tries to stop it.

Cloud="C'mon you hafta face the wall! NOOO!"

Tifa="I see no reason why I should fa--OH SHIT!!!"

Tifa's boobs got stuck in the gears and the platform jammed. Cloud glared and slapped the back of Tifa's head.

Cloud="damn you, woman. I told you!"

Tifa sighed and got herself free. The platform snapped off the wall and they sped towards the bottom, crushing biggs.

Cloud="Oh well, he was ugly any way and he had no important significance."

They all turned to watch the TV as the man reported the loss of the reactor.

Cloud="Damn..."

Tifa="This channel sucks. Let's watch Dora the Whora."

They all agree and turn on Dick Jr.

Dora="Hey my bitches. I'm Dora the whora and this is Lootz, my biatch."

Lootz="Bling Bling, dawg. Dat my pimp, playa. Represent!"

Dora="Today we gunna find my dildo. It's at the top of Hooters Mountain."

The camera pans to see a huge Mountain. It is just a huge boob.

Cloud="Tifa did you star in this movie?"

Tifa throws the remote at the tv, shattering both the remote and the Tv.

Barret="DAMMIT! That TV was expensive!"

Everyone pulls out a safety pin and jumps on Tifa as the Screen fades out...

A/N. This chappie was a bit Dirty. O.o heh. Anyway, I gotta go. Oh yeah, And I don't own Nick Jr or Dora the explorer. Or anything like that. And Don't flame me for Tifa bashing. Buwaha.