Chapter 5: Denial

That night Harry lay awake in bed. His hand had fully healed by now and he still hadn't told Dumbledore about it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to though. Harry was having intense difficulty trusting himself now. He didn't want to make another mistake like the last. Nothing teaches you better than learning the hard way. Stomach twisting in guilt yet again, Harry turned over and clenched his fists. It was all his fault. All his fault. His guilty conscience weighed down on him heavier every day. Hermione had noticed. She had commented how sullen he was getting lately. But she didn't know – no-one could possibly know what it was like. He'd been having terrible dreams recently. The black veil ones were still common but he was getting darker, grimmer ones. He could never remember exactly what happened in them. All that was left in the mornings was a memory of something awful… something dark and sinister which Harry couldn't put a name to. These dreams left Harry with a feeling of foreboding lingering inside him. He wished he knew what it was linked to, but the moment he opened his eyes, his night's discoveries vanished from all recollection. It was like being left in the dark.

Harry woke up feeling slightly better as he realised what day it was. Friday meant the last day of school and then the weekend. What's more: it was Halloween on Sunday and the feasts were always something to look forward to. The lessons passed fairly quickly, which was odd as normally when you're forward to something time seems to creep by slowly on purpose. But before he knew it the bell was ringing at the end of the Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson and Professor Koley was asking them to hand in the essays they'd done for homework.

Harry and Ron walked up the common room, their spirits considerably lighter and dumped their bags by some chairs.

"Okay, I haven't a game of chess all week!" Ron announced. "Anyone want to verse me?"

Ginny's face popped up from behind a chair. "I will!" she agreed.

Ron laughed, "Ok but I'm not giving you any tips this time," Ron said.

Ginny giggled and Harry found his stomach dipping again. Oh for heaven's sake! He couldn't be having these feelings for Ginny! She was Ron's younger sister! Cut it out! He told himself angrily.

Ginny and Ron sat down opposite each other and started conducting their pieces across the board. Harry sat by Ron and watched the two of them battling the game out. After a while his concentration slipped from the game and focused instead on Ginny's rippling red hair and the way she blinked when she was nervous.

"Bishop to D7," Ron said loudly, which returned Harry's attention to the chess board.

Ginny's mouth fell open, "Ah! I didn't see that! Oh Ron! Argh!" she clamped her hair in frustration. Harry's stomach fluttered. Stop it!  Ginny concentrated on the chess board for about 20 seconds and then said smiling, "Rook to B7." The rook slid over, endangering Ron's bishop and queen. "Take that brother!" Ginny grinned.

Harry's stomach turned again. Oh no, please no! Harry thought to himself. Oh no! Not Ginny! He couldn't like Ginny – not that way! Ron's little sister! Stop thinking you like her – you don't! Ginny flicked her sleek red hair behind her shoulders and smiled sweetly at Ron. Stop it! Harry yelled inside himself. You're just imaging things! Yea she's got a pretty smile and great eyes get over it!

Ron ordered his next piece to move and Ginny looked even happier, "Playing right into my hands," she mouthed to Harry behind her hand. Harry laughed and nodded encouragingly. Ginny pretended to look puzzled and then told her pawn to step forward one. She winked at Harry.

Ok, that's enough! He thought determinedly standing up. "I'm – er – going to go get changed," he muttered.

Harry grabbed his school bag and walked up to his dorm. He chucked it on his bed angrily and pulled his robes off in frustration. He had to stop telling himself he liked Ginny. Because he didn't. The truth was that he didn't have any feelings for her whatsoever and from now on he would stop getting those stupid little tingles down his spine when she smiled at him. Ok? Got that? He asked himself as he rummaged in his drawers for clothes. You don't fancy the girl! But it was no use. Somewhere behind his annoyed thoughts was another small voice.

Oh yes you do.

   And you know it.

Harry yanked his legs into a pair of jeans and sat down on his bed furiously. Why!? Why did he have to like Ginny? Why her?! There was no way he could date her! Ron would go up the wall if he found me kissing her!

Harry instantly felt guilty for imaging himself lip-locking with Ginny.

10 minutes later when Harry had cooled off a bit and finished getting changed he returned to the common room, which was now packed with chattering Gryffindors. Hermione was sitting dangerously close to Ron and Harry was sure he saw her arm flit across his leg. He sat down next to them.

"Hey Harry!" Hermione said happily. "Me and Ron are going to Hogsmeade together tomorrow and we feel sort of guilty that you'll be on your own. You don't mind do you? We could find someone to go with you, Lavender and Parvati always go down you could hang with them?" she suggested. "Or, or Seamus because he won't have anyone now that Dean's not here. You will be alright won't you? You're not mad at us are you?"

"No," Harry assured her, "No it's ok. You two go, I'll be fine."

"Oh, Harry you're so thoughtful," Hermione said giving him a hug, "We hoped you wouldn't mind too much but we knew you'd understand really!" she beamed.

Harry simply nodded. Hermione then excused herself to get changed too and Harry stayed chatting to Ron about anything and nothing at the same time. The common room got fairly quiet occasionally and it was times like these that Harry realised how much Fred and George gave to the atmosphere.

The next day Hermione and Harry were sitting in the common room at half past 10 waiting for Ron. Harry had made arrangements with Neville and Seamus but was sitting chatting to Hermione whilst Ron finished getting ready upstairs. Harry leaned back on the couch casually and rested his arms behind his head.

"So how are you and Ron going?" he asked off-handedly.

"We've only been together 5 days!" Hermione replied.

"Yea, but you never know," Harry said his voice heavily hinting something.

Hermione looked at him. "Oh yea?"

"Yea. I wasn't even dating Cho when I first kissed her," said Harry as he made himself more comfortable.

"You think me and Ron have kissed?" Hermione asked sounding amused.

"Yep," Harry replied plainly.

"Why?" she asked suspiciously.

Harry laughed and sat up again, "Well, have you?"

Hermione hesitated for a second and then replied, "Yes."

"Ha! Knew it!" Harry said gleefully.

Hermione smiled.

"Was it good?" he asked.

Hermione looked at him for a second, "Yea, I guess."

Harry sniggered.

"Hey, it's not like I haven't kissed before. I've kissed Krum!" she reminded him.

Harry's grin fell. "You kissed him?" he asked sounding revolted.

"Yes off course I did!" Hermione said defensively.

"He was 17 Hermione! You were only 14!"

"So?!" said Hermione huffily.

"Nothing," Harry muttered slumping back into his seat. Then checking his watch he added, "The carriages'll be leaving in 10 minutes I'd better go find Neville or Seamus."