E/N: HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy New Year!!! I hope your new year is as evil as mine, but not in the same evil way as mine. Let's just say my new-year didn't start quite like I wanted it to, but hey, I'm back to writing, so no complaints on that front. Uhm… what else can I tell you… Oh, right, I've seen TTT, I loved it!! Gollum is so great! Legolas kicks ass! Aragorn… gets dirty. Legolas points that out to him very… gaily. No offence, but I am starting to think that he is gay. I still love him tho! And Orlando too for that matter. I can't believe his hair's longer than mine! (Orlando's). It's just not fair! Oh well, he'll probably cut it soon. I like it tho… I mean, the short hair was very cute, but I could get used to this hairdo… Hehehe… Anyway, I'll cut the crap now and get to the fic. C ya!

BTW, if something is between * *, put the stress on the word. Oh and Gimli's lines are written the way you're supposed to say them

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Chapter 2: Is there any hope left?

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The fellowship, minus Boromir, was looking through the room.

'Alas..' Aragorn sighed. 'The cake has perished..'

'Ai, ai.. Legolas wailed.

'I'm hungry..' Pippin whined.

'Shut up Pippin.' Merry said. 'You're not getting the last piece of cake, on the count of somebody ate it already.'

'I'm hungry..' Pippin continued his whining, like Merry had never spoken a single word.

'Where could the cake have gone..?' Aragorn pondered out loud.

''Tis de fait av dis elvish cake..' Gimli noted. ''Tis jist ter gear ter be lef over.'

'It wouldn't be left over if you just let me eat it.' Frodo said.

'Poor mister Frodo..' Sam said. 'The ring has clearly affected him on a personal level. He has been so grumpy lately..'

'That's because you've taken all my food away because you wanted to "test" It for poison.'

'Now now, mister Frodo, we don't want you to get killed on this trip, do we?'

'If I'll die, it'll be of hunger...' Frodo sighed, casting his eyes up to the sky, whispered: 'Please Eru, take me now.. I'm growing weary of Sam..'

'Mister Frodo? Mister Frodo?' Sam nudged his in the shoulder. 'Now don't be dozing off mister Frodo, it'll ruin your sleep.'

'May I have your attention please?' Gandalf spoke loudly, in the way only the old wizard could do. 'My idea is that we should investigate. We have to find out who ate the cake!'

'Rah-tah!' Aragorn cheered. 'An investigation!'

'Ooh, ooh, can I be the detective?' Pippin jumped up on the table. 'My first question is for Gandalf.' He turned to Gandalf. 'Why a pointy hat?'

'What does that have to do with the investigation?' Gandalf asked, slightly blushing.

'Well, don't you think it's a bit strange that you're the only one with a pointy hat, while the stolen object is pointy too?'

'Are you suggesting that I'm hiding a piece of *cake* under my hat?'

'Did he just put the stress on cake?' Legolas asked Gimli.

'Oi tink so..'

'Ai, ai..'

'I am not hiding a piece of *cake* under my hat..' Gandalf continued.

'Oh my Eru, he did it again..' Legolas gasped. Everybody turned to him in question. 'Never mind me, never mind me, I'll just sit back and enjoy the show..' They turned back to Gandalf. 'Ai, ai..' Legolas continued. 'Ai, ai, *Ai*..'

'I will be the detective.' Aragorn said, stepping forward and pushing Pippin off the table.

'Hey!'

'Put a sock in it, Pippin.' Aragorn continued. 'The first *I* will question, are actually four old beans.' He turned to the hobbits. 'Where were you on the moment of the crime?' The hobbits blinked in unanimity.

'We were right here..' Frodo said.

'Can you prove that you were here?'

'This is my chair..?'

'Then you, old bean, must have been there indeed.' Aragorn said. 'That leaves three hobbits..'

'Dork..' Frodo sighed.

'This is my chair!' Merry said.

'Devine try midget.' Aragorn said, stepping up to Merry. 'Gandalf, Spotlight!' Gandalf lighted his staff and aimed for Merry. 'Where were you on the night of the murder?'

'Murder? What murder?' Merry asked.

'Ah, denial! The first stage! You must be guilty.'

'King Ellesar, there was no murder.' Gandalf said. 'Fool of a king..'

'Not yet! But alas, what not is, might still become..'

'Can we get back to the matter at hands?' Gandalf asked, turning off the spotlight.

'Indeed. So you say you are not the one who has stolen the cake.'

'I have not stolen the cake.' Merry replied.

'I'm terribly sorry, but have you ever stolen before?'

'Of course not..'

'What about this!' Aragorn turned around to face the rest of the group. 'I present to you, exhibit A!' Everybody sat in wonder. 'Exhibit A!' Still nothing happened. 'Arwen, hunny, you're supposed to jaunt in now with exhibit A.' The big, wooden, double doors opened. Arwen walked in. She was carrying a pillow with a cloth over it. 'Ah yes, exhibit A!' Aragorn put his hand over the cloth and grasped it. With one mighty pull, he pulled the cloth off.

'Oh, *that* thing..' Merry said.

'Rah-Tah! *That* thing. A palantír, dear old beans. My proof that Pippin --'

'Merry.'

'..Merry?'

'Yes.'

'Your name is Merry?'

'Do dogs piss on walls?'

'Well.. I suppose they do.. But is Merry your name?' Merry sighed.

'Yes..'

'Good heavens, how smashing! Anyway, Merry is guilty!'

'Why do you think Merry's guilty?' Legolas asked.

'Surely, you beans have seen my Exhibit.'

'Yes..'

'Well, then he must be guilty.' Legolas sighed. How did he end up here? Surely, he could have sent a servant to be the representative of his father's realm.. These mortals need more time to evolve their brain.

'He might not be guilty.' Legolas said.

'And how would you, very old bean, know?' Aragorn walked over to Legolas. 'Ah, people, one thinks we have found a new suspect! A confession is on the way, one can feel it.' The hobbits snickered.

'Don't you want to finish questioning the hobbits?'

'Hobbits?'

'You haven't questioned Sam yet, and Pippin is still a suspect too.'

'This is going to take a while..' Gandalf sighed.

'Let's leave the halflings, you are my suspect now. Give my your quiver.'

'My quiver?'

'Give it.' Legolas handed over his quiver.

'Thank you, elf.' He turned the quiver upside down. All the arrows fell out. Aragorn shook it some more. 'Now, where did you hide it?'

'I did not take the cake.'

'WHERE DID YOU HIDE IT?'

'Did it ever occur to you, that if I had the cake, I would have eaten it by now?'

'Of course..' Aragorn handed the quiver back to Legolas. He started to walk in a circle around Legolas, who was very busy re-collecting his arrows. Suddenly, Aragorn reached to Legolas' back and grabbed one of his swords. Legolas spun around with the speed of light, pulling out the other knife and pushing it to Aragorn's neck.

'Give me my sword back, Aragorn.' Legolas hissed. 'An mer-lle na mando cár-lya, nás lá?'(1)

'Quildë, Legolas. Vá maurë na ëa tarna.' (2) Aragorn handed the sword back.

'What was that all about Frodo?' Merry asked.

'I dunno.'

'I thought you spoke Elvish?'

'Quenya. Yes, I thought I did too..' Frodo said. "But they can't possibly have said what I think they've said.. I mean, they couldn't possibly be planning to.. Must keep pure thoughts.."

'I hereby declare Legolas not guilty. Next!' Aragorn looked around. A small figure with lots of crumbs in his beard caught his attention. 'Gimli..'

'Mm.. Yes..?'

'How come your beard is so covered with like, 1000 crumbs?'

'Oi ayte neat for a dwarf?'

'Try again.'

'Oi ayte in general?'

'One was thinking something more in the direction of YOU ATE TWO PIECES!'

'Oi DID NOT!'

'Let's see if you can prove that.' Aragorn stood in front of Gimli and grabbed a crumb from his beard. He rolled it between two fingers. 'Well, ah, a fine structure, one will say.. this is obviously the third piece from the..' He tasted it. 'Left.. yes, most definitely the left.'

'Iwww..' Legolas said.

'Can I have a piece too?' Pippin asked. Aragorn grabbed another piece.

'Same piece..' And another. 'Same piece..' And another. 'Same piece..' And another..

*2 hours later*

'And this is *also* the came piece..'

'What a surprise..' Frodo sighed.

'I guess I've tasted all then.' Aragorn took one last look at the beard. 'Wait.. what's this?' He grabbed the grey-ish crumb and rolled it between his fingers. 'Definitely not the same piece. No. No, definitely not the same.'

'Waat chucker yer tink 'tis?' Gimli asked.

'Hmhmhm..' Aragorn said, tasting again. 'I think I know what this matter is.. 'Tis.. 'Tis.. ZEEKLEI?!?'

(1) = For you want to keep your head, is it not?

(2) = Quiet Legolas, no need to be cross.

E/N: I know, I know, another short chapter, but that's coz I kind of wrote this in a hurry, and I actually think this chapter isn't too good, as in, it sucks, so I'll probably re-write it soon and then re-post it, so check back soon, 'kay? Anyway, I've got to get back to writing now, c ya!