Marshmallows Are Fun
A/N: I asked my friend Misty to give me several "challenges" for fanfics. This is the fourth, and so far, the most insane. WHEE! The list was:
- Must include all marauders, Lily, Snape, and JK Rowling
- Must take place on the planet Marshie, a planet made of marshmallows
- Must include Marshins, the aliens on Marshie
- JK thinks she's God
- Wormtail is freaking out because the author is standing right there, and he's scared she'll make him do something crazy
- Sirius suddenly wants to be a stripper when he grows up
- someone must sing "Barbie Girl"
In the depths of outer space, someone was crying hysterically.
"Don't hurt me!" the boy, namely Peter Pettigrew, was sobbing, kneeling on the soft marshmallow ground of the planet Marshie. JK Rowling, the writer of all five Harry Potter books(and creator of said boy) cackled.
"I can do whatever I want!" she cackled, "HAIL BEFORE MY OTHERWORDLYNESS!" James Potter was eating chunks of fluffy marshmallow. Severus Snape wrinkled his nose in disgust. Remus Lupin was asleep(dreaming of drowning in marshmallows, coincidentally). Sirius Black was poking a Marshin, one of the local aliens, with great interest. Lily Evans was sighing continually while staring at JK Rowling.
"The person who wrote me is a complete maniac," she sighed, "So sad. Such perfection marred by her creator."
"Plot device, Evans," Snape replied, "Plot device."
"Shut up, you're too ugly to be in my presence," Lily sniffed. The Marshin quickly lost patience with Sirius and blasted him with his ray gun, which was filled with sticky, pink marshmallow. Sirius struggled against his marshmallowy bonds. James threw a marshmallow snowball at his head. Peter was cowering before JK Rowling, who was furiously writing a paragraph describing Peter turning into a hamburger. The Marshin cackled evilly before stalking over to Remus and poking him curiously, listening to him snore with a quizzical look. Sirius yelled at James through the mass of sticky goop. James stuck out his tongue at Sirius and soon found himself being chased by Sirius, who somehow could still run quickly while covered in the stuff. Peter was praying as fast as he could as JK Rowling finished her paragraph with a particularly evil cackle.
"You'll have pickles...and mustard!" she laughed evilly. Peter hid his eyes with his hands. Snape was glaring at a Marshin, who zapped him with a bright pink beam of light. He got up slowly, almost robotically, and began to sing in a strained, high pitched voice,
"I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world,
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere,
Imagination, life is your creation!"
Sirius stopped chasing James and fell over laughing. James stared, exploding in fits of silent laughter. Remus snorted in his sleep. Peter was still cowering. JK Rowling was simply parading around and looking superior. Lily 'tut-tut'ed, and sniffed.
"Complete loon," she muttered. Snape continued to sing, twirling around in his billowing robes, which had suddenly turned a shocking pink. Sirius suddenly found himself freed of his bonds. JK Rowling was talking to herself, muttering words like 'minions' and 'insolent fools'. Suddenly, a stack of Harry Potter books fell on Remus' head. He woke up with a start, yelling, "WHAT?! MARSHMALLOWS! NO! THE PINK, TOO MUCH!" before he drifted off to sleep again, muttering 'Yes, Mother, the moon is made out of cheese and I ate it and it tasted good..' Sirius was running around, yelling in everyone's ears that he was going to be a stripper when he grew up. Peter began to cower at Sirius instead of JK Rowling, until JK, noticing he wasn't cowering, screeched, "COWER! COWER, YOU DUNDERHEAD!" So Peter cowered. James picked up the Harry Potter books and snorted, then threw them off the tiny planet.
BACK ON EARTH
A businessman was hit on the head by the books. He cursed furiously and yelled, "DARN TEENAGERS!"
BACK ON MARSHIE
Lily rolled her eyes as James began to throw marshmallow snowballs at Remus, who was still snoring intently.
"WAKE UP!" James hollered, "WAKE UP, YOU IDIOT!" Remus woke up and looked around.
"Why are we here?" he asked, rubbing his head and wondering why he suddenly had a massive headache.
"BECAUSE MARSHMALLOWS ARE FUN!" bellowed Sirius, with a huge grin. Remus blinked. James blinked. Peter blinked. Sirius blinked. Lily blinked. Snape blinked. JK Rowling was harassing a Marshin. Sirius began to sing show tunes. James threw himself off the planet, suddenly hit by an attack of depression.
BACK ON EARTH
James fell on the same businessman's head. The businessman roared, "ALL RIGHT! I GIVE UP!" He stormed away, muttering, "Darned teenagers.."
"Muggles," James said with a shrug.
BACK ON MARSHIE
Sirius fell off the planet, Irish step-dancing. Remus wondered how on Earth he knew how to step-dance. Peter was thrown off the planet by JK Rowling, who yelled, "TRAITOR!" Snape was pushed off by Lily. Lily slipped in her stiletto heels, and fell off. Remus sighed and shrugged and stepped off, knowing there was no point anyway. JK Rowling cackled, "I AM RULER OF THE WORLD!" She lived a nice, marshmallow-filled life, unaware of the rampaging Harry Potter fans below demanding the sixth and seventh books. Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily, and Snape all fell on the businessman's head. He went insane and began a life of poking people with erasers.
THE END