Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Bad images! My eyes are soiled!
Mr. W - You're going to study this book until I see blood spurting out of your forehead, Squirrel Girl.
Jo^2 - Hello. The English teacher is still here.
Sara - Yeah! And he won't stop forcing the Author to read his EVIL grammar books.
Quick! Quick! Someone gouge out my eyes! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! It burns!
Jo^2 - I can't do that.
Sara - (has a spoon prepared) I could, but Jo^2's sudden kindness has filled me with guilt.
Curse you, Jo^2!
Jo^2 - What?!
You made Sara feel guilty and now my eyes have yet to be gouged out.
Mr. W - Soon, you will be like ME! A WORD NERD. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Jo^2 - Mr. W, look! Someone over there is using the sentence "Who do you want?".
Sara - Yeah! You better go stop them.
Mr. W - Rotten kids! It should be "Whom do you want". (Believe it or not, this is true. I should know. My English Teacher has mentioned SEVERAL times.)
Jo^2 and Sara - Go!!!
Mr. W scampers off to correct the unsuspecting teen.
Jo^2 - Author, are you ok?
(Rocking back and forth) The horror! The horror. The horrible grammar I've used.
Jo^2 and Sara - Guh?
Mr. W was right. I have soiled my words with horrible usage.
Jo^2 - No! We're too late. He's made her into a (gulp) word nerd!
Sara - Not if I have anything to say about it.
Sara grabs a huge hammer and whacks me in the head.
Ouch.
Jo^2 - Is she back to normal?
Wha happened?
Sara - She's back.
Jo^2 - How can you tell?
Sara - No proper English nut says "wha".
Jo^2 - Sure. Author, you must continue our tale.
Sure......... Who are you?
Jo^2 - Uh oh.
Who am I?
Sara - I hope THIS works.
Sara whacks me again in the back of the head.
Jo^2 - Author?
Ouch!
Sara - Author! Get your big fat butt back to finishing this story.
Who you callin fat and big butted?
Sara - Yay! She's back!
Huh? Oh well. Enough jibber jabbering. We've got a story to do.
Jo^2 and Sara - On with the show!
Hey! That's my line!
Jo^2 and Sara - So?
Oh! Ok!
You know where we last left our heroes. So, you figure it out.
Sara - Dude! I can't believe it's you!
Jo^2 - Yeah! I didn't expect you to meet us here.
Mysterious Voice - Yeah. Well, it took me a while to get here.
Jo^2 - Hey Author, are you going to reveal this person or not?!
Oh yeah! Sorry.
Mysterious Voice - I'm Ax. Fink's third and more efficient experiment.
Sara - What's that supposed to mean?
Ax - Nothing (giggle).
My eyes hurt! I'm crying and I can't feel my legs.
Jo^2 - Author, what are you doing here?
Sara - Yeah! You're supposed to be telling the story! Not being in it.
Sorry! I'll stay out.
Ax - I should think so!
Jo^2 - Anyway, are you here to help us stop Oogie Boogie?
Ax - Well, duh!
Sara - Fine fine. Let's go. Lead the way, Beloved Jack!
Sally - Sara, stay away from my man!
Sara - Back off, Raggity Ann!
Sally - I'll show you!
Sally and Sara start fist fighting like bitches.
Ax - Do they always do this?
Jo^2 - Yes. Jack, are you gonna stop this?
Jack - No. It keeps them both busy while I make an escape. And besides, it's entertaining.
Ax - Jack!
Jo^2 - He has a point. Nothing is more entertaining than two proper you ladies fighting like bitches.
Jack - I'm glad you agree. I'll be leaving, now.
Sara and Sally - Wait, Jack!
Sara - Author, how dare you make me share a speaking thingy with HER!
Sally - For once, I agree with Sara.
Jimmy tap dancin Foyer! What's up with all the complaining? Sheesh! You people are like Mc Complainee from Complainerville in Complainadoland, U.S.A.! Stop with the complaining.
Everyone - Fine.
Now, Ax, could you PLEASE describe your outfit for the lovely audience? WITHOUT complaining.
Ax - Ok. I'm wearing a pink sleeveless dress that comes up just above the knees. I have a black choker, pink arm bands, and black wrist bands. I have pink shoes and blacks socks.. I look awesome!
Sara - Woo frickety hoo.
Jo^2 - While we stand here chatting away, Halloween Town is drawing ever closer to its doom.
Jack - She's right. As king, it is my duty to protect my town.
Ax -(whispers to Sara and Sally) I think Jo^2 is coming onto Jack.
Sara and Sally - Grrrrrr
Jo^2 - What are you two grrr-ing at?
Sally and Sara - Nobody.
Jack - Well, let's go!
Our heroes carry on with their journey, yet again. They soon come across ........... wait a minute! This can't be right!
Jo^2 - Sure it is. You wrote it!
Oh yeah! Anyway, they come across an unconscious Argentinian and a midget dressed as a nun blocking the path leading into the woods. (A little Moulin Rouge spice. He he If you haven't seen it, then just go along with it.)
Jo^2 - Dude! You're Tuluse from Moulin Rouge!
Sara - Whoda thunk it?
Jack, Sally, and Ax - Who?
Tuluse - Good day to you. I'm dweadfuwey sowey about this. Us bwocking the way I mean. (Tuluse has a somewhat lisp in the movie where some of his words are accompanied by a wa sound. Thank you John Leguizamo!)
Jo^2 - Saw right!
Sara - Jo^2 loves you in that movie!
Tuluse - Well, that's wonderful!
Jack - I'm sorry to brake up this fan girl party, but we need to pass.
Sally - Yeah. Halloween Town is in great trouble.
Tuluse - I'm sowey, but my fwiend won't move unless you answer a widdle.
Ax - A what?
Tuluse - A widdle.
Ax - What the hell is a "widdle"?
Sara - He means riddle, you simpleton!
Ax - Oh!
Jo^2 - Well, ask me anything! I know all, see all, and smell all. (Sniff sniff) Eeeeeeeew! Jack!
Jack - Wasn't me!
Sara - Anyway, please ask the riddle!
Tuluse - Awight. Now wet me think. What was it? I can't bewieve I can't wemember it.
Ax - SIGH This may take awhile.
Jack - Yeah. I hope he hurries. I think his lisp thingy is contagious.
Sally - What do you mean?
Jack - Well, look at Zero over there.
Zero - Wark Wark. Wow wow.
Sara - Zero! Here puppy puppy! So cute!!!
Zero - Woof. (Oh God! Wun! Wun!)
Zewo ... I mean Zero flies away quickly before Sara can catch him.
Sara - Oh! Bye bye, puppy.
Jo^2 - Have you thought of the widdle .. I mean riddle yet?
Tuluse - Sowey. Hey! While we wait, why don't we have some Deathsyne?
Jo^2 - Deathsyne?
Tuluse - Oh yes. It's a dwink that get's you dwunk wike alcohol, but has no alcohol in it what so ever.
Sara - But what is it that get's you drunk?
Tuluse - Vanilla with a hint of pink fwosting.
Sara - That can't get you drunk.
Tuluse - Yeah! You're wight, but it sure taste good.
Tuluse takes a swig from a bottle sitting beside him.
Jo^2 - Hey! This is no time to be drunk and merry! We need to here that riddle!
Tuluse - Awight. (Hicup)
Jo^2 - Uh oh!
Ax - So is there really vanilla and pink frosting in there?
Tuluse - No. (Hicup) I'm not absowutewey sure. (Hicup)
Ax - What do you mean?
Tuluse - I have no idea what the wecipe is. (Hicup)
Sara - Well, he can't be too drunk. He's not slurring his words.
Tuluse - Ohw! Well, I can fix that. (Takes another swig)
Jack - Crap!
Jo^2 - We're wasting time! What is the fricken riddle?!
Sara - Let me try some Deathsyne! (Sara takes a big swig from a bottle of Deathsyne)
Everyone else - Curses. This is going nowhere.
Several hours later.
The Argentinian is still unconscious, Tuluse and Sara are still drinking, and the others .........
Jack - (has taken off his head and is throwing it against the tombstone like a bouncy ball) 1,024. 1,025. 1,026. 1,027 ........
Tuluse and Sara - The hills are alive (hicup) with the sound of music. (Hicup) With songs they have (hicup) sung for a thousand years!
Sally - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (sleepy sleepy sleepy)
Ax - (shaking and rocking back and forth) Hills Hills Hills. Music! Music. Music. Yes. The ..... music...... and ..... the hills.
Jo^2 - (banging head against a tombstone) 1,234. 1,235. 1,236. 1,237. ........
Jack - Great. Now I've lost count. SIGH. 1. 2. 3. 4 .....
Jo^2 - Tuluse, have you remembered the riddle yet?!
Tuluse - No. (Hicup) I don't think so. (Hicup) Wha abouwt you, Sawa? (Hicup)
Sara - Nope (collapses onto the ground)
Tuluse - Ohw! (Hicup) Now, that's not wight.
Jo^2 - Author, this is embarrassing. Can you please fade out?
Why? Their drunkeness makes me laugh.
Jo^2 - Think of the audience! They must be bored by now!
No, they're not!
Audience - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Hey! Wake up!
Audience - Just fade out already!
Oh man!
Jo^2 - It's for the best.
Mysterious Voice - Guess who?
Bob?
Mysterious Voice - Nope.
John?
Mysterious Voice - Not him either.
Miss Michigan?
Mysterious Voice - Not even close.
Jo^2 - Jimmy tap dancin Foyer! It's ...... It's ......
Mysterious Voice - Me!
Michael?
Mysterious Voice - No! It's me, Mr. W!
Everyone - Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Mr. W - Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!