Hello. This is chapter six of my deluded fanfic.

Audience - Finally!

Shut up! Anyway, I suppose you're wondering why it took me so long.

Audience - No, not really.

Oh! Um. Well, I had a whole big speech ready and ...

Audience - Hey! What happened to Mr. W?

Whoops! I forgot about him.

Mr. W - That's right, you Urchin Weed!

Jo^2 - How could you forget he was here?

Just slipped my mind. I guess.

Sara - Oy vay!

Mr. W - Ok ...... Anyway, I'm going to make you read until your eyes are dilated!

Everyone - Dilated?

Mr. W - Yes, dilated. It's when your pupils get large and stuff like that.

Axe - Really?

Hi, Axe! Wow! This is your first time being in the beginning, isn't it?

Axe - Yep.

Sara - That's just great! BUT YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THE WHOLE THREATENING TEACHER THING!

Mr. W - As rare as it is, Sara's right.

Axe - Can't you just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show?

Mr. W - I could ..... I'll tell you what. If I enjoy this chapter, then I'll peel you an apple.

Jo^2 - Couldn't you just spare our lives?

Mr. W - Yeah yeah! What she said. So, what do you say?

Jo^2, Sarah, and Axe - Author?

(Singing) eight, six, seven, five, three, o, nnnnniiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnne.

Everyone - AUTHOR!

Wha? Oh sure sure. Eight, six, seven, five, three, o, nnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeiiiiiiiinnnnnne!

Mr. W - Good Luck! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Yeah. Sure. Anyway, we last left our heroes in a strange predicament.

Jo^2 - DO YOU REMEMBER THE RIDDLE, YET?!!!!!

Tuluse - Nope. Sowey (hicup)

Sara - (waking up) Oh. What happened?

Jack - You got drunk and took a nice long nap.

Sara - Oh Jack! (Hugs Jack around the middle) I'm so sorry!!! I have a problem! I admit it! I'll go through therapy. Just please don't leave me!

Sally - ( Awake) Grrrrrrrr

Jack - Um .... Ok ..... ok... Just get off me. You're kind of breaking my ribs.

Sara - Whoops.

Axe - (sane) It's been five hours.

Tuluse - Sowey. I have shorwt tewrm memorwy woss. I weally need to take my medication.

Jo^2 - You couldn't have told us that several hours ago?

Tuluse - I forgot.

Sara - Oh my gosh! (I remember not to say God) I totally forgot something.

Sara runs towards Fink's lab.

Everyone - Hey! Wait up!

Everyone except Tuluse and the Argentinian follow.

A few minutes later our heroes burst through the door of Finkie's lab.

Sara - Finkie, we're home.

Fink - (wearing a blonde wig and a peach suit) Hit me, baby, one more time! My loneliness is killing me. I must confess I still believe. Still believe.

Axe - Um .... Finkie?

Fink - Oh! Uh .... Sorry. I was just uh ..... practicing .... for a ..... um

Jo^2 - Just forget it. I don't want to know!

Sally - Why did you bring us here, Sara?

Sara - There's something I have to do.

Axe - You don't have to go to the bathroom, do you? Jo^2 made it perfectly clear when Sally ...

Sally - Hello! Standing right here!

Sara - No, this is much more important. This could be the answer to all of our problems.

Sara walks over to Fink, pulls off his wig, lifts up his scalp, and pokes at Fink's brain.

Fink - Hey!!

Jack - You dragged us all the way back here, just to poke at Fink's brain?

Sara - Yep (poke)

Fink - Topsay! Hatstay otnay unnyfay!

Axe - Whoa! What did you push?

Jo^2 - You made him speak pig latin.

Sara - Let's try again. (Poke)

Fink - I hate my daughter! My father never hugged me once as a child!

Sally - Daddy!

Jo^2 - Ooooooo! Trauma!

Fink - My mother had a fetish for lawn mowers!

Axe - Ok. This is getting weird!

Sara - Let's try a different station. (Poke)

Fink - Ch ch ch ch ch ch ah ah ah ah ah.

Jack - What?

Axe - He thinks he does the weird whispery noises in all the Jason Vorhees movies.

Jack - ???

Sally - Jason Vorhees! You know! The Friday the 13th series.

Jack - ???

Jo^2 - Battled Freddy Krueger ..... carried a big machete ....

Sally - Yeah! Jason totally kicked Freddy's ass!

Sara - He did not!!!!

Sally - Pardon me, but wasn't it Freddy's head Jason was holding?

Axe - Well, whose head should he be holding?

Sally - I don't know, but he can hold my head any day. Sighs dreamily.

Jack - Sally!

Sally - Anyway, Freddy's ass was clearly kicked and chopped up into little pieces!

Sara - Are you blind? He winked at the audience in the end! Jason was lucky! Freddy lives!!

Jo^2 - Evil never dies. (Shrugs)

Axe - This is besides the point. Jack, you have no idea who Jason Vorhees is?

Jack - ???

Sally - I swear! When we're married, I'm taking you to California. You really need to get out more!

Jo^2 - Why California?

Sally - I don't know. I hear it's nice in the spring.

Sara - I'll come with you.

Sally - Oh no you won't!

Sara - Just try and stop me!

Sally - Fine!

Sally tackles Sara to the ground.

Axe - Not again.

Jo^2 - Let me try. (Poke)

Sara - Hey! That's my job!

Fink - Giggle giggle

Jack - Dude!

Sally - What?

Axe - Jo^2 just made him giggle like the Pillsbury Dough Boy!

Sara - Do it again.

Jo^2 - Ok (poke)

Fink - Giggle giggle.

Everyone - Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Mr. W - My turn! My turn!! (Poke)

Fink - It took Sally three years to be potty trained.

Sally - Hey!

Sara - Family secrets. (Grins)

Jack - You never told me that.

Sally - It's not true! Poking his brain is probably damaging his memory.

Jo^2 - Excuses excuses.

Sara - What ever you say, Piddley Ann.

Fink - When I was experimenting, I accidentally put whipped cream in Jo^2's head instead of a real brain.

Axe - That explains a lot.

Jo^2 - He did what in the what now!

Hey! I want to try! (Poke)

Fink gets up from his wheel chair.

Everyone - Gasp.

Axe - He can walk!

Jo^2 - I thought he was faking it.

Sara - My whole life has been a lie!

Fink - Luke, I am your father.

Sally - Been there, done that.

Mr. W - Yes, you're right. Let's try something new. (Pokes Jo^2's head)

Jo^2 - (gets on knees and cradles right hand) Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Fink - Join me, Luke! We will rule as father and son!

Jo^2 - Never! I could never join you!

Sara - Um .... ok .... What do you make of this, Axe? Axe?

Axe - Well, ... I thought Luke's father was Chubaca, but I guess I was wrong.

Sara - No! That's not what I mean! ......... You really thought Chubaca was Luke's father?

Axe - Yep.

Jack - Axe, you're a dumb ass. Anyway, what are we going to do about Oogie Boogie?

Sally - No clue.

Axe - We could stay here and poke at Fink's brain some more.

Jack - How would that help?

Axe - Well, it wouldn't, but it would take up some time.

Jack - ............. ok.

And so Jack, Sally, Axe, Mr. W, Joe, Bob, Katie, Robert, Author, Amy, Nicky, Adam, Holly, Atticus, Harry Potter, Slim, Marcia Marcia Marcia, Sunny, Amy, Kevin, and all the rest spent the rest of the night poking at brains and messing up people's lives. Tune in next week for a new episode of All In The Family.

Axe - That's not the name.

Family Ties?

Sally - Nope

Diff'rent Strokes?

Jack - Nah!

The Brady Bunch?

Everyone - Hell no!

Jo^2 - Just end it!

Axe - You've already convinced Mr. W not to kill us.

Mr. W - I liked the part where I got to poke Jo^2 in the head.

Jo^2 - Good times.

But ... but ....

Audience - Please! Have mercy! End the pain!

Alright fine! Bye bye. Have a nice life. Leave a review and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!

Audience member - Ouch!

Told you! Bye bye! Thanks for your patience! See ya!