Hello! Long time, no see.
Axe - Author! You're getting lazy!
What do you mean?!
Sara - It took you weeks to actually begin writing this chapter.
So?
Sara - So, ........ It's getting really annoying!
Jo^2 - I say we roast her!
What?!
Axe - Let's tie her to a stick and burn her over an open flame.
Wait! Hold on a second.
Jo^2, Sara, and Axe grab me and tie me to stick and begin stacking wood at my feet.
This is mutiny.
Sara - Sorry, but according to our handy dictionary, .....
Axe - All hail the mighty dictionary!
Jo^2 - What about the dolphin?
Axe - Yes, the dolphin! Uh oh! Such a hard decision! Dictionary or Dolphin. Dictionary or Dolphin. Aaaaaaaaaaah! Too hard to choose!
Jo^2 - Why don't you just worship them both? That way you'll be a .... um ..... what's it called?
Mr. W - A polytheist?
Jo^2 - Yeah! That's it! ....... Aaaaaaaah! Mr.W!
Mr. W - I've come to donate books for the burning of the author.
Mr. W! You can't kill me! I'm your student!
Mr. W - True, but technically I'm not killing you. I'm just leaving these books here for the Squirrel Girls to do whatever they want with them.
That sucks!!!
Axe - Mr. W? Burning books?
Jo^2 - Who are you and where is the real Mr. W?
Mr. W - I am he who is called Mr. W.
Axe and Jo^2 - Blank stare
Mr. W - It's really me.
Axe and Jo^2 - Blank stare.
Mr. W - I'm Mr. W!
Axe and Jo^2 - Blank stare.
Mr. W - Grrr Read my name tag!!!
The name tag pinned to his shirt reads Mr. W.
Axe and Jo^2 - Oh! Ok!
Mr. W - These books are crappy and badly written and they are not worthy of existence.
Jo^2 - Hey! This one is mine!
Axe - (reads title) "Jo^2, The Unsolved Equation" What does that mean?
Jo^2 - My biography.
Sara - Ehem!
Axe - What?!
Sara - You interrupted me! I was about to read from the all mighty dictionary.
Axe - Ok. Go ahead.
Yes, go ahead, Sara. You traitor!
Jo^2 - Author! Let's keep it PG - 13! Please!
Why? You've said more curses than I have.
Sara - She's right, but that's not the point. Anyway, the dictionary says that mutiny is a
"rebellion against legal authority: a rebellion against legal authority, especially by soldiers or sailors refusing to obey orders and, often, attacking their officers"
(taken from this website: )
So? That kind of applies here!
Jo^2 - No, it doesn't!
Axe - You aren't legal authority!
Sara - So, we could hang you by your ankles and kick you in the head a dozen times and it wouldn't make any difference!
Everyone - Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Axe - Wait! Why are you laughing?! We're about to burn you!
Jo^2 - Yeah! What's the hub bub, bub?
Mr. W - (shudder) Stupid slang terms!
I am legal authority!
Sara - How?
All authors have authority over their stories.
Axe - How do you get that?!
Look at the word "authority".
Jo^2 - Ok! Looking, but not seeing anything special!
Take away the "ity".
Sara - Oh my (um ..... oh crab apples! I'm lost with this!) It spells author!
Axe - What does it mean?
Jo^2 - It means by the Word Within a Word Act of 1984, Author has full authority over all of us.
Mr. W - So what? We can still do the mutiny thing!
Axe - No!
Jo^2 - I'm all good for burning her at the stake, but mutiny ...... that's just wrong!
Mr. W - It's the same thing!
Sara - Calm down, Mr. W! Don't make me turn this car around!
Mr. W - Stupid Squirrel Person!
Well, now that we have that little predicament worked out, let's return to our story .......
Jack - Well, it took 68 hours, but we finally got Sally back together.
Axe - Those soap commercials aren't lying when they say all 2000 parts.
Jo^2 - Well, I bet Oogie has already destroyed Halloween Town and is on his way to kill us.
Axe - But we're already dead.
Jo^2 - By the laws of Halloween Town, a person can become double dead.
Jack - This is true.
Sara - No no no no no no!
Fink - What is it, Sara?
Sara - For once, I had a chance with Jack, but you people ruined it!
Sally - Oh quit your nagging!
Sara - grumble
Jack - Jo^2, don't give up, yet!
Sara - Oh crap! Is this going to be one of those "inspirational" speeches that are always made when the hero of the story has lost all hope?
Jack - Yes and if you truly love me, you'll sit through it.
Sally - Bye!
Jack - Sally!
Sally - Just kidding! Heh heh heh
Sara - I do anything Jack say! (Drool)
Fink - Way to go, Jack! Good job of using her love for you to your advantage.
Jack - I'm the man!
Jo^2 - Hello! Still utterly depressed here!!!
Axe - Jo^2, you can't give up your love for Halloween Town. This is your dream to be here. You can't let it be destroyed.
Jack - Hey! You read off my cue cards! That was MY speech!
Axe - Tee hee.
Jo^2 - (sniff) You're right, Axe. As God as my witness!
Silence
Jo^2 - Ehem As God as my witness!
More silence
Jo^2 - AS GOD AS MY WITNESS!
God - Ok ok! I'm here! Sheesh! I'm witnessing! Go on!
Jo^2 - I swear I will never let Halloween Town be destroyed!
Flash of lightning strikes behind Jo^2 and almost hits her.
Jo^2 - Hey!
God - Sorry, I thought it would look cool.
Axe - You go, Jo^2! Hug!
Jo^2 and Axe hug.
Hey! Wait a minute! Stop the really annoying elevator music!
Jo^2 - What?! We're having a friendship moment!
I made this to be a kick ass awesome comedy! Not some stupid love fest! People are rioting!
Axe - Really? Where?
The group looks behind them to see a large group of people holding up signs and yelling. Our heroes notice the audience protesting as well.
Sara - Audience!
Axe - And we trusted you!
Audience - What?
Jo^2 - Why are you protesting?
Audience - We're protesting against throwing batteries at Radio Hut (An electronics store cough cough)
Fink - You're in the wrong group.
Audience - Oh! Ok! See ya!
Hold it right there! You're going to sit down and watch this story or I'll bring out the mimes.
Jack - Mimes?
Sally - As in silent clown guys?
Yes. Don't make me break out the mimes! They're from Mime Town.
Fink - I'm not even going to ask.
Audience - Shudder
Sara - Anyway, what's up, Protestors?
Protestor Guy - We are against all forms of positive emotion in this story!
Protestor Girl - Yeah! What did they ever do to you?!
Axe - Who?
Protestor Other Guy - Don't try to deny it! "LET'S MAKE A NOTION! DOWN WITH EMOTION!"
Protestor Other Girl - "BRING BACK THE BLOOD AND NOT THE LOVE!"
Sally - This is getting annoying!
Jack - Make the rhyming stop!
Jo^2 - I can't take much more of this!
Protestor ...... I have no idea - "STOP THE HUGGING! BRING BACK MUGGING!"
Axe - Mugging?
Protestor ...... Thing - Yeah! You know! Like robbing!
Fink - You suck at protesting!
Protestor ....... Meh. - I am ashamed.
Axe - We have to do something!
Sara - I have an idea! Wait right here!
Sara runs off.
Jack - Where's she going?
Axe - I don't know.
Sara returns.
Sara - Protestors that are FOR hate, meet your mortal enemy!
Sara steps back to reveal an army of hippie protestors!
Hippie Guy - LIKE, peace, love, and groovy tunes are forever, man.
Hippie Girl - Yeah. You can't just like ditch them.
Hippie Guy - If that happened, things would be like whoa.
Hippie Girl - Yeah, whoa.
Protestor Guy - Enough of your talk of such joyous things! Protestors attack!
The large group of protestors charge towards the hippie army.
Jo^2 - Here they come.
Sara is suddenly on horseback.
Sara - Okay! Attack when I give the word.
Hippie Man - Like, we don't "attack", man. We fight with the power of love, man.
Hippie Lady - Like, which isn't really fighting at all.
Sara - I don't care! Just do something when I give the word.
The protestor army draws closer.
Sara - Ready.
Closer
Sara - Set
Closer
Sara - Go!!
With the protestor 5 feet away and ready to hit people with signs, the Hippies pull out their blankets and begin meditating.
Hippie Leader - Like, ohm.
Hippie group - Ohm.
Sara - What are you doing?! They're ready to bash your brains in and your meditating!
Axe - Wait, Sara! Look!
Sara turns to the protestor army and sees them all covering their ears in pain.
Sara - What the?
Protestor Guy - Aaah! My ears! Make it stop.
Sara - What the devils going on here?
Jo^2 - They're using the "Ohm" method.
Sara - The "ohm" method?
Jo^2 - Yep. Believe it or not, ohm actually stands for Other Hurting Methods. So, the Hippies are attacking, but not really.
Sara - Why? Why must you plague me with such confusion?
Axe - Take it this way. We're winning.
Sara - Well, just as long as that's true.
Jack - Well, we really don't have time for this. We need to save Halloween Town.
Sally - Jack, you're so smart. I love you.
Jack - I love you too.
Jack and Sally kiss.
Sara - Grumble
Hey! What did I say about the whole lovey dovey crap? Hugging, I can handle, but kissing, no way.
Sally - Fine!
Sara - (whispers to author) Thank you. Here's the 10 bucks.
World Destruction Ray, here I come.
Jo^2 - What?
Oh nothing! Do do do do do.
Axe - Let's go kick Oogie's ass.
Fink - Yeah. That seems like the thing to do.
Sally - Help!
Sally has been captured by the Hippies and they're braiding her hair.
Sara - Tee hee.
Axe - Can we have her back?
Hippie Person - Yes, sorry about that. Braiding's kind of our thing.
Jo^2 - That's ok.
Hippie Person - If you ever need us, just call.
Sara - Will do.
Our heroes leave the Hippies to torture the Protestors and make their way to Oogie's lair.
Our Heroes - Bye Hippies!
Hippies - Bye!!!
Jo^2 - SIGH They're nice guys!
Axe - Yeah.
Suddenly, a grave stone gets up and starts walking towards Jo^2.
Jo^2 - What the?
It sprouts long arms and red hair and points at Jo^2.
Grave Stone - Ha ha ha ha ha!
Jo^2 - Oh no! It's the grave stone that's been giving me Yoda Syndrome!
Grave Stone - You can call me Katie.
Jo^2 - Oh no! It's Katie!
Katie - Mwa ha ha ha ha!
Katie begins to run after Jo^2. They start running in circles.
Axe - Round and round they go. Where they stop ..... well, either way Jo^2 going to wind up with Yoda Syndrome.
Sara - I think we've done a good amount of yapping for one episode. Author, fade out.
Wait! I wanted to try all the other exits.
Axe - Huh?
Yeah! Like Star sweep.
****************************************************** Star sweep
And erasing to the right
Left
Up
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
And everything else.
Everyone - Just fade out.
Oh! You're no fun!
FADE OUT!
Bye bye! See you whenever! Sorry about the longness. Watch out! Katie's right behind you! Run for your sanity. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Bye bye!