Forgiveness

By Dany

Summary: What if Ms Parker found out something she was never supposed to find. What would she do and how would everyone else deal with her decision?

Author's note: This story was written a while ago. It lay dormant on my computer and I only remembered it while hunting for another one of my stories. Hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pretender and its characters.

xxxxx

It had been one year.

One year of hell.

One year of hell for the man who sat behind the desk in his dark office. He simply didn't have the strength anymore to turn on the light.

One year since she'd been gone.

He still couldn't believe it. She had been such a large part of his life that when she left them – him – behind it ripped a huge part of his heart out.

One year since he had followed her.

He knew the day would come when he made his own life and break contact, but he had never guessed that it would be this way.

One year of hell without them.

He was so tired. All he wanted was to leave and hide somewhere to wait for the end. But they didn't let him. They didn't want to admit that their big chance was gone. They would never come back. Never. That word cut deep into his remaining heart. After all this time he was a broken man.

One year ago his family had died.

xxxxx

This was absolutely pointless. Here he was on another wild goose chase knowing that they would go home empty-handed as usual. Not that he minded.

He didn't want to catch his former protégé. But he wanted to see him. He wanted to know that he was still there.

Lyle and his goons were swarming the area, still hoping for this lead to turn out to be the jackpot. But they wouldn't find anything. They hadn't for a year now. Their prey had finally decided to drop of the earth.

And he himself was doing nothing to help them. He stood by the cars pretending to look for him in the crowd while observing the people walking on the street. He envied them for their normal lives, for their families. How often – and even more so in the last year – had he wished to be one of them. To be able to just vanish in the crowd. What kind of life would that have been? A life without the Centre, without exploited children, without the deaths of loved ones?

But those deaths could have happened anywhere and a life without his children he didn't want to imagine.

In his musings he hadn't realized that the sweepers had returned to their cars and were starting to leave. Lyle shot him an angry look and left in another car. Only one had remained. Sam was waiting for him. For the last year, Sam had often been sent to baby-sit the old psychiatrist, another proof that they didn't want to give him up yet. Sam once told Sydney that he didn't mind. The unspoken message was that Sam had his loyalty straight and would protect those who were important. He nodded to the sweeper and told him he would go for lunch and meet them back at the airfield. Without another word Sam left.

Now he was alone again.

xxxxx

He had already eaten and was walking through the streets still having enough time before the jet would leave. They hadn't gotten a start permission until the evening and Lyle had been fuming, but he didn't care. This gave him some time alone, away from the demons that awaited him at home.

He was thinking about them again and when he came out of his thoughts he found himself on a playground. What had brought him here he didn't know, but when he looked around he saw…no that couldn't be!

He must be hallucinating. He had finally lost it. Closing his eyes he counted slowly to ten, before opening them again. And…

She was still there. How could that be? Was there someone who looked exactly like her?

Then he noticed a little boy next to her. He was talking to her and she smiled…her smile. He recognized the light in her eyes although it had been a long time that he had seen it. But it was her! And that little boy…he had the right age and the right characteristic features.

Something in his heart seemed to burst open with joy. The dark veil that had been lying upon him for the past year lifted. There was light again and it was easier to breathe. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Oh, how he had longed to see her again, talk to her, feel her breathing next to him. He wanted to go to her, but wasn't sure that if he did she would not vanish.

But he had to warn her. He remembered Lyle and half a dozen sweepers. They would kill her. He couldn't let that happen. He had to tell her to run.

Just when he made a step towards her, someone gripped his arm. "What do you think your doing?"

xxxxx

Shocked to hear this particular voice he whirled around and came face to face with Jarod. Stunned, he looked to and fro between the two people that meant the most to him. He was more than confused.

"Where are the others?" It was clear that Jarod was not very happy to see his former mentor. He looked rather angry.

"I'm alone." Sydney looked around to further verify his statement. "Lyle is at the airport, waiting for a clearance." Slowly Sydney recovered from the shock of seeing them both. It was too good to see them alive and well.

Jarod's features relaxed a little. "What were you going to do?" he asked again.

"I wanted to warn her." A simple but true fact and Jarod relaxed some more, really believing him. Sydney wanted to ask so many questions, but he didn't know where to start.

"Thank you, but that is not necessary. I knew they would come."

Sydney was happy to notice that he separated them from him. After all, he was only going along because he had been ordered to. He looked over to her again, wishing he could talk to her, but not daring to move. Jarod obviously didn't want them to have any contact.

Suddenly another question shot through his head. Did she know that Jarod was here? Or was he protecting her out of the shadows? "Does she know you're here?"

For the first time since meeting him here a smile spread over Jarod's face and he too turned his gaze towards her. "of course, I'm here with her." He let the news settle before continuing. "But she doesn't know yet that you are here." Another pause followed. "Why don't we let her now. How much time do you have?"

xxxxx

He had been sent ahead to a quaint little bed-and-breakfast, so that the younger man had the chance to speak with her beforehand. On the one hand he couldn't wait to see her, but he was also afraid what this meeting would bring. When he arrived the owner, an older friendly woman probably in her eighties, showed him the sitting room and left him to wait.

He didn't have much time to ponder what her reaction would be, because they were already standing in the doorway. She had tears in her eyes and had Jarod's hands in a death grip.

Only now Sydney realized that they didn't have the little boy with them. Oddly, this bothered him. He wanted to see him too. See how he had grown. But there was something else. He wanted to look at him more closely. Something about that boy had always bothered him, never more so than now, and he wanted to find out what. But now was not the time for this and he brought himself back to the here and now.

They were still standing in the door. Neither seemed to know what to say, it was just too awkward. In the end it was her who broke the silence. "Sydney!" She sobbed, letting tears spill over before falling in his arms. Never would he have expected such an emotional outburst on her side. He knew that underneath all that hard and cold demeanor, there was a warm and gentle person.

All he could do was hold her and murmur soft words in an attempt to reassure her. He told her that he missed he, that he was sorry he hadn't been there for her, that he was so glad she was well, that his heart was so much lighter knowing she was alive.

All the while Jarod just stood beside them, only watching. On the edge of his mind Sydney wondered if he felt left out, but decided there was nothing he could do about that. His focus turned back to the woman in his arms.

xxxxx

It took her awhile to calm down enough so that conversation was possible. "I think, I owe you an explanation." she said looking up at him. That look, oh he had missed her so much. She stood up and sat down on the couch. Jarod moved in behind her to giver her strength.

And then they told Sydney everything that had led to this moment, almost everything. They told him that after finding out one too many lies she had grabbed the baby boy and faked her own death. And she was more successful than her mother. After finding a safe place to stay she tried to build up a new life for the two of them. It was hard, but she managed taking on a job as a secretary in a firm with a daycare center. Only after she had established her new life she and Jarod had met again…by chance. He hadn't known either what she had done. And as they were together, free from all restrictions, they suddenly felt it again. Something they hadn't felt since they were children. And this something had arisen stronger than before. This time neither chose to run away. They faced it together.

Over the time their relationship had progressed and they moved through renewed friendship to a romantic relationship. This was surprising for Sydney, but not unexpected. He had always guessed that the bond between them ran deeper than everyone – including them – wanted to admit. When they had told him their story he was too stunned to say anything. Her eyes were still bright, swimming with tears as she leaned back into Jarod seeking his assuring heat. "Syd?"

He looked at her and finally gave voice to his fatherly feelings. "I'm so proud of you!" He smiled at her feeling his own tears well up. "And your mother would be too." He pulled her over into his embrace again. They only broke this moment when Jarod interrupted.

"Sydney, I think it's time."

Sydney rose, taking her with him. "How should I go on about this?" he asked Jarod, not really wanting to go, but knowing it was necessary.

"Tell them you spent your time wandering around and then in a little café reading." Jarod seemed to have found a very plausible excuse for him.

"But what about…will I see you again?"

Jarod smiled at him. "Yes, you will!" And with one last hug from her he left.

xxxxx

Now, two weeks later, he sat in his office thinking about them again. Only this time, his office didn't seem so dark anymore. He knew they were well and that was all that counted. Upon his return to the others, Lyle had questioned him, but when he recited Jarod's line he was instantly bored and left him alone.

Same one the other hand had looked at him as if he knew something. After that he masked his relief and renewed hope carefully, avoiding other people as not to be detected. He would not betray them. He would do everything to protect them. Only when he was alone he let a smile grace his face showing his happiness at theirs.

And so the weeks had passed uneventful. There was a knock at the door, jostling him out of his easy mood. It was Broots. Sydney had not even told him about her. He knew the younger man had always the best intentions, but he was too easily used because of his daughter.

"I was just wondering why you are still here?" Ever since her – faked – death, Broots was checking on Sydney every day, although he didn't go out in the field with them anymore and Sydney was bock on his twin research project more often these days. He was clearly worried what the absence of the two did to his friend.

"I was just getting ready to go home." Sydney picked up his things and followed Broots out.

"Ehm… Debbie and I were wondering if you might want to come over for dinner?" Sydney had to smile at that. Broots tried this at least twice a week, but only on particularly lonely evenings, when it was more than he could bear, did Sydney accept the offer. Today was not one of those days.

He declined, saying he would come over the next time such a gracious offer stood. He wanted to go, but he didn't dare. If he was around Debbie and Broots too long maybe he would let his shields down and give away his secret. He didn't want to risk Debbie or Broots' life that way.

xxxxx

It was late when he came home. He had made a detour through a little diner, getting something to eat since he was not in the mood to cook. When he turned on the lights in his living room he saw a small package lying on the couch table. Picking it up he saw Jarod's distinctive handwriting on it. "Open immediately!" was written on it.

Sydney opened it carefully and found two discs and a note.

"One needs to be inserted in Mr. Parker's office and the other one into the main server. Mr. Broots will know where it is. Tomorrow 10:30 am. After that: Leave!"

No further personal notes. He knew he could take it or leave it, but he would not disappoint them this time. The question was, would Broots play along? He thought so. He had been searching for a way out for his daughter. He needed to call the tech to know for sure.

Broots actually didn't seem very surprised when Sydney asked for a meeting in private, meaning out somewhere without the danger of being overheard.

He decided to tell Broots only the necessities: that he had heard from Jarod and that Jarod had a plan and needed their assistance. To convince him he added that this was probably their chance, that this was the way to a normal life for his daughter. That did it and Broots was in.

He didn't mention her. He felt it was not his place. If she wanted Broots to know, she would show herself to him when the time was right. And maybe that would be soon.

Sydney declined a second invitation for the evening. He still didn't feel like company and they had to be well rested for tomorrow. It would not do at all id they weren't alert enough trying to complete their mission. If they were caught, they would be dead.

Tomorrow, he thought while lying in bed later that night, tomorrow everything was going to be over – one way or the other.

xxxxx

It was already 10:00 am and he hadn't heard anything from them. He was nervous. Their orders had been clear, but nonetheless, he had hoped to talk to them again before it all started.

Broots was doing his best to stay hidden behind his computer, so that no one would see his nervousness. They had agreed that Sydney would go to Mr. Parker's office, while Broots would work on the main server. This would be much easier to explain than Sydney's mission. But he would do it. He owed it to them.

He thought about what life would be like without the Centre, but he simply couldn't imagine it. He had been here for too long. Maybe a life like any other would never be in the cards for him. But maybe… just maybe he could have a family with Michelle and his children – all of them.

When he looked at the clock again it was already 10:20 am and he had o hurry. He entered Mr. Parker's office without knocking. "Your presence is required in the simlab. Lyle has gathered some sweepers to start a new try on Jarod and… your son thinks he found out what happened to your daughter." At the last part the old man had suddenly looked up. Sydney had known this would get his attention. Mr. Parker narrowed his eyes, weighting his choices. Everyone who had worked with him knew that this meant he didn't like what was going on, but he would do what he thought best. And in that moment Sydney knew he had won. Mr. Parker would leave his office.

Not one minute later he was gone without another word.

As soon as he was out the door Sydney went to work on the computer. When his watch showed 10:30 he sealed their fate by inserting the disc.

Now he could only hope that Broots had done his part.

xxxxx

Broots had been successful.

Sydney met him at the main entrance, agreeing on Broots picking him up later, so that they could travel the first part together. This would ensure that they wouldn't lose track of each other.

As they listened to the evening news it became apparent what Jarod had done. He had compromised their files and opened even the most secret for prying eyes. Investigators now had the chance to find very incriminating proof and the powerful clients – even those in the government – could do nothing to cover it up. A lot of heads would roll.

It must have taken a lot of planning to come up with such a complex plan. Jarod had probably started before he broke out.

The important thing though was that it was over.

At least here. Africa would take some time to recover from this heavy blow. And in this time they would have the chance to take a breath for a next attack, if they wanted.

This plan was brilliant in its superficial simplicity. He was proud of them. All those fears the old Parker and Raines had harbored about them teaming up had been justified after all.

Sydney looked over at Broots who seemed more shocked that anything else. But he could also see relief and fear. Relief that he was free and fear of the unknown future. What could he do now? What kind of life would it be for his daughter? Sydney had no doubt though that someone with Broots talents would find a new place in society.

His own search would be different. Did he even want to find a new place or would it be better to retreat in peaceful silence? He still didn't think he would ever get rid of the Centre in his head. But only time would tell.

xxxxx

After a couple of days of hiding out in various motels Broots and Sydney had parted ways. They had bought new cell phones so that they could remain in contact. Broots wanted to head for the West Coast, while Sydney wanted to visit Michelle. He had her last address and took his time getting there, trying to cover up his traces.

During this time he did a lot of thinking. What did he want from life now? Where could he go? He still didn't know the answers to his questions when he finally arrived at Michelle's house.

It was dark and only a few lights were on. At least she was home. He rung the doorbell and she opened the door. His stomach was still in uproar every time he saw her. To him she was still as beautiful as she had been back then. "I've been waiting for you." She said and let him into the living room.

What he saw there made his heart ache – but not in a bad way. There they were… his children, all of them.

Nicholas was sitting on the floor next to Angelo, trying to make a conversation with him. The amazing thing was, he seemed to be successful. Angelo's speech sounded more fluent.

And on the sofa, bundled up together under a blanket Jarod held her tight. They were so much in love. He could see this now that their faces were completely relaxed. He had never seen them like that. Only on the second look he saw something else. Nestled between them lay the little boy. He looked so peaceful. Like his life had always been as easy as right now. He looked like a little angel. He looked like… oh my god.

He looked like he was theirs. A perfect symbiosis of their features. And in that moment he realized the whole truth, what they had done and what had made her leave. Oh god why?

xxxxx

While they were sleeping he talked to Michelle, Nicholas and Angelo. His relationship with Nicholas seemed to be stabilizing itself, while the one with Michelle was hovering in the air. It would take time and many words to repair what had been broken.

All the while he talked to his 'real' family he was missing something. A glance at the couch told him what it was. He still felt closer to them than to his own son. In a lot of ways that was really sad, but it also showed him that given time he and Nicholas did have a chance. He kept glancing at them, wishing they could talk.

"you will have your time tomorrow." Michelle had noticed his slight inattentiveness. "They had a long day, let them sleep."

He smiled at her and brought his attention back to their conversation. Michelle and Nicholas finally excused themselves and went to bed. Angelo stayed behind. After a while he looked at Sydney and said, "Children happy!"

A smile fluttered over his face. Sydney wondered if he meant happy that it's over or happy just being together. Angelo answered Sydney's unspoken question. "In love!" This time forming a knowing grin. "Be a real family."

A nice warm feeling spread inside of him at the thought of them being a family. "Yes they are a real family." Sydney sighed.

But Angelo shook his head. "No, no. Be a real family." He moved away from Sydney and went to mount the stairs to the bedrooms. "Soon…" He said before leaving.

Sydney was confused about Angelo's last statement. What did he mean? Maybe he meant Jarod's family? No use wondering now, he couldn't ask anyone until tomorrow. As he went to his bedroom he realized how tired he was.

xxxxx

When he came down the next morning he saw he was the last one to join breakfast. After a round of 'good mornings' he was seated and had a chance to observe everyone at the table. His findings from last night proved to be true. Angelo was more forthcoming, Michelle and Nicholas were keeping a bit to themselves and Jarod and her seemed more relaxed than he had ever seen them.

Breakfast was nice, but he was burning to talk to them. He wanted to know what happened. When the table was cleared away, Sydney finally got his wish. Michelle gave him a nod and Jarod said, "Why don't we go outside for a while."

xxxxx

Once outside, neither dared to speak. Michelle, Nicholas, Angelo and the baby had remained inside, not wanting to interrupt them. They sat on the porch, Sydney facing his former protégé and her. The first thing that came out was, "Is it true?"

He looked through the window where the others were playing with the baby. He could have meant anything at that point, but both knew what he was talking about. "Yes," was the simple answer. Jarod's tone was flat with disappointment.

"He was the reason I left." She looked up with tears in her eyes. Such a simple statement could not relay the pain she had gone through, but Sydney understood.

"I'm glad you did." She didn't need him to tell her it had been the right decision, but maybe it would ease her mind at having hurt him with her actions. Sydney knew the next question was bad form to ask, but he had to nonetheless. "Do you love each other?" Superficially it was a stupid question, but underneath there was more to it.

"He didn't know it. He believed as you believed. It was by chance that we found each other again." She described their meeting and the slow mending of the rift between them. Both had been careful, neither wanting to be hurt. In the end though, their hearts had won over all the mistrust They had instilled in them as children. Once their feelings had been set free there was no stopping them. This time was the happiest in their lives.

But soon the past had caught up with them, when they remembered a promise they had once made. Never did they want their own family, their children, to suffer like they had. This they had promised each other as children. And now that they had a child they had wanted to fulfill this particular promise.

Sydney had guessed right on another issue too. Jarod had planned the Centre's downfall even before he broke out. What surprised him was to hear that she had made some plans too. Combined, their plans were perfect. He had always known that there was more to her than met the eye. She had inherited her mother's talent, but here was also a hidden intelligence beneath the surface. That she had planned something against the Centre was something he would have never guessed. He had also underestimated her.

She went on about this plan, also stressing their wish for a future together. Throughout this last year they had realized how much they needed each other and how deeply they were connected. Their bond was of more than friendship. It was love.

Sydney was satisfied with their answers, convinced that they were sure about everything. He said a quick prayer that they would keep their happiness from now on.

Only one question remained. "Can you forgive me?" he just had to ask. He wanted to make up for all the pain he had caused by not helping them.

They said nothing at first, apparently shocked that he was so straightforward. He had expected her to take the word, but it was Jarod who finally spoke up. "There is nothing to forgive. You did what you could. You made some wrong decisions, but we all do. The other made them too. Only difference is that yours didn't result in your death. You were scared and rightly so. The whole point is, you were there for us the best you could."

Now he was perplexed. He had not expected them to forgive so easily. He looked at them and saw her kissing Jarod moving her hands soothingly over his back before she turned back to him.

"Sydney, we want to thank you for all you've done for us. Without you, we would have lost ourselves. It doesn't matter that you didn't help us escape. You did help us in other ways. Never forget that."

He could not stop the tears in his eyes. He loved them and they forgave him his faults. "Thank you." For now all his questions were answered and it was clear now that they would have more time to talk. Not everything had to be said today. Their future was not longer unclear.

He stood up to go and rest his spinning head a bit. At the door he could hear her "I love you Jarod.", and his answered, "I love you too."

Sydney smiled. Yes, everything was finally alright again. And now he understood what Angelo had meant. They all were a family. Not by blood but in mind.

"I love you both." He whispered and closed the door behind him.

The end