Disclaimer: I don't own YYH.

A/N: Watch out for a tiny, tiny spoiler (If you've already seen the episodes where they 'Rescue Yukina' then you'll be all right.) And in addition to cursing (I forgot to mention this last chapter), someone might get some and someone might get their ass kicked. Also a bunch of other stuff, but I don't wanna ruin it too much. And mad thanks to those who reviewed, I really appreciate it! And gomen nasai that it took so long to update. Well, here ya go.

Thorns
Chapter Two

He tried to put his pen to the paper. He tried to write the words he was feeling, to completely pour out his entire being into one simple letter. But nothing would work; nothing could describe the pain and the affection he locked inside.

For as long as he could remember, Kurama had been in love with Hiei. They had started off as friends, but with the more Kurama knew about him, the more he liked him. And when they weren't slaying demons or saving the world from destruction, he began to miss Hiei. He found himself daydreaming of Hiei during his classes and before he fell asleep at night.

Around him he became nervous. He wanted to speak with Hiei, to talk to him and spend time with him, but he was scared to say anything. He didn't want to make a fool of himself. So he said nothing, he barely acknowledged that Hiei was even there and instead watched him walk by through the corners of his eyes. For some reason, Hiei did the same thing to Kurama, and it hurt. In the beginning, Kurama told himself that it wasn't worth it, he forced himself to stop wondering about why they never spoke, and he forced himself to stop caring about him. Some days he felt no attraction to him; he could see Hiei and not feel a thing towards him. But then, for whatever reason, Hiei would speak to him. He'd say something small and irrelevant, and even as tiny as it was, it was all that was needed to make Kurama's feelings return. And there he'd be again, back where he started, hiding in the depths of his mind, dreaming about Hiei and silently wishing for his love.

Eventually hate sunk in. At night he would sit in his room, staring at the wall, thinking of every horrible thing he wanted to scream at Hiei for ignoring him. But it only made him feel worse, because inside he knew it was all his fault. He had no right to blame Hiei for anything, except maybe not caring. He ruined their friendship in the first place by falling for him.

If only I hadn't let my feelings get in the way...Maybe...Maybe we still might be friends...

Sometimes Kurama's wishful thinking would kick in and half-way convince himself that Hiei might be in the same position as Kurama, and that Hiei was ignoring him because he was attracted to Kurama, but didn't know how to handle his feelings. But it was only a silly daydream, Hiei's seemingly hateful actions told him so, and he knew that Hiei would never care for him like he did for Hiei.

But he still could not figure out why Hiei ignored him. They had been friends, but now...now it was like they never even knew each other. The only possible explanation for it was that he ignored him because he ignored Hiei. But Kurama told himself that he had a good reason to. What exactly was Hiei's excuse? He didn't think it was very fair – he was too terrified to speak to him, yet if he didn't they would never be able to at least be friends, because it seemed to him Hiei didn't value their friendship. It was all up to Kurama, and he didn't have to courage to do it. While he hated him, he realized that he was in love, because it was impossible to hate someone this much without caring for them first, and it made him hate Hiei and himself even more. He loved Hiei with all his heart, would do anything for him, even if it meant death, but the feelings and promises were not returned and were meaningless while unspoken.

Words could not describe the hate Kurama felt for Hiei. Or the love he had for the koorime. Or the tornado of emotions swirling inside Kurama. He had never hated someone so much in his entire life, and at the same time never loved someone so much. Whenever Kurama was alone (and even when he wasn't alone) with his thoughts, all he could think about was how horribly cruel and insensitive Hiei was and how unfair it was for Hiei to treat him like this. He'd sit there, on the verge of tears, and curse Hiei. But all Hiei had to do was walk through the door and all of Kurama's hate was replaced with nothing but love as he watched him from a distance. The pain wasn't so bad when they were close, because he was too busy worrying about 'What shall I say to him?' rather than 'Why does he always speak to others and not me?', so he was almost numb around him. But as soon as Hiei was gone, everything came back, only much worse because he had once again missed an oppurtunity to say something.

Deep down he knew he should confess, but he didn't have any real intentions of telling him until his run-in with "Kuronue". Years and years ago, the spirit fox Yoko Kurama and the bat demon Kuronue were thieves, stealing whatever they could get their hands on. They had been best friends since childhood; however Yoko had developed romantic feelings for Kuronue. He didn't want to jeopardize their friendship by telling this to Kuronue in case he didn't feel the same, so Yoko kept it to himself, thinking it would be best for the both of them if he just stayed quiet. It wasn't. Kuronue was killed during one of their robberies, leaving Yoko alone, depressed, and missing his best friend and his love. He never had the courage to tell him how he felt, which he deeply regretted.

When Kurama saw "Kuronue" again, all of his feelings for him returned and he remembered the pain he had felt after Kuronue died and how much he wished he could have told Kuronue how he felt, because there was always something in the way that Kuronue looked at him that made him wonder. He did not want to go through that ever again, so he promised himself that he would never not be up front with his feelings, and for awhile he kept that promise. After escaping into the Living World, as Shuichi Minamono he never hesitated to tell his "mother" or anyone else, regardless of who was standing near or his pride, that he loved them...until he met Hiei.

Hiei was different – laconic and unemotional. He doesn't have the slightest bit for fervor for anyone, besides his stepsister Yukina (even though he never really shows it), and he's more interested in battle than in love. He feels fidelity towards no one, and yet his ability to unknowingly captivate Kurama was unbelievable. And if someone told Hiei that they loved him, he would probably ignore them and walk away, or say they were a fool to think that they were good enough for him, which was part of the reason why Kurama was afraid to confess. He had decided a long time ago, before he really fell hard for Hiei, that if Hiei didn't want to be with him, then Hiei would never know how he truly felt about him.

But he wanted so much to tell Hiei that he loved him. He wanted to tell him, get it over with, and move on with his life, hopefully by Hiei's side. But not knowing what his reaction might be was another problem. There was no reason to believe that Hiei was homophobic because he disliked just about everyone, regardless of whether they were gay or straight. But Hiei was very unpredictable; it was difficult to tell what he was thinking. And he never had discussed his own sexual preference either, let alone hinted as to whether or not he wanted any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise. He didn't want to scare him, or have Hiei laugh in his face, but Kurama had spent many sleepless nights debating whether he should tell him, and his lack of sleep told him the answer (along with Tama's convincing): if he never told him, he would never get over him, so confessing was his only option.

Kurama had been alone all his life, but it never really bothered him until he fell in love with Hiei. Spending all those sleepless nights in his room, unable to think of anything besides Hiei, started to get to him and he became so lonely, because no one really knew Kurama or truly loved him - they all cared for Shuichi. All of the girls at school wanted to be with Shuichi (not that it really mattered, because he was gay and they all knew that but they chose to ignore it anyway), his mother loved her "son" Shuichi, and pretty much everyone he knew was a friend of Shuichi's, not Kurama's. Sure, Kurama had Tamahome and Yusuke and Kuwabara and...Hiei, and he was extremely thankful for them, but they didn't care for him like he wanted. Kurama wanted for someone to be in love with him, someone to be there for him and to take care of him. He wanted someone to need to be with him.

Sighing, Kurama ripped out the half-written page from his notebook and tossed it to the floor. He had already written 11 or 12 versions of the letter, each no better than the last. With each piece of paper he tossed away he felt apart of himself die, it hurt that he wasn't able to explain such deep feelings, and several times he had to fight back the tears his soul had been longing to cry.

No...I promised myself I would never again cry over a boy...

The stress of writing the letter was getting to him, and on top of his insomia, made him weak. And he couldn't stop worrying about Hiei's reaction.

Not even Hiei...

In the dark, Hiei effortlessly jumped from tree to tree, branch to branch as he searched. A breeze cooled his sweaty face. Jumping trees was by no means work for the fire demon; he was sweating out of nervousness.

He stopped and examined his surroundings in the twlight. All of the houses on the street looked similar; they were all two stories, most of which had very few lights on, and the houses that were lit shown no signs of activity inside. It was impossible to tell the color of the houses being that it was night, which didn't help Hiei in his search that was already difficult enough. He hadn't been able to get much information from Kuwabara about it, despite Hiei's threats, since he wasn't really sure either, and Yusuke was nowhere to be found.

Hiei sighed. Kuwabara had said that he lived around here somewhere, but wasn't for certain.

How am I supposed to find him now? I can't even sense his chi...

Suddenly he remembered his Third Eye. He glanced around to make sure no humans were nearby. He reached up and removed the white bandana covering his Jagan. Once the eye was open, he looked toward the houses, searching for Kurama's.

Kurama yawned, crumpling up yet another draft of the letter, this time with only the words "Dear Hiei" written on it.

"Dear Hiei"...That's no way to begin a love letter...I'll never be able to...I...I can't do this...

Tears glistened in his emerald eyes and his body suddenly turned cold. He felt sick to his stomach and his hands shook slightly as he sat at his desk, surrounded by the half-finished love letters.

Hiei doesn't want to be with me...He isn't interested in any relationships...He'll only laugh at me...What was I thinking, letting Tama convince me to do this?

Finally the tears escaped and streamed down his innocently beautiful face. One right after another they came, outlining the contours of his cheeks.

Why doesn't he want me?! Why doesn't anybody want me?! All I need is for someone to love me...Is it really that difficult?

Kurama was sobbing loudly now. He buried his face in his hands and cried, wondering why everything had to be so painful.

What did I do to deserve this?! Is this my punishment for deceiving my mother all these years?

"Hn. What's your problem, baka?" A firm voice asked from the window.

Startled, Kurama jumped, knocking his chair over. His eyes widened, his body stiffened and his heart pounded as he slowly turned and stared into the red eyes of Hiei. Immediately he wiped away the tears from his face.

Oh, no, he's here...And he caught me crying...

"N-nothing. It's nothing," Kurama managed, his voice cracking and his face blushing. That nervous feeling rose up in his chest again and he struggled to maintain his poise. Hiei didn't reply; instead he shut the window behind him and took his usual place on the window seat.

Why did he have to startle me like that?! Couldn't he have opened the window a lot less quietly?

Kurama grabbed a tissue from his desk and brought it up to his nose as if he were to blow it, but stopped when he noticed Hiei watching him. Obviously embarrassed, he turned a light shade of carmine, muttered "Excuse me," and went out into the hall. Once the shoji was shut, he quietly blew his nose.

Hiei examined Kurama's room. The walls were painted red, with green vines and thorns running across the walls, which all led up to a huge rose painted on the ceiling. One entire wall was lined with bookshelves, which of course were packed with books, which stood next to a sofa (where he did his reading). On the top of the bookshelves sat several pots of flowers, which brought a sweet scent into the room. The wall adjacent to the one with the bookshelves was where his bed and desk were. Kurama's school books were stacked in the corner of his desk (picked up after he had thrown them at Tama) and his bed was neatly made. The room was overall extremely clean, save the chair knocked askew and the paper on the floor.

Hiei walked over to the chair, picked it up, and set it upright. As he pushed the chair in, he glanced over the school books on Kurama's desk.

Feh. Trigonometry...Chemistry...Literature...A complete waste of his time...

Then something on the ground caught his attention. The pieces of paper – he noticed one of them had his name on it. He bent down, picked it up, and began unfolding the paper.

Kurama rested his head up against the wall.

He's here...I haven't seen him in days, and he's here...Why is he here? And he saw me crying...He must think how extremely weak I am...

Kurama sighed for the trillionth time that night, trying to erase the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Should I...go ahead and tell him now? Yes, I should tell him, otherwise I'd have to wait a couple days to give him the letter, if I ever complete it, and that would be embarrassing handing him the letter and having him look at me oddly...Since I'm already as embarrassed as I'm going to get, now would be the perfect time, if there is such a time...

Not confident at all in his decision, but seeing as there were no other logical alternatives, he quickly went down the hall to the bathroom to dispose of the used tissue and to wash his hands. Kurama caught a glance of himself in the mirror – his eyes were red and puffy from crying, his cheeks flushing from the embarrassment of being seen by his one and only while crying. After washing his hands, he rinsed his face in cold water, trying to wash away his anxiousness, dried off with a towel, and returned to the hall. He walked quickly and briskly, hurrying to get his task over and done with.

I can do this...I can do-

Kurama stopped dead in his tracks. He suddenly remembered that Hiei has telepathy. Panic struck him.

He could already be aware of my feelings. He could already know that I'm madly in love with him...And yet, he's still here. Why? Maybe I didn't scare him away after all...Does that mean...he has feelings for me as well?

He shook his head at himself.

No, because then he'd at least act like he cares...No, Hiei doesn't tell anyone he cares...

Kurama wanted to punch the wall (or himself). Why did Hiei have to be so confusing? Even the brilliant Kurama couldn't figure him out...

I suppose I'll just have to tell him whether he is aware of my feelings or not...

He tiptoed the rest of the way and stood outside his bedroom shoji, but careful not to allow himself to be seen through the paper screen. He closed his eyes, excited at knowing that Hiei was inside, but pained at realizing he was too scared to enter. He pictured Hiei in his mind, just casually sitting on the window seat as he always did, staring out into the outside world. He then pictured himself walking in there, boldly admitting his love for him like in the movies, and Hiei doing the same, wrapping himself in Kurama's arms. Although he knew Hiei would never do that, it was fun to think about. A smile slowly crept up Kurama's face as he daydreamed of his love.

Wait...

Kurama's eyes flew open.

That scent...Hiei's-

Kurama flung the door open and stared into the room. The window seat was now empty. The wind blew inside from the open window, fluttering his curtains and sending chills through Kurama's body. But he didn't move, he didn't even breathe. Only a single tear rolled down his cheek as he stared in disbelief into the now empty room which had once been filled with so much presence from one person.

...Why did he leave?