DiScLaImEr – Anyone wanna buy it for me?? I wouldn't mind, really!
AuThOr's CoNfEsSiOn – Oh fine…more like a clear-up, actually :D ::ahem:: Daine-Wildmage brought up a good point from my last chappie that I just thought I'd clear it up for anyone else confused (guys…if u actually read my ramblings in da last fic and understood this, u've read this already, skip on!)…Hatori can't, in "reality", clear away the entire school's memories…but for the purposes of this fic, let's just say he can, and did. ::bows repeatedly:: Gomen ne…I couldn't think (or didn't…haha) of any other way to skip over that part and make the fic flow…but ANYWAYS! Without further ado…enjoy!
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Chapter 7 – Indefinable Feeling?
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The sun was rising over the urban jungle of downtown Tokyo, its glorious rays chasing away the shadows behind the tall buildings, its glare reflecting off their shiny surfaces. The serene settings nature thoughtfully painted did not quite match the storm raging within a certain eighteen-year-old girl's heart.
It's not that I'm sad, Okaa-san. I mean…in a way, I am. I miss you so much…I'll always be missing you.
Every morning I wake up to such a beautiful new day, so full of hopes and dreams…and yet it all seems to be pale and cold to me…
Because I'm forever stuck in this circle of feeling…
Lost.
But…
Picking up her beloved mother's photograph, Tohru knelt by her windowsill and rested her chin on her arms.
I've made you a promise, haven't I? I promised you that I'd move on…that I'd try to live happily, the way I know you would want me to… I'll always carry you around with me, no matter what happens and no matter where life takes me. So in a way, you'll always be here with me…
In a way, we'll always be together…
Cradling her mother's photo tenderly as she has done many times since her return to consciousness, Tohru smiled at her beloved mother, a little regretfully.
I've made some wonderful new friends here, Okaa-san. So please, don't worry about your little Tohru—I won't be alone. I know they're willing to be here for me. Demo ne…sometimes…sometimes…
Sometimes, I wish someone would just come along and tell me what the answers are. What the answers to my unaskable questions are.
Answers that I know, somehow, nobody I know of can tell me.
Answers to this…"something missing"…in my life.
"Arigatou gozaimasu!" A smiling Honda Tohru said politely to the aged lady at her cashier registrar, "and that comes to three thousand yen in total today."
As she waited patiently for the said lady slowly to count out the change she held in her hands, Tohru carefully packaged everything so that the grandmother could carry her groceries home safely, without having to worry about chasing after apples and oranges. Handing the groceries over personally, Tohru waves as her customer exited out of the grocery store—her current part-time job.
Takaito Reika walked up from behind Tohru, shaking her finger with a good-natured grin on her face. Watching her friend work almost non-stop since her shift came on wasn't something Reika liked to do, particularly since she was the one who had introduced her to work here.
Tohru-chan…you haven't even gone out to take a break when your turn came, desu! You don't have to do everything yourself…let me in on your life.
Tell me what that faraway look in your eyes means…tell me what I can do…
Allow me to help you.
You're not alone anymore…can't you see that, desu?
Looking up from her cash registrar, Tohru smiled cheerfully at her new friend. "Reika-chan!" (keke…that's right, desu, even Tohru-chan couldn't resist my humble requests of her calling me that, desu! It wouldn't do for us to sound like complete strangers when we call to each other now, would it desu? Reika with her skittish grin plus victory sign in background)
"Tohru-chan, Tohru-chan…ever since you came to work here, almost all the grannies have been practically fighting to line up in your isle ne, desu." Watching as with a great big sweatdrop as Tohru's eyes widened and her hair began to stick out as signs of her "alarmed" mode, Reika immediately waved her hands in the air almost practically in front of the honey-brown-haired girl's face in attempt to stop the joke before she took it all too seriously.
"Mou, mou Tohru-chan, it was a joke—a joke! I was just kidding with you!"
Seeing how frantic her new friend looked, she began to laugh, clutching her belly in attempt to constrain herself from erupting into uncontrolled laughter. Grinning at her friend, Reika suddenly took a deep breath and looked Tohru straight in the eye, making sure that her friend was listening to her.
"Tohru-chan..." Reika said in what she considered to be her serious tone…but in reality lacking that seriousness that would've otherwise been effective, if not for the seemingly-permanent roguish look in her deep blue eyes. "If there ever is anything—anything at all—that you need help in…that you want to talk about…please, tell me. Onegai desu…tell me about you."
Anyone else would've reached out and tousled those rings of jet-black hair that curled around the girlish face and sincere eyes brimming with honesty of the words the mouth had just spoken. However, Tohru knew this was her friend at her most serious moments. Touched by the girl's genuine concern for her, Tohru smiled—a small, gentle, mother-like smile that brought comfort to all whom it was bestowed upon.
"I know you're here for me, Reika-chan." She said smilingly, taking her newfound friend's hands in her own. "I might have just met you, and I might not know you as well as some others might…but I know you're here for me, and I honestly, honestly thank you for it. I would've been so lonely here if it weren't for you…so you see, you've already helped me, without even seeming to realize it."
Shaking her head, Reika replied just as softly.
"That's not what I meant, Tohru-chan."
Having never seen her giddy friend so solemn before, Tohru was baffled beyond words. Looking at little blankly at her friend out of eyes of dots, Tohru blinked.
"Then…what do you mean…?" a little stupidly.
"I meant if you ever need to talk about something…if there's something on your mind that you just can't figure out…onegai, tell me. I'm not being nosy, nor am I forcing you to tell me all about you and your personal life. It's just that…I see you standing here sometimes, just staring into space with a sad, sad look on your face, and I want to be able to…be…to be a part of your life that can help you get rid of that."
With a sound that was like a half sigh and half laugh, Reika pulled back and gripped her own elbows. Fixing her gaze to meet that of Tohru's puzzled one, she grinned, her smile seeming to bloom as a shy rose on her face.
"Everyone loves to see you smile, Tohru-chan. Demo ne…if you're forever only smiling for others, you'll end up drowning yourself with your tears on the inside. Call me selfish…but I wanna be able to see you standing there, zoning out with a smile on your face rather than a frown. Dewa…onegai…tell me about yourself…tell me what you're thinking about. After all, two heads are better than one, ne?"
As much as I want to tell you…
Tohru stood still as a statue for a moment, just staring into earnest deep blue eyes that reflected her image. Smiling through eyes that revealed a glimpse of lonely fear, she nodded, just once.
You simply won't understand, Reika-chan.
"This doesn't seem like me at all, does it?" she said quietly, just loud enough for the two of them to hear. Reika smiled in return, knowing that she had gotten her message across.
And that's because…
"Iie, Tohru-chan…it doesn't desu." She replied, a small smile still touching the corners of her mouth. "Demo ne…"
That's because…I don't understand it myself either…
"This doesn't seem like me, either, ne? So we're even, desu! I just wanted you to know…well, you know…what I said."
This feeling of lost that never was…
"Hai! Wakari mashita, Reika-sensei!" Tohru grinned, looking more like herself again as she saluted her friend playfully.
Everything has gotten so much more peaceful. The young man thought as he sat, sprawled out before the neatly trimmed greenness of his private yard in the Sohma main house. Ever since that twit of a girl left, life has gone back to the way it should be…she should've never come at all.
She was asking for trouble from the moment she intruded into our lives.
Memories of honey-brown curls falling over her pale, innocent face as the girl fell unconscious slipped into the young man's memories; an ugly sneer twisted the frail-looking man's handsome face into an ugly mask.
Well, she got what she deserved.
Ever since he had announced the…departure…of the supposed nuisance of their lives, the family head had found the entire clan—especially the most rebellious twelve—more acquiescent to his rules and methods. He'd often like to think of it as a sign that they were willing to finally admit and submit under his powers and rule, as they rightfully should in the first place, as fated by birth under the Sohma name. Or he would think that his punishment had finally taken its toll on them and they had given up—that through "punishing" them, he had finally broken their spirits of going against him. Or that…
Or it's because now they see the hopelessness of the situation: the feeling of being left behind and forever forgotten by one whom they treasured so much in their hearts, and their spirits are broken because she is no longer here to heal them.
The sneer left his face as his features once again became twisted with anger and hate. Sohma Akito sat up suddenly, resisting the urge to fall straight back down as a wave of dizziness hit him in full force. Digging his nails into his palm to divert his own attention, he fought to master his physical weakness. However, unable as he was to move around physically, his mind was a whirlwind of emotions as his thoughts raged on, as they did whenever he thought about the girl and her ties to his family.
That last thought—always that last thought, that little voice at the back of his head—spoiling everything for him! How can one little girl possibly have so much influence over those who are supposed to be closest to him?! They were supposed to belong to him!
We don't need anyone—anyone—to pity us, and we don't need their help! How can anyone possibly help us? How can anyone else possibly understand what we're going through?
Pathetic, weak fools!
Angry at them as he was at himself for letting that little voice of his intrude on his thoughts, Akito calmed down somewhat when the clock chimed gently in the background: six o'clock.
Time for dinner with my dearest cousin Yuki and Hatori.
The family head walked towards his sliding door with a smirk at his last thoughts.
With no one else to intrude in on us…
Ever again.
"So Yuki has gone off for dinner at the main house again, ne?? Lucky, lucky Yuki-kun!" Shigure said playfully as he carried his and Kyou's bentos into the kitchen, where the cat was trying not to look interested in what the dog was saying.
Sitting down silently and opening his bento just as silently, Kyou faced his dinner companion with such a stony chilliness that it was a miracle the other man could still chat away—to himself, no less—in such a lighthearted and cheerful manner.
"Shigure." He finally said, his voice not betraying any emotion he might be feeling.
As if on cue, the novelist stopped talking as soon as he heard his companion utter his name. Fixing his full attention on the younger man, the clock could be heard ticking in the background as crows flew by and neither humans moved nor spoke. Thinking that the cat was done talking and he should really start eating again before his food got any colder, Shigure was stopped as the orange-haired young man once again spoke, his words short.
"Yuki has…been going to the main house a lot lately, ne?"
"It can't be helped." The dog answered, looking as somber as the cat. For once, the novelist didn't ever try to hide the facts, or lighten up the situation by laughing it off. "Yuki just…doesn't have the will to fight against Akito's words anymore. The more he goes over there…the more…"
"I know."
"And if he doesn't go…"
"I know."
"And so, while we sit here…"
"I know, damnit, will you stop talking already?!"
Slamming his hands on the table, Kyou snatched up his chopsticks and began to eat as a stunned Shigure watched him. Never before had the older man seen his cousin so worked up with worry for his sworn rival. Taking out his frustration on the act of eating, Kyou polished off his meal, slammed his chopsticks back on the table, and made for the rooftop.
Watching him leave, Shigure sat for moments longer, just staring at his own still-untouched bento. Outside, the sky was getting darker and the air considerable colder.
Just like…how we each feel within our hearts, I guess.
The only difference is…will there be a dawn for us…
Ever again?
What if it's already too late...?
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Dictionary portion:
onegai = please
wakari mashita = I understand
::waving frantically:: Ahoy out there…?? I don't remember when I updated last…kinda lost track of my lil updating system here…demo ne, I've decided (I think! Kekeke…dunt kill me if some one-shot decides it wants to be written first!!) to put this ficcie first and finish it up before I write on my other fic or any other ones…sound good? This way, then at least you guys KNOW I'm gunna update at least once every other week (yeah…dat'z da system! Kekeke…), and won't have to wait a half year for an update!
But before I forget (::scratches head:: Did I mention this before…??)…I've counted polls and the such…and the main pairing (Tohru x XY) has been decided! Kekkee…I can't tell u which one it will be…yet! I just hope that those who voted for the other guy won't be disappointed and will keep reading for the ending!
Kekekke…thank you everyone who put in a vote! XD Personally, I like them (Yuki and Kyou) both…so no worries, I'll make sure whoever lost will end up happie and well off as well…unless too many ppl wants to see an "unrequited love" ending for him XP
With that said…thanx for reading my ficcie and staying this far! I think we're about…halfway through? By the next chappie, everything will be set in place (I hope!) and then…well, I'll be able to tell about how many more chappies there will be? Hahha…useless as this babble was, well…::birds chipping:: ano…what was I saying?? oO Kekkee…blame the overworking summer classes!! A midterm every single week?! That's gotta count for some good reason for my empty-headedness, ne?? n.n
Mou…I never do this…but this time…
Tiva-chan: ::hugz/tears:: thanx for always being here for me buddie! What more can I say…you're the best!!
Princess of Darkness and me: Kekeke…no probs! Email reminders will come wiv every update, for sure!
Daine-Wildmage (aka. Kitty): ::blushes:: Awww…thanx for reading them all, desu! Mmmm…I hope that lil blurb up top explains things for you from last chappie…? Sorrie, it was a tad confusing… oO
Mademoiselle Morte: Hahaha…well, I can't give away the whole thing now, can I?? XP Keke…thanx so much for your R&Ring!
Lalalalala: mmm…wonder if I got the right amount of "la"'s? Kekeke…updated!
Zeheria: LoLz...take your time, take your time! Thanks so much for remembering my ficcy and coming it read it!!
And for everyone else who read…thanx for being so patient and waiting for my fluctuating updates!!
As usual and always, all criticisms, comments or suggestions are all very very much welcomed…exam essay solutions wouldn't be so bad either!! (Argh…summer skool…can you believe it?! ::sighs:: kekeke…) Please tell me what you think!
Aqua Sunshine XP