Murderous Seconds
By Dr FooFoo
Part Three : Broken
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Today I found my soul
I felt it die inside of me
So I turn to you
Life is like that, you know
- Wake For Young Souls [Third Eye Blind]
==
I admit that I kinda feel bad that Richard fell. Not because I thought he was hot -- though I did -- but because Justin loved him so much. I'll never forget the way he looked over the edge of that balcony. He looked so... broken. As broken as Richard's body down below.
And I'll never forget the way he cried that night; silently in his cell. He stared at the stone wall for hours... I could practically see the image of Richard he was undoubtedly conjuring up in his mind. I tried to tell him to quit... to quit thinking about it, but he wouldn't even look at me.
Sometimes when I'm questioning him, he gives me a look that says he wishes he hadn't saved my life back there. It's a look of pure hatred. Then, it switched to a look of self-pity that says he wishes he'd fallen too, so he could be with Richard. But as quickly as they come, the looks disappear, replaced with his usual apathy. It almost makes me feel sad... All that emotion... All that feeling bottled up in a small, eighteen year-old boy...
Justin's the opposite of RIchard... Richard was loud and obnoxious, while Justin is quiet and keeps to himself. Yet... they're the same somehow. They both had the same interests; the same dreams and beliefs. And they both loved each other very much. I guess they're like two halves of a whole. Maybe they thought comitting a murder would bring the two halves together... Make them one. Maybe that's what that weird-looking picture was about. That thing always creeped me out...
I always wanted to believe Richard was using Justin, but I know the look they used to give each other and I know it's more than that. It's more than just a highschool crush. I guess the part that always got me was the fact that they were both so obsessed with each other, but neither of them knew...
Like I said, I feel bad about it... But I can't change the past and I can't bring Richard back. I just wish Justin would stop tearing up my heart by whispering Richard's name to the darkness in his cell at night.