Murderous Seconds
By Dr FooFoo
Part Five : Crackle
==
You don't remember me
But I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard
Not to think of you
- Taking Over Me [Amy Lee]
==
I couldn't stop thinking about him, even days... weeks after he... after he fell. I'd lay in my cell, sometimes on the floor staring at the ceiling, whispering his name...
I guess I always knew our love was too good to last, but I never thought it would end the way it did. I still remember seeing his broken body at the bottom of the cliff, and I still remember exactly what I was thinking. Or rather, wasn't thinking. The same phrase kept going through my head, over and over. "I can't forget you..." I couldn't shake it, and I couldn't think of anything else. I tried to stop... to quit thinking about him, but everything reminded me of him. Everything.
Lisa came to visit me sometimes, but even as she talked at me over the telephone in the visiting area, all I could imagine was Richard. She'd say my name quietly, in her subtle, patronizing tone, but all I'd hear was Richard, whispering my name like he used to, all those nights at the Bluff... Once I accidentally whispered, "Richard..." into the receiver and Lisa hung up and left.
He was taking over my mind and I couldn't stop him. I tried everything -- thought-stopping, therapy... I even got ahold of a razor and cut my arms the way I used to, but nothing worked. Every night, I felt his hands on me; sliding slowly over my body, and his silky voice whispering sweet forevers in my ear. "I won't forget you, Justin... I can't forget you."
The San Benito High-Security Prison psychiatrist felt sorry for me, I think. She really tried to help me and said she thought I'd be able to get out early, but she probably knew from the start that there was no hope for me... that I was too fargone.
I think Cassie knew that too, and I think she felt bad that she killed him... Well, she didn't really kill him, I guess... Whatever. She gave me these pitying looks when she questioned me. I hated those looks more than anything. She acted like she knew what I was going through, but she didn't. She had no idea. No one did... So that's why I cut myself up really badly one night and lay in my own blood until it was all over.
Now I'm with Richard again...