Chapter 25
Faith's Story
Faith's Story
Faith--16
Child birth. Probably the hardest thing I'll ever have to go through. I had thought that for the whole 9 months that I was pregnant with Matthew. Matthew, the adoptive parents let me name him. Matthew, isn't that such a beautiful name for a child? Becca, the 38 year-old adoptive mother, came in holding my son. It had been 3 days since I had given birth and now were the finally minutes I would have to spend with my son. He squirmed around in Becca's arms as she sat him in my lap. She gave me a teary smile and kissed me on my head before leaving.
Matthew was dressed up in his go home outfit. It was blue and it had a little duck up in the corner. I heard somewhere that a babies go home suit is very important because it sets their whole range of style. I highly doubted that. I looked down at Matthew his arms waving around, not having a care in the world. He was...perfect.
"I wish I could keep you little guy," I whispered, afraid if I said it to loud someone would come and take him away or I would break down and start to sob again. Angel and Willow had both come to see him yesterday.
"He has your eyes," Angel had said. That had been the first time I had broken down. Only one of the many times I would over the course of the next 24 hours. I thought about how things would be different if I had been allowed to keep Matthew.
If I had been allowed to take this little bundle home and see him every single day. Becca and her husband Roger had tried to conceive for a very long time. It was up to me to look at a bunch of families that wanted to adopt my baby. It was hard to pick but I finally decided on them. Roger was a football player. I imagined him and a little Matthew playing in the backyard together.
It had made me very happy but only for a minute. Then thoughts flooded my head of what I could be doing with him a few years down the road. But it was a closed adoption which meant after these few precious moments I had with Matthew I would never see my son again. He opened up his milky eyes and stared up at me making little cooing sounds. It was like he was trying to tell me everything was okay. That this wasn't my fault, that he didn't hold it against me that I had to give him up.
"It's been quite a few months hasn't it little guy?" I whispered tearfully patting his soft head. A few tears dripped off of my face and onto his blanket. Then he took his little hand and clasped it around my finger. I started to sob again as I brought Matthew close, rocking him back and forth.
"I love you Matthew. You always have a very special place in my heart," I whispered as Becca and Roger came into the room to take their baby home. I gave him a kiss and then gave him to Becca. He started to cry and fuss which made me feel a little better.
"We don't know how to thank you Faith. You've given us the greatest gift," Roger said patting my shoulder. I wiped the tears away on the back of my hand before smiling up at him.
"Take good care of him," I said and then they left. Never have I ever felt such a deep feeling of loss. I was wrong.
Child birth was like a mere milestone in life, compared to having to give up your baby.
"I think Faith's is the worst," Wesley said opening his eyes slightly. Cordelia was trying to fight away the tears that were brimming in the corner of her eyes.
"We love you Faith," Angel said hugging his little sister. The story always got to him even though he had heard it at least a dozen times.
"It's all okay," Faith said having hadn't shed a single tear during her whole tale.
"Matt has a great home now." Cordelia smiled and took Faith into her arms. Tears fell from her eyes and into Faith's hair.
She wished she could be just half as strong and as full of courage as Faith was.