Behind Blue Eyes
By Thalia Drogna
When Trip finally did move it was to grab a towel and wrap it around his hand, which was now bleeding copiously. He guessed the cut from the glass was a deep one and from his experience of minor injuries in Engineering, hands tended to bleed a lot. He headed for sick bay.
"Doctor?" he called as he entered. The sick bay lights were turned down as usual at this hour, it was the middle of the night for most of the crew and for Phlox's menagerie. Luckily Phlox didn't need much sleep so was always on hand for late night emergencies.
"Commander, you're up very late," said Phlox, then he observed the hand wrapped in the towel that Trip was clutching to himself. "What happened?"
"I went to get a glass of water and I dropped the glass. Think I sliced myself pretty good there's a fair bit of blood," said Trip.
"Let me have a look," said Phlox, steering Trip to a biobed and sitting him down. He undid the bloodied towel and examined the wound. Trip's hand shook as the doctor held it. "Hmm, It doesn't seem to be too bad, although there is some glass still in the wound. I'll give you a local painkiller then we can remove the glass and dress the wound."
"Thanks Doc," said Trip. He yawned.
"What exactly were you doing up so late, Commander," Phlox asked innocently as he tended to the wound.
"Just a bad dream," said Trip. "Woke me up."
"I thought that T'Pol had resumed her neuropressure sessions with you?" said Phlox.
"Yeah, except last night I was so tired that I fell asleep on her floor before we'd even got past the first position and we didn't finish up working until late tonight. Neither of us had enough energy for neuropressure after that," said Trip.
"You know that I will not prescribe sleeping pills on a long term basis," said Phlox. "Especially given your medical history."
"Hey, I didn't say that we were giving up on the neuropressure, it's just finding time to fit it in at the moment," said Trip.
"Perhaps you should talk to someone about your dreams," said Phlox.
"Who am I going to talk to Doc?" asked Trip. "The Captain and I aren't exactly on the best of terms, I'm imposing on T'Pol enough already and I don't think anyone else would want to listen."
"I'd be prepared to listen," said Phlox. He picked out the minute pieces of glass that had become lodged in the cut and proceeded to clean and dress the wound.
"Thanks Doc, but part of the problem is the stuff I dream I can't talk about, it's all classified," said Trip.
"Perhaps you could leave out the names and places and just give me some idea," said Phlox.
"Let's just say that I think I may have seen a ghost tonight," said Trip. "Someone who's death I'm responsible for."
"I see," said Phlox. "Are you actually responsible for her death or do you merely feel responsible?"
"What's the difference? She died because of me," said Trip.
"The difference is probably why you are having these nightmares about her. Perhaps you should start from the beginning and tell me how it happened," said Phlox.
Trip sighed. "Okay, Special Projects was on a mission to recover a piece of technology. We'd brought along a civilian archaeologist to help us out. The whole mission went to hell. The Klingons turned up and threatened to kill her if I didn't help them." Trip stopped, took a deep breath and continued. "I half co-operated, enough to keep both of us alive. Then the Colonel stormed in to rescue us. The Klingons weren't pleased about me lying to them, I'd told them that we were the only people there. And they killed her. They killed her in front of me and there wasn't a damn thing that I could do to stop them," said Trip, he felt tears in his eyes and he raised his good hand to wipe them away angrily. He couldn't be crying, this had happened ten years ago and he hadn't cried a single tear for Antonia in all that time.
"It sounds to me as if the Klingons were responsible for her death," said Phlox. He finished bandaging the hand.
"You don't understand," said Trip and he couldn't stop the tears this time. "All that training, I should have been able to save her. There's no point in learning to kill if you can't protect the people who mean the most to you. She was my friend and I let them kill her."
"I doubt that you could have done anything to save her," said Phlox. "You were in an impossible situation."
"Why couldn't they have killed me instead?" said Trip, through the tears. "She hadn't done anything wrong. I was the one who should have died down there."
"No," said Phlox. He put a hand on his patient's shoulder. "You should never look at it like that. Your life is worth just as much as anyone else's. There is injustice in this life and as a doctor I have seen a lot of such things. Bright young people die before they should and that is a fact of our existence. Sometimes there is nothing to be done." The doctor looked at the man in front of him. He had never seen the Commander cry before and somehow it made him look so much younger. Trip was obviously exhausted from the events of the past few days, both emotionally and physically.
"How did you drop the glass?" asked Phlox.
"When I woke up I went to get some water and I looked in the mirror and I could have sworn that I saw her standing right behind me. And I guess I was startled and that's when I dropped the glass and it smashed in the washbasin."
"When did you last have an uninterrupted night's sleep?" asked Phlox.
"I don't know, a week ago maybe," said Trip. "T'Pol got me a few good hours last night." He sniffed trying to stop the flow of tears.
The doctor went to his computer terminal and looked up Trip's medical records. Everything was there for him to see it now that he knew about the death of this young woman that Trip had obviously blamed himself for. That explained why the psychiatrists had been unwillingly to release him to duty immediately after he had returned from Mars, and it explained why he had been prescribed sleeping pills then for such an extended period of time. That was one of the reasons why Phlox had been unwilling to prescribe medication for a further extended period of time when they had entered the Expanse. It was easy to become dependent on medication without ever solving the underlying problems.
"I haven't prescribed you a sedative for over a month, I think we might be able to risk one tonight," said Phlox. "However, given your general condition, I would prefer that you remain in sick bay tonight."
Trip nodded. At the moment he'd do anything to get a good night's sleep and if that meant spending the rest of the night in sick bay then that's what it would have to be. They'd be arriving at Deneb IV tomorrow and he'd need to be sharp for that. Phlox loaded the hypospray and pressed it to Trip's neck.
"Phlox, you don't have to tell the Captain about this, do you?" asked Trip.
"Not if you don't want me to. Lie down, it will take a few minutes to work. I'll fetch you a blanket," said Phlox and Trip complied with his instructions, curling himself up as best as he could on the biobed. When the doctor returned Trip was already fast asleep. Phlox carefully placed the blanket over his patient.
"When this is all over, you and I are going to have a serious talk about how you look after yourself," said Phlox to the sleeping Engineer. If Trip had been awake to hear him, he would have been dreading that talk already.
"T'Pol to Commander Tucker." T'Pol had gone to Trip's quarters but no one had answered her knocks so she had first over ridden his door code, worried when he didn't answer, and then, when she had found no one in, had gone to the com.
"Phlox to T'Pol, Commander Tucker is sleeping. May I help you?"
"What is the Commander doing in sick bay?" asked T'Pol.
"I already told you, T'Pol, he is sleeping," said Phlox. "Perhaps you had better come down to sick bay and I will explain."
"I am on my way," replied T'Pol and clicked off the com. She made her way down to sick bay as quickly as she could without seeming to rush. She entered sick bay to see Trip still fast asleep on a biobed, his right hand bandaged. "What happened?" she asked the doctor as he approached.
"He came in late last night having cut himself on a glass. When I questioned him further he admitted to having been woken by a bad dream, and then startled by a reflection in the mirror. He thought he saw someone who had died a long time ago standing behind him and that prompted him to drop the glass. He was emotionally distressed and I thought it quite unlikely that he would be able to sleep on his own so I gave him a sedative. Given his emotional state I decided it would be better if he remained here for the rest of the night," said Phlox.
"When will he awaken?" asked T'Pol.
"In about an hour or so I should imagine," said Phlox. "He needs the sleep, T'Pol. He was completely exhausted. If this carries on then he may well have an emotional breakdown."
"I realised that he was having trouble sleeping, however I was not aware that it was this severe," said T'Pol. "We should inform the Captain."
"Commander Tucker asked me not to," said Phlox.
"That is not in his best interests," said T'Pol.
"Nevertheless," said Phlox. "That is what I am going to do. I suggest you "cover for him" until he is back on his feet."
T'Pol raised an eyebrow at Phlox's use of human slang. "Very well," she said, clasping her hands behind her back. "Please tell the Commander when he awakens that I shall expect to see him in the Command Centre as soon as he has had breakfast."
"Thank you, T'Pol," said Phlox.
Trip had woken up in sick bay to the sound of Phlox feeding his animals. He basked in the state between being fully awake and fully asleep, before he remembered why he was in sick bay and reality hit him. He'd been crying like a baby in front of Phlox and to make matters worse he was late for his meeting with T'Pol.
"Doc, you should have woken me, I've got to get to work," said Trip, glancing at the chronometer. He still needed to get into a clean uniform and shower before he could go and meet T'Pol.
"Don't worry, Commander. Sub-commander T'Pol is aware that you will be late. She came looking for you earlier and I explained the situation," said Phlox.
"Great, that's just what I need. She'll tell the Captain and then I'll be in even more trouble," said Trip.
"I asked her to keep your stay in sick bay confidential," said Phlox. "She agreed to comply with your wishes."
"Thanks, Doc," said Trip with relief. He stretched. "That's the best night's sleep I've had in a long time."
"I gather that there will be an away mission to the planet today," said Phlox as he watched Trip climb off the biobed.
"Yeah, we need to go and have a look at the alien ship that's crashed down there," said Trip.
"I want to see you as soon as you are back, Commander," said Phlox.
"Why?" asked Trip. "All I needed was a good night's sleep. My hand wasn't even that bad. I'm fine now."
"You should not be continually experiencing disruptions to your sleep and I think we need to talk about that," said Phlox.
"If it's all the same to you, Doc, I'd rather not talk about it," said Trip. "My dreams aren't very pleasant at the moment and I don't think you want to hear about them."
"If your dreams are as bad as you say then I certainly want to hear about them. It is as I said last night, you need to talk this through with someone and as your doctor I am the most obvious choice," said Phlox. "I think you should continue your neuropressure treatments with the Sub- commander but you also need to talk about this and stop keeping it all inside you. It is not doing your health any good, Commander."
"I'll think about it," said Trip.
"I suppose that is the best that I can hope for," said Phlox. "Now I have breakfast for you and after that you can go, but not before you have eaten."
Trip considered pointing out that T'Pol was waiting for him and he didn't have time for breakfast but he knew the Doctor wouldn't give in on this point. He was hungry too, having breakfast would make a nice change.
Half an hour later he was on his way to shower and change, and when he eventually arrived at the Command Centre, T'Pol merely wished him a good morning and passed him the latest sensor data.
It was mid-morning ship's time when Enterprise reached Deneb IV. T'Pol and Trip had immediately begun their scans of the crashed ship, hoping to gather more information than the ESS Venture had been able to get from its scans. The two of them both stood at the Science station analysing the data as it came in. Trip had also found time to scrape together everything that he had left of Antonia's Builder language files for Hoshi to examine.
"Any sign of the ESS Venture?" asked Archer.
"I have her on the surface," said Reed. "She's about five kilometres from the alien ship. Seems to be intact, no signs of a crash, but I'm not reading any life signs."
"What is the crew compliment of the Venture?" asked Archer.
"She has a crew of fifteen, sir. Including the survey team," said Read.
"No life signs at all?" asked Archer.
"No, sorry sir," said Reed.
"Get Darwin up here," said Archer.
"He's on his way, sir," replied Hoshi.
"What about the alien ship?" asked Archer, turning to T'Pol deliberately rather than Trip.
"The readings are very close to those obtained from the generator on Faranor," said T'Pol. "We anticipate the black hole to be of a similar size and power output."
Darwin stepped onto the bridge. "Captain, do we have a fix on the Venture?"
"Yes, but we haven't been able to detect any life signs. What happened down there, Colonel?" asked Archer.
"You know as much as I do, Captain," said Darwin. "The last contact we had with the Venture was ten days ago when they sent us the scans they'd taken and said they were going down to the planet."
Archer looked around the bridge at his officers, there wasn't anything else they could do from here, they would have to go down to the planet. He didn't want to leave Enterprise with the Klingons on their way but he also didn't intend to let the Colonel lead the mission to the planet.
"What's the ETA on the Klingons, Lieutenant?" asked Archer.
"About six hours, sir," replied Reed.
"Will that be enough time to do what we need to do, Mr Tucker?" Archer asked.
"Should be plenty, sir, and if I have T'Pol's help it'll be even quicker," said Trip.
"Fine, Commander, T'Pol, Hoshi, Colonel, you're with me. Malcolm you have the bridge," said Archer.
"Yes, sir," said Reed, moving from his station to the Captain's chair as Archer and the away team headed for the turbo lift.
Deneb IV was about as unlike Faranor as it was possible to be, for which Trip was grateful. No deserts to remind him of his dream, instead Deneb IV's surface was covered with a dense rain forest. Unfortunately that meant landing the shuttle was difficult and when they had landed they had a fair walk across difficult ground to the two ships. It took them some time to reach the ESS Venture by hacking their way through the jungle. The Colonel was in his element, however Hoshi found it much harder going and looked worn out before they had even reached the Venture. Trip made a mental note to keep an eye on her, she would no doubt try to pretend that she wasn't having trouble keeping up but Trip knew better. Hoshi wasn't cut out for long treks through the jungle.
The Venture was, as Reed had said, completely intact. There was no evidence of anything untoward having happened to her, except the complete absence of her crew. The away team split up into two groups, Hoshi, Archer and Darwin taking the forward sections, Trip and T'Pol going aft. They wandered through the empty corridors of the ship, scanning for anything unusual. It was almost as if the crew would return any moment, the lights were still on, instruments were still functioning, in fact a meal had even been left out on the table ready for people to eat.
"It's like the Marie Celeste," said Trip as he scanned the food that had been left out. "This hasn't been here long, a couple of days maybe."
"Marie Celeste?" asked T'Pol.
"She was an old sailing ship. She was found adrift, everything was fine except her crew was missing. They found food still on the table and the lights on. It's one of the oldest ghost ship mysteries out there," said Trip.
"There are no such things as ghosts," said T'Pol.
"Until last night I would have agreed with you," said Trip.
"We should finish up our scans and return to the rendezvous point," said T'Pol, looking around her at the deserted mess hall. The Venture was a small and compact ship, but, empty as it was, it echoed eerily. Despite herself T'Pol could not help but feel disquiet at being on this strangely silent and deserted ship.
"I just don't understand it," said Trip as they made their way back to the centre of the ship. "They must have gone somewhere. They can't be dead, there aren't any bodies. But why didn't Malcolm pick up any life signs?"
"If we knew that, Commander, then we would not have needed to come here," said T'Pol. They saw Archer and the other group coming down the long corridor from the other direction.
"Did you find anything?" asked Archer.
"No," said T'Pol. "It would seem that the occupants of this vessel left quickly."
"I checked the logs," said Hoshi, "there are no entries made after they landed here. It's almost as if they vanished into thin air."
"That is very unlikely, Ensign," said T'Pol.
"Unlikely?" asked Hoshi.
"Nothing is impossible, Ensign, especially given what we know about the Builders' level of technology," replied T'Pol.
"Hoshi, did you download all the logs?" asked Archer.
"Yes, sir," said Hoshi.
"Good, then that's all we can do here for the moment," said Archer. "I have a feeling that the alien ship is the key to what's happened to the Venture's crew."
"Captain, we don't have time to waste looking for the Venture's crew," said Darwin. "We have a weapon to find before the Klingons arrive."
"I know what we're here to do, Colonel," said Archer irritably. "But if I can find the Venture's crew while we carry out our primary mission then I will do so. Let's go." Archer led the way out of the ESS Venture and across the short distance to the crashed alien craft. Trees and other vegetation had grown around it and over it, but the hull still seemed to be in good shape.
"Well T'Pol?" asked Archer.
"I am still not detecting any life signs. I would estimate that this ship has been here for over four thousand years, but the condition of the hull does not seem to agree with that estimate. The ship also appears to still have power, which given its age is unexpected."
"Not given what we found on Faranor," said Darwin.
"Yeah, but I couldn't explain that either," said Trip. "I wouldn't have even known where to start. I mean, this metal should definitely have degraded by now, but here it is just as shiny as if it rolled off the production line yesterday. Hell, Enterprise is in worse shape and isn't even a tenth this ship's age."
Archer's communicator beeped. "Go ahead, Lieutenant."
"Sir, we've detected a storm coming in towards your position," said Reed. "The weather cell formed unusually quickly and we have only just detected it."
"How long before it reaches us?" asked Archer, he could already see dark clouds gathering in the distance and moving rather too rapidly towards them. The wind was also picking up.
"About...s...mi..., sir."
"You're breaking up, Malcolm," said Archer. "Say again."
"Electrical storm... problem...won't be able to take off," said Reed.
"You're still breaking up, but I think I got the gist," said Archer. "We've got no communications and we can't take off during the storm."
"Captain...pl...repeat...leave now..." said Reed and then the communications cut out completely.
"Lieutenant? Come in Enterprise," tried Archer but nothing was getting through.
T'Pol took out her scanner. "The storm is creating an ionised layer that our communications cannot penetrate. I anticipate that we will also be unable to pilot the shuttle in this weather. We should consider leaving before the storm arrives, it is unlikely it will have passed by the time the Klingons arrive."
"We can't leave until we've destroyed that generator," said Trip. "If the Klingons get hold of it..."
"All hell will break loose," said Darwin.
"The Klingons can't get down here if the storm is bad enough that we can't leave," said Archer.
"That is not the case, Captain," said T'Pol. "Their shuttles are capable of riding out much more severe storms than those of Enterprise."
"Then we'd better hurry up," said Archer. The wind was getting up and they needed to get to the shelter of the ship before the storm arrived.
"There was a storm on Faranor," said Darwin, so quietly that only Trip who was standing beside him heard. Darwin watched as the trees around them swayed violently in the increasingly strong wind.
They made their way to the alien spaceship and located the main hatch. Trip took out his electronic lock picking device and started working on the door.
"How much longer?" asked Archer.
"Almost there," replied Trip. There was a clank from the door and it opened a hair's width. Trip pulled it completely open and they all shuffled into the alien ship, out of the cold wind. Trip looked around himself in wonder at the alien ship design. It reminded him a lot of the city on Faranor, the corridors had the same lines to them as the ancient city. He had no doubts that this ship and the city on Faranor had been built by the same people.
The corridor they stood in was wide enough for all five of them to stand across it and made of a brushed silver metal. The floor was made of the same material but roughened so that they didn't slip as they walked. Light came from the ceiling but no light fittings were immediately obvious. Every surface was completely clean and no dust had settled anywhere.
"Hoshi, can you tell us which way to the generator room?" asked Archer.
Hoshi looked at the markings on the wall in front of them and then down at the UT. "This way, I think," she said pointing down the corridor to the left. Even though Trip had apologised to her for the fact the files he'd given her were incomplete, it had been enough for the UT to get the basic grammar of the language. Antonia had a firm grasp of the basics of the language even if she hadn't been a linguist, but then the MACO linguist had obviously been very good and filled in the gaps for her. Sometimes just being good at phonetics and grammar wasn't enough to translate a language, understanding of the culture was equally important. She could imagine that Antonia and Didier had been a powerful team when it came to cracking the Builder's language.
They made their way down the clinically clean corridors of brushed metal to what Hoshi identified as the generator room. Trip once again had to use the electronic lock pick to get the door open but eventually they had access. The five of them stepped into the room.
"Exactly as I remember it," said Trip. The sphere in the middle of the room was supported by thin beams from the floor and the ceiling and in the corner sat the oval of white light. As before the light seemed to disappear when he looked at it and then follow him when he moved his head. The room had a quiet hum to it which he knew meant that the generator still functioned.
Suddenly the quiet hum changed in pitch and Trip caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Standing in the white oval, outlined by the light, was a very familiar figure. She had long dark hair, dark eyes and wore exactly what she had been wearing when Trip last saw her on Faranor.
"Antonia," said Trip.