For the Perfect Man
Hermione was beginning to regret having come. She wasn't staff, she was just an acquaintance of a staff member, and Snape's half-hearted offer spoke very plainly that he only asked her to come as an act of courtesy, and, for the most probable reason, didn't want to leave her at his house by herself. There was no telling what trouble she could get herself into when he wasn't around.
The hall was decorated tastefully, the ornamental touches much more demure than they were for student celebrations. Scarlet-colored velvet hangings draped across the walls, entwined with strands of silver tinsel. The tables and benches had been removed, and comfortable high-backed chairs lined the walls, looking elegant and stately against the sophisticated backdrop. The ceiling was a pure shade of unadulterated black, dotted with tiny pinpricks of starlight and occasionally stained by a whisper of a cloud, silver in the moonlight, floating into view. The moon was large and bright, not yet full, and the candles in the room gave off very little light. The lighting effect was quiet and, dare she say, almost romantic.
One very pleasant surprise was Remus Lupin, who was apparently returning to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts the next school year. Hermione only regretted that she wouldn't be at Hogwarts to take it. He made his way to her through the sparse crowd, having seen her from a distance, and handed her a glass of red wine in greeting. He looked healthier than when Hermione had last seen him, probably due to the fact that he had much less to worry about anymore. His face was no longer gaunt but fuller and lacking the lines that had prematurely aged him for so long. The gray hairs that had protruded at his temples were gone, but she doubted that they had left on their own accord.
"I didn't except to see you here, Hermione," he said, taking a sip from his own glass. "You're not coming back as a teacher, are you? I haven't heard anything about that, if you are."
"I seem to be hearing that a lot, lately," Hermione said carefully, watching as Snape walked over to Professor Sinistra and extended his hand in a gesture that asked for a dance. He was doing rather well, considering that he often said that he didn't like to be touched. "My only question is: where do people expect to see me if not here?"
"I'm sorry," Remus replied, sounding confused and hesitant. "I didn't mean to insult you."
"Oh," she answered, face reddening with embarrassment. "Sorry, you didn't. I'd much rather hear it coming from you than anyone else."
"Having problems, Hermione?" he asked, gesturing to a chair in hopes that they could sit down. Hermione obliged happily, she had not made the most sensible choice in shoes.
"Not necessarily," she answered, sitting sideways on her chair and crossing her ankles while Remus sat down beside her, face wrought with concern. It was then that she noticed that he had a meager line of facial hair growing on his upper lip; she squinted at it in confusion. "Are you growing a mustache?"
"Trying," he said, attempting to hide his embarrassment as he absently stroked his upper lip. "Not doing a very good job of it."
She grinned, her eyes becoming playful and bright. "I can see that."
"Stop changing the subject," he demanded good-naturedly, nudging her ankle with the toe of his boot. "I did ask what you're doing here, and I expect an answer, whether you've been hearing it a lot lately or not."
Hermione sighed and gazed down into her goblet, swirling its contents about. "I'm staying with Snape."
Remus let out a laugh. "You're kidding."
"Afraid not." She looked up at him and brushed a curl away from her face; the elastic band that she had attempted to use to hold back her mass of hair was not working very well. "He expelled me from his Potions class, and is making it up to me by tutoring me so I can take the NEWTs at the end of the summer."
"What?" he cried in indignation, his sad excuse for a mustache twitching. "Why on earth did he expel you? And he's what…making up for it?"
"You know about as much as I do," she said solemnly, taking another sip of wine. It was quite good, and very robust. She was thinking about telling him about the lessons she was giving Severus, but decided not to. The man had an uncanny ability to know when you had done something wrong. "It's a mystery."
"I hope he's treating you well," he added, sounding sulky. He downed the last of his wine, but the goblet immediately refilled.
"As well as I'd expect," she answered. "Actually better than I expected, to be truthful. His house elves are mad, though."
Remus chuckled. "I suppose that is typical."
"And I thought Kreacher was bad."
"If my memory serves me correctly," Remus interjected, a wicked smile stretching under his nose. "You happened to think that Kreacher was, how did you put it, 'a dear, misunderstood creature who's been unjustly served by the system and torn from everything that he loves'."
"Those were my ignorant days," Hermione said, unable to not smile a bit at her severe misjudgment of character. "I prefer to pretend that I never said that."
"In all honesty, I would too," Remus said, a hint of darkness whispering in his tone.
Their reverent silence was interrupted when the string quartet struck up a classic waltz from the front of the room. Remus's head jerked up from his wine and he asked, "You wouldn't happen to want to dance would you?"
"I would like to, actually," she answered, setting her goblet down and secretly kicking her shoes off under the chair. Hopefully he wouldn't step on her feet. They swept out on to the floor and Remus put a hand around her waist, and held her hand tightly in his other.
Remus was warm and practically glowed kindness, and, looking around, Hermione could see that Professor Sprout was throwing her a dirty, but somewhat curious, look from a circle of Professors that included McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Poppy Pomfrey, the school nurse. She exchanged glances with Snape, who immediately snapped his head away and back to his dance partner, who looked extremely happy and didn't seem to notice that Snape hadn't been paying attention to her chattering.
"Does he look happy to you?" Hermione asked Remus, still gazing thoughtfully at the other couple, worrying her lip between her teeth.
The werewolf, looking faintly annoyed, followed the trail of her gaze to the dancing Sinistra and Snape, puckering his mouth. "Honestly, love, I wouldn't know. I don't think I've ever seen him truly happy before."
"Oh." Did she sound disappointed? No, it must have been the mix of her voice with the last strains of the waltz. The song died and quickly melted into a smooth, slower, more contemporary orchestral piece. Remus drew Hermione closer, making her a little uncomfortable. But he was a friend, a good friend, and she wasn't about to pull away.
"This is kind of funny," Hermione said, looking around at the ceiling as Remus stared, enraptured, at her face. "I never knew that the staff members here would willingly congregate. The way that Snape talks about his colleagues, I would think that he'd like to stay away from them as much as possible."
"He does," Remus answered, a tiny frown becoming evident on his lips. "I have no idea why he came."
"Odd."
"Indeed." He watched shyly as Dumbledore pulled McGonagall onto the floor. They were both radiant. "I hope you're able to keep yourself occupied? I can't imagine how boring it would be to live in that place…absolutely nothing of entertainment."
"I'm quite busy," Hermione replied. "A fair amount of Potions work, some other things. Almost been through my entire supply of books, though."
"You mean he hasn't shown you the library?"
Her hold on his hand tightened and he clenched his teeth; the girl had a strong grip. "What do you mean 'library'?" she asked, her eyes wide and her cheeks blushing a deep red.
"Exactly what I said," he answered uneasily. "I was asking if he had shown you the library."
"No! He hasn't! I didn't even know that he had one."
"Well, he does," Remus answered, his frown becoming more pronounced. "Quite a nice one, too."
Hermione harrumphed, her shoulders sagging. "I'm going to have to get him to show me that thing, tomorrow. And if he doesn't, I'll twist his ear."
"I don't think he'd appreciate that," Remus answered wryly, wishing that he could attract her attention and get the subject Ioff/I of that git. "So what are you planning on doing next year?"
"I'm not quite sure," she answered, her mood immediately, scarily transforming from wondering to bleak. A dour expression contorted her pleasant features. "I was planning to apply for an apprenticeship at St. Mungo's, but that didn't turn out so well."
"Will you come and stop by Grimmauld Place?" he asked, tugging on her hand to refocus her attention. "Harry's fixed it up quite a bit. We even got that bloody portrait off the wall. You're more than welcome to stay if you want."
The song was ending. "I'll think about it," she answered in a tone that promised little more. Another song started up, just as slow as the last, with a lingering sad tone woven throughout the notes.
"Lupin," a familiar growl said from the side, making them both snap their heads to the side, startled. Severus Snape stood there, back straight, with his hands fastened behind his back. Hermione hadn't even seen him break away from Sinistra, who now stood, looking dejected, against the opposite wall. "May I cut in?"
A warm blush spread across Hermione's face, embarrassed to have Snape take her away from an old friend. But Remus stepped graciously aside, a hint of a sigh escaping his lips. Snape took her hand and drew her into himself, almost making her utter a sound of startled surprise. He was certainly progressing well. Was this truly Snape?
"I thought you didn't like to be touched," Hermione said, frowning, as his hand snaked around her waist and settled on her back. Her face felt extremely hot and her hand seemed to burn in his.
"I don't," he said plainly, sounding bored and glancing forlornly at the door. "But I'm putting that past me tonight."
"That's…interesting," Hermione replied, eyebrows furrowed. "What happened to Professor Sinistra?"
"She bored me," he said, so loudly that Hermione fought the urge to duck under his arms and cower from anyone that might look at them in curiosity. "All she talks about is the position of Vega."
"Ah, surely she can't be so bad?" Hermione protested half-heartedly. She looked over to see that Remus had taken Sinistra away from the wall and she was now blushing furiously as he put his hand on her waist.
"I apologize for being picky," he said in a tone that wasn't apologetic at all.
"No you don't."
"I'm sorry."
"No you aren't."
The corner of his mouth quirked upward as he looked down at her, his eyes alight with the dim candlelight. "You know me so well."
"You're never going to break the curse, you know," said Hermione, a little worried, a little sad, and somehow, a little relieved. She didn't know the outcome of the curse, but if Snape was not trying very hard, she doubted that it was important.
"I know," he answered, a bit solemnly.
"You could at least try," she urged.
"Face it, Miss Granger," he said, looking intensely at her as his hand tightened, almost painfully, over hers. He really was a rather good dancer, for someone who probably hadn't ever danced with a woman in his life, besides Professor Sinistra. "I am simply not going to find love at Hogwarts." There was a moment of reverent silence, before Snape furrowed his brow in confusion. "Are you not wearing shoes?"
Several yards away, Remus and Salome Sinistra danced, chatting with the music.
"So, Remus, did you enjoy dancing with Miss Granger?" she asked, a knowing smile playing across her lips. "I know she's a bit of something that you've wanted to hook your claws into for a while."
The werewolf blushed, abashed. "Yes, you're right," he said with a slight sigh. "I have…I do…but..." He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, noticing that, dancing with the oft-irritated Professor Snape, she almost seemed…happy. "But it was the oddest thing…she only kept talking about one thing."
"Really," Sinistra said mildly, tugging on his hand to focus his attention back on his dancing partner. "And what was that?"
"Not what, but who." Remus immediately looked uneasy and rolled his neck in his collar, as if he had suddenly become very hot. "Severus Snape."
"Is that so?" Salome said, her spectacles sparkling as she looked over at the couple, who both seemed unaware of their true feelings. "Well that makes sense, then."
"What makes sense?"
"I never thought that Severus liked me," she said, pouting a bit. "I think…I think he might have used me to make her jealous."
"Ah, yes," Remus answered with a chuckle, rubbing a circle in her back in a manner that he hoped was comforting. He knew Severus, he knew Severus well, and he knew that the poor woman was most certainly right. "Well, my dear, welcome to the beautifully complex world of Severus Snape."
§
The bushes in the gardens were crowned with wide tiaras of silvery light, an occasional white rose reaching up to entangle vines and stems in a loving embrace, its thorns invisible in the darkness. Severus Snape sat on the lip of a large fountain –dry, as it usually was in the Summer – and gazed out at the Quidditch fields with his lips held tightly together, listening to the sounds of the distant forest.
He was fighting many urges at once, and winning, as he had often done in over thirty-nine years on this planet. He had taught himself to suppress his wants, and had always done well in occupying his mind with different things other than the topics at hand. His heart beat courageously in his chest, but his other muscles were strong enough to resist it.
"Good evening, Severus," Remus said, breaking the perfect silence as he sat down beside him. "You're not sulking, are you?"
"No," Severus answered, refusing to look at him. "Just thinking how much I want to rip that so-called mustache off of your face."
"Such harsh words," Remus replied. Severus could practically Ihear/I him smiling. "And I did hardly anything to warrant such a biting remark." His tone warmed from mocking to genuine concern. "Is something wrong?"
"No," Severus lied.
"I see." He sounded thoughtful. "It couldn't have to do with Hermione Granger, could it?"
"I said that there was nothing wrong."
"No offence, Severus, but I don't usually believe anything you say."
"I'll remember that," he said, glaring glumly at the blank ground.
"You love her, don't you?"
"No," Snape answered, shrugging his coat – which Remus didn't think was needed in this pleasant, warm summer weather - further up his shoulders and looking as though he was preparing to stand up and leave the werewolf to his lonesome.
"That was a quick answer," Remus answered, leaning back a bit and looking up at the sky. "For someone who shouldn't have thought about it."
"Leave me alone, Lupin."
"I was only wondering what you were doing sitting out here, alone," Remus replied, ignoring his demand. "When a pretty girl is in there, in the company of a bunch of old men, talking about politics. I would think that you would still be dancing with her."
"I was only dancing with her because Sinistra annoyed me. And Granger kept stepping on my feet."
"She wasn't wearing shoes, Severus." Remus let out another long, drawn-in sigh. "Stop making excuses, you're really very bad at it."
Snape made an indistinct noise.
"You were using Sinistra to make Hermione jealous, weren't you?"
"I would do no such thing," scoffed Snape.
"Yes, you would. Severus…" Remus breathed. "This doesn't have to do with the curse, does it?"
Snape finally looked at him, and his expression was not a happy one. His eyes were narrowed, suspicious, his mouth drawn. When he spoke, his voice was edged with a growl and laced with a dangerous tone. "Who told you about that?"
"Come, Severus," Remus said gently. "The entire staff knows. I'm supposing that I'm right?"
"Stay out of my business, wolf."
Remus's voice took on an uncharacteristic, dangerous tone, edgier than Snape's. His back straightened and his face became very hard, his soft brown eyes becoming wide, gleaming darkly in the moonlight. "If you're using her, I am going to kill you."
"What are you talking about?" Snape asked in a sigh, edging away from the angry man. He just wanted to be alone; why couldn't he have that?
"I love Hermione, and I will kill you if you hurt her. She is not someone to be toyed with, Snape." He spat out his name with venom, his anger growing to such an extent that Snape was almost afraid that he was going to transform into his cursed form, even though it was not a full moon. Suddenly, Remus's hands were around his throat. His grip didn't squeeze, but it was firm. Severus's hands reached up to the wolf's shoulders, trying to push him away. He was having trouble breathing, and he was about to fall into the dry fountain. "If you are using her just to break the bloody curse, II/I will hurt you."
"I'm not using her to break the curse…" Snape managed to breathe, feeling Remus relax. "That just happens to be one of the benefits."
Lupin's hold became firmer.
"Fine," Snape wheezed, reaching up and trying to pry his surprisingly strong fingers from his throat. "I care for her, all right?" Lupin's grip lessened a bit. "I might even love her. Are you happy now?"
Remus was breathing hard as he released him, his hair in disarray, the dangerous glint fading from his eyes. "Not particularly." He collapsed back on to the lip of the fountain, burying his face in his hands and rubbing them through his hair. "Sorry about that, mate," he said, his voice muffled. "Ever since Sirius died, I just can't…" His voice cracked and he trailed off. Snape, not one to ever offer sympathy, just waited for him to regain his composure with a sour expression on his face.
After a moment of uneasy silence, Remus managed to look up, his good humor filtering back. "How long have you…you know?"
"Over a year," Severus answered, unabashed.
"Ouch, fancying a student. Now, is it just me, or is that against the rules?"
"Shut up."
"So what exactly are you doing about it? I mean, are you just going to sit here, waiting for her to find another man so you can wallow in your self-pity all over again? I know how you act around someone you care for…you insult them endlessly and treat them horribly, hoping that they'll pick up on your secrets hints that you actually like them. You never were good at expressing affection…and you don't have very much time left, Severus."
"Yes, I am well aware of that," Snape answered, running his hands around his throat. He could still feel the pressure with which Lupin had encircled his neck. "I have been doing things."
"Like what?"
Snape couldn't believe he was discussing his plans to seduce Miss Hermione Granger with one of his most-hated colleagues. And yet he rambled on, the outpouring somehow feeling almost good, relieving. "I asked her to teach me how to attract women."
Lupin let out a laugh. "I don't think that that would help much, that sounds like you were asking her to find you a girlfriend."
"I just wanted to know what she looked for in a man. What she would want her mate to do."
"Well, it would make more sense to me," Lupin answered, leaning back so far that Severus thought it was a wonder that he didn't fall completely into the fountain. "If you just let her get to know the real you, instead of putting on some act. I really think she likes you…or at least can tolerate you…just the way you were."
"I am the real me…I was the real me," he said, making a face at the corniness in the phrase. "I just need to know how the…II/I can act to make a relationship…appropriate."
"Face it, Severus," Lupin said with a bit of a grin. "She's a former student. I don't think that that'll ever make it appropriate."
"I realize that."
"Well, you better get with it soon, otherwise your chance will slip through your fingers. I happen to know that you and I are not the only ones that fancy her. And if you don't make a move for her, my friend, I will."
"What a stupid word…" Severus replied, not able to think of any snappy comebacks and instead lowering himself to insult Lupin's vocabulary. His mind was slipping as his fingers grasped the rough stone for physical and mental stability. "'Fancy'. It's a teenager's word."
"There you two are," Hermione broke in, fixing her shirtsleeve as she walked out the door, fiddling with the button. Remus and Severus suddenly sat very erect, mouths clasping shut as if they hadn't been conversing. Hermione didn't notice. "I was wondering where you went. I can't believe that you two just left me alone in there. If Flitwick grabs my bum one more time, I honestly have no problem drop-kicking someone half my height. I mean that. Just because I'm not a student anymore-"
"I think I'm going to head back inside," Remus said, cutting her off and casting a warning glance at Snape. "It's getting quite cold." He stood up and dusted off his trousers; Severus looked at his hands wearily. Remus turned back to Snape, nodding curtly. "Good luck, Severus, but to be completely honest with you…" He smiled a bit, glancing out of the corner of his eye at a confused Hermione Granger. "I don't think you really need it that much."
With a wink at Severus and a weak wave in Hermione's direction, Remus went back inside. She could hear him sigh as he passed.
"Good luck about what?" Hermione asked as soon as the werewolf had left. She approached the Potions master carefully; he could hear the slap of her bare feet on the stone, and her uncomfortable-looking shoes were clutched in her hand.
"That is none of your business," Snape answered immediately, standing and self-consciously dusting off his trousers like Lupin had done. "Let's go home."
"Okay," she answered, rubbing a tired hand across her eyes. "But on one condition."
"You have conditions now, do you? I was under the impression that conditions were mine to give."
She ignored him and pointed an index finger in his direction. "You," she said in an accusing tone, lips tightly pressed together. "Have a library to show me. And you're not getting any rest until you do."
Thanks to: Cow as White as Milk, Akasha Ravensong (only starting?), Anarane Anwamane, CassandraTheEvil, moviebuff101, TiffanyK, Satern Mya, Blatant Discontent, Snapegirl51606, Lana Manckir, MistressMoonDemon, EvieBlack, Kristy, Yoshi (Quite all right. I'm admittedly horrbile at reviewing, but that's partly my computer's fault and its intolerance of pop-up windows), oO-Innocent Dreamer-Oo, Zvezdana (really? The last chapter was my favorite of all of them so far. Ah well, to each his own), Lily of the Shadow, Mouse4, KnightsBallad (Happy birthday! And maybe drop me an e-mail to...clarify?), Gold-Emerald fairy, Kaaera, Rylee Smith, yeoldecrazy1 (Thanks, I like that line, too. I gave myself shivers :)), Kris Leigh, Aindel S. Druida, Purple Spotted Hedwig, angelfish2, and AngelofTears. I apologize for the lack of personal notes. I just got back from Florida and I'm zonked.
As always, thanks to my dear beta Laiagarien.