Chapter 16: We'll get through this, won't we?
Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C. or its characters. All I own is my piece of the story line, which has been done…too many times to count.
A/N: OMG! I am so sorry for the late update. I was out of my house for like a week and all of my notes as well as my own computer were not available to me. Anyways, some shout outs to the reviewers, you guys are the best!!
Emily-Sorry for the cliffhanger, but it's what I do best ;)BenIsSexy-I absolutely love sweet Ryan, but then again who doesn't? And Grace is evil, isn't she? Don't worry, stuff is going to come back and bite her in the ass sooner than later (a la Luke, if you catch my drift…)
Reviewer-Yes! Someone got that TJ comparison! I was going to make Ryan drunk but then I thought…I have another idea, so yeah. Lol, thanks!
Katieshaz-Thanks so much! I'm always on ff.net when I'm supposed to be studying or doing homework too. Grace is nasty. For now.
Natalie-The thing is, Marissa has no reason not to believe Grace…sort of. She knows that Ryan and Grace are partners for the egg project, and that obviously they need to get together. The other part—whether it's a date or not—Marissa wanted to find out for herself, to see if Ryan was a liar. She just had to see. But I totally understand your point—when I went back and read chapter 15 I got what you were saying. Thanks!
Theresa- Shooting her...nah, I'm not that mean. But I'm not totally against locking her in a closet. Lol. Don't worry. Ryan and Marissa will work out their problems--soon. That is, until a fresh batch of drama heads their way.
Sis2AcesarSalad- Even though she's happy with Ryan, at least in the beginning, cutting herself is not something she can just stop. With all that's been going on in Marissa's life lately, it's not so easy as 'I have a boyfriend so I will stop doing this to myself'. It just doesn't work that way. She does jump to conclusions too much, I totally agree, but look on the show--there is a little of Ryan and Marissa in her. On the show, both of those characters act rashly sometimes. Don't worry--more talking will ensue and Ryan's going to help Marissa get help. And the 'I think I love you' part wasn't meant to be like does he or doesn't he…it was just Ryan letting himself and everyone know that he's falling for Marissa and could quite possibly love her already.
Newportbabe44-Lol…burning in a bonfire…hmm, I'll have to think about that one. Read my other notes about Ryan's help, etc. The 'R' will come into play soon, and the numbers all over her stomach were by drunk guys to a drunk Marissa. So while it wasn't the smartest thing, she wasn't exactly thinking clearly. The kiss between Grace and Ryan…I thought I explained it but, basically Grace saw Marissa come into the Crab Shack so she kissed Ryan. And he was caught off guard and kissed her back until he realized it was Grace. His mind was so on Marissa that he thought he was kissing her for a second, because she's always on his mind.
Carpanthers21-Yep, you're the best, and I'm the evil one! Rhyming now are we? Well Grace will be put in her place soon enough.
Sanddollar527, Benzbabidoll-Thanks so much!
IloveBen14-Sorry for the late update. And thank you very much.
Diablo17-Please read what I wrote to newportbabe44 to understand why Ryan thought he was kissing Marissa for a second. Thanks!
Whit-Thank you…you have no idea how much. That is probably the greatest compliment, saying what you did. Thank you again!
On with the story (sorry for such long responses to the reviewers)
"Ryan, where are we?" Marissa asked, rubbing her eyes. Ryan put his hand over Marissa's.
"Don't flip out," he said, "but we're at the hospital."
"What?" Marissa stared angrily at Ryan. "I don't need to be in the hospital! What is wrong with you?"
"Marissa," Ryan pleaded, "Please, you have to understand. You passed out, you had alcohol poisoning. I had to take you here. I didn't want anything to happen to you."
"Well that's really sweet," Marissa snapped, "But I don't need your help or concern."
Ryan raised his eyebrows. "I care about you, Marissa. I just want to help you get through this."
Luckily, Marissa didn't have time to snap at Ryan again, because a young doctor entered the room.
"Oh, you're up," the doctor said cheerfully, walked over to Marissa's bed. "I'm Dr. Pertly."
"Hi," Marissa muttered. Dr. Pertly didn't seem to take notice of Marissa's less than chipper attitude.
"Now, Marissa, we have some things to discuss." He took out a pen from his pocket and a piece of paper from the folder he was holding. "Do you remember how much you drank yesterday?"
Marissa shook her head. Yesterday's events were quite blurry…she almost remembered Ryan saying her loved her…but that couldn't have been true, he barely knew her.
Dr. Pertly laughed. "You drank a lot. Too much, in fact, enough to get you into the emergency room to have your stomach pumped.
"I guess I didn't realize how much I was drinking," Marissa said softly. "I normally have a high alcohol tolerance."
"Well, missy, you shouldn't be drinking anyway. You're only sixteen. But that'll be our little secret, Marissa. Now, another thing, it's serious. If you'd like, I can ask Mr. Atwood to leave the room, if you'd rather we discuss this privately.
"He can stay," Marissa decided, holding Ryan's hand tightly.
"There are cut marks on your wrists and thighs. Marissa, this is a very serious matter. Cutting is not something we let go lightly. You're hurting yourself, plain and simple. There's no other way to say it. The reasons why may differ from person to person, but it's wrong."
"Well what do you expect me to do?" Marissa was close to tears now. How dare he accuse her of doing something wrong? She couldn't help it, God knows if she could she wouldn't be doing it. "I can't help it."
Dr. Pertly realized how Marissa had taken his words, and began, more gently this time. "I know, Marissa. That's why you're going to get help. You will get past this. Mr. Atwood has assured me he'll keep a close eye on you, and provide a shoulder to cry on. You're living with the Roberts, correct?"
Marissa nodded. "I'm fine, honestly," she said, but she wasn't even fooling herself.
"Mr. And Mrs. Roberts could not be reached, but I left a message with Mr. Roberts' secretary. We'll be discussing treatment options with them once we contact them. For now, you'll be in the hospital for a few more days—just so we can run a few tests and whatnot. Then, we're releasing you, although somewhat reluctantly, to Ryan's family, the Cohens, as Mr. Roberts' secretary has been given permission to handle you. She agreed that it would be best for you to stay with the Cohens until the Roberts come home. And I just don't feel right releasing you if you're going to be alone in the Roberts house with just their daughter."
Marissa nodded again. This was just too much for her to process right now. She was feeling a little lightheaded, probably from the drugs they'd given her in the hospital.
"Oh, and Marissa?" Dr. Pertly said, as he put the paper back in the folder and tucked the pen into his coat, "you'll be meeting with a counselor three days a week, to talk about all three of your destructive habits."
"All three?" Ryan asked. He was only aware now of the cutting and drinking. Was there more? Even if there was, he'd help Marissa get through it. He would, because he loved her.
Dr. Pertly looked surprised. "Why, I'm not really authorized to tell you that. But if Marissa would like to share that information with you, she's welcome to."
"I don't want to tell him," Marissa said flatly. "You can."
Dr. Pertly sighed. "With your permission…Marissa's borderline bulimic and has struggled with anorexia for years. We've got you hooked up to an IV Marissa, because your body is under nourished. Until you can learn good eating habits, we'll be monitoring what you eat very closely. But you'll be told of all the changes you're going to have to make at your first meeting with the counselor. We'll give you a schedule in a few days when you're checking out. Have a good day."
Once the doctor left, Marissa turned to Ryan. "I understand if you want to leave," she said quietly.
"Why would I leave?" Ryan looked shocked.
"Because I'm pathetic, look at me Ryan!" Marissa cried. She did look somewhat pathetic. Her skin was pasty white, she was in a hospital hooked up to an IV. But to Ryan, she was beautiful nonetheless.
"You're beautiful, and definitely not pathetic," Ryan insisted. And it was true. He had never met a more beautiful person, at least not in his eyes.
"But before I came, you had this perfect life. And I screwed it up."
Ryan got down on his knees so he was eye level with Marissa. "My life wasn't perfect until you came along."
Marissa's lips met Ryan's and her eyes fluttered as they kissed. "Oh Ryan…I don't deserve you."
"Shh." And Ryan silenced Marissa's doubts and fears with another kiss. Marissa settled comfortably into the crook of Ryan's neck and began to cover it was a blanket of light kisses. She felt good right now, Ryan cared about her, she was going to get help for her problems. Everything was finally coming together.
When Marissa woke up, she was still breathing in Ryan but really needed to use the bathroom.
"I have to pee," she complained, opening her eyes and seeing Ryan's neck. She kissed it and began to whimper softly. Ryan gently unwrapped his arms from around Marissa.
"Go ahead," he laughed. Marissa whimpered and held out her arms.
"Can you carry me?" Ryan nodded, and swiftly scooped Marissa up into his arms, carrying her into the bathroom. Without a trace of modesty, Marissa dropped her pants and Ryan gasped. She had deep gashes on her thighs, they weren't too fresh, but definitely somewhat new. "Ryan…"
"You did this to yourself?" Ryan seemed skeptical, and certainly upset. How could she do this? He didn't want her to hurt anymore. He swore he'd help her, no matter what it took. Marissa finished and flushed the toilet. She stood up, still sans pants, and buried her face in Ryan's chest. Her back began to heave and Ryan could hear her sobbing, she was trying to be quiet but wasn't doing a very good job. "Shh, baby, it's okay. It's okay to cry." Ryan rubbed Marissa's back soothingly.
She turned away from Ryan and he caught a glimpse of a letter etched into her other thigh. "What's that?" he asked, trying to get a better look at the cut. Marissa tried to hide her thigh but Ryan saw the R carved into Marissa's skin. He gasped again, and felt his face pale. "Marissa…"
"I didn't mean to." Marissa was crying freely now. "I didn't know that I had done it until afterwards."
Ryan stared blankly at Marissa. Quite frankly, he had no idea what Marissa meant. How could she not know what she was doing to herself? He couldn't quite believe her when she said that. Had he caused her this pain, though? Was he the cause of her self-inflicted wounds?
"I swear, Ryan…it's like my body was possessed and once I was done, I couldn't remember doing it."
"Were you drinking?" Ryan asked suspiciously.
"No." And it was the truth, for once. She hadn't been drinking. Ryan took Marissa's hand and squeezed it tight, as if afraid she'd slip away if he didn't hold her.
"I believe you," Ryan said seriously, almost convincing himself. She wouldn't lie to him…would she? She had no reason to lie to Ryan.
"I'm sorry," Marissa whispered into Ryan's shirt, soaking it with her salty tears. "I didn't mean to…"
"I know." Ryan embraced Marissa tightly. His girlfriend was breaking down before him and he didn't know what to do. He would help her, in any way that he could. "You'll get through this."
"And you?" It took Ryan a minute to realize what she was asking.
"I'll be here, with you, to help you get through everything," Ryan promised. He kissed the top of Marissa's head and she lifted her chin expectantly. Ryan kissed Marissa's pale lips, they were chapped but as he licked and nibbled them slightly they smoothed out. She was pale, too pale, and her lips reflected this. "You need some sun, baby."
"Please take me out of here," Marissa pleaded, "I can't stand it in here. I'm suffocating."
"You need help," Ryan told Marissa, "You'll go home when the doctors release you. And then you're going to stay with me."
Marissa seemed to accept this and burrowed further into Ryan's body.
--
"She's sleeping," Ryan told Summer, Seth, Kirsten, and Sandy, who were waiting by the door to Marissa's room. He turned around and looked at his beautiful, pale girlfriend, who was sleeping soundly in her bed. After shedding many more tears, she'd fallen asleep in Ryan's arms and he had carried her to the bed.
They filed into the room, being quiet, so as not to wake Marissa.
"She's really pretty," Kirsten commented. "I never really got a good look at her, but Marissa is gorgeous."
"Yeah," Ryan agreed.
"She looks so peaceful," Seth said, holding hands with Summer, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was dead."
Summer smacked him on the head. "Ow! What was that for, Summer?"
Summer rolled her eyes. "Don't play stupid…oh wait you can't help it! That was mean, and don't think I'll be so nice for a while…" She slipped her hand easily out of Seth's.
Seth turned to Summer. "Aw, Summer…no. Not the ban!"
"What ban?" Sandy asked.
"Never mind. We'll talk about this later, Summer." Seth said, looking meaningfully at Summer. The last thing he needed was his parents knowing about the sex ban Summer sometimes placed on him, much less the fact that he was having sex.
They watched Marissa sleep for a little longer, until she began to stir. Marissa opened her eyes and saw her friends and family standing in front of her. "Summer?"
Summer rushed to Marissa's bedside. "Oh, sweetie, are you okay? We were so worried!"
"Summer…I'm sorry…you shouldn't…can't stay alone." Marissa was almost in tears again.
"What are you talking about, Marissa?" Summer was truly concerned. Marissa wasn't making much sense to her. It was up to Ryan to fill in the blanks.
"The doctor has gotten permission to release Marissa tomorrow, but to my family," Ryan explained.
"So…I'm staying alone?" Summer's lower lip started to tremble.
"Sweetie, you'll be staying with us too!" Kirsten to the rescue! She smiled warmly at Summer. "You didn't think we'd let you stay alone in that big old house of yours, did you?"
Summer shrugged. Seth walked over to Summer and kissed her. "Mom, dad, you're letting my girlfriend stay in my house? Sweet!"
Kirsten sighed. "Oh, Seth." Sandy only grinned.
"We Cohens are very sexual beings, Kirsten," he reminded his wife, "But Seth, Summer along with Marissa will be staying in the pool house."
"Don't I know it," Kirsten agreed. Seth made a face.
"Ew, TMI, you're like, my parents!" he pouted jokingly. Sandy patted Seth on the back.
--
"We'll expect you home in forty minutes," Sandy said to his two sons and their girlfriends. They'd just checked Marissa out of the hospital and the four teens needed to go to Summer's house to get clothes for the girls.
Summer, Marissa, Ryan, and Seth got into the Range Rover, Seth driving and Summer in the passenger seat. Ryan helped Marissa get into the backseat and then went around to the other side. Everyone was quiet for most of the ride, save the sound of Seth's music playing in the background and his and Summer's occasional squabbling.Once they got to Summer's house, the girls went upstairs while Ryan and Seth wandered into the kitchen, looking for something to eat.
"Don't eat!" Summer warned from upstairs, "Your mom said she was ordering dinner for when we get back."
"A little snack won't hurt us," Ryan called back, opening the freezer and taking out a pint of ice cream. He put it on the counter next to the sour cream and onion chips Seth had found. Seth opened the pantry and grabbed a bag of chocolate-chip cookies. They settled down at the counter and began to eat their 'snack'.
"Dude, mom's going to kill us," Seth remarked through a mouth full of cookie.
"Don't call me 'dude', Seth, but yeah, she'll kill us." Ryan shrugged. "Might as well eat now."
"It's like our last meal," Seth joked, and shoved a handful of chips into his mouth.
Upstairs, Marissa was in Summer's room helping her pack. Summer had already done the same for Marissa.
"The blue jacket, or yellow, or both?" Summer held up two Juicy hoodies. Marissa stared uninterestedly at both.
"Yellow," she replied impassively. Summer took the yellow jacket and threw it on top of her suitcase. She walked over to her bed and sat down next to Marissa.
"What's wrong, babe? You not feeling well or something?"
Marissa shrugged. Her head was spinning, the room was spinning, and she felt vaguely nauseous. But she didn't want to throw up anymore. She didn't want to hurt herself anymore. And she really didn't want to drink anymore. Her life was starting to come together, and she didn't want to break it apart again. It would take a while, but she'd break her bad habits and become a better person.
She would be forever grateful to Ryan, Summer, and the Cohens. They were so willing, so eager to help her that she couldn't help but want to get better.
"Well, when we get to the Cohen's house, you can lie down. And Ryan can bring you dinner in bed," Summer smiled cheerfully. Marissa had had a rough few days at the hospital, and was probably tired of the disgusting hospital food and the uncomfortable twin bed.
She finished packing. "Seth, get up here, I need you to carry my bag…no wait, Ryan, you come instead."
Marissa laughed faintly. "He loves you, you know."
"I know." The boys' footsteps were loud on the stairs. Summer sighed and slung her bag over her shoulder. "Cohen, get Marissa's bag, Ryan get in here." Marissa lay down on Summer's bed and stared up at the ceiling, which, thankfully, was not pink, unlike the rest of her room.
Ryan walked into Summer's room and Summer left the room to go help Seth with Marissa's bag, which, although quite light, was not light enough that Seth was able to handle it with his puny arms.
"Hey," he said softly, walking over to Marissa. Summer's room smelled like flowers and girly candles and whatnot. Marissa's face looked especially pale against the pink of Summer's walls, bed, and various accessories. She was tired, Ryan knew, tired to the bone.
"You ready to go to my house?" Ryan asked, sitting down next to Marissa on Summer's canopy bed. Marissa nodded, and leaned close to Ryan, snuggling against his warm body. She looked up and her eyes met his brilliant blue ones. They kissed, Marissa lazily nibbling on Ryan's lower lip, not really in a hurry to do more.
It was calming, relaxing. In the two or three days he hadn't kissed her, Ryan had only just realized how much he missed kissing her. She made him feel so alive.
"I love you," Ryan whispered, scared at how real the words sounded when Marissa was actually awake, and not half conscious. Her eyes, which were pale just like the rest of her, grew wide.
"Did you…did you say that the other night?" Marissa asked timidly, her eyelids drooped. She rested her head on Ryan's shoulder. She was so, so tired.
Ryan kissed Marissa's feather soft hair. "Yeah," he admitted, "I didn't think you had heard me though. Sorry."
"That's okay." Marissa shifted her head to a more comfortable position. Ryan wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in closer to his body. He ached for her, but now wasn't the time. She was obviously dead tired and needed to rest. He loved her. He really loved her! "We're going to get through this," Marissa said, more to herself than to Ryan. She closed her eyes more tightly and let her mind wander.
"Yeah," Ryan agreed, "We are, aren't we?"
A/N: So there you have it! Chapter 16. Did you like it or hate it or think it was boring or what? Let me know! And Chapter 17 will be up by Thursday night or Friday. Sorry about the long wait again!