The Outsiders © S.E. Hinton. This story is non-profit.
All notes/disclaimers in Chapter 1.


Short A/N: This chapter will sit well with some and not-so-well with others. It's okay, I can handle it. More A/N at the end. Thanks for reading!




Not Today
Chapter 8: Changes

It was real hard to stop kissing Jules. She felt warm and soft in my arms, and I didn't care that we were both sweaty and completely exhausted from the fight lessons. I was more than willing to get a lot more sweaty and can't-open-your-eyes exhausted, but she said no.

I walked all the way home, and didn't even mind when it started to drizzle again. In the southern horizon I could see the clouds breaking up and even patches of sunshine, and maybe the rain wanted one last opportunity for release. I sorta knew the feeling. My brothers were gonna think I went completely crazy -- showing up after walking around in the rain for the third time? Jesus, it's like I was a different person.

Lucky for me, Steve and Two-Bit were long gone by the time I walked in the door. Pony and Soda were wrestling in the middle of the living room floor and they both hollered something at my back as I walked by but I ignored it. I needed a shower badly.

Clean and dressed in dry clothes, I headed into the kitchen. Soda was still laying on the living room floor but Pony was now up at the table, flipping through his math book. Both of them tossed glances my way. It wasn't even close to dinner time and way too late for lunch, but I was starved and helped myself to a big slice of chocolate cake.

"You're gonna ruin your dinner," Soda finally said doubtfully.

I hadn't eaten since breakfast, so I wasn't worried.

Pony closed his math book and neatened the stack of papers he'd been working off of. He shoved them over to me. "I'm done with my math."

I nodded and glanced at the top sheet. "Book," I said between bites. Pony opened his book to the correct page and I reacquainted myself with the theories of probability before starting to check over his work. I felt both my brothers eyes still on me but I ignored them. They were dying to ask about Jules, but I wasn't sure what I'd say at this point in time, so I sort of took advantage of their strange inability to bring themselves to pry into my personal life this one time.

The rest of the afternoon passed quietly, and after I'd checked over his homework, Pony and Soda retreated into their bedroom to whisper about me and I cleaned up the dishes and started making a shopping list. The rain had stopped again, and the sky was finally clearing, lending a dusky grey sunset to the horizon that I actually stopped to look at. Pony woulda been proud.

Over dinner, Soda casually asked, "How'd it go with Jules?" and I had no problem telling them how much progress she'd made in just a small amount of time. Neither of them could believe I'd actually sparred with her, no matter how gentle I promised I was. They kept looking at me like I was gonna get arrested any minute for beating up a girl.

"She liked it," I finally defended, and while Soda choked on his chocolate milk, Pony's entire face, neck and ears turned bright red.

"I mean she liked that I didn't hold back just because she's a girl," I clarified.

Soda was still snickering around his meatloaf and I couldn't resist reaching to the middle of the table and tossing a roll at him. His eyes got real wide and he hesitated for a moment before flicking a forkful of peas at me. They landed everywhere, apparently my newly washed hair too because Pony pointed at me and chuckled. Which got him a forkful of peas in his precious hair. I thought Soda would die laughing.

It had been a long time since an all-out food fight broke out around our table. The boys tried it a lot, but I usually nipped it in the bud real quick because I had enough cleaning up to do already. For some reason tonight, the mess was the furthest thing from my mind. My brothers laughing, looking gleeful and happy, and me laughing with them, was more important and I broke a roll into pieces and tucked a few down the back of Pony's shirt.


After dinner, my brothers and I took a football down to the vacant lot and tossed it around a while. Usually on Sunday nights I'm trying to figure out the grocery list, get lunches packed and have the house in a semi-state of order before the week begins. Sunday is my only day off and I like to get as much done around the house as I can. But that day, everything was different. It was like I was looking at the world with a new set of eyes or something. I'm not all introspective like Pony and I can't figure these things out, but I'm not dumb and I know when something's different.

Something's different. I think it's me. Pony and Soda were hooting and hollering and having a good old time because I let them leave the dishes in the sink and the mess on the floor. Two-Bit came scrambling around the corner at full tilt and crashed into Soda at the edge of the lot.

"Y'all are makin' so much racket out here I was startin' to think someone was gettin' jumped by a Soc!"

Soda had a string of choice words to rattle off at the mention of the word Soc, and I just shook my head and let him go. Soc's didn't really come around anymore and beat up greasers. Not for fun like they used to anyway; that was sort of dying down and I was glad. Now that Johnny and Dally were gone, Pony really only had Two-Bit to go to the movies with and Two-Bit was so restless, he wasn't the best companion for sitting in the dark and being quiet. Pony did a lot more alone lately, but he was getting his build back and being careful, so I tried not to worry.

Since Two-Bit arrived, we were able to pair off and play a game. Me and Pony against Soda and Two-Bit. Two-Bit was half-drunk, and Pony and I are better athletes all-around, so we won by like forty-two points. Not that Soda woulda known it; he spent most of the time practicing his somersaults in the end zone than actually playing. Pony and I knew, and I ruffled him on the head and we shared a good grin when all was said and done.

I shoulda known better than to think I'd gotten through all the questions I was going to get about Jules for the night. Two-Bit lit a cigarette as we walked back to our house, and he stayed back with me while Soda and Pony ran circles in front of us. The air was warming up, I could tell, and I betted that before long we'd all be complaining about the heat again.

"I like your girlfriend," Two-Bit said, and I could tell he was trying to keep his voice as casual as he could. Knowing Two-Bit, there was some remark he was dying to make that would send him into a fit of hysterics, and I almost told him to cut the pleasantries and come out with it.

I shrugged. It didn't occur to me anymore to tell people she wasn't my girlfriend. I didn't know what she was, but I sure as shootin' didn't go round making out with many girls anymore so she had to be something.

"At first, what with how Steve talked about her, I thought she'd be a real nut job." Two-Bit sucked on the end of his cigarette and I watched the orange embers burning in the otherwise dark. "But no, she's feisty. She's a cool broad."

Steve didn't seem to like Jules all that much, but then, Steve didn't seem to like anyone all that much except for Soda. He liked people so far as he could tease them, and I spent a lot of time reminding myself that he and Soda had been tight since they were kids, and Soda was not a bad judge of character. I'd told that to Ponyboy once when Pony was steamin' mad at Steve about some comment or other, and Pony patted my shoulder as if to say, "You keep tellin' yourself that, Darry."

"I'm glad you like her," I finally said to Two-Bit. Pony and Soda were already hopping up on our porch and swinging the door open. I saw their shadows as they bounded into the living room and heard the distinct crash as Soda attempted a cartwheel and knocked over a table, or a lamp, or an ashtray (or all three).

"That kid's gettin' more like me every day," Two-Bit said under his breath. He was looking at me like he expected me to explode at any moment. As we approached the house, I saw Soda and Pony both emerge onto the porch, hands stuffed deep in their pockets. Soda was looking chagrined and Pony a little annoyed.

"What broke?" I asked as we climbed the steps.

"The blue ashtray."

I nodded slowly. I hated that ashtray. I don't smoke, and I really hate all ashtrays around my house. If I had time to argue all day, I'd enforce the no smoking in the house rule, but since I'm home less than anyone else, it's impossible to get that to actually happen. It was strange, because usually I'd be thinking about reminding Soda that's why we don't cartwheel in the house. All I could really think was I'm so glad that ashtray is gone.

"Clean it up," was all I said before walking past the boys and into the house. I patted Pony on the back to let him know I wasn't mad at him.

I started in on the dining room. We'd really left it a mess. There were peas everywhere, and I had a feeling I'd be finding them in the most unusual places for days. I could hear the boys in the other room arguing about the best way to get the ashes up off the carpet. Finally, Two-Bit stuck his head around the corner. His cigarette was still dangling from his mouth.

"Hey Dar -- "

Whatever he was going to say was forgotten when he saw a smear of meatloaf on the wall. He pointed and I shrugged. I was still on my hands and knees with a dustpan and broom. Stupid peas. "I'm getting there," I muttered.

"There's meatloaf on your wall!" Two-Bit exclaimed anyway.

I ignored him. He pushed off the wall and wandered back into the living room.

"I'm in the twilight zone," I heard him say to my brothers. I couldn't tell what they said back, but Two-Bit laughed that high-pitched gleeful cackle like he'd just found out something priceless.

I went to bed that night feeling happier and more content than I had in a long time.


Soda and Pony were pretty excited on Monday morning when I told them I was going over to Jules' after work to help her with some more fighting exercises. I gave them five dollars and told them to go for a hamburger and Cokes for dinner, and you'd have thought I keep them bound by chains in the cellar eating only bread and water the way they whooped and hollered and celebrated. I also put Jules' phone number in Soda's pocket and told him if he called me there, it better not be from a police station. He slugged me in the arm like it was the silliest thing he'd ever heard. Like I'd never, ever gotten a call about him from the fuzz.

When they announced the good news to Two-Bit and Steve, Two-Bit said he just may be getting closer to finding my craziness yet, and Steve started to mutter something about me getting soft and thinking with my… He didn't get the rest out because I socked him in the stomach so hard he doubled over coughing.

Soda thought that was real funny, and Pony (luckily for Steve) didn't even look up from his book.

Jules was cooking with color when I got to her place. There was some sort of reddish-pinkish stew and the biscuits were green.

"I'm sorry you ever met Sodapop," I said and she grinned at me cheekily before turning away from the stove and giving me a sweet kiss. It was all so normal and girlfriend-like. It gave me a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"I'm gonna put this on low," she said, turning down the stove. "I know we should do the lesson first."

I looked her over. Grey sweatpants and a fitted white t-shirt. Her hair was up, but already falling out of its tie. "Okay," I said dubiously. "Are you sure you're not sore?"

She shook a bottle of aspirin that was nearby on the counter. "Totally sore," she said cheerfully. "No pain, no gain. That's what I always say."

"You've probably never said that in your life," I argued. So much for yesterday's theory about working real hard so she could have the day off. I didn't mention that part, though.

She laughed and tilted her head to the left then to the right as if to say, 'semantics'.

"We can skip it," I insisted. I didn't want her to get injured or not be able to move in the morning.

I never met a woman that was less stubborn than a man. She shook her head and walked out of the kitchen. Her furniture was still pushed to the sides and she stood in the middle of the room.

"I want to," she assured me with a grin. "I feel good about what I learned yesterday."

"You did great -- " I started to say, but stopped when she nodded her head impatiently and hooked her hands as if to say 'come on'.

"Yeah yeah yeah, I'm Superwoman, attack me."

I tilted my neck from side to side and lifted my shoulders slightly, trying to loosen up. I had promised her we'd work on more attack scenarios without the boxing gloves. So far I'd only come up from behind. This time I strode right up to her and put my hands on either of her shoulders. Thing is, I'm really strong. Stronger than probably the average attacker. It's probably better to practice with the strongest, but she's not that strong and I didn't want her to get frustrated right away. So I held back a little.

We wrestled to the ground and she managed to get a leg hooked under mine. She pushed up with everything she had and landed a blow to my solar plexus.

"Good," I said, out of breath.

She shook her head. "You're holding back."

I pushed myself up to my elbows and she sat back, balancing on her knees.

"Of course I'm holding back," I said, trying to get my breathing under control. That hit to the torso was pretty damn hard. "I don't want to hurt you."

"An attacker isn't going to hold back," she shot back.

I could tell she wasn't angry. Frustrated. Maybe a little disappointed. I sat up further. "I'm trying to teach you the fundamentals of what you need if this ever happens. But I'm not willing to hurt you to do that." When she didn't respond, just bit down on her bottom lip and started looking real intently at her hands, I moved closer to her, slipping a hand behind her legs and cradling her calves. "You're doin' really good," I said sincerely, hoping she'd look at me. She didn't. "I'm sore and bruised from where you've punched me. I mean, you have what it takes to win a fight with someone who's trying to hurt you. I'm confident about that."

Now she looked at me; real slowly bringing her eyes up to mine. "You're bruised?" she asked dubiously. I nodded. "Show me," she said, eyebrow arched.

I hesitated only a second before pulling my shirt off. I'd taken stock of them that morning. There was a relatively big one, maybe the size of her fist, just to the left of my belly button. Several smaller ones dotted my arms where she'd gripped me in attempt to wrestle me away when I grabbed from behind. There was one on my back that Soda said was in the shape of a footprint (but I seriously doubted), from a particularly well-placed kick that had sent me to the ground and left her standing over me, triumphant. Pony started fretting that I'd have kidney damage. I had to promise I'd never let Jules kick me again before he'd shut up about it.

After she got done looking me over, the expression on her face was alternately pleased and distressed. Her hands moved over the marks and I closed my eyes without meaning to when she scraped her fingernails across my stomach, then again across my back. I felt her lips start to trail a path across my shoulder blades as she moved around me. When I did open my eyes again, she was back around in front of me, and her palms were pressing into each of my arms before she moved them up, to the sides of my neck, then to my face where she pulled my lips toward hers.

I put one arm around the small of her back and pressed her close to me, the other hand cupped her face, keeping her there, in that kiss. We were still on the floor, she was practically in my lap by the time she pulled her lips from mine. I was prepared for her to stop, push me away and smile at me in that way that she does that melts all the frustration away. But she didn't. She planted more trails of kisses across my chest and I started to get dizzy. I tucked my fingers under the hem of her shirt and pulled, and she lifted her arms, pulling away from me momentarily so that I could pull it off.

I looked at her then, really looked at her face: flushed cheeks, labored breathing, and her eyes that practically glowed. "Are you sure?" I asked to be a gentleman, but also because if she said no, I figured it was probably a good idea for me to stop right then.

She blinked, licked her lips and kissed me again, real slow. "I'm sure," she said as she pulled away and I wriggled the t-shirt off of her and pressed her as close to me as I could get her.


That place in between sleep and wake is a pretty tempting place to be. It's like your last moment of consciousness before you drop off, the last time you can think to yourself, I'm almost asleep. That's where I was, right in the middle of Jules' living room floor, when her phone rang.

She groaned, pushing herself up. She sat, pulled a quilt that was hanging off the displaced couch and wrapped it around herself before standing up to answer it. It was a real loud, shrill ring that was pounding into my head more and more with each time it sounded.

Maybe I drifted off again in the ten or twenty seconds it took for her to answer it, because she had to shake my shoulder to get my attention.

"It's Soda," she said.

That got me up real quick. I sat up and grabbed the receiver, inwardly praying that he was not calling from jail.

"Soda? You alright?"

"Hey, Darry!"

He sounded cheerful on the other end and I was able to exhale. Then I was able to get annoyed that he was bothering me for nothing. Jules appeared at my side and handed me my clothes, then planted a kiss on my cheek before she disappeared into her bedroom. I cradled the phone between my ear and shoulder as I shrugged on my pants.

There's something weird about getting your pants on while talking to your little brother on the phone.

"What's up, little buddy?" I asked, trying not to sound as put out as I felt. I was also not trying to sound like I was getting dressed. I couldn't exactly tell him what he'd interrupted. "Everything alright?" I asked instead.

"Oh yeah, it's fine," he said. He sounded far away and tinny on the other end. Our phones aren't that good. I think we've had them since before Pony was born. "I was just wonderin' when you were comin' home. Me n' Pony got back from the Dingo and waited around, but he's already in bed…"

I glanced at the clock and was shocked at the time. It was almost midnight. Maybe I had fallen asleep after all and I just didn't realize it. Truth was, a nuclear bomb coulda been dropped in the next neighborhood over and I might not have realized it.

"I didn't mean to interrupt or anythin'," Soda was saying, and I shook myself out of my stupor.

"No, no, you didn't," I said, and I hoped I'd sounded convincing. Soda's laugh on the other end meant nothing to me, since he coulda been laughing at my inability to lie, he coulda been laughing at what he imagined I was doing, or he coulda been laughing at the late show on television. "I'm headin' home now, Soda," I said instead.

"Alright, Dar," Soda said, laughing again. He musta been watching the television. "See ya in a few."

I hung up as Jules came out of her bedroom. She was wearing an old t-shirt that said UCLA across the front and a pair of sleep shorts that looked way too big on her. "Everything okay?" she asked, pulling her hair back into a messy ponytail.

I nodded. I hated turning around and leaving. It seemed…wrong. I knew beating myself up over it wasn't going to change anything, but I shoulda thought it through before sleeping with her. It wasn't fair to expect her to understand, but I knew all along that I couldn't spend the night. I can never spend the night with a girl. I can never have a girl spend the night with me. I knew that when I agreed to be a guardian to my brothers and for the past year I've honored that. Now I felt like I was in quicksand and sinking fast.

She stepped closer to me and put her hands on my chest. I realized I hadn't put on my shirt yet. "I know you have to go," she said softly, wrapping her arms around me and standing on her tip toes so she could bury her face in the crook of my neck. "It's okay."

I shook my head. It was not okay.

"It's okay," she said again, pulling away but keeping her arms around my neck. She smiled at me, and I was inclined to believe her. I started thinking maybe she shouldn't be in nursing school but in law school. All she'd have to do is smile that smile at a jury and they'd believe anything she fed them. Well, I supposed I was probably the only one that gullible when it came to her. Steve was right. I was going soft.

"I don't wanna leave," I said honestly, burying my face in her hair. I felt her nod against me.

"I know, Darry."

"I didn't plan for this, I mean, I wouldn't have if I woulda been thinking -- "

Her finger over my lips silenced me, and she replaced it with her own lips and gave me a real sweet kiss. The kind that you taste on your lips for hours after the kiss actually happened. The kind that would have to last me until at least tomorrow.

"I have this theory," she said once she'd pulled away. "If you go around regretting the things you do, there's no point in doing anything at all."

That was a good theory, as her theories went. I told her so, and she beamed like I'd told her I knew the cure for cancer. I threw my shirt over my head and picked up my keys and wallet, stuffing them into my pockets. I still felt bad about leaving, but she seemed perfectly happy and I had to make myself content with that.

She opened the door for me and I stepped out. Quickly, like she'd forgotten something, she pulled me back inside and shut the door. I turned around to ask her what the deal was, and she jumped on me, legs around my waist, arms around my neck and squeezed me in the tightest hug I'd been given in a long time. I lost my balance a little and stumbled backward.

"Whoa."

She giggled in my ear.

When her arms loosened, I lowered her to the floor and she stepped back once her feet hit it. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Call me tomorrow?" She was biting her lip.

My knees went weak.

"Yeah," I said, scooping my hand behind her head and drawing her in for one last kiss. She grinned at me as she opened the door again. Was still grinning when I stepped out, and her eyes were twinkling like she knew this big secret that no one else knew. I pictured that grin as I walked to my truck and almost walked right past it. I pictured that grin as I drove home, and was thankful that the television was off and Soda was conked out in bed next to Ponyboy. I pictured that grin as I climbed into my own bed and drifted off to sleep, pretty sure that I'd spend the rest of my life picturing that grin whenever I needed to smile.

TBC…

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Reviews for Chapter 7:

First an author's note: There are a lot of people with a lot of questions about this story and I just want you to know that I am taking everything into consideration as I review and revise the last few chapters. (As of now, there are 11 and an epilogue. That could change.) Don't worry, it'll all come together in the end, and I hope to have kept true to what's important to me as well as you. Okay, on to the individual comments. You guys spoil me, you really do.

Axantra - I appreciate you stopping in every once in a while to let me know you're still reading. Thanks so much!

JPSquire - Personally, I think you're a class act. What a great review. Thank you so much for everything you said. ((wink))

miz jif - Thank you for the compliment. I'm probably older than most around here but not by much (I hope)!

Jess - If I have to write an OC, I never make him/her the center of the story. I'm glad you recognized that. Thanks for reading and commenting!

Vicenza - Thank you! Hope this chapter was to your satisfaction.

pisiform - Don't worry, it's not forgotten. ((grins))

Julie - I'm glad the scene rang true for you. It was a tough scene to write.

Sodapop's#1gurl - Nah, Jules doesn't have a dark past or anything like that. I hope you'll understand why I haven't fleshed her out as much once the whole things wraps up!

Langley - Ha ha, yeah, Darry had to be brave to do that. I think he's starting to realize that he's got to lose some inhibitions sometime. ((wink))

Tessie - You hit the nail on the head, girlfriend. Where do you think my inspiration came from?

Oblivious Misconception - You seem to have a good grasp on my overall goal for this story. It's okay if you don't chime in on every chapter, but I appreciate your views when you do!

Makado Felton - Thanks! You rock, too!

kaz456 - Well thank you very much. I'm glad it's all working for you.

Raggedy Anne - Heh. Wouldn't you? I'm glad you noticed the little details.

Robot In Disguise - Thanks, I'm so glad you're liking it.

Bandit-Gurl42 - I try to keep updating every few days. Some chapters are easier than others. Thank you for sticking by this.

Zack Anderson - You guessed right, but I guess you know that by now. ((wink)) I hope you'll keep noticing and appreciating the subtle parts, because they mean a lot to me, too.