LORNE TO BE WILD
Written by J.Wills
Disclaimer: You know the drill, these characters unfortunately have nothing to do with me, just borrowed them for the story!
Summary: Other than throwing the ultimate staff and client party, what else does the former Cartias' Host Lorne get up to as the Head of the Entertainments division?
Part One
A very smiley Lorne is standing in mock up set of his former bar Cartias, in front of him are lights and camera's capturing his every flinch. His actual position sees him on the stage to the side of a piano.
"Hey kids, as one of the fabulous features on this DVD, you get my very own video production notes of the pilot show – Late Night with Lorne! Now, it was a little scary shooting a pilot but luckily for me my boss IS a personal friend of mine, and he was on hand to give the pilot one hour show to be broadcast on the Dimension Network, the perfect start. So, press the red button on your remote NOW to mosey on down to the studio and find out in the first Act just what keeps our beloved leader awake at night!"
The Studio
Practically everything was a mixture of a blood red, slime green and black. The sofa where most of the lights shone and the guests sat was red; the circular stage Lorne hosts the show from was black, the seating area for the very demonic audience was also black and the slimy looking walls were green (it is actual slime!). It was all of course aimed at the show's target audience of evil beings. Be it black for necromancers, green for the stereo typical demon and red for the ever lowest of half breeds – vampires.
A voice over tells the viewing audience that they have tuned in to on the dimension network.
"Creatures of the night, scourge of mankind and other evil things – welcome to....." The voiceover pauses as there's a scream.... And then continues to announce the show – "Late Night with Lorne! Put a whaling sound together for your host – Krevlornswath of the Dethwock Klan!!"
A spotlight catches Lorne as he comes in to the studio waving to the audience on his way to the centre circle. "Thank you, yes... That was some reception, especially from the seniorita at the back there, what are you? A SLOVAK demon?? Who woulda guessed??" He says with laughter, ever the charmer.
"Ok, coming up in the next hour we tackle the problem of Missy Moonridge who is worried about her demon baby reaching manhood in a matter of weeks and the werewolf who get this kids.... Has got a lisp!"
A loud roar comes from the crowd as Lorne heads over to his piano (the very same one as in his video production notes). "He's gonna sing! I hope he does Superstition, I was there when the Drokken interrupted it at Caritas!" A vampire excitedly tells a fat demon sitting next to him.
"He's going to do Lady Marmalade; I was at the performance in Vegas and he lets us sing along!" The demon is quick to dust his camp vampire chum as Lorne takes his seat at the piano.
"A long, long time ago........"
The audience scream as Lorne performs Don McLean's American Pie, as he gets through the song he stops singing at the chorus, simply playing the piano and letting the demons in the audience do it for him.
After a short interval, Lorne's back on the stage ready to bring out his first guest. Once more the crowd erupts with cheers and some every anomalous demon screeches. Moving to the centre stage Lorne smiles out prominently holding his microphone with anticipation, he waits for the audience to hush.
"I'm the Host! Have you met me? I never shut up!" Lorne announces in a catch phrase manner as he chuckles pacing around the crowd. He looking over at one of the female Crasztion demon laughing hysterically in the front row, "Someone might need to get this one some oxygen, and speaking of oxygen, that's something are first guess doesn't need, I would like you to meet, Angel... the Vampire with Soul!" Ohhhh and ahhh and hushed words mutter among the crowd, "Now don't be shy Angelcakes, come and tell Aunty Lorne about your little problem."
As a very season four looking Angel enters Lorne turns to the audience, "Now isn't he just a big chunk of chocolate chip in your Ben and Jerry's? Anyone got a spoon?"
Viewers at home were able to see a message at the bottom of the screen reading – 'Angel – Says he can't make love without losing his soul/'
As the crowd settle down to hear his 'little problem' Angel sits himself down on the sofa, holding a hand in the way of the spot lights. "Can uh..." He wasn't much for being paraded around, nor was he much for the bright lights. "How about it being less bright?" On the C.E.O.'s command, the lights were dimmer. "Well.... It's not easy to say, but...." Very difficult, if the presenter hadn't of been Lorne he wouldn't have even considering being on such a show. Finally, he allowed the audience in on his problem, "Well, I have a soul and..." Before Angel could even finish his sentence he was interrupted by a chorus of boo's from the audience. "Do you wanna hear it or not?!" He wasn't about to entertain this crowd, he'd prefer it if he could take his axe and fight them instead, better that than discuss his feelings.
The story bored him, but it had to be told 'cos it was still a ratings winner. "I was cursed with a soul over a hundred years ago, forced to think about the amount of murders I'd committed for more than a century. But now, I can't experience true happiness or I'll lose my soul and then there's no telling what I'd do, what Angelus would do."
Lorne took his mic to a demon sitting in the front row who had been waving all 6 of his hands about furiously for the past three minutes, "Yeah hi, is it true that you're unable to make love?" The rest of the audience began to laugh.
"Ouch, and sweetie I bet it doesn't pay to be so cute!" Lorne added.
"No, that's wrong!" Angel hated it when he was the victim of misconception, whether that be about his curse or him being a vampire. "It happened one time, it's not like I can't make love – it's about TRUE HAPPINESS!"
Another demon stood up as Lorne took his mic over to her, "I heard you're dating a slayer..." Boo's echoed the studio once more as Angel began to feel more and more uncomfortable.
"I also tried to kill her..... Once or twice." He replied, nervously looking at Lorne for an inkling of when he could go.
Taking centre stage once more, Lorne finished off the topic, "Ok that's all get time for in this part folks, but we'll be back after the break when we seem what happens when you come between a Werewolf and his lisp!"
TO BE CONTINUED.....?