Desire
Summary: Harry angst? ::shrug:: Where is all this coming from?
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry, Lily, James, or Sirius. I do own Remus though. Bwahaha. Sheesh, I'm just kidding..
Desire. What was desire, really?
Did anyone really know what they desired? Gold, eternal life, deaths undone. Was any of it really wanted?
What did wanting it achieve?
He knew what he deepest desired. He had looked into the depths of the Mirror, he had seen his parents and all family beyond, smiling at him. Happy to see him. He had seen pride in his parents' eyes.
But what did wishing achieve? What did wishing help, wishing for something that could never be undone?
What did it help, when the longing tore at his heart like a giant creature's claws, what did it achieve besides the feeling of his heart's bleeding, bleeding, needing?
It was nothing. A wish was nothing.
But it was not nothing. But if not, what was it? He now wished for Sirius' life. He missed him so dearly, the only person closest to a father he had ever known. But he was gone, and now he understood. But the wish was not gone. It did not keep Sirius alive, his love for him did.
But, why then, could he not restrain the wish, when he knew it did not help?
He was selfish. He was being selfish. How could he wish for another's life when it had been so full of misery?
But he could have been found innocent. If only it had been a minute longer...
But it had not been a minute longer. It had happened.
But what was this desire doing to him?
What was desire?
Did our hearts betray us, as did our tongues?
But how was this betrayal?
He pushed away his restless thoughts, trying to sleep. But instead, the exhaustion gnawed at him, drove him mad.
What was desire?