(I still don't own anything. In this Chapter I'm using the Artemis Fowl from inbetween the second and third books. I know that it doesn't work time wise, but pretend it does, you fools. Review or perish.)
Happiness is a waxen, two-headed baby. Chapter 3: Fantom and FowlDublin: Ireland, February 25, 9 p.m.
The fog in Dublin was thick. Bond could barely see through it. He, Potter and Quatermain were in the Land Blade, a long silver eight-seater car that had been provided by MI6 for the League. They were now heading out of Dublin, toward a mansion on the hill over looking the town.
"Who are we looking for?" Quartermain asked.
Bond pushed a few buttons that turned on several monitors in the car, which displayed information.
"His name is Artemis Fowl the Second." Bond began, "He is fourteen at the moment and is considered one of most intelligent and most dangerous people on the planet. By age thirteen, Mr. Fowl had beaten European chess champion Evan Kashoggi in an on-line tournament, patented over twenty- seven inventions, and won the architectural contest to design Dublin's new opera house."
"So why is he considered dangerous?" Potter asked.
"MI6 has reason to believe that Fowl also wrote a computer program that diverted millions of pounds from Swiss accounts to his own, forged more than a dozen impressionist paintings which now hang in galleries around the world, and cheated several million pounds worth of gold from the secret community of fairies." Bond replied.
"If you know Fowl's done all that," Quatermain said, "then why have you not apprehended him?"
"MI6 can't prove it without admitting we monitored him and invaded what would be considered his private affairs."
"There are fairies?" Harry asked in some surprise, "I thought they were just a myth."
"No, Mr. Potter," Bond replied, "They live in underground cities called the lower elements. We only found out about them from watching Fowl. Besides the incident in his manor when he cheated the gold out of the fairies, he has had dealings with the fairies several other times in the last two years but nothing recently."
The Land Blade sped toward the main gate of Fowl Manor. After a fifteen-minute security problem at the gate the car was allowed to enter the grounds. Shortly after Bond knocked on the door, it opened and a severe looking man in a butler's uniform said, "Whom should I say is calling?"
Bond adjusted the fake eyeglasses he was wearing and said, "I'm Dr. Zimsky, my associates and I are here to see Mr. Artemis Fowl the Second."
"Come in, sir." the man said and stepped back to allow Bond, Quatermain, and Potter to enter.
The three entered the huge entrance hall: a huge oak paneled hall with different types of weapons and armor.
"How much would all of this cost?" Potter said to no one.
"Actually it's mostly fake." replied a person in the shadows on the overlook from the next level.
The person was a tall, thin, fourteen -year-old boy with dark hair and nearly white skin.
"Artemis Fowl the Second I presume." Bond said.
"Yes," Fowl said, "but this is not the place to talk, Dr. Zimsky. Come with me to my library."
Fowl led the three upstairs and down a long hallway toward a large steel door.
"Juliet!" Fowl yelled.
"Yes, Artemis." replied a Eurasian teenage girl, a few years older than Fowl.
"I'll be in my library if you need me." Fowl said, "If my parents return from dinner, make sure they don't bother me. And where is Butler?"
"I'm not sure," Juliet said, "If he returns, should I tell you?"
"No," Fowl said, "just send him up to the library."
"Yes, sir." The girl said.
Fowl opened the large steel door onto an amazing site. A huge two story room with massive bookshelves on three sides and an enormous computer system along the fourth with a giant flat screen plasma monitor and a keyboard system that looked like the keys of an organ. On both the first floor of the library and the balconies surrounding it, the walls were covered with impressionist art works and medieval weaponry.
"So," Fowl said as he sat down in a large leather chair and indicated the others to sit down at the table in the middle of the room, "why does MI6 want my services?"
"I think you're mistaken," Bond said, "I'm Dr. Edward Zimsky, world- renowned psychiatric specialist, husband, and father of two."
"You have the knowledge, I'll give you that," Fowl said, "but I met Dr. Zimsky in Venice two years ago, you look nothing like him."
"Very good, Fowl," Quatermain said, "but how did you know we were MI6?"
"Simple," Fowl said, "MI6 is the only secret service that is actively hunting me."
"You know we're hunting you?" Bond asked, surprised.
"With all those cameras everywhere," Fowl said, but paused at the look on Bond's face and then continued, "I found your toys two years ago. Since then I've been feeding your cameras fake data."
"I can see why the fairies favor you." Bond said.
"So you know about the People." Fowl replied with interest.
"We saw the siege on the cameras," Bond said, "We got a close look at that one that dug into the house, the massive one with the horns that assaulted your bodyguard, and that fairy you had in the basement. We also got a hold of "The Book" from that fairy you found on the surface."
"I'm impressed, Mr.?" Fowl said.
"Bond, James Bond." Bond replied.
"Bond," Fowl said with interest, "well this is interesting, very, very interesting."
"Why?" Bond asked.
"Because your official dossier says you died four years ago during that Elektra King scandal." Fowl said.
"This is my third life." Bond replied.
"I thought the saying went "You Only Live Twice"?" Fowl said.
"I hate to interrupt," Potter said "but the reason we're here."
"Yes, you're right Mr. Potter," Fowl said, "By the way, Potter, I'm sorry to hear of the death of your godfather; I sent flowers."
"Thank you." Potter said now, slightly creeped out by Fowl and his direct way of staring at those he was taking to.
"Well," Bond said, "I assume you know why we have come."
"Since Mr. Quatermain is with you," Fowl said staring at Quatermain, "I'd guess that the Fantom has returned and is the cause of the recent political turmoil and you want me to help you stop him."
"You know your history, Mr. Fowl." Quatermain said.
"History that's classified." Bond said.
"Classified," Fowl laughed, "So is your dossier."
"How?" Bond said with shock.
"Hey," Fowl replied, "I'm Artemis Fowl."
" MI6 is willing to stop monitoring if you help us to stop The Fantom."
"There's a problem with that," Fowl said, "I enjoy keeping you at bay. There are only two things you can offer me to do this job."
"What are they?" Bond said.
"First, I want complete access to MI6's archives and databases." Fowl answered.
"Absolutely," Bond began, but after a look from Quatermain said, "All right, what else?"
"Second, I know that MI6 rigs the world football championships each year," Fowl said, then paused at the look on Bond's face and continued, "I want the right to pick the winners of the tournament for the next five years."
"Just as long as you don't pick Spain," Bond said, "they stole Beckham."
"Then I'm in," Fowl said, "I assume you have made my excuses."
"Your parents have won the Parents of the Year Award contest that you entered them into, they have won a week and a half in the alps for two, while your prize is that week and a half in Paris, both trips to start immediately. You were nice enough to pack for your parents and send their luggage ahead to the plane and a congratulations group has been sent to the restaurant to send them on their way." Bond replied.
"Let's get started." Fowl said.
Just then Quatermain stood up suddenly and drew a revolver from his vest. "What is it?" Harry asked. Suddenly a dozen or so armed soldiers came from behind the pillars on the second level. The soldiers wore black military uniforms, metal helmets with face plates, goggles, and carried large rifles that looked like Vulcan or Gattling guns with six barrels.
"Fowl?" Quatermain said questioningly.
"They're not mine." Fowl said.
"They're mine." said a person in the shadows of the second level.
The man appeared. The man wore long fur robes, with long gray hair, but it was the man's face that was truly frightening. It was scarred where it could be seen and it had a silver mask on it that covered everything but the mouth. One of the mask's eyes was set wide open while the other was set in a squint. Under the open robes the man wore a sort of steel vest and carried in his hand a cane with a silver skull as the handle.
"Hello, James." Quatermain said.
"Mr. Quatermain," the man said in a thick Russian accent, "I didn't think I would see you again."
"The same could be said to you," Quatermain said, "Why don't you take off that mask, James, or would you prefer Professor Moriarty?"
"You know I always prefer The Fantom, Mr. Quatermain," the man said, "and by the way, Mr. Quatermain, I'm still scarred but not blind. Drop the gun."
Quatermain dropped his revolver.
"First meetings generally merit introductions." Fowl said.
"Of course, Mr. Fowl," The Fantom said, "You are the new League of so-called Extraordinary Gentlemen, I am the Fantom, introductions made. Your mission is to stop me; this I cannot allow. I know Mr. Quatermain would never join me, and from what I've been told James Bond, Her Majesties' Loyal Terrier, would also never join me either, but you Mr. Potter and you Mr. Fowl might be willing. So I'll give you a special one time offer: join me."
"And help you destroy the Muggle world." Potter said.
"While you capitalize on your arms' race." Fowl added.
"You fools," Fantom said, "humanity has always made technological advances through war. I'm just speeding this process along."
Quatermain wasn't listening to this. He was taking notice of a massive man in a soldier's uniform. Unlike the other soldiers, he carried a massive handgun instead of the rifles the other soldiers carried and wasn't wearing goggles. As he looked out of the corner of his eye, the man winked. Quatermain looked with interest, not noticing that Fowl was watching the man out of the corner of his eye as well. Then Fowl gave one small nod.
Suddenly the soldier whipped around and fired his handgun at the soldier next to him, hitting him right between the eyes. In the confusion Bond drew his Walther PPK and fired at the chest of one of the men, which did nothing to stop him. The soldiers began to fire, in the confusion Quatermain picked up his revolver and fired twice at the Fantom's chest; his armor blocked the shot. The Fantom, startled, fell off the railing, got up, and ran toward the door, Quatermain followed. The man with the huge handgun shot two more soldiers and turned around to see ten more soldiers entering. The man shot several more soldiers and took off the helmet.
Six soldiers jumped from the upper level. Two soldiers headed toward Fowl who was unarmed. Fowl hit a button on the keyboard behind him. A panel next to the computer turned around to reveal a rack of what looked like silver toy ray guns. Fowl picked a large, tri barreled pistol and fired a beam of light at each soldier. Both staggered back and dropped their rifles. Fowl turned a dial on the back of the gun, then fired again. This time the blast blew the men off their feet and threw the men halfway across the room. Bond took careful aim and shot one soldier between the eyes. Bond took the soldier's rifle and attempted to fire. The gun was too shaky but Bond was able to gun down the next soldier. Potter was confronted by the final soldier, dodging a blast from the soldier's machine gun, he then pulled out a long stick of wood. Potter yelled, "Stupefy!"; a jet of red sparks shot from the wand, hit the soldier, and knocked him unconscious. Meanwhile, the man on the second level had run out of ammunition for his gun, so he grabbed the next soldier by the head and twisted it to side and broke the soldier's neck. The man then slammed the next man into the ground and hit him in the head so hard it broke the soldier's teeth.
Quatermain went down the hallway in pursuit of the Fantom. As he turned the corner someone hit him in the face, making him drop his gun. Quatermain looked back to see a man in his early thirties with long black hair, wearing a white button down shirt with the first two unbuttoned and a pair of clean jeans with some sort of necklace around his neck.
"Do I know you?" Quatermain asked.
"No, I can't say you do." The man said then hit Quatermain again.
Quatermain hit the man in the face, noticing a sword mounted on a wall. He grabbed it. The man took out a switch blade knife.
Noticing Quatermain looking at his knife, he said, "Well it's not about the size," the knife slowly turned into a broadsword, "it's how you use it."
"Who are you?" Quatermain asked.
"Lindsey," the man said, "Attorney at Law." Then Lindsey brought his sword into a downswing.
"If you're a lawyer," Quatermain said as he parried Lindsey's attack, "then why do you carry a sword?" He now lashed out in an attack.
"I have the worst kind of clients." Lindsey said.
"Politicians?" Quatermain asked.
"No," Lindsey replied, "vampires."
"I once knew a vampire." Quatermain said, continuing to fight with Lindsey, "Have you ever met Wilomina Harker?"
"Oh, Mina," Lindsey said, "I did an insurance fraud for her a few years ago."
"How is she?" Quartermain asked.
"She was fine the last time I saw her." Lindsey replied.
The two fought on. Quatermain hit Lindsey in the face with his fist and then in the stomach. Lindsey dropped his sword and ran. Quatermain found his revolver but when he looked up, Lindsey was gone. Quatermain ran to the end of the hallway but found only an open window.
Quatermain returned to the library to find all the soldiers dead or stunned. In the center was Fowl holding what looked like a silver toy gun, Bond holding one of the soldier's rifles, and Potter holding a long wooden stick.
"Everyone all right?" Quatermain asked.
They all nodded. Suddenly, a man jumped down from the second level. The man was a seven foot tall Eurasian in his early forties with muscles like a Michelangelo statue. His head was shaved and he was wearing a soldier's uniform.
As Bond and Quatermain raised their guns, Fowl said in haste, "Put down your weapons, it's just my bodyguard, Butler."
"Can we trust him?' Bond asked.
"Trust me," Fowl said, "if he wanted to kill you, he would have."
"Artemis." Butler said to Fowl as a greeting.
"I see you killed a straggler." Fowl commented, looking at Butler's clothes. "I suppose you know who's the leader."
"The Fantom." Butler replied.
"Yes," Fowl said, "These men are from MI6, they're here to invite me to help them stop the Fantom."
"You know, Mr. Butler," Quatermain said, "we could use one more on the team."
"I would have insisted on it anyway." Butler replied.
"Well that settles that." Fowl said, "Will do introductions later. Mr. Quartermain, I assume we have more members to pick up."
"Yes." Bond replied.
"Well give Butler and I a few minutes to put some equipment together." Fowl said, "Then we can leave."
:
The Nautilus; half an hour later.
"Welcome to the Nautilus." Bond said as they entered, "This is the captain."
"Call me Ishmael, the Fourth." said an elderly man in a blue naval uniform. "Gentlemen, we have your accommodations. Mr. Quatermain, you're in your old room, it should be the exact way you left it."
"Thank you." Quatermain said and started down the hall.
"Mr. Potter," The captain continued, "We're putting you up in Suite Two, that's Dorien Gray's old rooms, please don't touch any of the liquor bottles in there. Gray's the only man known to have survived a shot of some of that stuff."
"Thank you." Harry said, then he also went down the hall.
"Mr. Fowl," the captain continued, "you're in Suite One, inside you'll see a cabinet filled with vials of liquid off to one side. Don't drink any of it, it's Dr. Jekyl's formula."
"Interesting." Fowl said as he strolled off.
The captain then turned to face Butler, "And how have you been Butler,"
"Surviving, Ishmael," Butler replied. "Just surviving."
"We're making up Suite Eight for you but it isn't ready." Ishmael said, "So until then, my cabin is yours."
"Thank you, old friend." Butler said, embracing the old man like a brother, then headed down the hall.
"Well, 007," Ishmael said, "Where to?"
"New York Harbor, Captain." Bond replied
"You're in Suite Five, it's former tenant was Special Agent Sawyer. Be careful, most of the firearms in there are still loaded."
"Just my kind of man." Bond said as he headed down the hall.
Next timeChapter 4: Back From The Future
(Please Review or I'll rip your head off and feed it to my chickens)