Welcome to the first of many pointless things that I'm writing. I'm fantastic. Yes...so please enjoy this...try to seek the humor. Laters!
Dear Reader(s),
So you want to know about Harry Potter, do you? Well, who better to tell you about Harry Potter then the star of Harry Potter himself? That happens to be me! This letter is from...DANIEL RADCLIFFE! (Not really) Well, reader (s), Harry Potter is a young boy who was orphaned as a baby because his parents were killed by the evil and daringly sinister Lord Voldemort, a.k.a. Tom Riddle, Tom Marvolo Riddle, Tom M. Riddle, Tom, Mr. Riddle, T.M.R., T.M. Riddle, Tom Marvolo R., He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, You-Know-Who, Dark Lord, Voldemort...
Yeah, so that could have gone on all day long. So the wonderful and magical Harry goes to this school named Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, or Hogwarts. There he makes friends with Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, who secretly love each other but they are too stupid to know that. He makes archenemies with Draco Malfoy, who is always flanked by his two cronies Crabbe and Goyle (who are much smarter then people think, but when you're getting paid 2M to act stupid then I guess it's worth it).
Harry is also disliked by his EVIL Potions Professor, Snape (a.k.a. Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh BATMAN, or just Batman, or slimy git...). So Harry, being stupid, has no idea why Snape hates him. Maybe if Dudley hadn't beaten a few of Harry's brain cells from his head then Harry would be a genius.
Yeah. So that's what happens in the books and movies. But in this assortment of stories, which contains everything from the weirdest stuff like saying what everyone on the book covers are thinking down to SLASH stories involving the weirdest romances.
I should warn you now to expect an odd Professor Snape, someone unexpectedly shagging Draco on the roadside in America, Neville and Seamus all over each other, and some weird little boy named Timmy who keeps popping up when you least expect it.
I should warn you of spiked drinks too. Never drink anything at Hogwarts. ANYTHING!
Plus, when the author says 'The End' I should say that she (yes, SHE) never really means it. NEVER. Some stories could go on...and on...and on... and on...just like that little pink bunny from that Duracell commercial. Ain't he the cutest?
Plus I will drop in a letter every once in a blue moon. Which won't be too often, because the moon is never blue unless you're drunk. Trust me when I say that. I've been drunk countless of times...
So, I have to go fill up on tea and biscuits and practice my guitar. Please, do enjoy these stories.
With much adieu,
Daniel 'The Rad" Cliffe
(Not really)
Yes...so that's the first letter from Daniel Radcliffe (Not Really). Please proceed to Chapter Two...Thank you!
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