The Devil Comes Back to Retroville

by Gary D. Snyder

Part 2:

Jimmy twisted around to see who had spoken to him. It was a boy, a year or two older than himself, with stylishly long hair, fashionably casual clothes, and an easy smile. Jimmy couldn't recall ever seeing him before, but there was something about the stranger, almost like a feeling of déjà vu, that Jimmy couldn't quite place.

"I'm sorry," Jimmy said. "But – do I know you?"

The boy smiled. "I know a few of your friends, so you may have seen me around." He stuck out a hand. "The name's Cipher. Call me Lou."

"Lou." Jimmy repeated the name in a futile attempt to find it in extensive files of his photographic memory. "I'm –"

"Jimmy Neutron. I know." Lou shook Jimmy's hand, and Jimmy found the touch to be both chilling and unnerving. It was as though he had stuck his hand in an ice bath and the heat from his body had been drawn from him into some insatiable void. "I couldn't help overhearing you. It sounded as though you had some problems you'd like to solve."

"What? Oh." Jimmy's thoughts came back to his present situation, like a film coming back into focus. "Yeah. Kind of. I think I need to recalibrate the transfer ratio of the transphasal generator so that –"

Lou was shaking his head. "No, not that. I mean girl problems."

Jimmy was taken aback. "What makes you think I have girl problems?"

"I've never met a guy who didn't."

"Well, I'm the exception," Jimmy said, shaking his head. "I don't have a girl problem."

Lou laughed. "There's an old joke that says there are only two types of guys in the world, Jimmy. One says, 'I don't have a girl problem.' The other says, 'I don't have a girl. Problem.' But they're really in the same boat. It's just that the second type is smart enough to understand the situation."

Jimmy hesitated. It was in fact a subject he actually did want to discuss with someone and there was an air of self-assurance about Lou that seemed to inspire trust. Lou seemed to sense his imminent capitulation and perched sociably on the back of the bench, waiting patiently for Jimmy to speak. "Oh, who am I kidding?" Jimmy sighed at last. "I do have a problem."

"Anyone in particular?" Lou prodded.

"Yes. I mean, no. I mean, it's kind of complicated." Jimmy paused to collect his thoughts before going on. "It…really isn't about someone else. It's about me. I'm the smartest kid in school, and that doesn't exactly make me the most popular guy around. I mean, what self-respecting girl would want to be seen with the class brainiac?"

Lou looked thoughtful. "Have you considered meeting girls without any self-respect?"

That startled Jimmy. "What?"

"Just a joke," Lou smiled. "Go on."

"Oh." Jimmy thought for a moment and shook his head. "Actually, that's pretty much it. I'm just not the type of guy that girls are interested in. And I don't see that there's any way to change that."

"That's what I thought." Lou hopped off the bench. "Jimmy, I don't think that there's ever been a guy who hasn't felt the same way – that girls only want athletes, or rock stars, or celebrities, but not them. But if that was true, how is it that girls fall for ordinary guys every day?"

Jimmy scratched his head. "Is it because there aren't enough rich and famous guys around and ordinary guys are better than nothing?"

"You've been hanging around Sheen too much." Lou shook his head. "No. It's because girls are interested in who someone is, not what they are. Think about it. Who's the most popular guy at Lindbergh Elementary?"

"Nick Dean."

"Exactly. Why?"

"Because he's cool."

"No. That's the initial attraction. But I'll bet not one of the girls swooning over him doesn't think about who he is – his thoughts, his feelings, his dreams, everything that makes Nick who he is. That's what they're really after."

"Okay," Jimmy conceded. "So where does that lead?"

"That leads to this. Who are girls really searching for?"

Jimmy tried hard to think like a girl and failed miserably. "Someone who likes to dance and collects unicorns?"

Lou buried his face in his hands. "No."

"Prince Charming?"

"Closer. But not quite."

"What then?"

Lou paced slowly back and forth in front of Jimmy, speaking with a faraway voice. "There are about 6 billion people in this world, Jimmy. With those kind of numbers statistics have to say that no one is unique, that they're just another drop in the ocean or a grain of sand on the shore. How could one person in all those billions ever hope to feel like anyone special?" He stopped and looked at Jimmy, his dark eyes holding Jimmy's gaze like a hypnotist. "And that's who each girl is searching for. It's the same person that everyone is searching for. A person who will make them feel that they are than just another number, and among the billions of others in this world that they have value. Someone who makes them special." Lou's voice became more intense. "Someone like you."

Jimmy answered like someone in a trance. "How?"

Lou smiled, and had Jimmy been in any condition to notice the smile on Lou's face was far less pleasant than before. "I'll tell you."

As Jimmy listened to Lou's soft words Cindy and Libby entered the park, returning home from their early Saturday morning window shopping. "I don't know, Cindy," Libby was saying. "30% is a pretty good discount for those shoes, but I think that they'll go to 40% or more before summer is over."

"Maybe," Cindy admitted. "But there's no guarantee that they'll still be there when the big sales hit. 30% is pretty tempting for amateurs who don't understand the sales."

"True enough. But I still think you should wait."

"But the dance is just a week away. This would be a…perfect time…to…" Cindy's voice trailed off as she stared at the two figures near the park fountain. Although they were still some way off she could instantly recognize one of the figures as Jimmy. Although the other was not as familiar, she could not mistake him even at this distance. Some intuitive sense inside her immediately signaled danger.

Lou Cipher was back.

And he was after Jimmy.

End of Part 2