Stupid
By aloneofhobos345
Oopa: This is my first South Park story
Kiwi: Bark!
Oopa: That's right! presses button
Stan, Kenny, Kyle, and Eric appears on the table
Unfortunately, Kenny slipped and fell on his head and died.
Kyle: Oh my gosh you killed Kenny!
Stan: You bastards!
Oopa: Kenny always dies. So who cares?
Eric: He has a point.
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park, for now.
Stan P.O.V.
Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, and I were just walking along when we saw Wendy and her friend, Bebe. Wendy cried, "Yoo-hoo! Stan! Over here! We want to show you something!" So we walked to Wendy. Cartman asked, "What is it? A moose? A galactic ship that has nuclear bombs in it that shall someday be found and be used to destroy the world and it'll all explode and we'll never exist again? "Uh, no. But it's the next best thing. Wendy and Bebe moved aside. Bebe screamed, "It's my pet hobo with a machine gun!" Kenny mumbled, "Mum mum mum mum mum mum ma." Bebe replied, "I know it's dangerous, but it's so cute when he uses the machine gun." The hobo accidentally pulled the trigger and shot Kenny. Kyle yelled, "Oh my gosh, he killed Kenny!" I screamed, "You bastard!" The hobo started getting angry and shot the birds in a tree. Run! He's crazy! Wendy cried, "But the birds!" "Who cares about the damn birds?" Run!
At Uncle Jimbo and Ned's Show
Uncle Jimbo's P.O.V.
Hi I'm Uncle Jimbo and this is Ned. Hi. Now we're going to show you how to kill a bird. Stan and his friends pass by. Stan yelled, "Uncle Jimbo help! A hobo is chasing us!" "Big news! It looks like we're going to kill a hobo instead! Isn't that great Ned? Yeah. The cameraman, Ned, and I went out to take a closer look. Oh my god! He has machine gun! Duck! Ned and I duck buy the cameraman wasn't so lucky. The cameraman cried, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" The hobo shot him and the cameraman died. Oh my god! You killed the cameraman! Ned said, "You bastards." The hobos faced us and started chasing us. Run!
Kyle P.O.V.
Now Jimbo and Ned are running with us. Stan asked, "Can't you shoot them with your gun?" Jimbo replied, "We don't have ammo. But I bet the Mayor can help us." We ran to the mayor's office and we all started screaming various stuff. "So a hobo is killing living things with a machine gun?" That's right. "Then I shall send out two security guards." She send out her security guards. Everybody looked out of the window to see what happened.
Security guard #1, "Yo, hobo. You better stop shooting living things or else we'll kill you. Security guard #2, "Yeah!" Then there was a ten second silence. ............................................................................. Bang! (repeated 20 times) The hobo shot one of the security guard. "Ricky! How dare you kill him! Now you shall die!" security guard. The security gun started shooting with his handgun, but surprisingly, the hobo knows gymnastics.
At the mayor's office
Eric (or Cartman) said, "Aw man, sweet!" "Shut up fatass!" I said. "What! The hobo knows how to fight like the Matrix." "I guess he does." Stan asked, "Did you teach your hobo gymnastics?" Bebe answered sheepishly, "Well, yeah." "What the hell! Then we're never going to kill that hobo!"
At the fight
"Die you goddamn son of the bitch!" (Just to tell you, the hobo will never talk in a few chapters.) The hobo kept using his surprisingly awesome gymnastics skills to dodge the bullets. When the hobo was upside down from his flips, he shot the security guard.
At the mayor's office
"Oh my god! You killed the security guards! You bastard!" said Mayor. "What are we going to do? The hobo is going inside your office and killing anybody he can find." I said. Mayor yelled, "Advisors, call a helicopter to pick us up. And those people downstairs are homos so who cares? The helicopter came and we went inside. The hobo got inside the mayor's office and shot one of the advisors.
At the helicopter
Pilot said, "Don't worry, you'll be safe!" Jimbo asked, "Is this helicopter bullet proof?" Pilot replied, "Uh, no." Mayor screamed, "What! What the hell is wrong with you advisors?!" Advisors said droopingly, "We're sorry." Mayor yelled, "I don't care if you're sorry! You'll work with me for the last time!" The mayor kicked the advisors out. I looked out in the window and the hobo was shooting the falling advisors. Cartman said, "Dude, that hobo is horrible but his aiming is sweet." I yelled, "That's horrible! Then he can shoot the helicopter and we'll crash to the ground dumbass!" Cartman replied, "Oh, yeah. But it's still pretty sweet." Then the helicopter was on fire. Wendy screeched, "Oh, no! We're all going to die! "We have to jump off!" Jimbo yelled. Bebe said, "But I'm scared." "Well, that sucks for you then." Jimbo said. "Ready Ned?" "Uh." "Okay! 1! 2! 3! We all jumped off, except the pilot and the helicopter exploded. Ned asked, "Don't we need parachutes?" "Oh goddamn it! I totally forgot about that!"
Meanwhile..............
My P.O.V.
Butters was outside by his lawn thinking how much he hate Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.
Butters P.O.V.
I hate those son of bitches! I wanted to be their new best friend, but they said noooooooooooo I'm too lame! I'll show them! Professor Chaos will return once again! I saw a little a dot in the sky falling. And there was a little explosion close to them. The dot seems to be falling toward South Park. It got closer and I could see it was 8 to 10 people falling toward my neighborhood. Then I knew it was exactly 8 people and they look really familiar. They seem to be falling toward my house.
Two minutes later............
Oh my god! It's Jimbo, Ned, Stan, Cartman, Wendy, Bebe, Kyle, and the mayor falling. And it's falling on me! Oof!
Stan P.O.V.
I seem to be okay. Good thing we landed on such a soft body. We all got up and we realized we fell on Butters! Oops. I asked, "What are we going to do Mayor?" Mayor replied, "We need someone who knows Chinese martial arts. And I know who to go to."
At the City Wok
"We need your help." Mayor said. "Oh, no! I'm not going to hide you assholes this time. You made me build the Great Wall then I had to spend my –beep- time building the freaking wall! Then I had to tear it down and wasted all my time destroying the Mongolians!" the City Wok owner said. Mayor said, "Are you quite done yet?" "Yes." "Okay then use your karate skills to defeat the hobo!" "Fine!" Wendy screeched, "We'll be saved! I'm so happy, that I can kiss you Stan!" So Wendy kissed me while the City Wok owner changed into his karate clothes. City Wok owner yelled, "Let's see if the hobo can defeat this baby!" "Oh and you'll need to gun." The mayor informed. We all looked for the hobo and we found him in the supermarket. City Wok owner, "Hey dumbass! Let's get jiggy with it!" The hobo turned around and just shot the City Wok owner. "Well, that was lame." I said. Kyle said, "Man, no one is going to defeat him!" That's when Tweek came along. Tweek asked, "Hey you guys. What's up?" "Oh nothing, except a crazy hobo is going to kill us all with his machine gun!" I said. Tweek replied, "Oh that's cool." And then Tweek left. "That was totally random." Eric said. That's when the hobo found us and he got ready to shoot us. I closed my eyes and wait for my fate. But it never came. I opened my eyes and saw the hobo lying facedown. He looked dead. And I saw Ike behind him. I asked, "What happened?" Kyle said, "Ike kicked the hobo in the ass and the hobo died. Oh that's cool. And we walked out the supermarket and headed home.
Oopa: Pretty good huh?
Eric: That was horrible!
Oopa: Then die!
Lightning shot out of Oopa's finger and it struck Eric Cartman.
Oopa: Does anyone else want to feel my wrath.
Kyle and Stan: No!
Oopa: That's good.
Kiwi: Bark!