Secrets and Dirty Deeds
By the Barefoot Pianist
A/N: Sorry it took some time to update… lots of work to do! And please, no flames, for crappiness.
Chapter 6
Slytherin's next game was again Hufflepuff, and nearly everyone in the school was sure that Slytherin would have an easy match. However, Malfoy mustn't have had the same idea, because his training sessions were a crack-down. But his reason wasn't just that, taking on these new players, meant he required time to train them up to scratch. Apart from Carmen, Blaise was also a new player, but Carmen could honestly say that she was the least experienced. It was more than a few occasions where she slipped off her broom and hung from it with either two or one hand. However, she was proud to say that she had gotten very skilled at clambering back onto the broom again.
But as much as her ball skills and broom skills weren't so perfect, she and the rest of the team knew that some of the players really needed to review the direction in which was right, and which was left.
"Now Goyle, which hand do you write with?" Malfoy asked for the eighteenth time that session. Goyle put his right hand out. "Good. Now, do you remember what this hand is called?"
"Um," Goyle paused. "The left?"
"How many times do I have to tell you?" Malfoy was more than exasperated, as were the team. "You write with your RIGHT hand. Write and right, they sound the same, don't they? You write with your right hand, remember that. Just tell me which hand you write with again?"
"The... the right."
"Good. Now go and do ten laps around the pitch."
Crabbe sat on his broom, laughing gruntingly at his friend who went to do laps around the pitch, but forgot to keep his balance and fell off. However, after falling twenty feet, he was still laughing, broken only with an odd hiccup every five seconds.
"I'm the best god-damn swear-word junkie there is," boasted Carmen.
"Everyone knows that," scoffed Jade.
Pansy, Carmen, Millicent, Daphne and Jade all sat around a small table, munching on a package of peanut brittle.
"Okay, if you're so confident then we'll test you," challenged Daphne, and momentarily disappeared into the dormitory. She came back with a fairly thick book, titled, 'The Big Book of Being Rude, by Lester Blackmouth'. She placed it on the table with a 'thump' and flipped through the pages.
"Right, give me the meaning when I quote the word. Butter snout."
"Snape. Oh, sorry, that was the first thing that came to mind. Um, it means a person with a greasy complexion."
"Well, I don't blame you," said Millicent. "Here, give me that book, I want a go." Daphne passed the book over, and after carefully selecting, she said, "Palooka."
"Goyle, I mean, a large and stupid person."
"Scut?"
"Shit."
"Doughface?"
"Woman with excess makeup."
"Picklepuss?"
"A sour faced person."
"Here's a hard one. A double-bag-and-stumper?"
Carmen took in a deep breath and went on, "A woman so ugly that one would have to place a paper bag over both participant's heads in order to face up to sex, and one would, in any case, rather cut off all of one's limbs than have sex with her," and with that, she heaved in another breath.
"Wow."
"I'm not done yet," Carmen said. "I can say 'fuck you' in twelve languages! In French, it's baisez vous, in Russian; poshol na khui, in Afrikaans; Gaan kak in die mielies, in Spanish;! ch'ingate!, in Italian; vaffanculo, in Portuguese; vai-te foder, in German; fick dich, in Cantonese; due kau neh, in Indonesian; ngentot lu, in Haitian Creole; kolan guete maman ou, in Swedish; dra aat helvete, and in Estonian; mine vittu."
"Okay then…"
A/N: Please R&R! By the way, the swearwords above are only for reference, not for use! So little kiddies, don't try this at home! Hope you enjoyed some of the colloquialisms. They come from "The Big Book of Being Rude" – yes, it actually exists. It's quite funny just reading through some of the words they've got in there.