"Ouch You brut!" The Haradrim yelled of the millionth time.

"Well if you would just be still!" Legolas was still trying to get the knots out of her hair. With a frustrated sigh, he put his hand on his hip, brush in hand, and eyed her critically. "Honestly, have you EVER brushed this mass of tangles?" When she just grunted, he took that as a no.

"I have better things to do than pamper myself like some sissy elf." She said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Honesty," she mocked him, and he did not appreciate that.

"Look, you stupid, dirty human, you have no right to speak to me that way. And frankly, I have had quite enough of your behavior." This time his voice was strong and commanding. He was truly fed up. To add to his annoyance, she stood and curtsied low.

"Forgive me, sire." And while she was still bent over, he saw her shoulders quiver and her breath coming in short bursts of suppressed laughter.

Legolas's eyes blazed, "You will NOT mock me again!" She then stood and looked him straight in the eye, her lips still quirked.

"I really thought we were past this." She sighed. "You are such a brat." Legolas bit back a retort. Somehow he knew he would only dig himself deeper.

"Fine Have it your way." Feigning temporary defeat, he stuck his hand out. She eyed him curiously, an eyebrow raised, before spitting in her hand and reaching out to clasp his.

Legolas pulled his jerked his hand away and jumped back, holding his it protectively to his chest. "What are you DOING?" His eyes darted from her face to her hand, still dripping with the saliva from her mouth. His face crinkled in disgust.

"You didn't want to shake my hand?" She asked, looking genuinely confused.

"You just spit in it!" Legolas sqeaked, nearly yelling. He had never heard of anything so..so..so barbaric! She couldn't even begin to image how unsanitary that was!

"Yes, so?"

"That is disgusting! I don't know where your mouth has been!" Come to think of it, he didn't even want to know. He shivered with the very idea. She just rolled her eyes at him and wiped the offending hand on her kilt. He made a note not to let that hand make contact with him EVER. There is no telling how many revolting germs covered it.

"Are elves so hypocritical as you?" She asked as she sat on the cot, it creaking under her weight.

"I have no idea what you mean by that."

"Oh come now, I know your hands and mouth have probably many more interesting places than mine." Legolas would have choked, but his mouth was suddenly dry. He hoped he had interpreted that incorrectly.

"Excuse me?" That was a lame response. Way to go elf-boy, that's the way to defend yourself.

"I am sure that many maidens lust for you, though it is not hard to tell why." By the Valar, now she was trying to flirt with him He could have laughed. But that amused feeling fled with the next words from her mouth. "You are a pretty, pretentious, spoiled prince." Whoa, back up. She didn't just call him pretty...he had knocked out teeth for that remark. "One whom I'm sure has a never-ending trail of shallow, gold-craving girls handing on your every word "

"As a matter a fact a do." Legolas snapped back, too angry and truly offended to care.

"But have you ever had a woman, Legolas?" For a moment, Legolas was convinced he had heard her wrong. But the smile was gone from her face and she was looking at him intensely. Where had that come from? He blinked, and she stood. If he hadn't been so trapped in the gaze, he would have noticed that was the most fluid movement she had ever made.

She approached him slowly, a feral grin on her face now. "Well, Legolas?" She brought her hand up to his shoulder and let it travel lazily down his chest. He gulped, that was the second time she had called him by name. He liked the way she said it, her voice was deeper and gruffer than most. He remembered the fuzz on her legs...perhaps this would be a good way to get a closer peek... He grinned back then, what he considered to be his most charming, sensual smile that sent most ladies into a puddle at his feet. He reached up to cup her face, and–

Bang, bang They both jumped and stared at the furniture that was piled high against the door. A large dresser tipped precariously and Legolas moved to catch it. "Who is in there!" Aragorn. Legolas groaned, but in his moment of despair, he let go of the dresser and the whole thing came down on his foot. "Open this door immediately!" Thankfully the Haradrim had stuffed a piece of his shirt into his mouth before he could holler, but it did not keep a colorful litany of elvish curses from escaping his lips. The sound, however muffed, could still be considered quite loud in the quietness of the room, so the woman had put her hand over his mouth. Disgusted, Legolas realized this was the same hand she had earlier spit into. Trying to twist away, he was surprised when she simply released him and let him fall to the floor in an inelegant heap.

The sound of shuffling feet could be heard above their heads, in the direction of the hatch in the ceiling. Legolas just stared, so this was his fate. He never thought it would end this way. The brave, glorious son of King Thranduil would die of embarrassment. He let his head fall back against the wood, his brain not even registering the loud thud or the extremely uncomfortable nature of what he had just done. Defeated, he appeared just as he had when first entering the room, spread-eagled and sick. He would have laughed at the irony when a burly hand snatched him by the back of his neck and started tugging him towards the corner of the room.

Of course, Legolas thought, amused in his mad state, she could not possibly let him die honorably. She had to make sure he was hidden like a coward first. He neither helped, nor hindered her efforts, allowing her to simply drag him across the room. He slumped back against the corner of the wall while she threw a scratchy wool blanket over him. Footsteps could still be heard above, and the distinct sound of a lock being opened.

Legolas heard her frustrated sigh and she shoved his leg under the blanket with the rest of his corpse. He heard more shuffling, and then triumphant shout from one of the rangers and the hatch door made a creaking sound as it was swung open.

Legolas took his last few breaths as he heard several people descend the latter. Footsteps came towards him and he sighed, knowing he would be discovered. "Release me!" He heard the order from across the room. "Do it now you bloody orcs!" Oh wonderful, Legolas thought as she went on to tell them exactly what they were with the help of a few choice phrases. He couldn't help but be impressed, men of Gondor did not even swear like that

"Silence!" Aragorn's voice again. "You will not speak unless we ask it!" Oh, they were in for it now. He would have laughed were it not for the fact he was trying to remain invisible. The Haradrim did not disappoint. She laughed loudly, much to the displeasure of the rangers, Legolas was sure. "I said silence!" Aragorn barked again. Muffled snorts could be heard from the imprisoned female. An irritated growl could be heard from the future king.

Tact, Legolas counseled silently. It is something you must acquire in order to converse with this insufferable woman. But it was not one of his old friend's strong points.
"What was going on in this room?" More laughter. Nope, Legolas thought, he's not going to get anywhere. "Speak, Haradrim...Be mindful that you are only spared for information."

"I am spared for information on war plans, of which I may remind you, I have none. I am not kept alive so that you can interrogate your way into my personal life." He could almost see the shock on Aragorn's face and he giggled despite himself.

His next words were sputtered, unsure, and most defiantly inebriated, "This is my ship!"

"No, actually this ship belongs to Herin, or at least it did until you killed him. Now it is the sole property of the king of the Harad, all licences and agreements protected in said copyright. And you, you pathetic excuse for a man, have stolen it unlawfully "

Legolas could image that Aragorn was speechless. And judging by the lack of retort, that was a fair assessment. Legolas knew that he, like everyone else it seemed, did not know quite how to manage this obstinate, intolerable piece of work. After a long bout of silence, Aragorn seemed to concede. "Have it your way, woman. Perhaps you will be more agreeable if we leave you down here without food for few days " More feet shuffling could be heard and the hatch was reopened. His elven ears picked up the sounds of Aragorn's grumbling and he snickered. The hatch was swung closed and almost immediately, the wool blanket was ripped off him. The Haradrim stood there, hands on her hips, looking quite happy and confident. All semblance of what would have been a 'thanks' fled when he saw her I-am-so-much-better-and-more-capable-of-handling-emergency-situations-than-you look.

She took his hand and hauled him easily to his feet, smirking. "You should not speak that way to the Lord Aragorn." Legolas said sternly, though a quirky smile played at the edge of his lips.

"You think I should treat him differently because he will be a king?" He nodded and she snorted, a sound that was becoming far too familiar for him. "Not likely." Legolas raised his hands in mock defeat, he was not up to arguing again.

He was glad he had, for in the next moment, she brought her hand to the crease of his hip, slowly sliding her fingers up around the waist of his leggings. His eyes widened, but he made no move to stop her.

"Now where were we?" Her voice was low and sultry. Legolas grinned, the memory of her fuzzy legs still fresh in his mind. Manwë be damned if he wasn't going to have a closer look...