Chapter Two: A Sponge Set In Motion
"For my heart is true, and my brow furled in rage, I shall stand up to King Stephanie!" Goba exclaimed. He stepped forward into the bright light that illuminated the stage. He was wearing the same attire he had been before, during the meeting.
Hakushi ran to his side. "No, Goba! The fair sponge Rini is not worth it, for she is the King's own spongette! Why not stick with the sponge you have already?"
"I cannot, Hakushi... For the sponge Rini, is far fairer than the faring fanfares of any other sponge!"
The two then stood up on one leg, gazed out at the crowd with wide eyes, put their hands into the air, and the lights faded until they were only silhouettes. There was an uproarious round of applause from the nobles in the audience. Puke and Evee watched on, rather puzzled.
The lights illuminated the stage again. Gill was now on stage, trapped within a mimed box.
"It is one of King Stephanie's mimes!" Goba cried.
"Stand aside mime! No parrot, no doofus shall hinder us!" Hakushi exclaimed.
There was a long moment of silence and the three were frozen in position.
Gill was crouched down in the mime-box, but slowly he rose to his feet. In a deep voice he began to sing as the other two remained frozen. "Oh, what a fate it is to be such a mime! How am I, a mime, to fight such overwhelming odds? If only I had the strength of ale-er-will! The will to go on... And... Mime!" He turned towards Hakushi and Goba, who suddenly became alive again. He waved his hands in front of his face and bobbed up and down. Hakushi began to do the same.
"I shall accept thine challenge, foul mime! Let us do battle, and battle forth from here! Goba, go on, claim your sponge! The battle shall hence... Commence!" ]
Goba ran off stage, as Gill and Hakushi drew from their sides over-sized novelty pencils. They battled onwards, back and forth, swipe and dodge, a brilliant display of pencil play. This continued until they were backed away to a bridge-like structure that connected the stage to the castle. There the battle was fought onward, with many oohs and ahhs from the audience.
"Man... That Kelly ale is strong stuff. I shouldn't've drank the whole bottle before the show... I'm gettin' a little queasy," Gill said to himself. As he ducked below a swing of a pencil, he threw up on a few nearby members in the audience. There was a chorus of boos, and the two fled into the castle.
"Damnit Gill! You nearly screwed everything up! Come on, let's get some disguises and find Queen Mel," Hakushi said.
"We aren't really going to get her, are we? All of the booze in Kelly couldn't make her hot."
"I know, I know. Let's just get going. Hey look, some guards. Let's get their uniforms."
"But uh... They're female. Maybe we should wait until some of those Knights of Binfield, or whatever they're called, to come by and we can steal those uniforms," Gill reasoned.
"No way. We can't wait that long. Let's get 'em!" Hakushi ran forward and tackled one of the guards. He proceeded to remove the screaming woman's uniform at that point.
"Pig!" her partner exclaimed. She sent a swift kick into Hakushi's side. The woman was surprisingly strong, and he was sent crashing into a wall from the force of her boot-clad foot.
"Great... Just great..." Gill sighed and he strode forward. He tried prying the guard off of Hakushi, who was now kicking him repeatedly in the genitals. Just as he dragged her off, the other guard lunged forward and struck Gill, sending him toppling to the ground.
"You're goin' down!" the woman shrieked and began beating Gill about the face.
"Damn you Hakushi!" Gill cried as he struggled to end the beating.
"Oh... I... can't feel my... legs anymore..." Hakushi sqeaked. He was kicked again and his entire body shook. Much to his relief, guard was now kicking him in the stomach. Suddenly, something hopped out of his pocket. It was a small insect, neon green in colour, with beady orange eyes. The insect hopped up on the shoulder of the guard that was beating Hakushi.
"Oh my! It's an iggypop! A real wild iggypop!"
"Eeek!" the other screamed as the iggypop leapt from the first guard to the next. The two proceeded to freak out. They ran in a circle and their helmets suddenly collided. They collapsed to the ground.
"Wow," Gill muttered, astonished. "Who would have thought that your pet Rewilch would save the day." He picked up the little green critter and lifted it up to eye level. "Am I ever glad I never stomped on you in one of my drunken tizzies, li'l guy."
"Can I have him back now? He must be scared from all the excitement?" Hakushi asked in a squeak.
"You're still talking like that? Did you have some helium or something?"
"Shut up, Gill!"
Gill just laughed. "Oh, if only the rest of the guys could be here to see this." He gave Rewilch to his squeaky companion. "Now, let's take their uniforms and get goin'."
The two dragged the guards into a nearby storage room and quickly switched garments. They now wore the bathing suit-like armour of the Kelly female guard. It was tight (down below, especially), revealing, and had oversized boots, gloves, and helmets. It was difficult for the silver-blue uniform to even contain Gill, for his beer belly yearned to burst free from its confines.
"All right, let's get going." Hakushi lead the way up a flight of spiral stairs. At the top, there was a woman in a long white robe standing there. She was looking back at a set of large oak doors. Then, vehemently, she spun around and began running down the stairs. She zipped past Hakushi and smashed right into Gill. Both were sent cascading downwards, falling end over end.
The woman was breathing heavily, but didn't seem to be hurt. Gill was lying on the cold floor. He groaned as he slowly sat up. He looked at the woman as she was brushed her robe off. He saw beneath the large hood that shaded her face. From his angle, he could somewhat make out the facial features. Perhaps it was the ale, or the repeated hits to the head from falling down the stairs, but he thought that he saw Queen Mel. The orange-coloured skin, the multitude of nose warts, the fuzzy, brown beard: they were all there!
"I've found her!" Gill exclaimed. "It's her!" The woman became rigid and fearful. She turned and fled as quickly as she could. "Hey, come back!" He chased after her as fast as his legs could carry him.
Hakushi looked down at Gill. "No, Gill! She's too thin to be Mel! Oh damn, he's gone again. Get back here!" He flew back down the stairs and tried catching up to Gill before the entire plan blew up in their faces. "That alcoholic can run fast when he wants to."
"Now that the beach party is over, it is time to return to the task at hand. The spongeon invaders to Azzama VII must be stopped!" Chi-zu shouted while doing a jig.
"I must go and lead the forces against them," Goba said softly.
"Nooo! Goba, don't do it!" A woman with long, green hair that hung down to her knees ran up to Goba. She was wearing a long, purple dress with glittering sequins on it. The dress was quite frilly, and was armless except for large puff ball shoulder pieces. Her bare, pale arms wrapped around Goba. "I couldn't bear to see you go!"
"But I must..."
"Oh, what a wonderful show," Queen Mel said, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. She was up in the royal box, watching the performance without any knowledge of the insanity within the castle walls. "Wouldn't you say so, Williamina?" She awaited a response, but there was none. "Williamina, Williamina?! Where did she go? Hobsfeld, where did she go?" She looked to a man leaning on the back wall of the box. He was adorned in full body armour, brown in colour. He appeared to be napping. "Hobsfeld!"
Hobsfeld was startled into the waking world. "What? Huh? Oh! Your grace! What is it?"
"Williamina isn't here. Go find her immediately before you are cast into the Slime Hole! Go!"
"Fear not! I, Adelaide Hobsfeld, Captain of the Knights of Bacchus, will retrieve her by-"
"Shut up and go!" Mel cried furiously. Hobsfeld fled as quickly as possible from her sight and ran off to find the princess.
"Look! A talking pair of shoes!" Chi-zu exclaimed.
"Hey hey hey, let me give you a bit of tongue!" a giant green and blue shoe exclaimed in response.
"Ah, what a work of art," Mel commented, as she turned her focus again on the show.
"The chase is afoot, and afoot is the chase. It shall be I, Adelaide Hobsfeld, Captain of the Knights of Bacchus, that will retrieve Princess Williamina! But first, I must rally together the Knights of Bacchus!" Hobsfeld was running down a vast hallway within the great castle. At the end of the hall was a portrait of a very thin, curly moustached man in red. He wore a glittering crown on his head. He was the late King Fobeard. He had been husband to Queen Mel, and ruler of Kelly until his tragic death, one year ago, when he had been crushed by a strange avalanche of buckets.
After turning a corner, Hobsfeld found a man dressed in silver armour. "Winzelton! The princess has vanished! Assemble the rest of the Knights of Bacchus and find her!" he ordered the knight.
"Sure sure, right after I finish this round," Winzelton replied.
"What? What round? Did you not hear me? The princess has vanished!"
"Yeah, yeah, I heard you. I'm busy playing this statue of King Nofflestin in a game of 'Hold Perfectly Still'. I won the first round, and he won the last one. It's best two out of three. I think I can win this one, but I can't move."
Hobsfeld shuddered angrily, clenching his fists and his teeth. He gave the knight a swift kick in the backside. He fell to the ground and let out an indignant shout. "There, you lose! Now go!"
Winzelton grumbled and did as the captain said. Hobsfeld started heading off to find the other knights, but he paused. For a moment, he thought he saw the statue that Winzelton was playing against smiling a cheery little grin. He looked again, closely this time, and saw that it was wearing its usual grim expression. The statue was a perfect replica of King Nofflestin, Fobeard's father. There was no more time to waste on the statue, however. He continued his quest to find the princess.
"That's all of them!" Hobsfeld exclaimed as he was now climbing the stairs of the West Tower. "With the Knights of Bacchus searching for Williamina, it won't be long before she's found." He got to the top of the tower and looked down upon the kingdom. Maybe he would be ablesee the princess from here. What he saw, was not the princess, but instead he saw the twelve knights gathered together, bouncing on a trampoline beneath the tower. He wondered where they found a trampoline, but decided to ask that question later. "Hey! Get to work!" he shouted down at them, angrily. Apparently, they didn't hear him. He groaned as he turned and prepared to run back down the stairs to give them all a good kicking. He then looked across at the East Tower. There was an unmistakable figure: the princess! And she was being chased by a female guard, a particularly hairy one at that.
"Come back Mel!" Gill exclaimed. He jumped towards her. She dodged his lunge by leaping to the ledge. She was now dangerously close to falling. Gill proceeded to smash his head into the wall on which she was standing. He twitched a bit, and groaned. He got to his feet and looked up at Mel again. "Wow! There are two of you now!" He tried grabbing at the Mels, but she was now falling down towards the earth below.
"No! Williamina!!" Hobsfeld shrieked. He tried jumping towards her but soon found that he was falling to the earth as well. "Oh dear oh dear oh dear!"
Hakushi gasped as he reached the top of the tower. "Gill you moron! That wasn't Mel! Hey wait... Where did that woman go?"
Gill pointed her out. "She fell down there." The woman was swinging on a decorative rope and landed safely upon the Theatre Ship's stage.
"We have to get to her, fast, but there's no time to run all the way around!" Hakushi cried in despair.
"Then we fly!" Gill exclaimed as he leaped from the tower.
"Oh crappledorfs..." Hakushi sighed. He then spotted another decorative rope.
"Well King Stephanie, it appears it is the final battle! I shall not allow the beautiful Rini to be given up like a withered sponge to Sir Hoblingersteinfeldson!" Goba shouted to King Stephanie.
"Roar!" the king, played by Baka, responded angrily.
"You may be a dragon, but you will not devour me! For I have the strength of this tremendously large box of strawberries on my side!"
"Roar rarry... Roarness!!" King Stephanie cried out.
"Oh no!" a random extra cried. "It's King Stephanie's panda warriors!"
Two pandas emerged from behind the king and began to dance about in a very suggestive manner. They then turned towards Goba and snarled angrily. They prepared to lunge at them, but at that moment, Princess Williamina fell from the sky and landed in the middle of the stage.
"Erm.. uh... Lady Pelepone... What are you doing here? I thought you were amongst the mobble-people, trying to make peace between them and the egg plants of Egg Plant Land," Goba said, more than a little surprised.
"Uhh... umm..." Williamina stammered. "I was... But suddenly, my heart turned to thoughts of you, and I had to return... to you!"
"But Pelepone, you know that my heart lies with Rini!"
"I know, but I cannot stand aside while my love for you and your mighty sponge is throbbing like a.. Like a wet sponge under running water!"
"Hey look," a Knight of Bacchus said, pointing up at the sky. "That screaming mass of armour looks like the Captain."
"Oh my! It is the Captain!" Winzelton shouted. "Everyone off the trampoline!" He swiftly hopped off, along with the other knights that had been happily bouncing. It was just in time too, for at that moment, Hobsfeld crashed down upon the trampoline and was just as suddenly launched back into the air, rocketing towards the Theatre Ship.
"Well then, Pelepone... Let us do battle against these pandas together! Only then shall we know if our love was meant to be!" Goba said.
At that moment, Hobsfeld came screaming onto stage. He crashed right into the two pandas, sending them flying off stage. He twitched on the ground for a moment.
"Well um... The pandas have been defeated! Thank you... Mysterious Stranger!" Goba said, becoming overwhelmed by the farcical improv this play was becoming.
That's when, dressed as women, Hakushi and Gill came flying in. Hakushi was holding on to Gill for dear life, saving him from his own demise. To make matters worse, a couple of kids ran onto the stage.
"We have to get in on the action, Evee! This'll be great!" Puke exclaimed as he thrust himself into centre stage. "Look upon me and despair! I am Mr. Waflleberg and this is my colleague, Paul Paulson." He motioned to Evee. "We shall crush you all and become your new overlords!"
Hobsfeld then got to his feet. He looked across the stage at Williamina. He ran towards her, shoving Puke aside. He flew right into Evee. "Princess! At last I have found you!" He looked to Hakushi and Gill. "You shall be hanged for this! As captain of the Knights of Bacchus, I shall not allow you to get away with such an assault upon the princess!" He drew a broad sword and prepared to attack.
"We aren't going to take this. Come on guys, let's get him!" Gill exclaimed. He began to lunge at Hobsfeld, but Hakushi stopped him.
"How about we get out of these restricting uniforms first?" he suggested.
"Sounds good."
"Hey! Nobody pushes me!" Puke cried, indignantly, as he got to his feet. "Come on Evee, let's tear this guy a new food hole!"
Queen Mel looked at the stage with an expression of shock. She was on the edge of her seat, barely able to breathe. "My goodness! What will happen next? Oh, I love this play!"