Chapter Four: Kupo, Let's Mambo!
"Kuuupo!!" came a shrill cry. The tension was felt throughout the entire group, but faded as a tiny figure, no more than three feet tall, jumped out from a bush. It was white from head to toe, except for a pink nose, big, baby blue eyes, and bright, red wings. Most unusual was what was above its head. Attached by something, perhaps a very durable hair, was a red ball bouncing about cheerfully half a foot from the top of its head. "I am a moogle. Popipperpop is my name! The words on that paper summoned me."
"Why's that?" Gill asked.
"Hell if I know," the moogle responded. "Now give me a fucking kupo nut!"
The others were taken back by the moogle's outburst. Hobsfeld was the first to say something to the offensive creature. "How dare you speak such profanity in the presence of the princess!" He was only beginning to start a long speech, but was quickly silenced.
"All right, buck-o, either you give me a kupo nut, or I'll chop your nuts off!" Popipperpop was now wielding a knife, and had positioned himself dangerously close to Hobsfeld's little knights.
"Mr. Popipperpop," it was Williamina's turn to speak, "I think that you should just calm down. All that stress can't be good for your heart. Why don't you just relax, sit down, and we can talk this through? I mean, we don't even know what a kupo nut looks like. If you leave our friend's scrotum alone, I'm sure that we can figure this out like nice, peaceful individuals. It reminds me of this one time, my dear, sweet father..."
On several occasions, the angry moogle tried to interrupt Williamina, but he couldn't get a word in at all. She just kept talking about some stupid story. Finally, he got fed up with her and let his actions speak for him. He jumped up and swung the knife. Instead of cutting at the knight's armoury, he chopped off one of his fingers.
"You little fuzzy," Hobsfeld proceeded to shout out a long string of expletives that would even make one's foul mouthed uncle faint.
"Hobsfeld!" Williamina exclaimed. "How could you, you little monster?" She glared down at the white demon.
"It got you to stop talking about your boring childhood, didn't it? I'll tell ya something: no one cares! Now give me a kupo nut or I'm slicing off more appendages," Popipperpop responded.
"We don't have any kupo nuts," Gill stated.
The moogle's stare became cold and deadly. His eyes were a dagger, piercing into Gill. "You don't seem to understand," his hissed, "I need a kupo nut. If I don't get one, I'll be very, very angry." His words were spoken clearly and coolly. "Now, give me a kupo nut..."
"I just said that we don't-"
"Don't give me any of that crap, boy!"
"I've had enough from this punk," Evee spoke up. He jumped high into the air and came crashing down upon the moogle. It let out a squeaking noise as it was crushed to the ground. Evee hopped off its back and proceeded to punt the creature far away from them. "If we ever need you, we'll read that paper!"
"Good job, Master Evee!" Hobsfeld exclaimed. He then looked down at the bloody stub of his right middle finger.
"What are we going to do about this?" Williamina asked.
"We must get back to Kelly and have a surgeon repair this."
"No! We can't go back to Kelly! Besides, by the time we get there, your finger will be all icky and gross."
Hobsfeld thought for a moment, then came up with a plan. "The Chilly Cavern is nearby. There should be some ice inside. We can chill my finger and we'll go back to Kelly. It should stay preserved well enough to be reattached."
"No, Hobsfeld! We're not going to Kelly. We'll get you fixed up in Waffle Land. There'll be no debate about this. I am not going to go back to that place. I want to start my career as an actress and I won't let you stand in my way," Williamina said firmly.
"Very well, Princess."
"You're a good sport, you know that Corrodey?" Gill said, patting Hobsfeld on the back.
"Corrodey?"
"Yeah, I thought you needed a nickname." Gill smiled, a very rare thing to see from the mime.
"Let's get out of here," Hobsfeld sighed as he picked up his finger.
The group of Gill, Williamina, Hobsfeld, and Evee, travelled across a wide and open plain towards a staggering cliff face. At the base of the cliff was the opening for an intricate cave. Upon entering, the group realized exactly why it was known as the Chilly Cavern.
"Hey, I can see my breath!" Evee said. He started breathing heavily to see his foggy exhale.
While the heat of their breath was visible, it really wasn't all that cold. In fact, there was running water nearby. They figured that all moisture in the cave would've been frozen. Actually, walking through the cave was rather nice. It allowed them to cool off after running out of the Not-So-Nice Forest. They walked along for some time, but there was no ice to be found.
"Well, it's probably colder in the wind," Hobsfeld commented.
"What wind? We're in a cave. It's completely enclosed," Gill replied.
"Just shut up and keep looking for ice."
After more trekking, and still no ice, they were beginning to wonder if there was any hope of saving Hobsfeld's finger. Just when things were looking bleak, they found something strange. It was a refrigerator. It was just sitting next to the cave wall.
"How unusual," Williamina said, as she examined it. "I wonder who put this here. It must have certainly been a strange one. I mean, why haul a fridge all the way in here? There isn't even a place to plug it in." She then opened it up the little light within flashed on. "Hey! It's working! How odd. Hey!" She let out a shout and jumped back as a white ball of fluff jumped out of the fridge, shivering.
"You again!" Hobsfeld snarled, seeing the moogle. He began to draw his sword.
"Kupo! Wait! I've never seen you before! My name's Kupblade!" the moogle squeaked frantically. Upon closer examination, Hobsfeld realized he was speaking the truth. Kupblade was smaller than Popipperpop and his wings were more pink. Once the issue was settled, the moogle proceeded to thank Williamina. "Thank you so much! I don't know how long I was trapped in that fridge. Say, can you do me a favour? I have a, um, 'letter' that I'm late in delivering to my friend Migsey. If you see him, do you think you could give it to him? I'd do it myself, but I need to get back to Mognet Central."
"Mognet?" Williamina was puzzled by the name.
"Yeah, we deliver 'letters' all around the world. If you help out us mail carriers now and then, I'm sure you'll receive some sort of nice reward." Kupblade grinned.
"All right, I'll help you out Kupblade! Do not fear, for Princess Williamina is on the job!"
"Really, she is? Where is she?" the moogle became excited and started looking around.
"It's me, you idiot!" Williamina shouted. "Why do I even bother?" The moogle just shrugged, said thanks again, and quickly ran off. "Hey, look at this! There's a freezer in here." She looked inside the freezer of the fridge and pulled out an ice cube tray, filled up with ice. "All right! Ice!"
"Perfect! Now we just need a place to put the ice and finger - a container of some sort," Hobsfeld said. His eyes turned towards Evee and his floppy hat.
"Oh no! You try to take my hat and I'll start biting off some more of your fingers," Evee warned.
"There's some sort of container in here. It says Kuporware." Williamina brought forth a square, clear, plasticy container with the image of a moogle's head on the front. "Let's put it all in here. It should last. Erm, just as long as we scrape out this mouldy... thing..."
Now that they had succeeded in obtaining ice and removed the mould from the Kuporware, the group had to get from where they were to Waffle Land as quickly as possible. They were well on their way out of the cavern, and would decide on the best plan of action once they made it out.
They trudged along in silence, although the chilliness was really starting to get to them. At first it was a nice change of pace, but now they were wishing they had brought along an extra sweater, or something.
Williamina was leading the way to the exit when, rather suddenly, she began to fall down a hidden hole. She screamed out, "Ahh! Someone help! I'm falling! I'm falling! This is not good at all, I'm going to end up hurting myself here! Why isn't anyone helping me? I'm never taking the lead again! If you're in the lead, you're just the one testing the area for traps. One bad step and bam! off goes the head! No more of that for me!" The others were rather stunned that she managed to say all of that in the short period of time it took her to fall to the bottom of the hole she had uncovered.
"Fear not, Princess! I'm coming!" Hobsfeld exclaimed. He jumped head first down the hole after her. There was the sound of a lot of clattering armour and then a thud.
"Great, just great. It's up to the rabbit now," Evee sighed and pulled up his sleeves. He then hopped down the hole. After a few moments he called back up. "Um... Little help? I didn't have much of a plan for getting back up there, and the princess and Hobsfeld are unconscious."
"I'm sure you'll figure something out. Take care!" Gill waved down at the hole and continued onward.
"Hey! Get back here! Oh boy... Well, maybe I can climb out."
Gill kept walking along, but didn't get very far before he encountered something very strange. In his path was a hunched over creature. It had pink wings sprouting from its back and was clad in frilly, bright coloured clothing. Reds, yellows, and oranges mixed together in a stunning array. It was topped off by a yellow, cone-shaped hat that shadowed its face and partially covered a pair of long, pink ears.
"Who are you?" Gill inquired.
"I am Black Mambo No. 1!" it responded in a gravely voice.
"I see, well then, I'd best be on my way."
"Not so fast! You aren't going anywhere. You haven't even met Poofy!" Black Mambo No. 1 drew from a frilled sleeve, a large bell. He shook it and the ringing sound echoed throughout the cavern. Seemingly from no where, a giant seal-like creature appeared. "Poofy, sick him!"
"Oh crap..." Gill muttered as the monstrous beast charged towards him. He stuck his hands out in front of him, as if miming a box. The way he was moving his hands, though, it was bigger than a regular box. Poofy proceeded to crash into a mimed wall.
"No!" Black Mambo No. 1 squealed. "Poofy!" He ran to the monster's side. "You broke my Poofy's neck! Now you must pay!" He began to ring the bell again and a rainbow coloured illumination formed around it. The light spread outwards and moved around as if it was alive. It shuddered and twisted about, stretching its way towards Gill. The hunched over Black Mambo cackled wickedly. "Prepare to die!" The light seemed to become volatile. It shook dangerously, preparing to explode.
All the while, Gill was forming a a mimed bow and arrow. He notched the arrow and then let it fly. The invisible projectile caught Black Mambo No. 1 in the head and he keeled over. The light faded and with he went with it, along with his pet Poofy. In his place was a pile of rope.
"Well, I guess I should go back and help the others," Gill sighed, seeing the rope as the way to help them out. "I suppose its rather lucky that he turned into rope upon his death. What are the odds?" He picked up the lengthy cord and went back to help those that had fallen.
"Urg... Almost there," Evee said as he struggled to climb out of the hole. He was very close to escape when Gill returned.
"Hey guys, I have some rope! This'll help you get out of there!" Gill tied one end to a nearby rock and threw the rest down the hole. Unfortunately, because everything was coming down at once, it struck Evee and sent him cascading back down to the bottom.
"Arrg!" he shouted and landed on top of Hobsfeld. "Ow..." Luckily, the fall awakened the two unconscious nobles at the bottom.
"Oh hey, a rope! What good luck this is!" Williamina commented merrily. She then took hold of the rope and began climbing up. "Come on you two! Don't just lay there! Let's get out of here."
"Worked perfectly, our plan did," the familiar green-clad jester said to his cohort.
"It failed miserably," the jester in yellow muttered.
"Say that, how can you?" Zorn inquired.
"I can say that, because Black Mambo No. 1 is dead!" Thorn answered, angrily.
"Dead, he may be, but No. 2 we have, still!"
"You're right. But what if he doesn't work out?"
"Work out, he will! Work out, he will!"
"They're coming! Let's get out of here!"
"Out of here, we are getting!"
The two jesters scurried off just as the group of four was walking beneath them. They had been standing high above the place where Black Mambo No. 1 and Gill fought.
After a few more metres along the path, they were finally out of the Chilly Cavern. The fresh, warm air was a welcome change. Everyone took a deep breath and basked in the sunlight for a moment as they looked out at the green meadow ahead of them.
"Hey, what's that over there?" Evee asked, pointing to something in the distance.
"That's the town of Dali," Hobsfeld replied.
"Hey look, an airship!" Williamina exclaimed, pointing to a ship that was taking off and soaring away from the town. "Maybe there will be one heading for Waffle Land from there. Let's go!"
"Hold on," Gill said, gripping on to the princess' arm before she ran ahead of them. "You need an alias if you're going out in public."
She nodded. "Okay then. Hey Gill, can I see that bottle?" She pointed to a bottle that was tied on to his belt.
"Holy shit! I still have a bottle of ale here? No way, this ale is mine!"
"Give it to me!" she screamed. For a moment, she seemed to become a ferocious animal, ready to rip off Gill's face. The frightened mime complied. "So, this is a bottle of ale..."
"That's right. You can get them in sets of six, twelve, and twenty-four, which is also called a two four," Gill explained.
Williamina opened the bottle and took a swig. "I think I know what my alias will be," she said, after a long moment of thought. "From this moment onward, call me Williamina!"
"I don't think you understand what I meant by alias."
"Of course I did. Now, let's get going!"
Gill sighed, "Can I get my ale back now?"
"We'll see."