A/N: As always, I own nothing! Except maybe the St. Canard Center for
Crazy and Corrupted Criminals. Thanks to Stef (Green Leo Fiend) for
getting me unstuck after I'd written myself into a corner, and thanks
to...uh...lots of other people, I'm sure. Oh, right, thanks for all the
reviews I've gotten on this! Much more than I expected...hope you enjoy this
chapter! The plot's supposed to pick up a little more in the next one.
Hang in there with me!
---------
The four companions hurtled through the grayish-purple portal for one minute, then two...then Darkwing began to wonder. All the other portals he had ever been through hadn't taken nearly this long.
"Um, Morg?" he said loudly over the whooshing noise surrounding them. "Where exactly did this portal lead when you first installed it?"
"The vacant lot at the end of 17th Street!" she called in reply.
"17th Street? Isn't that where they built the new city--"
He was cut off as, without any warning, they all suddenly popped out of the portal and into mid-air, where they hung for about two seconds before falling into a heap of garbage with a loud crash.
"....dump," he finished, picking a banana peel off his beak. Morgana smiled apologetically.
"Well, it got us out of the house, at any rate..." she reminded, shrugging her shoulders.
"Heeeey...Dad! Isn't this my favorite lucky baseball cap that you said got eaten by Mrs. Feldman's chihuahua?" Gosalyn asked, emerging from a pile of junk with a torn, faded, dirty blue cap in one hand. Darkwing blanched.
"Uh...of course not! There must have been hundreds of caps like that made, maybe even thousands!" he replied, fumbling slightly on his words. Gosalyn looked inside the cap, then narrowed her eyes at her father.
"And they all have the initials G.W. written inside them in red marker? With an M added on the end in black?" she asked, one hand on her hip while the other still clutched the hat.
"...um...heheh..." He laughed nervously, looking around for some means of distraction. "Look! There's the St. Canard Center for Crazy and Corrupted Criminals just down the block! Come on, we've got a criminal mastermind to interview!" he announced importantly, scrambling out of the junk. Then, as an afterthought, he went back and helped Morgana up. "Sorry, sweetie..."
"Since when is Quackerjack a criminal mastermind?" the tall witch asked as Launchpad and Gosalyn dug their way out of the junk and onto the sidewalk. "I mean...really, he barely even qualifies as criminal..."
"Morgana! He attempts to market demented, dangerous toys to impressionable young children!" he exclaimed, flailing.
"His toys aren't really all that different from ones I had growing up..." Morgana countered. Her boyfriend opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Launchpad; the pilot was smart (and experienced) enough to recognize the beginnings of an argument between the two lovebirds.
"Uh, hadn't we better get goin' if we're gonna talk to Quackerjack? The place probably doesn't have visiting hours for very long," he said. The distraction was enough to stall impending doom for the moment, and so the four headed down the street towards a tall building with barred windows. As they drew nearer, crazed laughter could be heard drifting from the topmost floors.
"Gosalyn, sweetie, maybe you'd better stay outside..." Darkwing began, eying the building a little warily.
"Good idea, I'll stay with her!" Launchpad added in quickly. He looked downright scared.
"Oh, come on, I can handle it!" Gosalyn argued. "I mean, I bet I've seen YOU act crazier than some of the people locked up in there..."
"What?! When?" her father demanded. She gave him a pointed look.
"Um...well, the time you blew up the living room going after a housefly comes to mind..." she started, then began to tick off on her fingers. "Then the time--"
"Okay, okay! You can come in!" he interrupted, casting a nervous glance Morgana's way; he didn't exactly want his daughter airing out all his dirty laundry in front of his girlfriend. "Just don't wander off!"
"Something about wandering, got it," Gosalyn called, already heading inside the doors. Darkwing heaved an exasperated sigh, and the three adults followed the ten year old's lead.
-------
Meanwhile, in a room on the third floor of the building...
"You've gotta get me outta here!" a voice whined in a semi-darkened room, illuminated only by a flashlight held over some papers spread out on a table that was pushed against one wall. Two figures bent over the table, their faces looking almost ghostly in the little bulb's glow.
"All right, all right, keep your shirt on," the other figure muttered, then pointed down at the table. "If I can get the breakers for this unit shut off, that should take care of the whole floor..."
"Why can't you just shut off the alarms for this hall? That's all we need!" the other figured exclaimed, peering at the map.
"Hey, you don't expect me to just leave these fluorescent beauties trapped here, do you? I'm going to liberate all the ones on this floor!"
"What are you TALKING about!? We don't have time to go around freeing light bulbs! I've gotta escape!"
Suddenly, a third voice came out of an intercom, causing the two figures to jump. "Mr. Quackerjack, you have some visitors," an extremely nasal female voice crackled over the speaker. The two figures looked at one another, then immediately started scrambling.
"Quick! Turn the lights back on!" Quackerjack ordered, frantically clearing the table of papers, which were shoved into a nearby basket...which happened to be full of yarn....
"I can't, I already unscrewed the bulbs!"
"Well, SCREW THEM BACK!"
"There's no time! Here, we'll trigger the emergency lights!"
"Well, hurry up! Get in position!"
The emergency light above the doorway flicked on and the flurry of activity ceased seconds before Darkwing Duck burst through the door. "All right, Quackerjack, I don't want any of your...tricks..." He trailed off, blinking in disbelief at the sight that met his eyes. At one end of the white, padded cell, the jester was sitting on the edge of the bed, Mr. Banana Brain faithfully at his side while he played with a paddleball. Sitting in a chair near the bed was what appeared to be an elderly looking woman, complete with blue hair, a tacky, floral dress that looked like it escaped out of the seventies, and knitting needles, half-listening while Quackerjack spoke.
"So, GRANDMA, how's life on the farm been—oh! Why, Darkwing Duck! What a surprise to see you!" the clown exclaimed, bouncing off the bed to stand on his head in front of the caped crimefighter and company, who all looked absolutely baffled. "This is my Grandma Ethel." The 'grandmother' gave him a look that plainly said 'ETHEL??' but just forced something resembling a smile and nodded.
"Oh...um..." Darkwing stammered, still befuddled. "...right." He paused a moment, then decided to just proceed with the speech he'd had planned out. "It's no use, Quackerjack! We know all about your little scheme!" Quackerjack and Megavolt exchanged nervous glances; how on Earth could Darkwing Duck have found out about the escape plan!? However, before they could get too worried, the masked mallard continued. "Sooo, you thought you could get away with luring a poor innocent spider--" Here, Launchpad made a face as if to say 'innocent spider!?', but Darkwing paid him no heed. "--and his mother into your evil ploy to take over the minds of the children of St. Canard with your treacherous toys!"
"Spiders? What spiders?" Quackerjack asked, genuinely confused. 'Grandma Ethel' just continued to pretend to knit, although it looked more like tying knots in the yarn with the needles.
"Don't try to deny it! Archie already confessed to--" Here, he stopped when he felt a tap on his shoulder, and looked up to see Morgana looking a little hesitant. "What is it?"
"Er...Dark, darling, Archie never actually said anything about Quackerjack..." she began.
"Shh! Morgana, that doesn't matter!" he explained, drawing her aside slightly, which was a pretty useless move, since everyone in the room could still plainly hear what was being said. "If I make him THINK Archie's already confessed, he might admit to the crime!"
"Look, sorry to burst your bubble, Dipwing, but I don't know any arachnids named Archie," Quackerjack interrupted, then went back to playing paddleball.
"Aha!" Launchpad exclaimed, triumphant that he'd noticed a clue. "If you don't know him, how come you knew he was an arachnid and not just any kind of spider, huh? Let's see you explain that!"
"Um, Launchpad..." Gosalyn muttered to the pilot. "All spiders are arachnids..."
"...oh. Heheh," Launchpad answered, laughing sheepishly.
"Hey, wait a minute," Quackerjack spoke up, frowning as realization dawned on him. "Do you mean to say that someone ELSE is trying to take over the evil toy overlord business in St. Canard?"
"...you mean it really wasn't you?" Darkwing asked, looking even more befuddled than before.
"Nope...someone's trying to horn in on my territory!" the jester exclaimed angrily, jumping off the bed.
"Oh...well...sorry we interrupted your visit, I guess...um...we'll be going now..." In absolute disbelief that his deductive powers had proved wrong, Darkwing wandered out of the room, the rest of his entourage following behind him.
As soon as the door clicked shut, Megavolt jerked the blue wig off his head, scratching his scalp in annoyance. "I can't believe I'm doing this for you..." he whined. "If it weren't for those beauties trapped in those cheap, awful cases, I'd have backed out..."
"We do NOT have TIME to free your stupid light bulbs, Sparky!" Quackerjack insisted, frustrating.
"Hey, don't call me Sparky!"
"Just do your whole electricity manipulation thing and let's get out of here!"
--------
Darkwing Duck didn't notice as, behind them, the lights on the third floor of the St. Canard Center for Crazy and Corrupted Criminals suddenly extinguished, nor did he or any of his friends pay any mind to the insane cackle of familiar laughter that followed the sudden lack of illumination.
"So now what do we do, DW?" Launchpad asked as the crimefighter paced a few feet ahead of where the others were walking, his hands clasped behind his back.
"According to my deductions, Al's House of Amusement is going to be the next toy store robbed!" he announced. The other three exchanged glances.
"Uh, Dad, your deductions haven't exactly been proving to be much help in this case..." Gosalyn reminded, readjusting her newly found baseball cap. Her father just stopped walking and glared in her direction. The rest of them stopped, as well, before they ran into him.
"AS I was saying...Launchpad, you and I are going to stake out the toy store. Morgana, I want you to take Gosalyn home," he ordered, trying to sound authoritive. However, his attitude withered as his girlfriend fixed him with an annoyed glare. "Um...please? Honeywumpus?"
"Darkwing, Archie's my familiar! If he IS involved in this, I think I have the right to be there!" she replied. He shook his head and drew her aside slightly.
"If you come along, then just what, pray tell, do you suggest we do with Gosalyn? I don't want to take her along on what could be a highly dangerous stakeout!" he exclaimed. Immediately, he knew he had said the wrong thing somehow by the look on Morgana's face.
"Oh, but it's okay to take ME along into danger!?" she demanded, her voice rising. He looked completely flabbergasted.
"But you just...you said...and...you just insisted that you come along!" he exclaimed, flailing.
"I'm a woman; I'm not required to be rational," she snapped back in response. The four of them stood there in silence for a moment as a few cars passed by on the road, Morgana standing with her arms crossed over her chest in a huff, Darkwing still looking completely at a loss for words, and Launchpad and Gosalyn looking as though they both wished they had stayed home to play Whiffleboy.
"Um, Dad, why don't I just go over to Honker's?" Gosalyn suggested, breaking the silence. "It's only about two blocks away from Al's." As much as she hated to miss an adventure, she would much rather be hanging out with Honker than watching her dad and Morgana argue over stupid stuff.
"Fine, at least that's one problem solved. Let's get going," Darkwing grumbled in response, stomping off ahead of them. Launchpad and Gosalyn exchanged glances with one another, then looked at Morgana, who was still standing on the sidewalk with her arms crossed. Shrugging, they walked past the witch to follow Darkwing. Morgana's expression had softened a little to one of uncertainty; deep down, she knew that she had no cause for blowing up like she just had, but she was every bit as stubborn as her boyfriend, and apologizing wasn't going to come easily. She had no idea why she let her temper get the best of her around him so much, but, whatever the reason, it was too late to dwell on this time around. Sighing quietly, she hurried down the sidewalk to catch up to the others.
---------
The four companions hurtled through the grayish-purple portal for one minute, then two...then Darkwing began to wonder. All the other portals he had ever been through hadn't taken nearly this long.
"Um, Morg?" he said loudly over the whooshing noise surrounding them. "Where exactly did this portal lead when you first installed it?"
"The vacant lot at the end of 17th Street!" she called in reply.
"17th Street? Isn't that where they built the new city--"
He was cut off as, without any warning, they all suddenly popped out of the portal and into mid-air, where they hung for about two seconds before falling into a heap of garbage with a loud crash.
"....dump," he finished, picking a banana peel off his beak. Morgana smiled apologetically.
"Well, it got us out of the house, at any rate..." she reminded, shrugging her shoulders.
"Heeeey...Dad! Isn't this my favorite lucky baseball cap that you said got eaten by Mrs. Feldman's chihuahua?" Gosalyn asked, emerging from a pile of junk with a torn, faded, dirty blue cap in one hand. Darkwing blanched.
"Uh...of course not! There must have been hundreds of caps like that made, maybe even thousands!" he replied, fumbling slightly on his words. Gosalyn looked inside the cap, then narrowed her eyes at her father.
"And they all have the initials G.W. written inside them in red marker? With an M added on the end in black?" she asked, one hand on her hip while the other still clutched the hat.
"...um...heheh..." He laughed nervously, looking around for some means of distraction. "Look! There's the St. Canard Center for Crazy and Corrupted Criminals just down the block! Come on, we've got a criminal mastermind to interview!" he announced importantly, scrambling out of the junk. Then, as an afterthought, he went back and helped Morgana up. "Sorry, sweetie..."
"Since when is Quackerjack a criminal mastermind?" the tall witch asked as Launchpad and Gosalyn dug their way out of the junk and onto the sidewalk. "I mean...really, he barely even qualifies as criminal..."
"Morgana! He attempts to market demented, dangerous toys to impressionable young children!" he exclaimed, flailing.
"His toys aren't really all that different from ones I had growing up..." Morgana countered. Her boyfriend opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Launchpad; the pilot was smart (and experienced) enough to recognize the beginnings of an argument between the two lovebirds.
"Uh, hadn't we better get goin' if we're gonna talk to Quackerjack? The place probably doesn't have visiting hours for very long," he said. The distraction was enough to stall impending doom for the moment, and so the four headed down the street towards a tall building with barred windows. As they drew nearer, crazed laughter could be heard drifting from the topmost floors.
"Gosalyn, sweetie, maybe you'd better stay outside..." Darkwing began, eying the building a little warily.
"Good idea, I'll stay with her!" Launchpad added in quickly. He looked downright scared.
"Oh, come on, I can handle it!" Gosalyn argued. "I mean, I bet I've seen YOU act crazier than some of the people locked up in there..."
"What?! When?" her father demanded. She gave him a pointed look.
"Um...well, the time you blew up the living room going after a housefly comes to mind..." she started, then began to tick off on her fingers. "Then the time--"
"Okay, okay! You can come in!" he interrupted, casting a nervous glance Morgana's way; he didn't exactly want his daughter airing out all his dirty laundry in front of his girlfriend. "Just don't wander off!"
"Something about wandering, got it," Gosalyn called, already heading inside the doors. Darkwing heaved an exasperated sigh, and the three adults followed the ten year old's lead.
-------
Meanwhile, in a room on the third floor of the building...
"You've gotta get me outta here!" a voice whined in a semi-darkened room, illuminated only by a flashlight held over some papers spread out on a table that was pushed against one wall. Two figures bent over the table, their faces looking almost ghostly in the little bulb's glow.
"All right, all right, keep your shirt on," the other figure muttered, then pointed down at the table. "If I can get the breakers for this unit shut off, that should take care of the whole floor..."
"Why can't you just shut off the alarms for this hall? That's all we need!" the other figured exclaimed, peering at the map.
"Hey, you don't expect me to just leave these fluorescent beauties trapped here, do you? I'm going to liberate all the ones on this floor!"
"What are you TALKING about!? We don't have time to go around freeing light bulbs! I've gotta escape!"
Suddenly, a third voice came out of an intercom, causing the two figures to jump. "Mr. Quackerjack, you have some visitors," an extremely nasal female voice crackled over the speaker. The two figures looked at one another, then immediately started scrambling.
"Quick! Turn the lights back on!" Quackerjack ordered, frantically clearing the table of papers, which were shoved into a nearby basket...which happened to be full of yarn....
"I can't, I already unscrewed the bulbs!"
"Well, SCREW THEM BACK!"
"There's no time! Here, we'll trigger the emergency lights!"
"Well, hurry up! Get in position!"
The emergency light above the doorway flicked on and the flurry of activity ceased seconds before Darkwing Duck burst through the door. "All right, Quackerjack, I don't want any of your...tricks..." He trailed off, blinking in disbelief at the sight that met his eyes. At one end of the white, padded cell, the jester was sitting on the edge of the bed, Mr. Banana Brain faithfully at his side while he played with a paddleball. Sitting in a chair near the bed was what appeared to be an elderly looking woman, complete with blue hair, a tacky, floral dress that looked like it escaped out of the seventies, and knitting needles, half-listening while Quackerjack spoke.
"So, GRANDMA, how's life on the farm been—oh! Why, Darkwing Duck! What a surprise to see you!" the clown exclaimed, bouncing off the bed to stand on his head in front of the caped crimefighter and company, who all looked absolutely baffled. "This is my Grandma Ethel." The 'grandmother' gave him a look that plainly said 'ETHEL??' but just forced something resembling a smile and nodded.
"Oh...um..." Darkwing stammered, still befuddled. "...right." He paused a moment, then decided to just proceed with the speech he'd had planned out. "It's no use, Quackerjack! We know all about your little scheme!" Quackerjack and Megavolt exchanged nervous glances; how on Earth could Darkwing Duck have found out about the escape plan!? However, before they could get too worried, the masked mallard continued. "Sooo, you thought you could get away with luring a poor innocent spider--" Here, Launchpad made a face as if to say 'innocent spider!?', but Darkwing paid him no heed. "--and his mother into your evil ploy to take over the minds of the children of St. Canard with your treacherous toys!"
"Spiders? What spiders?" Quackerjack asked, genuinely confused. 'Grandma Ethel' just continued to pretend to knit, although it looked more like tying knots in the yarn with the needles.
"Don't try to deny it! Archie already confessed to--" Here, he stopped when he felt a tap on his shoulder, and looked up to see Morgana looking a little hesitant. "What is it?"
"Er...Dark, darling, Archie never actually said anything about Quackerjack..." she began.
"Shh! Morgana, that doesn't matter!" he explained, drawing her aside slightly, which was a pretty useless move, since everyone in the room could still plainly hear what was being said. "If I make him THINK Archie's already confessed, he might admit to the crime!"
"Look, sorry to burst your bubble, Dipwing, but I don't know any arachnids named Archie," Quackerjack interrupted, then went back to playing paddleball.
"Aha!" Launchpad exclaimed, triumphant that he'd noticed a clue. "If you don't know him, how come you knew he was an arachnid and not just any kind of spider, huh? Let's see you explain that!"
"Um, Launchpad..." Gosalyn muttered to the pilot. "All spiders are arachnids..."
"...oh. Heheh," Launchpad answered, laughing sheepishly.
"Hey, wait a minute," Quackerjack spoke up, frowning as realization dawned on him. "Do you mean to say that someone ELSE is trying to take over the evil toy overlord business in St. Canard?"
"...you mean it really wasn't you?" Darkwing asked, looking even more befuddled than before.
"Nope...someone's trying to horn in on my territory!" the jester exclaimed angrily, jumping off the bed.
"Oh...well...sorry we interrupted your visit, I guess...um...we'll be going now..." In absolute disbelief that his deductive powers had proved wrong, Darkwing wandered out of the room, the rest of his entourage following behind him.
As soon as the door clicked shut, Megavolt jerked the blue wig off his head, scratching his scalp in annoyance. "I can't believe I'm doing this for you..." he whined. "If it weren't for those beauties trapped in those cheap, awful cases, I'd have backed out..."
"We do NOT have TIME to free your stupid light bulbs, Sparky!" Quackerjack insisted, frustrating.
"Hey, don't call me Sparky!"
"Just do your whole electricity manipulation thing and let's get out of here!"
--------
Darkwing Duck didn't notice as, behind them, the lights on the third floor of the St. Canard Center for Crazy and Corrupted Criminals suddenly extinguished, nor did he or any of his friends pay any mind to the insane cackle of familiar laughter that followed the sudden lack of illumination.
"So now what do we do, DW?" Launchpad asked as the crimefighter paced a few feet ahead of where the others were walking, his hands clasped behind his back.
"According to my deductions, Al's House of Amusement is going to be the next toy store robbed!" he announced. The other three exchanged glances.
"Uh, Dad, your deductions haven't exactly been proving to be much help in this case..." Gosalyn reminded, readjusting her newly found baseball cap. Her father just stopped walking and glared in her direction. The rest of them stopped, as well, before they ran into him.
"AS I was saying...Launchpad, you and I are going to stake out the toy store. Morgana, I want you to take Gosalyn home," he ordered, trying to sound authoritive. However, his attitude withered as his girlfriend fixed him with an annoyed glare. "Um...please? Honeywumpus?"
"Darkwing, Archie's my familiar! If he IS involved in this, I think I have the right to be there!" she replied. He shook his head and drew her aside slightly.
"If you come along, then just what, pray tell, do you suggest we do with Gosalyn? I don't want to take her along on what could be a highly dangerous stakeout!" he exclaimed. Immediately, he knew he had said the wrong thing somehow by the look on Morgana's face.
"Oh, but it's okay to take ME along into danger!?" she demanded, her voice rising. He looked completely flabbergasted.
"But you just...you said...and...you just insisted that you come along!" he exclaimed, flailing.
"I'm a woman; I'm not required to be rational," she snapped back in response. The four of them stood there in silence for a moment as a few cars passed by on the road, Morgana standing with her arms crossed over her chest in a huff, Darkwing still looking completely at a loss for words, and Launchpad and Gosalyn looking as though they both wished they had stayed home to play Whiffleboy.
"Um, Dad, why don't I just go over to Honker's?" Gosalyn suggested, breaking the silence. "It's only about two blocks away from Al's." As much as she hated to miss an adventure, she would much rather be hanging out with Honker than watching her dad and Morgana argue over stupid stuff.
"Fine, at least that's one problem solved. Let's get going," Darkwing grumbled in response, stomping off ahead of them. Launchpad and Gosalyn exchanged glances with one another, then looked at Morgana, who was still standing on the sidewalk with her arms crossed. Shrugging, they walked past the witch to follow Darkwing. Morgana's expression had softened a little to one of uncertainty; deep down, she knew that she had no cause for blowing up like she just had, but she was every bit as stubborn as her boyfriend, and apologizing wasn't going to come easily. She had no idea why she let her temper get the best of her around him so much, but, whatever the reason, it was too late to dwell on this time around. Sighing quietly, she hurried down the sidewalk to catch up to the others.