Disclaimer: Nothing's mine!
A/N: I wrote a version of this little piece of angst AGES ago after I read OotP, and I've just decided to post it. One-shot.
Back to You
A strange mood takes hold of me as I watch the violently bubbling potion begin to settle. It will be today, then. Finally, after months of waiting, and years before that, it will be today.
The thought that I will soon be seeing you again keeps me upright in what I know are my final moments. I was always so proud of you, Sirius. You came from being just another troublesome student, to a brave, strong man who was willing to die for those he loved. You paid for your rash bravery, but it makes no difference. It – death, I longer fear the word – happens to us all in the end.
For too many people, it happened too soon. I remember hearing about the uncountable deaths after the war, the deaths of so many that I had known, and every name was like another shut gate in my frozen heart.
It will not be too soon for me to leave this world. I, a werewolf, forever shunted by others, looked at in fear or loathing. But you did not fear or loath me, Padfoot, my dear friend. My lover. My forever. You stood by me, and even when they shut you up and I believed you to be a murderer, the memory of what we had had kept me alive. You were my strength, and I truly died the day you did.
I can almost see your face now as the potion finally stops bubbling. You are looking at me in anticipation, the way you used to look at our Prongs before he planned another crazy prank, holding your breath. When the glass of clear liquid is in front of me, I can almost imagine you sitting in a chair and practically leaning out of it, your beautiful grey eyes shining, waiting for me.
The decision was never difficult, and I do not pause now. The potion tastes strange as it slips down my throat, and I can finally feel a sense of calm somewhere deep inside. I am not afraid. I am not afraid. I am not afraid. I will see you, soon now.
I begin to feel faint, and have to sit, but cannot get myself to a chair. I simply lower myself onto the ground instead, and it feels soft. It is comforting, and I almost laugh. The comfort that I have been seeking for these three long years has been beneath my feet all along.
After a while, the pain begins, but although my body feels it, my mind does not. It is faint but distinct, like your dog howl calling me back to you, back to my senses, on those full moon nights. The pain forms a shroud, a grey cloud gathering around and in front of me.
"Sirius..."
The clouds part with my whisper, and you are standing there, beaming like the sun in a sincere joy that can never be matched. You are my sun, and you finally shine after a pause that has been too long. I laugh with you and cry at the same time, my heart filling until it feels as though it will burst with the unstoppable love I know I will always feel for you.
You pull me up and we are embracing, and though I feel cold you warm me again. My body responds to you touch, the way it has always done, and you grin at my embarrassment. I look into your eyes and see your love there, and I feel safe at last.
I hear your voice, all around me, soothing me.
"Sleep, Remus..."
"I love you..." I murmur, tiredness settling in.
"I love you, Moony..."
It begins to grow dark, Black, like your name, making me wearier. I smile and succumb to sleep. I know that when I wake, you will be standing over me, and we will be together, and we will never, never be parted again.
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Remus Lupin, last of the Marauders, breathed his last breath with an expression of the utmost trust and content lighting his face.