Free Will

I can't feel.

I can't think.

I can't speak.

My mind is numb, a headache that makes everything seem like a dream because the pain is too real to bear. I open my mouth to talk but nothing comes out. I can't talk, the words won't come out. So I close my mouth shut. My teeth grind against each other and I clench my fist. I want to scream out but it won't come, someone stole my voice away.

So I lay there with nothing on my mind but death. Oh how I welcome death right now. The sweet temptations of fruit that could take the pain away. The only thing that could take the pain away. I am very tempted to take that forbidden fruit, always tempted to take it.

The pain rises but I ignore it.

If I focus on the pain then it will grow, fear feeds pain and I will not show fear. I will not feed the pain and give in.

The only hint of pain I show on the outside are the small aqua diamonds that leak out of my hammered tight eyes. But on the inside it is a lot worse. The pain is everywhere, engulfing every inch of my body. He does this every time. This time the spell is worse, I can feel it.

Its stops. The pain stops. He hovers over me with those eyes, silver as the taste of blood, the bitter metallic taste.

I bore my eyes into his. I wont give into his antics, his games. He gives the Malfoy sneer. I smile with amusement. He shows weakness, his face tells it all.

"And what pray tell is so funny?" His voice hissing through the dark with hatred.

I smile again at his question. Am I hallucinating? I feel heat rise in my head and run through my body as I look at my body caked in blood, my blood. I look at my reflection through the red body fluid and have little hope that I will make it out of this chamber, this house alive.

My eyes shoot back to his face. "Your weakness." Voice hoarse from screaming that I don't remember doing. I taste blood in my mouth and feel my throat burn with irritation as the thick, sticky redness drains down my airway.

"How dare you say such insolence!" A scream and nothing more.

I feel his hand contact my pale cheek and more blood flows through my mouth and sprays down my chin.

I laugh an insane laugh. This was it, I was going to die from my fathers ruthless beatings. For what? Resisting to be one of them, another robot.

My body starts to stiffen from the hours that pass as I slowly waste away. I can feel the darkness creep in my mind but I never let it take over. So tempting is the forbidden fruit. I need to taste it but something holds me back.

I hear the door slam shut and hear his footsteps echo away to nothing. I hang my head on the floor, resting it in my own blood. I lick my lips and welcome the bitter taste of metal, of my warm salty blood.

The pain grows stronger with each breathe, each movement. My eyes tempt to close. They yearn to shut down, I leave them open. My Malfoy heritage, to be bold and not let any emotion overwhelm me. I fear. I am not a Malfoy because I fear.

An exile in my own house, own family. I love it. I am my own person now even if it is at the end of my life. I know now that I am different than my bloodthirsty father.

The fear fades away as I realize that's the one thing that my father can never take away, he can never have it. My free will. My bones, broken and shattered. Not even a potion could help them.

This is it. I am going to die here. I can feel it, taste it, and realize it. My breathing shortens as the pain in my chest rises. 'He probably broke every bone in my bloody body' I think bitterly as an image of what I will look like here when I'm dead.

I close my eyes and force my head hard against the bloodied cobble floor as the pain rises to a fierce burn. I scream with every new lick of movement. Is this it? Am I going to die right now?

I feel panic for the first time in my life. It rises high in my chest and I can feel my breathing get shallow, chest barely moving a centimeter. The realization hits me. Dying, bleeding to death. I swallow hard and take a huge swallow of air to try and steady my rising fear.

I look down at my body and see something mangled, not human looking. All of my limbs are thrown at different angles with bones sticking out in every other area. Bits and pieces of my flesh are ripped hear and there making me choke down my bile as I see different layers of skin strewn about around me.

Not wanting to look any further I lean my head back down and splatter it into the ice-cold blood. My body will be ice cold soon just like this blood. I am so numb that the pain is gone, numb in pain. So much pain that it makes me numb. Blinding me and my movements. All I can do now is wait, wait to die.

I never did think I was going to live to see twenty, especially after I made the choice to obey my father. I smile to myself. But the look on his face when I told him was priceless. He looked as if Voldemort and Harry Potter were eloping in Mecixo. I laugh at the thought.

I don't know if it's been days or hours. Seems like days to me. Of course I'm sure it does when you're slowly dying. There is no sunlight, only moonlight that helps me recognize my surroundings.

I slip in and out of consciousness. It will be soon. Not to long now before I can taste the forbidden fruit.

I can't wait.

I can't wait to be free from the nightmares. I can't wait to be free from the pain. I can't wait to be free from the screaming. I can't wait to be free from him. Most of all I can't wait to be free from life.

I wait longer. It itches at my brain. I raise my head as a foul smell reaches my nostrils. I realize it's me, my rotting, decaying body. The foul odor tells me its close, so very close.

My eyes open and I can feel it. This is it. The darkness in my eyes grows wider and my mind blackens. I give out a soft chuckle from the lessoned pain.

Its gone.

He couldn't get it.

My free will.