Title: Enough
Author: Emily
Rating: PG 13
Summary: "He smiles and she smiles and she gets through another day"
AN: Het ficathon entry for fullofgrace who wanted Giles/Anya, romance and angst.

It's the little moments that nobody sees. Brief interims in their lives. He smiles and she smiles and she gets through another day. And eventually the days are easier to get through.

- - -

"Giles. Would you be interested in having sexual relations with me?" She asks calmly in the Magic shop on one cold afternoon.

He sputters.

"I've been thinking about it. You're not that old, certainly not in comparison to me. Your body seems nice underneath all that tweed and you're nice too."

"Anya…" Giles says, lost for words.

She looks at him expectantly.

"That's somewhat…ridiculous. I can't have… sexual relations with you."

"I'm bored and I miss sex. Why are you being so uncooperative? Is it my hair? Am I unattractive in some way?"

"There is nothing wrong with your hair" He says, nodding. "You are very attractive."

"I knew you thought so." She says smugly.

"Nonetheless, we're not doing this."

"Quit acting shocked. I know you've had sex before. I'm not fooled by the librarian act. Everyone thinks you're just an old librarian man who knows a little about sex from some funny pictures in books but I'm sure you're far more experienced than that. You can't have been born a librarian."

Giles's mouth opens and closes.

"Why does everyone think that about librarians?"

"Because they sit alone with a lot of books for most of the day. They're not traditionally very exciting. But I think you're very exciting!" Anya beams.

"Come and sit over here with me, Giles." She pats the seat next to her.

"I'm not getting any closer."

She pouts.

"Fine. But I know you want to."

- - -

She doesn't try to seduce him again. But she is smart enough to know that his rejection is due to pesky things like morals and what is right. She goes away assured that if she wanted to, really wanted to, then she could. That makes the next day a little bit easier.

- - -

"Xander is a jerk" She says mournfully.

"He probably still likes Buffy anyway. Is it because she's blonde? I am sometimes blonde. Obviously sometimes is not good enough."

Anya fingers her hair.

"I don't think he did it because of your hair." Giles says gently.

"Then why?"

Of course, why is the only question he has no answer to. He could tell her how and when and where but he cannot tell her why.

"I haven't a clue." He informs her.

"Are you being sarcastic?" She narrows her eyes.

"No. I don't know why, but it's his mistake."

"I think you're complimenting me." Anya ponders.

"Either that or insulting Xander." She adds.

"We'll say it's both."

"Okay. Spike said Xander was a pillock."

"Quite right." Giles says.

"Of course Spike is crazy in love with Buffy when he should just move on. I told her that and she told me not to be so Beyonce. I think that's another stupid pop culture reference. So, I think he's a pillock too because she's never going to love him back."

"Well yes. But Xander is still an idiot."

"It's because he's human. Humanity just...sucks" Anya announces in an all too human manner.

Giles smiles at her and wonders if she knows she is a part of it.

- - -

She is okay now.

She's almost sure of it. It's just that Xander is moving on, really moving on. He went on a date with another girl. She turned out to be evil but that's not the point. The point is that Anya has not been on a date and Xander is still the person she sees before she falls asleep at night. She can complain about him or cry about him all she likes but that fact has not changed.

She talks to Giles in the Magic shop though, everyday, and it's getting better. It hurts less. It's only that single fleeting image of Xander and how they used to be before she falls asleep that bothers her.

- - -

Anya decides to get Giles drunk and so she brings a bottle of wine one day.

But Giles is British and he likes wine and he doesn't get easily drunk. Anya thinks she might be drunk and this just isn't how she intended things to go.

"I think I should leave. Go back to England." Giles says abruptly.

"Again?"

"Again."

"When I left the first time, I said that Buffy didn't need me but she did. Now, she doesn't need me. It's my fault you know, because of how I left in the first time. I didn't think -"

"It's not your fault." Anya says automatically. That's a human habit she has picked up.

"Well, maybe it is your fault." She changes her mind. "But you can't change that now. The best thing to do would be to stick around some more and make things better."

He smiles tiredly. "The easiest thing to do would be to leave."

"Well, the easiest thing for me to do would be to go back to my vengeance ways. Again."

She pauses. "Do you ever think that we're just doing all of the same things over and over? That we never change? That maybe we can't?"

Giles looks across at her. "All the time."

"I still miss Xander. And I know we're over and he was an idiot and that it's better this way anyway because he did not want to marry me. I used to think that if he had married me anyway then it would have been okay, but it would not have been. I wanted to have little screaming babies with him and to have a house and a dog and maybe a cat as well. But he didn't and it wouldn't have been the same. I couldn't have made do."

"He wasn't good enough for you - you do have pretty hair." Giles says.

Anya grins. "Are you drunk yet?"

"Are you trying to seduce me again?"

"Do you mind?"

When Giles doesn't respond she clambers onto his lap, takes his glasses off and presses a multitude of sweet wine flavoured kisses onto his lips. He responds to her kisses before sighing almost inaudibly and lifting her off his lap.

She pouts.

"Giles…"

"It's not a good idea, Anya. It's still not."

"But I…"

"I know."

She sits on the floor sadly. She was hoping, that she could make it all okay, through this. That she would kiss him and things would change. Anya would no longer be static. Xander would not be the face she saw before going to bed at night.

"What you said, about leaving again. That was just because of the wine, wasn't it? You're not going to leave, right?"

"I'm not going to leave."

"Good."

There is a silence.

"You're gonna stay?" She asks again quietly, her arms wrapped around her knees.

His nod makes her smile a little.

It's not enough, the way things are. None of this is enough now that she has had love and lost it. Really, all she has ever wanted is for someone to stay. Giles is going to stay though and that is enough. That is enough for now.