Nobody Understands
Chapter 2 – I'm sorry, I can't.
A/N: This takes place immediately after the previous chapter. Sorry the last one was so short, I was just looking for an appropriate place to stop and I thought that was best! The next chapters will be longer.
A few hours later I glanced at my clock and saw it was nearly my bedtime. Deciding that my mum was probably already upset with me, I thought it was best that I get ready for bed. Even though I didn't know how to love my parents I did like pleasing them, especially my mum.
I cautiously opened my bedroom door. I couldn't hear anything upstairs so concluded that both of my parents were still downstairs. I crept along the landing and down the stairs without making a sound, an art I had perfected with lots of practise. All those nights when I couldn't sleep and I would go and sit in the living room. I would just sit in the pitch black not doing anything. My dad found me one night. I think he got quite scared because when I turned to face him it was almost as if I did not recognise him. This all happened before I was 'diagnosed' as it were. Unless someone introduces themselves to me it seems as though I am unable to recognise that person, even if I already know them. I mean, of course I recognise them; I just don't recognise them as a friend.
Halfway down the stairs I can hear my parents' voices coming from the living room. It sounds as if my mum is crying and my dad is trying to comfort her.
'She'll be alright.' 'I hope so. What if she never accepts the baby?'
I hear snippets of the conversation and I sat down on the step behind me, bringing my hands up to my mouth. I was really nervous now. My parents thought I wouldn't be able to handle having a baby in the house. Well I would show them. I would be the best sister anyone has ever seen. But deep down I knew they were right. I am no good with people who are my own age, let alone someone who is completely helpless. And even though I can't show my appreciation to my parents' attention, I love it when they give it to me and hate it when they give it to someone else, even if it is for a few minutes. How was I going to feel with someone who would have their attention for most of the time?
I knew I needed to do some damage control. Carefully walking into the kitchen I looked around for something I could take to my parents. But what? I knew that pregnant women weren't supposed to eat or drink certain things, like alcohol and caffeine. I decided to play it safe and just got my mum a glass of water. That can't harm you can it? For my dad I went all out and climbed up onto the counter to find my secret supply of toffees. You may think it's strange that I keep them in the kitchen where my parents could find them but what I do is move them around every few days so that they will never find them. I grabbed one out, jumped down quietly and made my way into the living room.
I watched for a few moments and then went behind the sofa they were sitting on. They hadn't noticed me come in. I am no good at the sentimental stuff so I just handed my mum the water, dropped the toffee into my dad's lap and then climbed over the sofa to sit between them, reversing the action I had only done a few hours earlier. They ate and drank their gifts appreciatively, even though I could see they were purely doing it out of politeness. My parents are trying to help me and so whenever I show signs of love towards them, they grab hold of it with both hands.
For a while none of us spoke. I could sense they were waiting for me to speak first.
'When is it coming?'
'June.'
I studied my mum for a moment. 'I think it's going to come on the 28th.'
'Is that so?' My mum smiled a little. I know, I know you're really shocked aren't you. I'm really good at things like that though. I can work out when I think a baby is due and most of the time I am right. Once we were on the subway and there was this pregnant lady sitting opposite us. I told her I thought her baby would be born on 23rd December and that it would be a boy. In early January I saw her again and she was holding a bundle in her arms. I asked her when he was born and she told me that he came on the 23rd December.
'Maddie, are you ok with this?' My dad asked gently. I sat for a few moments and then I shrugged.
'I'm never ok with anything am I?' I carried on before my parents said something comforting. 'But I will try...Really I will.' I said when I saw the look on my mum's face.
'I know you will.' She put her hand on my back and I tensed at the gesture. I could see the hurt look in her eyes so I hugged her awkwardly and then my dad. They both hugged me back, clinging to me as if I were a lifeline. Standing up I walked normally out of the room and went upstairs to bed by myself. No one to read me a bedtime story. No one to tuck me in. No one to kiss me goodnight. Not because they don't want to. But because I can't.
A/N: This takes place immediately after the previous chapter. Sorry the last one was so short, I was just looking for an appropriate place to stop and I thought that was best! The next chapters will be longer.
A few hours later I glanced at my clock and saw it was nearly my bedtime. Deciding that my mum was probably already upset with me, I thought it was best that I get ready for bed. Even though I didn't know how to love my parents I did like pleasing them, especially my mum.
I cautiously opened my bedroom door. I couldn't hear anything upstairs so concluded that both of my parents were still downstairs. I crept along the landing and down the stairs without making a sound, an art I had perfected with lots of practise. All those nights when I couldn't sleep and I would go and sit in the living room. I would just sit in the pitch black not doing anything. My dad found me one night. I think he got quite scared because when I turned to face him it was almost as if I did not recognise him. This all happened before I was 'diagnosed' as it were. Unless someone introduces themselves to me it seems as though I am unable to recognise that person, even if I already know them. I mean, of course I recognise them; I just don't recognise them as a friend.
Halfway down the stairs I can hear my parents' voices coming from the living room. It sounds as if my mum is crying and my dad is trying to comfort her.
'She'll be alright.' 'I hope so. What if she never accepts the baby?'
I hear snippets of the conversation and I sat down on the step behind me, bringing my hands up to my mouth. I was really nervous now. My parents thought I wouldn't be able to handle having a baby in the house. Well I would show them. I would be the best sister anyone has ever seen. But deep down I knew they were right. I am no good with people who are my own age, let alone someone who is completely helpless. And even though I can't show my appreciation to my parents' attention, I love it when they give it to me and hate it when they give it to someone else, even if it is for a few minutes. How was I going to feel with someone who would have their attention for most of the time?
I knew I needed to do some damage control. Carefully walking into the kitchen I looked around for something I could take to my parents. But what? I knew that pregnant women weren't supposed to eat or drink certain things, like alcohol and caffeine. I decided to play it safe and just got my mum a glass of water. That can't harm you can it? For my dad I went all out and climbed up onto the counter to find my secret supply of toffees. You may think it's strange that I keep them in the kitchen where my parents could find them but what I do is move them around every few days so that they will never find them. I grabbed one out, jumped down quietly and made my way into the living room.
I watched for a few moments and then went behind the sofa they were sitting on. They hadn't noticed me come in. I am no good at the sentimental stuff so I just handed my mum the water, dropped the toffee into my dad's lap and then climbed over the sofa to sit between them, reversing the action I had only done a few hours earlier. They ate and drank their gifts appreciatively, even though I could see they were purely doing it out of politeness. My parents are trying to help me and so whenever I show signs of love towards them, they grab hold of it with both hands.
For a while none of us spoke. I could sense they were waiting for me to speak first.
'When is it coming?'
'June.'
I studied my mum for a moment. 'I think it's going to come on the 28th.'
'Is that so?' My mum smiled a little. I know, I know you're really shocked aren't you. I'm really good at things like that though. I can work out when I think a baby is due and most of the time I am right. Once we were on the subway and there was this pregnant lady sitting opposite us. I told her I thought her baby would be born on 23rd December and that it would be a boy. In early January I saw her again and she was holding a bundle in her arms. I asked her when he was born and she told me that he came on the 23rd December.
'Maddie, are you ok with this?' My dad asked gently. I sat for a few moments and then I shrugged.
'I'm never ok with anything am I?' I carried on before my parents said something comforting. 'But I will try...Really I will.' I said when I saw the look on my mum's face.
'I know you will.' She put her hand on my back and I tensed at the gesture. I could see the hurt look in her eyes so I hugged her awkwardly and then my dad. They both hugged me back, clinging to me as if I were a lifeline. Standing up I walked normally out of the room and went upstairs to bed by myself. No one to read me a bedtime story. No one to tuck me in. No one to kiss me goodnight. Not because they don't want to. But because I can't.