Nobody Understands
Chapter 5 – Break Down
A/N: I don't know if any of you thought it was strange that Maddie would have a hobby that her parents would know nothing about. But the way I saw it was that Maddie is quite a secretive person who likes to keep things to herself unless she feel she can really trust a person, which is what happened with Aisha. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. It takes place a few months after the last chapter. I apologise that this chapter is so short! It is an in between chapter and is just basically Maddie's thoughts about Monica's pregnancy and her photography. (I also just wanna say a massive thanks to all the support and reviews – you've been great!)
Mum is now 7 months pregnant and massive. Every time she comes near to me, I can feel her bump digging into me. Dad has become extremely protective of her. He thinks that she has forgotten what being pregnant is like, especially since I was born nearly ten years ago. Earth to Dad – Mum practically wrote the handbook about it! The baby started kicking and every time it does Mum and Dad both go all gooey and get tears in their eyes. When that happens I just bury my head further into my book and pretend not to hear when Mum asks if I want to feel. I don't. I've never been permanently with a pregnant lady and, to tell you the truth, it's pretty scary. All those emotions and strange foods.
They've tried to get me involved with the baby. Giving me opportunities to go to the hospital for the scans, help them choose baby clothes and the equipment that they need, and also be in the discussion for choosing the baby's name. I'm having none of it. I make up these excuses for why I can't. My parents think they are pretty pathetic and so do I. But I can't tell them the real reason.
To help keep my mind off it I have my own project. Aisha came up with the idea after I had shown her my photographs. She had spotted a competition in a photography magazine for Under 16s. You had to pick a favourite subject and take photographs of it. The winner would get a state of the art digital camera and accessories. I was really interested and after talking to my parents and showing them my photographs they finally got on board.
The subject I had chosen was New York and for this I had to spend a lot of time outdoors where there are big crowds. I thought, as did everyone else, that I wouldn't be able to cope, so we did a few trial runs without the camera. But when it came to it, I didn't notice them when I had the camera in my hand. It was almost as if it were my invisibility cloak.
'Where to now?' Brian asked looking around. We were standing in Central Park. I had just taken some pictures and was putting the camera away.
'Nowhere, my film is full up so I have to go and develop it.' I was borrowing Dad's camera that was years old but I loved it; it made me feel as though I were a proper photographer. To help me get into the whole photography world, I thought it would be a good idea to develop my photos myself. I asked Mum and she was going to get Dad to turn the new nursery into a dark room as I would only need it for a few months before the baby was born. I sneakily pointed out that if it becomes a permanent hobby that I would need somewhere else when the baby came. Fortunately she understood and now the box room is the dark room. I couldn't spend anytime in that nursery, I just couldn't.
Brian looked at his watch. 'We'd better be getting you home. I promised your parents I would have you back by 4.'
'Why?' I asked as we walked along.
'Because they are having that baby party, silly!' He reached over to ruffle my hair but I moved away, scowling.
I kept the scowl on my face all the way and refused to talk to Brian. I just nodded when he said goodbye. Mum, Dad and all their friends were sitting in the living room. They looked up when I entered.
'Hey, we were getting worried about you.' Dad said, smiling at me.
'Yea, right,' I muttered under my breath.
'Look what Uncle Ross and Aunt Rachel bought for us.' Mum nodded towards the corner. I looked to see a crib with a teddy bear inside.
I said nothing so Dad carried on. 'Are you coming in love?'
I looked around at all the faces, all the presents. All those things were for the baby. I shook my head and then turned and went upstairs.
I got halfway up when I felt someone pull at my arm. Turning around, I saw Mum standing behind me, her eyes blazing.
'What is your problem young lady?'
I rolled my eyes and didn't reply.
'Don't give me that. You are being plain rude. I know this is difficult for you and your father and I have been trying to make this easier for you. But you don't take anything that we give you; instead you lock yourself away with your camera in that dark room. You are completely oblivious to anything to do with the baby.'
Mum was really angry. I don't think I had ever heard her that mad before. I saw some slight movement in the living room and I could just tell that they were all eavesdropping on our conversation.
'The reason I spend all that time with my camera is because I'm trying to get away.' I was speaking loudly for the benefit of those in the living room. After all, I wouldn't want them to strain themselves.
'From what?' Mum asked gently. I looked at her and sat down on the step with tears in my eyes. I blinked them away.
'You don't know what it's like to be me. I long to be able to have a proper relationship with people and it kills me that I can't. I hate not being able to have my own friends and that I can't love you and Dad. But when I've got my camera none of that stuff matters. I'm not "Maddie Bing – the social freak", instead I'm "Maddie Bing – photographer". I wish I could take pictures all day long because it's in those moments when I forget who I am and just for those few seconds I can believe that I'm normal. I don't want to enter the real world. I don't want anything to do with this baby because I'm afraid.'
Mum sat down next to me. 'What are you afraid of?' She put her arm around me, I flinched and moved away.
'I'm afraid that I'm going to develop some feelings for the baby and I'm terrified about that because I won't know what to do with them.'
I broke down and cried. Mum encircled her arms around me and hugged me as close as she could. This time, I let her.
A/N: I don't know if any of you thought it was strange that Maddie would have a hobby that her parents would know nothing about. But the way I saw it was that Maddie is quite a secretive person who likes to keep things to herself unless she feel she can really trust a person, which is what happened with Aisha. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. It takes place a few months after the last chapter. I apologise that this chapter is so short! It is an in between chapter and is just basically Maddie's thoughts about Monica's pregnancy and her photography. (I also just wanna say a massive thanks to all the support and reviews – you've been great!)
Mum is now 7 months pregnant and massive. Every time she comes near to me, I can feel her bump digging into me. Dad has become extremely protective of her. He thinks that she has forgotten what being pregnant is like, especially since I was born nearly ten years ago. Earth to Dad – Mum practically wrote the handbook about it! The baby started kicking and every time it does Mum and Dad both go all gooey and get tears in their eyes. When that happens I just bury my head further into my book and pretend not to hear when Mum asks if I want to feel. I don't. I've never been permanently with a pregnant lady and, to tell you the truth, it's pretty scary. All those emotions and strange foods.
They've tried to get me involved with the baby. Giving me opportunities to go to the hospital for the scans, help them choose baby clothes and the equipment that they need, and also be in the discussion for choosing the baby's name. I'm having none of it. I make up these excuses for why I can't. My parents think they are pretty pathetic and so do I. But I can't tell them the real reason.
To help keep my mind off it I have my own project. Aisha came up with the idea after I had shown her my photographs. She had spotted a competition in a photography magazine for Under 16s. You had to pick a favourite subject and take photographs of it. The winner would get a state of the art digital camera and accessories. I was really interested and after talking to my parents and showing them my photographs they finally got on board.
The subject I had chosen was New York and for this I had to spend a lot of time outdoors where there are big crowds. I thought, as did everyone else, that I wouldn't be able to cope, so we did a few trial runs without the camera. But when it came to it, I didn't notice them when I had the camera in my hand. It was almost as if it were my invisibility cloak.
'Where to now?' Brian asked looking around. We were standing in Central Park. I had just taken some pictures and was putting the camera away.
'Nowhere, my film is full up so I have to go and develop it.' I was borrowing Dad's camera that was years old but I loved it; it made me feel as though I were a proper photographer. To help me get into the whole photography world, I thought it would be a good idea to develop my photos myself. I asked Mum and she was going to get Dad to turn the new nursery into a dark room as I would only need it for a few months before the baby was born. I sneakily pointed out that if it becomes a permanent hobby that I would need somewhere else when the baby came. Fortunately she understood and now the box room is the dark room. I couldn't spend anytime in that nursery, I just couldn't.
Brian looked at his watch. 'We'd better be getting you home. I promised your parents I would have you back by 4.'
'Why?' I asked as we walked along.
'Because they are having that baby party, silly!' He reached over to ruffle my hair but I moved away, scowling.
I kept the scowl on my face all the way and refused to talk to Brian. I just nodded when he said goodbye. Mum, Dad and all their friends were sitting in the living room. They looked up when I entered.
'Hey, we were getting worried about you.' Dad said, smiling at me.
'Yea, right,' I muttered under my breath.
'Look what Uncle Ross and Aunt Rachel bought for us.' Mum nodded towards the corner. I looked to see a crib with a teddy bear inside.
I said nothing so Dad carried on. 'Are you coming in love?'
I looked around at all the faces, all the presents. All those things were for the baby. I shook my head and then turned and went upstairs.
I got halfway up when I felt someone pull at my arm. Turning around, I saw Mum standing behind me, her eyes blazing.
'What is your problem young lady?'
I rolled my eyes and didn't reply.
'Don't give me that. You are being plain rude. I know this is difficult for you and your father and I have been trying to make this easier for you. But you don't take anything that we give you; instead you lock yourself away with your camera in that dark room. You are completely oblivious to anything to do with the baby.'
Mum was really angry. I don't think I had ever heard her that mad before. I saw some slight movement in the living room and I could just tell that they were all eavesdropping on our conversation.
'The reason I spend all that time with my camera is because I'm trying to get away.' I was speaking loudly for the benefit of those in the living room. After all, I wouldn't want them to strain themselves.
'From what?' Mum asked gently. I looked at her and sat down on the step with tears in my eyes. I blinked them away.
'You don't know what it's like to be me. I long to be able to have a proper relationship with people and it kills me that I can't. I hate not being able to have my own friends and that I can't love you and Dad. But when I've got my camera none of that stuff matters. I'm not "Maddie Bing – the social freak", instead I'm "Maddie Bing – photographer". I wish I could take pictures all day long because it's in those moments when I forget who I am and just for those few seconds I can believe that I'm normal. I don't want to enter the real world. I don't want anything to do with this baby because I'm afraid.'
Mum sat down next to me. 'What are you afraid of?' She put her arm around me, I flinched and moved away.
'I'm afraid that I'm going to develop some feelings for the baby and I'm terrified about that because I won't know what to do with them.'
I broke down and cried. Mum encircled her arms around me and hugged me as close as she could. This time, I let her.