A/N: Apologies to anyone who thought I had abandoned this story, I hope this reassures you that I haven't. Call it a bad case of writer's block, caused by knowing the end is near, combined with starting back at Uni once more. Apparently they expect you to work in your final year!
To Siobhan: Because my email account has been playing up. Thank you for the WIP you sent me, I have read it, and thoroughly enjoyed it, your characterisation of Alec was superb, and the dialogue between M and him was amazing, very believable, very 'true'. I would be delighted if you chose to continue with this WIP, I have a feeling it could be a very good story to develop.
Alley.
I hope to update this sometime some, I have finally got the next scene worked out in my head, its just case of getting it onto paper. Or a Word doc.
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Metallic, imposing, and barely distinguishable from the iron grey water that surrounded it, Deronda's warship was anchored in the lonely ocean. No land was visible, not even from this height, nothing but the grey ocean, its crashing waves tipped with foam, stretching out for miles, as far as the eye could see.
The tension finally began to leave Ashleigh; she unclenched her fists, her short nails leaving little half moon indents in the tender flesh of her palm. In the headphones that had been forced onto her as she had fought with her harness, she could hear the pilots making the preparations for landing.
The anger had finally subsided. But in its place there was nothing. She felt emotionally drained. Her knuckles hurt where they had caught Alec's cheekbone, she couldn't believe she had hit him. However, she felt no remorse for her actions, as he had goaded her, she thought she had lost control, but she hadn't. She had known exactly what she was doing, and the satisfaction of the first blow had been immense. The look on his face had been priceless. She gave a tiny smile, her first since Alec's tirade.
His bluntness about her father had shocked her. To be honest, Ashleigh had few memories about her parents, but she knew that she had adored her father. But since his death, she had refused to talk about it, to take the counselling on offer to her; even the counselling forced upon her at MI6 could not make her talk about him, or her mother. The psychiatrist had given up. There was nothing that could be done; Ashleigh was a perfectly normal, balanced agent apart from that one single factor. And there appeared to be no psychological damage done by her parent's deaths. Then Alec had decided to throw a few 'home truths' at her.
And they had hit her exactly where it hurt.
For years she had questioned her father. Why had he died? Why had he let himself get into a situation where he could be killed? Was it weakness? Had he failed because of the weakness inside him? Would she fail, because she had the same weakness inside her? Would she face her final moments with a gun against her head, and nothing but a bitter emptiness inside her?
She no longer knew. If that was to be her fate, as Alec so vehemently believed, then so be it. There would only be a brief moment of pain, and then nothing, who would care if she died? She would be dead, and have no say in the matter.
Pulling away from such morbid thoughts, she finally felt able to focus on the mission. The situation they were placing themselves smack bang in the middle of, was so unbelievably stupid it could only involve James. She glanced at his dark head, knowing that he had done far riskier things than this, but this would be the first time she had placed herself alone, miles away from any back up or support, and she knew the growing feeling beneath her anger was fear. It was threatening to choke her again. Running a hand over her face she fought down the urge to frantically order the pilots to return to shore, to leave her there and let her…
What? Run back to Alec? The man that seemed determined to confuse her. She hated the way her thoughts kept sneaking back to him, but she couldn't help them. One minute he was asking her to kill his enemies, the next he was offering her an escape route – with him. How easy would it have been? To just step forward, and to take his hand, accept his offer, and then what?
She groaned, burying her head in her hands. What could she and Alec ever have? The man was a cold blooded killer, she was a spy for England. Nothing could ever happen between them that hadn't already occurred. Behind her anger she knew that, she had always known that she could never abandon her work, there were choices, so many choices to make, and Ashleigh had chosen the mission. She had rejected him for a second time. She breathed deeply, refusing to dwell on the traitorous bastard for a moment longer. Janus was history to her.
Ashleigh realised they were losing height, starting the final descent towards Deronda's ship. Staring out of the window she felt a prickle in her spine, aware on a base level that something wasn't right. She turned to James, and saw that he too was staring fixedly outside, he was also aware of what she felt.
The ship was in view; its decks barren, a simple strip of grey floating upon the water. James leant forward; she could hear him urgently appealing to the pilots.
'After you drop us down, don't worry about us, do not stay on the ground a moment longer than you have to, just get the hell away from here.'
She listened to their reply, they could simply return to shore now, there was enough fuel on board to do so.
'No. Just get the hell away once we're down.'
Leaning back James caught Ashleigh's anxious expression, and they stared at each other. This went deeper than any bond they had ever previously shared, they both knew the danger they were in, both knew there was nothing they could do to stop it; all they could was look out for each other and hope they both survived. They both knew what was wrong.
If this was supposed to be a mass gathering, then where was everybody else?
No other 'copters were in view, either airborne, or on the decks below, there was nothing. They were alone, and there was no way this could be interpreted as a good thing. They were being expected.
The fear in Ashleigh's stomach grew. Had Alec deliberately sent her into a trap? Was this his revenge on James and her? Surely there would have been no way he could have known. In place of her anger there was suddenly a cold fury, she had no choice now but to complete this mission.
The descent became lower and lower, aspects of the deck became clearer, it was indeed deserted, the hairs on the back of her neck rose, and she realised she had never been so nervous about a situation before, there was no safe route for her to follow for once, everything seemed to lead to danger, and death. She willed herself to breathe deeply, to calm, to find the agent within that struggled with her mortal self, focus on the agent, and nothing more, she told herself.
The landing was rough, rocking and thudding, involuntarily she let out a small cry, and her hands scrabbled for a hold, to brace herself a moment too late. Tears sprang unwillingly to her eyes, and she suddenly wished she had found a faith in her years on this planet, it seemed hypocritical to be suddenly asking a God she wasn't sure existed to protect her. With the wishes of good luck ringing in her ears from the pilots, she pulled the headset from her head, her breaking of her safety line, and checked that her pass was visible on the front of the heavily padded and pocketed jacket. She drew in a long shuddering breath, her stomach heaved, and she dropped her head, staring at her clasped hands.
James stared at her, he could smell her fear, and once more he cursed M for sending her out here. This time though it wasn't in protest about her inexperience, but she was his goddaughter, the woman that had been the child he had sworn to protect, and now she was risking her life for the same reasons he did, for the same reasons her father had died for. Clumsily he fumbled for her hand, and held it, offering scant comfort, but comfort all the same. She drew strength from his action, and glanced up at him, with warm brown eyes that were filled with a strange mixture of fear and determination, and he knew that she was as ready as she would ever be.
The sound of their heavy boots landing upon the metal deck vibrated hollowly into the void, unnaturally loud. It was the silence that hit Ashleigh first, there was no sounds of life at all, only the rotors of the chopper, the splash of the waves far below them, and the metallic creaking and settling of the ship. It was decidedly eerie. They were alone on the deck, there was nothing to do but to walk towards the ship's tower.
James saw him first, the single guard that stepped from the shadows, Ashleigh saw him a moment later, her eyes flickering towards the tall doughty man, her mouth drying as she saw the heavy machine gun he carried. A second appeared, and then a third, one from every corner, from every nook and cranny they appeared, armed, their faces blank.
Feeling Ashleigh flinch beside him, her hesitation, James groped for her hand once more, reassuring her. 'Just keep walking,' he murmured to her, 'Keep your head held high, be aware, be strong, and do not let them intimidate you.'
It was easier said than done, Ashleigh decided, she felt as if she was walking into the lion's den, and the feeling was indeed intimidating and terrifying. It was taking all her self control not to turn and bolt away, she had to do this, she had to, please, she begged herself, don't fail now. Mentally she pulled herself together, squaring her shoulders, gaining her focus, just think of each step, and keep going forward, that's all you can do. James felt her straighten beside him, and in a strange rush of emotion, was proud of her, proud that she could focus when the pressure was on.
Ashleigh walked as if she was in a trance, simply putting one foot in front of the other, letting nothing distract her, least of all the blank gazes of the guards that seemed to burn through her. Behind her she could hear the blades of the helicopter rotating faster and faster, the steady thudding of the engine getting louder until her heart seemed to pound in time with it, and then the ship rolled beneath her feet as the weight of the helicopter was released.
Then the explosion.
Sudden. It was so sudden. Horrendously loud, Ashleigh felt it in the pit of her stomach as much as he heard it, her hands flew to her ears, she was aware of James grabbing her, pulling her into his body as the heat wave hit them, searing, burning, so hot, rushing past her in a wave of heat and sound. The air was alive with burning pieces of metal, propelled shrapnel, Ashleigh felt a piece bounce heavily across her back, heard James swear as he was caught on the back of his hand by a jagged shard of hot metal, she held him tighter, reluctant to see what she knew had happened, burying her face into his shoulder, until she had to look, had to see the devastation.
The helicopter had been targeted before it had barely been twenty feet off the ship. Instantly exploding into a blazing fireball, the skeletal outline of the vehicle visible in the flames, two lives instantly lost in a burning second. The wreck crashed down hard onto the deck, now nothing more than a red hot wreck of burning metal. Ashleigh finally found her legs, staring in horror at the twisted hunk She was shocked at the cold blooded killing of the two innocent men, and at the thoughts of them, she felt the nauseous feelings rise once more, realising the fragile hold on life, less than five minutes ago they had been alive and talking to her, now they were dead, killed for no reason other than to prove a megalomaniac's power.
'Oh god,' she whispered, as she suddenly saw they extent that Deronda was willing to prove what he could do. He had no hesitation in killing two innocent men who were doing nothing more than delivering the agents there; she didn't even want to think what he would do to his actual enemies.
There was little time to dwell on the matter, little time to think what was going to happen next, because it was already happening, the guards started to surround them, to circle them, the barrels of their guns raised and pointed at them.
'Walk,' one of them instructed, pointing them towards the large bridge of the ship.
So they walked.