Nobody Understands
Chapter 8 – Worth Every Second
A/N: Thanks for the great reviews guys. This chapter should be a bit longer. And yes, I am British!
***
I cannot tell you what happened next but when I opened my eyes I saw that we were face to face with a tree. I don't know whether to be thankful for it or annoyed that it was there and made us hit it. I moved slowly and stiffly to glance at Mum. Her head was resting on the steering wheel, from beneath her hair I could see blood trickling down.
'Mum?' I called softly. I daren't shake her, knowing the damage it could do. She didn't reply. 'Mum?' I asked louder. 'MUM!' I screamed.
There was no answer. I stared at her for a moment, the realisation hitting me. And I did something I haven't done in a long time; I cried. I cried and cried till there were no more tears left.
'Mummy, please wake up.' I begged through my sobs, using a name I had never used before in my life. But she didn't; wake up that is.
This was my entire fault. If I hadn't suggested that we go shopping. If I hadn't suggested driving back when we did. If I hadn't turned the heat up so we couldn't hear the other vehicle coming towards us. It was my fault. Dad would never forgive me.
'Dad!' I said out loud, suddenly remembering him. He would have finished work by now and be wondering where we were. Mum's phone was in her bag on the backseat. Gingerly, I undid my seatbelt and reached round to get it. The car started to move. I gasped and froze myself, not daring to even breathe. The car rocked for a few more seconds before finally settling itself.
'What was that?' I wondered to myself. Cautiously, I lowered my window, got an icy blast, and peered out. There I got my answer. The tree was built on the corner of a cliff and our car was over hanging on either ledge. That meant that if I moved the car could go and if Mum moved the car could go. We were trapped.
***
'Ma-Maddie?' I heard Mum's voice croak through the silence. I looked up quickly, wiping the tears from my eyes; I did not want her to see I had been crying. 'What happened?'
'We got run off the road and then we hit a tree.'
Mum nodded and moved to open the door. Before I had a chance to tell her not to do that, the car lurched forward. Mum screamed and grabbed hold of me.
'What was that?' She asked a few moments later once the car had settled.
'The tree is on the corner of two cliffs, our front wheels are over hanging on either side. If either of us moves it'll go over.' I explained quietly. Mum paled, not saying anything.
'Ch-Chandler.' She whispered, her eyes darting around as if she could see him.
'Your phone is on the backseat, I've tried to get it but can't. Probably won't work anyway.'
'Oh God, oh God.' Mum whispered to herself over and over again. She looked absolutely terrified. I thought that was a bit funny because as the child I should be the one going out of my mind, not being calm and sensible. I suppose this is when my feelings become useful.
'Don't worry, it'll be alright.' I said comfortingly, reaching out to smooth Mum's hair down, the way she used to do to me. She smiled weakly at me. 'First, let's get that cut sorted out.'
'What cut?' Mum asked as I rummaged through the glove box for the first aid kit.
'The one on your forehead....Got it!' I opened up the box and proceeded to clean Mum's forehead. I did this in silence, a look of concentration on my face.
'How do you know how to do this?' Mum asked a sentimental look in her eyes.
'I read it.' I answered shortly. Mum nodded and didn't speak again until I had finished. She pulled down her visor and had a look.
'Very nice.' She said approvingly. I smiled at her, not quite sure what to say. I wasn't really used to dishing out compliments so I didn't know how to receive them.
A thought came to my mind. 'Mum?'
'Mmm?' Mum had been lost in her thoughts. She looked up, distracted.
'How did you feel?'
'When?' Mum's brow furrowed. I took a deep breath.
'When you found out about me...When you found out I was...' I trailed off and looked down. Mum went quiet for a few moments a serious look on her face.
'Well you know how long your father and I had been trying for you?' I nodded. I heard this story many times. 'We were so overjoyed when we found out. I remember telling Chandler, Dad, in Central Park and on the way back to the apartment he told everyone that he met that he was going to be a Daddy.' I smiled; I could just imagine him doing something like that. 'When you arrived we did everything for you and we loved you so much, so much more than you could ever know. And when I found out that you could never love me back...' Mum choked back a sob, her eyes filling with tears. 'I was devastated. I had been waiting so long for you and I thought nothing else could go wrong. My life had been screwed up too many times and I thought that was going to be end. I found my Prince and I got my baby, my life was supposed to be perfect.' Mum took a gulp of breath and wiped her eyes.
I had been sat in silence trying to comprehend one of Mum's sentences. Finally, I turned to look at her.
'You think I'm a screw up?'
'Wha-? No I don't.'
'Yes you do. You said "My life had been screwed up too many times".'
Mum paused for a second, not saying anything.
'If I'm such a screw up then why did you keep me? Huh? Why didn't you just make your life perfect like you always wanted?' My voice rose to a high shrill and my throat was starting to hurt but that didn't stop me.
'Because I wanted YOU. No matter what happened, you were my baby girl and I loved you and I still do. I would love you even if you hated me.'
'You know, earlier on you wouldn't wake up and do you know what I did? I cried. I cried because I thought I was going to lose you. I've never cared about anyone that much before.'
Mum looked at me through her tears. 'Before I was pregnant I thought that it was only parents who couldn't bond with the child, not the other way round. I realise that's not the case now. But you know what? I'm the luckiest Mum in the world.'
'You are?' I sniffled. I was confused. 'Absolutely, most parents don't have to do anything to make their child love them but I had to work for it and let me tell you, it was worth every second to hear you say that.'
I grinned at her, my Mum. I now realised that, even though I still had a long way to go, I was beginning to understand what love was.
My grinned faded, however, when I noticed the look on Mum's face.
'Mum?'
'I think the baby's coming.'
A/N: Thanks for the great reviews guys. This chapter should be a bit longer. And yes, I am British!
***
I cannot tell you what happened next but when I opened my eyes I saw that we were face to face with a tree. I don't know whether to be thankful for it or annoyed that it was there and made us hit it. I moved slowly and stiffly to glance at Mum. Her head was resting on the steering wheel, from beneath her hair I could see blood trickling down.
'Mum?' I called softly. I daren't shake her, knowing the damage it could do. She didn't reply. 'Mum?' I asked louder. 'MUM!' I screamed.
There was no answer. I stared at her for a moment, the realisation hitting me. And I did something I haven't done in a long time; I cried. I cried and cried till there were no more tears left.
'Mummy, please wake up.' I begged through my sobs, using a name I had never used before in my life. But she didn't; wake up that is.
This was my entire fault. If I hadn't suggested that we go shopping. If I hadn't suggested driving back when we did. If I hadn't turned the heat up so we couldn't hear the other vehicle coming towards us. It was my fault. Dad would never forgive me.
'Dad!' I said out loud, suddenly remembering him. He would have finished work by now and be wondering where we were. Mum's phone was in her bag on the backseat. Gingerly, I undid my seatbelt and reached round to get it. The car started to move. I gasped and froze myself, not daring to even breathe. The car rocked for a few more seconds before finally settling itself.
'What was that?' I wondered to myself. Cautiously, I lowered my window, got an icy blast, and peered out. There I got my answer. The tree was built on the corner of a cliff and our car was over hanging on either ledge. That meant that if I moved the car could go and if Mum moved the car could go. We were trapped.
***
'Ma-Maddie?' I heard Mum's voice croak through the silence. I looked up quickly, wiping the tears from my eyes; I did not want her to see I had been crying. 'What happened?'
'We got run off the road and then we hit a tree.'
Mum nodded and moved to open the door. Before I had a chance to tell her not to do that, the car lurched forward. Mum screamed and grabbed hold of me.
'What was that?' She asked a few moments later once the car had settled.
'The tree is on the corner of two cliffs, our front wheels are over hanging on either side. If either of us moves it'll go over.' I explained quietly. Mum paled, not saying anything.
'Ch-Chandler.' She whispered, her eyes darting around as if she could see him.
'Your phone is on the backseat, I've tried to get it but can't. Probably won't work anyway.'
'Oh God, oh God.' Mum whispered to herself over and over again. She looked absolutely terrified. I thought that was a bit funny because as the child I should be the one going out of my mind, not being calm and sensible. I suppose this is when my feelings become useful.
'Don't worry, it'll be alright.' I said comfortingly, reaching out to smooth Mum's hair down, the way she used to do to me. She smiled weakly at me. 'First, let's get that cut sorted out.'
'What cut?' Mum asked as I rummaged through the glove box for the first aid kit.
'The one on your forehead....Got it!' I opened up the box and proceeded to clean Mum's forehead. I did this in silence, a look of concentration on my face.
'How do you know how to do this?' Mum asked a sentimental look in her eyes.
'I read it.' I answered shortly. Mum nodded and didn't speak again until I had finished. She pulled down her visor and had a look.
'Very nice.' She said approvingly. I smiled at her, not quite sure what to say. I wasn't really used to dishing out compliments so I didn't know how to receive them.
A thought came to my mind. 'Mum?'
'Mmm?' Mum had been lost in her thoughts. She looked up, distracted.
'How did you feel?'
'When?' Mum's brow furrowed. I took a deep breath.
'When you found out about me...When you found out I was...' I trailed off and looked down. Mum went quiet for a few moments a serious look on her face.
'Well you know how long your father and I had been trying for you?' I nodded. I heard this story many times. 'We were so overjoyed when we found out. I remember telling Chandler, Dad, in Central Park and on the way back to the apartment he told everyone that he met that he was going to be a Daddy.' I smiled; I could just imagine him doing something like that. 'When you arrived we did everything for you and we loved you so much, so much more than you could ever know. And when I found out that you could never love me back...' Mum choked back a sob, her eyes filling with tears. 'I was devastated. I had been waiting so long for you and I thought nothing else could go wrong. My life had been screwed up too many times and I thought that was going to be end. I found my Prince and I got my baby, my life was supposed to be perfect.' Mum took a gulp of breath and wiped her eyes.
I had been sat in silence trying to comprehend one of Mum's sentences. Finally, I turned to look at her.
'You think I'm a screw up?'
'Wha-? No I don't.'
'Yes you do. You said "My life had been screwed up too many times".'
Mum paused for a second, not saying anything.
'If I'm such a screw up then why did you keep me? Huh? Why didn't you just make your life perfect like you always wanted?' My voice rose to a high shrill and my throat was starting to hurt but that didn't stop me.
'Because I wanted YOU. No matter what happened, you were my baby girl and I loved you and I still do. I would love you even if you hated me.'
'You know, earlier on you wouldn't wake up and do you know what I did? I cried. I cried because I thought I was going to lose you. I've never cared about anyone that much before.'
Mum looked at me through her tears. 'Before I was pregnant I thought that it was only parents who couldn't bond with the child, not the other way round. I realise that's not the case now. But you know what? I'm the luckiest Mum in the world.'
'You are?' I sniffled. I was confused. 'Absolutely, most parents don't have to do anything to make their child love them but I had to work for it and let me tell you, it was worth every second to hear you say that.'
I grinned at her, my Mum. I now realised that, even though I still had a long way to go, I was beginning to understand what love was.
My grinned faded, however, when I noticed the look on Mum's face.
'Mum?'
'I think the baby's coming.'