Chapter One – Doki (Anger)

A few days after her parents' death, Honda Tohru boarded a cruise ship. Tohru had protested to the best of her ability, being terrified of water. She hadn't even gotten into the bath without shivers down her spine since last year... But her uncle laughed off her fears, saying that the sooner she was out there on the ocean, she'd forget she was ever afraid. And she couldn't go against her uncle.

Her aunt and uncle were her new guardians for two more years—until she turned eighteen—and they had decided, against her will, that the whole family ought to go on a relaxing cruise away from the reporters that were constantly harassing them.

For it seemed that there was something suspicious surrounding their death, but Tohru was kept from watching news reports and reading newspapers to "protect" her, as her aunt put it.

So Tohru, with a leaden heart, boarded the ship, and went straight to her cabin. She locked the door, and lay on her double bed, gazing at her luxurious room. Everything was white – carpets, bedding, the paint on the walls—with the only touches of colour in the large wooden furniture that was secured to the floor. Sure, the colours weren't to her taste... but Tohru knew she should be grateful that they were taking care of her. She stared at the ceiling until the rocking motion of the ship made her feel sick, then closed her eyes.

Tohru heard loud knocking on her cabin door, and glanced at it in despair—and with a hint of annoyance. Deciding to ignore whomever it was, she rolled over onto her other side and closed her eyes again. Then came the jiggling of the doorknob—whomever it was had to be pretty desperate to talk to her, if they'd consider invading her privacy—which was harder to ignore. Finally, the grief-stricken young woman burst out, "Leave me alone!"

A stern voice came from the other side of the door, ordering her, with plenty of vulgar language included, to open the door and let the speaker, her uncle, in. Tohru glared at the door, willing her uncle to leave. For a moment, it seemed like it had worked, as silence filled the air. Then the door shuddered under a barrage of pounding.

Tohru sat up on her bed and hugged her knees to her chest. Tears formed in eyes that she thought had no tears left to cry, and spilled over onto her cheeks, running downwards in small rivers, dripping off her chin to land on knees that were tucked close underneath. "Just leave me alone," she whispered.

More curses came from the other side of the door, from that hateful voice, then came the sounds of an angry and defeated guardian stomping away. Tohru breathed a sigh of relief, and buried her face in her knees, thinking that he'd given up. But oh, was she ever wrong.

Only minutes later, he was back, and this time, jingling something that sounded suspiciously like keys outside the thin door. "Would you like to change your attitude about letting me in," he threatened, "or shall I just take action for myself?"

Something inside the normally quiet and even-tempered girl snapped. She felt no more will to fight—she merely felt defeated. She gave respect and gratitude to her aunt and uncle for taking care of her, but a grieving sixteen-year-old is not someone to mess with. "Go right ahead," she sighed softly, her voice laced with both fear and resentment.

There was silence on the other side of the door for a moment, then the sound of a key being inserted into the lock, and a decided click rang out as he turned it. The doorknob twisted slowly as Tohru watched it, and she began to shake. Suddenly, the door opened with a crash as it hit the wall, and the looming shadow of Tohru's uncle fell over her.

He strode into the cabin, and hauled Tohru up off the bed, and stood her on her feet. His face was cast over in darkness, but she could tell that an angry glare was pasted on his features. She stared fearfully into his eyes, then glanced at the hand that still grasped her upper arm rather tightly.

He slowly loosened his grip, then brought his hand up, hovering in the air above her shoulder. Tohru never saw it coming as he slapped her across the face with the back of his hand.

She fell to the ground in a stunned heap, her head spinning with the force of the blow. She touched her cheek gingerly, and felt the beginnings of a bruise as it throbbed with a dull ache. She let out a low sigh of pain, dreading what was to come.

The same hand grasped her arm again, dragging her once again into a standing position. This time it was the other hand he raised, and bruised the other side of her face with it in the same manner as before.

Tohru dangled limply in his grasp as he raised her up higher, until her feet no longer touched the floor. She was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling as she gasped for air.

Her lip was throbbing painfully, and she could taste blood in her mouth. The arm her uncle held was beginning to become numb, and sharp pains ran through it. That'll also be bruised tomorrow, she thought wryly, wondering how she'd gotten herself into such a mess. She let out an unconscious whimper at the pain, and her guardian snorted.

He lifted Tohru farther from the ground, and tossed her backwards, she landed surprisingly on her feet, but, being dizzy and disoriented, she stumbled backwards. She felt every moment of the fall as if it was an hour. Slowly, she crumpled to the floor, her head glancing painfully against the corner of a dresser.

Her uncle took several deep breaths, staring at the unmoving form on the floor. She stirred slightly, and he scooped her up and placed her on her bed, being not entirely ungentle. His anger blinded him to the blood on the white carpet, and the look of pain on his niece's face. Turning abruptly on his heel, he stalked towards the door. On his way out, he paused, looked over his shoulder, and smirked.

"If you won't open your door to me, then I won't open your door to you, either. I suppose you never noticed the deadbolts on the outside of the doors. My own personal touches to this little boat. Be more wise in your decisions next time, Tohru-chan." With those words that penetrated the darkness of Tohru's pain and made her feel ill, he was gone.

Tohru moaned. You've gotta be kidding me. This... this just isn't right. This is a terrible dream. It's all a dream. I'll wake up and okaa-san will be there, apologizing for being late again. She struggled to sit up on the bed, and the sharp pains in her head told her otherwise. It's not a dream... She touched the back of her head lightly, then brought her fingers in front of her. Blood. Her ears rang with pain, but she thought she heard the ominous sliding of a bolt into place.

She stood dizzily and stumbled over to the door. Grasping the knob, she took a deep breath, and... Jerking at the knob, she cried out softly. It wouldn't budge!

Silently cursing herself for... Well, for doing whatever she had done to anger her ill-tempered uncle, she managed the few steps back to her bed, and collapsed onto it.

- - -

Tohru awoke the next morning to the sound opposite the one she'd heard last night. The deadbolt was sliding the other way, and the door creaked open, slowly. She forced her eyes open, and saw her uncle standing in the doorway with an expression of disappointment.

"Why, Tohru-chan? Why did you have to do that?" he asked, as if it were her fault. The rest of his spiel she drowned out with her own thoughts, keeping her eyes focused on a spot above her uncle's head. All I asked for... was to be left alone. Why is that wrong? Why... why... What did I do to deserve this unfairness?! Her eyes widened at that thought.

That wasn't her... That wasn't the normal Honda Tohru. The normal Tohru was a cheerful girl, despite hardships. When her grandparents had died a few years before, she'd made a promise to herself never to sink into a well of self-pity and depression like she did then. She'd renewed that promise when her two best friends drowned the year before. The memory, along with the rocking of the ship, made Tohru feel sick again, and she struggled against the urge to throw up.

She'd made that promise to herself, but for others. But there was no one now who needed her to be strong for them, so what was the point? She swallowed those thoughts and concentrated on the speck of good she found in her life. The fact that she, Honda Tohru, was alive. That was all that mattered. She would live for her grandparents... her friends... and her parents.

Tohru wasn't even bothered anymore by the time her uncle shook his head at her and left the room, this time leaving the door wide open. She wasn't stupid enough to try and close it again, nor was she stupid enough to lock her bathroom door when she went for a shower.

She cleaned her bloody hair and the back of her head, and tied a strip of a thin towel around her head to try and stop the bleeding. Peering at her face in a mirror, she lightly touched her puffy face, the winced.

Tohru dried herself and dressed quickly, with clothes from in her dresser. Apparently her aunt had provided her with all of her wardrobe from her home—her old home.

Then she lay on her bed, feeling slightly nauseous as the ship tipped back and forth with the waves. She stared at the ceiling once again, and began to hum, then sing, a song her mother had sung to her when she was little.

Tatoeba kurushii kyou da to shite mo
For instance, even if today is painful
Kinou no kizu o nokoshite ite mo
And yesterday's wounds remain
Shinjitai kokoro hodo ite yukere to
I want to believe that I can free my heart and go on

Good memories of her parents flooded out the bad, and she began to miss them more than ever. They'd been a perfect family until just recently, and Tohru wasn't sure exactly what brought out a change in her parents... Perhaps it was the stress of work, as they rose up in the ranks of society.

Tears rolled slowly down her cheeks as she drifted off to sleep, and dreamed of her mother's voice, singing a lullaby.

- - -

When Tohru awoke, it was dark, and a quick glance at a digital clock sitting atop her bedside table revealed that it was just after midnight. Her stomach complained loudly from hunger, but she ignored it. She knew she couldn't eat anything—she felt too sick. But, no longer feeling as woozy as before, she decided to take a walk out on the deck of the ship... but not too near the water.

As Tohru left her cabin, she glanced up at the night sky. She could see dark clouds blotting out the stars on the horizon, and they were rolling closer and closer with each passing minute. She allowed a small smile, for the first time in days. Tohru had always loved rainstorms, and the pattering of rain pounding on the roof.

And the rain would be a reflection of the emotion she refused to show. Right now, she could not weep. She had to be strong. If not for her friends, or her family... then for herself. For no matter how alone Tohru felt, she refused to let herself believe that she was truly alone.

Tohru walked to the railing that separated her from the choppy waves of the sea at night. Sprays of salt water sent droplets clinging to her skin, and she wiped her face dry with one hand. Her other hand gripped the metal bar of the railing tightly.

She had no idea why, in a moment without her sanity, she'd decided to come so close to the dark waters. She stared down into the depths, and shuddered. Two faces seemed to smile at her from the rough waters, and she tore her eyes away.

Out of nowhere, she heard footsteps behind her, and spun to face her uncle. However, there was something different about him...

He walked right up in front of her and leaned forward until their noses almost touched. Tohru recoiled and stumbled backwards, against the rail, and she hung onto it tightly, with both hands. Her uncle, of course, stepped forward again, and squinted at her.

Tohru could smell alcohol on his breath, and that frightened her. She had never dealt with a drunken man before...

Her guardian smirked slightly. "You look so much like your Okaa-san, Tohru- chan. There's something about you both that just enchants a man. Your youthful beauty, perhaps..."

Tohru's stomach dropped to her feet, and she squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze.

"I never loved your aunt, to be honest," he said, his words slurring together. "I always had my eye on your okaa-san. But then she married that damn Kazuya. I could never have her."

Tohru loosened her grip on the railing, and tried to sidle away from him. But, even when drunk, his reflexes were quick, and he pulled her up against him.

She closed her eyes, and, in a moment of fear, struck out at him with her open hand. Her palm connected with his cheek, and he glared at her.

For a moment, all time froze. She could see his anger building in his eyes, and she was immediately disgusted with herself. She'd never hit a man before, or even thought of it. Her hand still stung from the impact, and she cradled it against her chest, as tears misted in her eyes.

"Stupid bitch," he muttered. In a fit of anger, he grasped her arm and flung her upwards, tossing her over the railing as if she were a rag doll.

Tohru hit the ocean just as the storm began to build overhead. The waves buffeted her as she struggled to keep afloat, and awake. The makeshift bandage slipped off of her head, and salt water brushed against the wound, making her cry out in pain. What do I do now? she thought wildly, frightened by the lack of possibilities. What can I do now? I suppose... I suppose I'll see you soon... Otou-san... Okaa-san...

For the first time in her life, Honda Tohru gave up, and let the storm render her unconscious.

A/N: Arigatou gozaimasu for reading And thankie muchly for the reviews, Jadefinn and saegie.

I thought I might mention that I don't own anything... -- My disclaimer.

Oh, and if I've gotten anything wrong and you notice it (using the wrong word for something.. anything like that) please tell me! I don't want to look like a complete baka =P

Chapter One Glossary

Tatoeba kurushii...yukere to – This is part of the opening song to the anime... I luff this song And the translation is under it, in italics. Yup.
Okaa-san – mother, again.
Otou-san – again, father.

And that's about it! If I missed one, let me know in a review Heck, review even if I didn't miss one!