Trust My Heart
by: Angel Wings Rinoa (Cathy-chan)
Chapter 12: Lucian
A lone Guardian Force stood
standing in the centre of the smoke and fire. Near his clawed,
ebony feet stood a boy. Their vehement eyes fixed on a fearful
figure crawling madly away...
Bradley's eyes flew open. He had an odd dream, or rather odder than his usual ones. Unlike his other dreams, it was shorter but far more vivid. Even with his eyes wide open, he could still smell the fire and burning things. He could not see the frightened man on the floor, nor the GF other than its feet. However, they both felt familiar. They disconcerted him. The dream itself disconcerted him. Everything disconcerted him ever since his father entered his auto shop. He felt lost, or more accurately, as if he was misplacing pieces of himself. Gradually, after every dream, a piece of him slipped away.
Nothing felt right.
No. Someone felt right and well to him, she, with one glance of her honest eyes, could make him feel a peaceful calm amidst panic and pandemonium, even if it was for a mere minute.
His senses absorbed new things as his body regained full awareness. The surface beneath his body was not hard or dusty, it was soft and bouncy. Above he stared straight to a ceiling that was not dark and dank, but bright and sterile-looking, despite its cracked condition. A mad, blonde man did not take his blood. However, a doctor had given him the blood of others. Turning his head, he saw that his forearm was link to a plastic bag filled with an opaque, red substance. And not too far away were his jeans, shredded but pristine and folded neatly.
Somewhere near his feet, he heard Dr. Kadowaki's voice. There. How does that feel?
....A little tight.
No help for it, Mr. Leonhart. The antibiotic remedy has to be securely on your skin.
I knew I should have went with you. Look at what you did to yourself!
Bradley recognized the voice of the black-haired woman he met at the cafeteria, Rinoa.
Seifer did it. Not me.
But I bet Seifer wouldn't have singed your hand if you didn't come so close to him. Why're you always worrying the bits out of me!?
Silence followed. Her concerned voice was directed to his bed. ...How's he doing?
Hasn't awaken since the Communication Tower. He kept tossing and turning in his sleep though, but we couldn't wake him up no matter what we did. The good news is we were able to stop his bleeding.
Indeed they had. Looking down, he saw a hospital gown covering starch-white bandages wrapping his body, instead of a menagerie of his and Quistis' shirts. He noticed a steady, mild sting coming from his leg and shoulder. Notwithstanding, he still wasn't fond of hospitals; they reminded him too much of what the interior of Grandon looked like. Plus he disagreed with its formal and objective atmosphere. Specifically, he had a strong dislike for the gowns. The germfree one covering him was too short for his tall form. The lacking attire would have been shoved a bit further down his thigh had it not been for his weakened arms. He wondered if the good doctor kept any of his dignity in tact by letting him keep his undergarments.
Don't worry. It's still there, a smooth voice said near the window behind his head.
He was surprised to hear her voice, surprised he hadn't noticed her. He grinned crookedly and decided to play coy for the heck of it. What's still there?
I get uncomfortable when Dr. Kadowaki strips me naked underneath the gown too. Of course, she never fails to reply with And what about the bacteria lurking around your infected and bloodied delicates?' I insist to her that she lets her patients keep their under-things from now on. Or if not that, at least provide them with clean ones.
Very perceptive of you, milady. If I had the strength to move, I would be kissing yer feet right now for honouring my dignity.
Quistis let out a bubbly laugh. You are just too much sometimes. Honestly, if I had a student like you when I was an instructor, I would have needed a long student's report to write everyday just to keep my face straight during class.
Oh no....I would have bored ye to death with my GF-this and GF-that rambling.
I can scarcely believe you were ever boring, Bradley. Quistis' face came to his view. She sat down on a stool near his bed. How're you feeling?
Much better, thanks. His cheery mien was dropped when he saw her face. She was distressed for his sake. It angered him how much stress he had inflicted on this wonderful woman. He felt like nothing more than a bother to other people of late. ...What's wrong?
Quistis opened her mouth to speak. Just then a loud bellow from across the room shook the fractured walls.
Why'm I still ere? I told you: I'm innocent!!
He couldn't hold back the bitter anger from his voice. He's here?
Squall told me he and the others arrested him soon after we fled to the Tower.
Tis im ye want! He's the murderer, not me! Ow! Blewdy ell, woman!!
Please refrain yourself from jumping around, Mr. Atkins, Dr. Kadowaki informed his father. I have not finished checking your sutures yet........yes, you'll be fine too. In about six months or so, you'll be able to walk normally. Though I'm sure it'll leave quite a deep scar. You'll have to wear a cast around your knee. She sighed wearily. ...I haven't dealt with so many injured patients since Galbadia Garden's attack a year ago. She turned to the tall man beside her. Is it true that he's the Grandon Bomber?
Probably not, Irvine answered. From what me, Zell and the librarian got, it seems there's a reason why he wouldn't bomb the Garden.
Aye, cause I'm innocent!
No. It just means you had an occupation in Grandon. Something that would have been jeopardized if the Garden was put out of commission. Something like...smuggling GFs illegally to unlicenced and...unwholesome people around the world, perhaps?
There was a deadly silence for a few seconds.
Wow, Irvine! the doctor exclaimed. I must say I'm impressed.
He chuckled softly. Nah. You should praise Zell's know-it-allness.
Hehe, shucks, Irv! Zell said. You sure know how to make a guy feel special.
Not being responsible for the devastation of Grandon Garden doesn't discount the fact that you're still a suspect for the one that happened here, Squall pointed out staidly to Joseph. Then, at finding Bradley awake, he said to the criminal's son, And you're going to be held here for questioning.
That's well of you to say, Squall, but you're bothering my patients. All of you please kindly leave. Visiting hours are over. Dr. Kadowaki walked over to Bradley's bed. That means you too, Quistis.
She's not bothering me, Bradley said. Quite the opposite, y'know.
I'll stay and keep watch on his condition, Quistis told the doctor.
Mr. Atkins –Bradley, you need to sleep and recover. Quistis, I'll keep watch over him. Don't worry, she told the two pointedly. The doctor helped her off the seat.
I'll contact you with this if anything happens, Dr. Kadowaki added. She took out a black, rectangular device, a radio linked walky-talky. It's a good thing we still have these old things to help us out when the comms're down.
Quistis complied reluctantly. Before joining Squall and the others to the exit, she kissed him quickly and whispered, Get better, okay?
The doctor sat on the stool where Quistis sat. She waited for her friend to leave before saying, She fancies you a lot.
Bradley smiled warmly.
She nodded sedately. How do you feel about her?
His smile widened. I spose I fancy her a lot too, doc.
She nodded again and paused. ...Do you love her?
His brow furrowed; the grin disappearing from his face. I...I think I do. he answered sincerely. What's with the strange questions? he thought.
Whether you do or don't, stop seeing her. Her voice was impersonal and cold.
Do her and yourself a favour: don't come near her again. Before Dr. Kadowaki stood up to tend the other patients, she said quietly, You're not what she needs.
The doctor closed the curtains hanging around his bed. A few minutes later the lights were dimmed. The sunlight coming through the window's blinds illuminated his bewildered eyes.
Don't come near her again. In his head, the words echoed as he tried to go back to sleep.
I told you to get out, Squall spoke coldly. Outside the doors of the infirmary, Seifer and his posse waited, angry and impatient.
Seifer tapped his gunblade on his shoulder. You should have let me kill him.
That's not for you or me to determine. Squall walked pass the other man without looking at him. Unlike you, we don't think we're judge, jury and executioner unto ourselves. You're leaving Balamb Garden and will never return. If I still see your face when I get back, I'm going to put you in a confined room with those two and send you to Desert Prison with them.
Heh. For what?
Oh, I'm sorry, Seifer bowed mockingly. I didn't know that mere civilians are not allowed to bask in the glory of Balamb Garden's interior.
And you interfered with a SeeD mission. That can hold you liable of being affiliated with our intended target. Squall grinned drily. Despite the fact that you killed almost all of them.
Seifer slashed the air in front of him with his weapon while Irvine and Zell stood guard behind Squall. He disregarded them as he came face-to-face with their commander.
No. You interfered with me. And for that I can hold you liable of pissing me off. Wait, you already have pissed me off. I've told you before that no one gets in my way unless they're hoping for a slow, painful death.
Your threats have no bite here, Seifer, Irvine said. He used his shotgun to direct Seifer's gaze to the five people, including himself, that despised the Ex-Knight, all of them armed and throwing him glares. You're outnumbered.
Trying to hide cowardly in your precious group again, Squall? Seifer laughed. He returned to leaning on the columns of the hall. You can do all you want, but I'm not leaving until I have killed Bradley.
Why're you after him? You've already killed the bombers, and we have their leader. What more do you want? Squall paused, frowning.
Like I'd tell you. I have my own reasons.
It's for Grandon, isn't it? There's more to it than just someone using explosives.
Seifer didn't look at the other man. He snorted a short laugh. Figured it out, eh, Squall?
Some of it. I'm starting to think that the legend of Grandon Massacre' is wrong.
What do you mean, Squall? Rinoa asked.
It's not because I believed Mr. At –Joseph Atkins when he said he was innocent regarding Grandon. It's because of what Irvine showed me. Also, it seemed strange that a con artist that only smuggled Guardian Forces would suddenly commit mass murder. His criminal records show that he hasn't committed any major crimes that included homicide or explosives. Only recently perhaps, if he had something to with the attacked on us.
Ah, don't we have a very deductive Ol' Commander here, Seifer said sarcastically.
Irvine ignored Seifer's rude remark. He scowled thoughtfully and asked Squall, So like....doesn't that mean he could be innocent for not destroying our Garden too?
Not necessarily. Keep in mind, he had knowledge of how a Garden works. Maybe he's not a murderer, but there's no doubt that his accomplices –the ones Seifer has killed– are. They're definitely equipped with the knowledge and morality –rather the lack thereof– to do the dirty work. I got Balamb SeeDs to do an indetification on the bodies; all of them were well known for destroying important buildings and assassinating political and authoritive figures. When they searched their bodies, they found the activation system for an explosive device. We haven't found where the bomb is, unfortunately. The Garden's on full alert. There could very well be a third one hidden inside our Garden. I still don't understand how something as deadly as that could have gotten pass our security.
But what does that have to do Bradley? Rinoa asked.
He's a key factor. And a strange one at that: the one guy who wasn't mentioned in the Grandon Massacre. The evidence and accounts from Grandon all lead to him. He walked to Quistis who stood listening to his explanations near the infirmary's doors.
He looked gravely into her eyes, saying, Lowering your SeeD rank is not enough to make you fully understand how much you've endangered yourself by being with him. He's dangerous. He paused. Then said, Squall waved vaguely to Seifer's direction. wouldn't be so obsessed about killing Bradley without a reason. His voice became softer, so that only Quistis could hear. I would gladly just call him a madman too. But I've known him for too long to do that.
You are the madman, Squall! Quistis said furiously. You've gone insane with these accusations and ridiculous ideas about the wrong person.
Quistis, listen to me! He placed a hand on her shoulder. The man is heartless. He has put your life in danger, and he's going to do it again without hesitation. He's a damn criminal, and he's only using you!
No! You're wrong! she shouted angrily. She brushed his hand off. I don't care what you say about him. In fact, I don't care about anything you say anymore. Tears began to appear on her eyes. .....I thought you, despite your apathy, would show a little bit of support for me. I thought that, underneath that coldness of yours, there must be some heart that could make you happy for me, or at least respect my decisions. She backed away from him. ....But I was wrong. She shook her head at him, laughing mirthlessly. You're simple to figure out after all, Squall.
Squall, surprised at Quistis' reaction, was unable to speak. She walked away from him and the shocked faces of her friends, and the neutral ones of Seifer and his posse.
Squall? Hello? He was startled to find Selphie standing not too far away. She was looking behind her. Hey....I just saw Quistis. Is everything okay?
His eyes were nowhere in particular to his side when he answered, ......Just fine. He straightened his posture and then said, more clearly. Were you able to contact Trabia?
Uh-hum, wasn't easy though! I didn't know Trabia was soooo far away til we stopped having long-range communication systems. But I followed Xu's advice and went to Dollet, and asked them whether I could use the network in the Communication Tower. Wow, you guys should see the place now! No more Elvoret or anything else that's spookie and–!
he cutted in, his voice a bit impatient. Did you talk to the boy's guardian?
She grinned shippishly at her leader. Sorry, Squall. Yah....Sort of. I talked to the guy running Trabia Garden at the moment. Turns out the kid's not in Trabia anymore.
Where then?
The shorter girl grinned gaily. When she saw that the commander was in no mood for guessing games (if indeed he was ever in a mood to play any game), she recoiled a little. However, a smile was still immodestly on her face as she said. The kid's right here! In this Garden! Aren't we soooo lucky!?!
...Since when?
Uhm.......he said –oh yah! Recently. Soon after we stopped Sorceress Ultimecia. Turns out the kid's guardian, his cousin, is somewher else, but she keeps tabs with the kid. The guy leading Trabia right now said the cousin thought it'd be good for the kid to transfer to a Garden that did some travelling. Seems Trabia's location was too quiet and isolated for the poor little guy. Oh, I have him right here. She called out to someone from the other side of the hall. Lucian, come out and meet the other nice SeeDs!
The boy Selphie referred to as Lucian was a small, skinny one. As Irvine had mentioned, he was barely pass a half dozen years; he was small for his age too. His eyelids never seem to touch his big, brown irises as it noted each face one by one.
He knelt down in front of the boy. No one's going to harm you. We just want to ask you a few questions–.
–about what happened to Grandon, Lucian finished for him.
He nodded. That's right.
Again, the boy looked at each person in the hallway. ...Do I hafta say something to... He swallowed hard, his voice tight with fear,
No, you can talk to only one of us, if you wish. If you want, Selphie could–.
I'd rather talk to you......i-i-if that's okay?
Me? .....That's fine.
Lucian didn't offer another word. His eyes were darting to every face again. Each time he looked at the faces, his glance always came to Seifer's last.
...We can talk somewhere private if you want, Squall offered.
The child nodded quickly; a small twich resembling a smile flickered from his lips.
We'll talk near the elevators and–.
He wasted no time rushing away from the group of people as soon as he heard the words near the elevators.
Hm, jumpy little thing, ain't he? Irvine commented.
Squall turned to his five companions, explicitly excluding Seifer, Fuujin and Raijin. We'll rejoin in the temporary meeting room in 600 hours. Until then, I suggest you all get a good night's rest. We got a lot to do tomorrow.
Aye-aye, Commander! they all said simultaneously.
...I know you're saying that intentionally, their commander said with a hint of a sour tone.
Before Selphie left, she warned Squall. He's just a small boy. Go easy on him, okay? Don't go asking him too many questions at once.
What does she think I'm gonna do? Interrogate him!?
The time chimed to nine o'clock as Squall and Lucian sat on the stairs leading to the elevators. They heard and saw not a single person; Balamb students were acutely aware of the consequences of wandering about after curfew. While Squall preoccupied himself at looking at the floor, Lucian sat a few feet from him, offering no words or acknowledgement.
Finally, the child broke the silence with, Y-You're not like them....T-That's why I picked to talk to you ab-about....you know. Furtively his ever-round eyes sought Squall's questioning gaze. You don't have those pity-looks like ev'ryone else.
The older teenage boy shrugged. ...Everyone has their own problems. It's just not my responsibility to worry about other people's business except mine.
the boy squinched his face thoughtfully. are you lone then?
...I used to be, he answered honestly. Squall didn't think it strange that he was being truthful to the boy. Lucian's callow frankness justified such a response. He thought of what his answer could have been if it was a year ago, when he had no friends, no Rinoa.
Y-Y'know it's good to be not alone, y'know, the little child said forcefully. It was the first time Squall had seen the boy active and lively. His hands were flailing to every direction as he tried to articulate himself. It's bad when you got no one to talk to...t-to hold your hand and........ Lucian sniffled; he wiped a tear streaming down his face with his over-sized sweater. ....It's bad when.....It's sad, being lone.....really sad.... His voice trailed off; he reverted back to looking at his sneakers, to the untied laces that swayed on the floor as he jangled his feet.
Squall moved his eyse to his own feet, wondering how to approach the fragile situation. Quistis would know how to handle children; she had experienced teaching a few during her short period as an instructor. A corner of his mouth twitched wryly; how ironic it was that the boy wanted to confide in him when he had no sensitivity to be a friend for Quistis. He ran a hand through his hair; he needed to apologize or.....something –anything for hurting her feelings. He had simply wanted to tell her the truth, to protect her from a broken heart, and, instead of gratitude, he received guilt. He was starting to think that it was not what he said but how he said it. He blew air through his nose. Shouting out that the man was using her and acting like an autocrat was not a good way to assure a troubled and stressed friend.
His attention moved back to the child. He was reminded of the boy that stood in the rain outside Edea's Orphanage, crying out the name of his dear sister, hoping to see a glimpse of his loved one running towards him with open arms. In their own lives, Squall and Lucian learned from loneliness and broken promises. Squall had learned that the truth was heartless, but if one had no heart in return then nothing would be broken a second time. Lucian chose to trust him because, in some aspects, they were alike, they knew the truth as it was. Squall gave everyone around him no flowery words nor pitying looks. Just the truth.
Squall needed exactly that, open and unprohibited. He straightened his spine, and looked at the boy directly. He waited for Lucian to look back before saying, ...You were lonely too, weren't you? Did you lose someone in Grandon?
The boy's hands clasped tightly together. He was shaking, holding back the tears he needed to shed for his family. He couldn't speak for a while.
When Squall wanted to end it there, thinking the memories painful for him, Lucian uttered shakily, ...T-Two...I lost t-two... He wiped the tears frenziedly running from his eyes. His entire, little frame shook with the emotions he was fighting back. T-They were all I had, y'know....m-my family....li'l one, but....t-they were mine...then he took them away!
Squall was astonished to feel his heart tighten; he was amazed at the emotions he struggled with in himself. He didn't know what to do or say to soothe the poor child.
Without removing his face from his sleeves, Lucian threw himself against Squall's arm. He clung on the black, leather sleeve, burrying his face in them, and asked for nothing more.
To say the least, Squall was surprised; more so than before. But he had no difficulty putting his hand gently on the boy's head. It was empathy, as if, by the mere act of his hand stroking Lucian's ruffled black locks, he was healing wounds, his and the child's.
Don't you ever want someone to listen?
Quistis' words. He didn't understand the importance of it. What could it possibly accomplish, he thought, when the pain had already been inflicted?
Soothing the crying child on his arm, he finally understood. And he realised maybe he had a lot to say sorry to Qusitis for.
To be continued..
Author's Note: Lucian is based on an original character of mine from my fantasy story called "Lucian's Wish."