chapter one.

Ellie Nash sat at her computer desk trying to finish her Geometry homework from the night before. 'Who is going to use the Pythageoren Theorem when they are older and out of High School?' She whispered to herself. She started to scribble down any little answer, since she really didn't care what she got on the assignment, she didn't care much for anything anymore. She grabbed her bag, foled up her book, and placed it in her bookbag, so that she wouldn't forget to do it in the morning. Ellie got up and walked over to her bookcase, and pulled out her journal, that was hidden under stacks of books, so that her mother wouldn't find it, and find out how her daughter is really doing. Ellie retrieved her journal, and threw it on her desk, and sat back down. She opened it to the next clean page, and began to write.

Dear Journal,

Guess how my day went!?! Absolutely great! I am so better, today was my last session with Miss Suave. Victory is mine! I have beat the illness.

Hah. Who am I kidding...I'm doing so horrible. Today in English class, I just wanted to breakdown and cry, in front of everyone, I didn't care, nothing really matters. But I just can't let anyone notice, just put on a happy face, and act like you did before you addiction happened. I juist hope no one, paid close mind to it, and noticed the unvisible.

Oh crap, I forgot, I have to write a poem about how I feel everyday, for that dumb class. What am I saying, English isn't a dumb class. But I think the assignment is dumb. Maybe I should just re-write one of the poems that I wrote in here? Ah, whatever. Well, I'm going to go now.

Until Next Time,

Ellie Nash

Ellie placed her pen back into her pen-holder, and hid her journal under her matress in her room. She tends to hide it in different places, so if her mom sees it one day, and decides to look at it when she is sobered up, it won't be in the same place. She walked over to her closet, and pulled out a pair of pajama bottoms, and her long-sleeved gray shirt, that she wore to bed, and threw them on. When she was finished, she walked into her bathroom, and brushed her teeth, and walked over to her bed, and laid down. She was staring up at the ceiling, she tended to do that from night to night, just thinking about the horrible things that had happened to her that day. Ellie didn't really realize that it was only 8:30 at night, and she was already in bed. 'Well I guess, I'll just have more time to think about nothing.' She thought. Ellie placed her hands behind her head, and closed her eyes for a bit.

She opened her eyes about 5 minutes later. 'Why can't I just be unhappy, and have people treat me the way they used to before they knew anything about me? Why does it have to be such a big deal? Why can't anyone leave me alone? Why do I have to lie, and act like I'm happy, when I'm really not...' Ellie thought, and felt tears swell up in her eyes. 'Why does everything have to be so messed up...?' She started to cry, at this point. So she screamed. She screamed so loud she woke the neighbours baby up. Luckily her mom was out drinking with a couple of her friends, so she wouldn't come stumbling half way up the stairs, just to see what's wrong. Something Ellie just snapped, and she needed to release her anger. And that was the only way she knew how to do it, other than cutting. Which didn't seem like such a bad idea at the time.

Ellie got up, and walked over to her dresser, and opened up the last drawer, and ramanged through her things, until she stumbled upon her compass. It was the only thing Ellie had ever used. Suprising to her no one had taken it away from her. She walked over to her bed, and sat down, indian-style, on it. She rooled up her sleeve, and placed the end of her compass, and her pale white skin, she started to cut, deeply, very deep, and blood started to quickly release from her left arm

She was interupted by her telephone ringing. So she hurried up and got her washcloth and pressed hard on her new opened wound, and she saw the blood quickly start to appear on the other end of the cloth. She felt a little dizzy, but she answered the phone anyways.

"Hello?" She asked, still kind of dizzy, but most of it had gone away.

"Hi...is this Ellie?" the person on the other line said, their voice sounded utterly familiar yet she couldn't identify it just yet.

"Yeah. May I ask who this is?" she asked still teary eyed. And tried to clean up her voice, so the person on the other line couldn't tell.

"Hey El, hun. It's Paige."