Title: The (Fairy)
Godfather
Author: Antidisestablishmentarianist / Kitty-kitty
Disclaimer: Not mine. All characters belong to JK Rowling, Warner Bros.
Scholastic, Bloomsbury and Raincoat books.
Rating: PG for cross-dressing poor Severus.
Author Notes: Wai, this is just getting madder. Yes, people, we finally get to
see Severus in drag. … I realize this isn't a new thing, but I'm the author and
I say he gets drag XD Anyway, darlings, the story finally begins to kick off.
The competition between Severus and Luna heats up XD My lovely reviewers, thank
you to nutella, CastusAlbusCor, Junella and On-A-Rainy-Day. OARD, honey,
I hope I answered your question well in this chapter. And Iris Flamewing –
you seem to predict me too well. XD No, Draco is just an expert on hair.
ESPECIALLY his own. Wouldn't you be with hair like that?
Chapter Five
Jigsaw Puzzle
Oh well, he added, remembering Dumbledore saying he should take a much more positive outlook on life. After all, he was a Fairy God Moth-Father now. Their loss.
He turned from the mirror, now an unsightly shade of red that clashed with the pink chiffon monstrosity. Perhaps if I think of them as robes. Dress robes. Incredibly garish Lockhart-esque robes. No, that's not working. Time for some dutch courage. With that, Severus took a flask off of the table next to him and looked at it suspiciously.
"... It's not that bad," he considered, putting the flask back down and looking at it warily. "No, Dutch courage isn't what I need... Irish strength's what I need!" Without really thinking about what he was doing, he found himself with a glass of whiskey in his hand and wobbling slightly on his feet. Severus then regarded himself in the mirror once more.
At least they're not lilac. At least I'm not blonde. It's not all that bad.
After Weasley and Granger had shown no signs of affection towards each other (Well, one. The bookworm smacked Weasley across the back at lunch when he once again choked on a mouthful of food large enough to feed a third world family for two days.) Severus's nerves had begun to sizzle.
It was then when the book arrived.
"A Simple Guide to Fairy God Parenting. Includes tips on uniform, speech and advice on storylines."
It had even included a stitching pattern showing where the chiffon could be left off. He'd been almost grateful for that. The less chiffon involved, in his opinion, the better. In the end, it had turned out a quite stylish affair. It almost looked like a set of pink-and-white robes not unlike - ... oh, merlin's beard... he really had had too much whiskey if he actually thought the dress suited him.
And, oh, merlin, he had to go and see Dumbledore next.
Why me?
He'd figured out a story. It would be so terribly romantic (shudder) that even Minerva would be satisfied as to its Fairy Godmother-ness rather than it being coincidence. Weasley would have an accident (no, really, he would. Severus would be nowhere near at the time) that would render him invalid for a week or two (there really was no hurry to get the boy back on his feet.) During that time, Granger would have to look after him and all he'd have to do is cast a quick god-mother-type spell and they'd fall in love.
First, though, Poppy would have to be talked around not knowing a cure for Weasley's injury. Granger would have to be put in a position to miss classes (something Severus was sure she'd never do) and Potter would have to be kept out of the way. Then all he had to do was keep Granger and Weasley from killing each other.
He never said it would be easy.
In fact, he never said he wanted to do the damn job in the first place.
Luna chose a seat behind Draco and settled in for a nice, relaxing Arithmancy class. She did not choose the seat behind Draco because she'd cast a spell on him. Neither did she pick it because she'd spent the last week or so stalking him. In fact, Luna Lovegood chose that seat because it was the perfect place to stare disturbingly at random members of the class until they got uncomfortable and looked away.
Draco was an added plus.
He was currently preening himself and trying to brush some glitter from his hair. As he did so, Luna giggled to herself. That was the sign of Godmothering enchantment and there was no way it was coming off of his cute little bleached blonde head until the spell had run its course.
"Oh!" she said, as loudly as she could. "Hermione! There's a seat free beside me!"
A girl Draco couldn't remember seeing before looked up. Her expression was mildly surprised as she pulled some slightly wiry bushy hair from her brown eyes and picked a book or two from the desk she'd chosen beforehand. He watched her walk past him and noted the subtle scent of jasmine.
It would have had the perfect daydream effect if Pansy hadn't thrown a ball of scrunched up paper at the back of his head.
"Why are you even looking at that? " hissed Pansy, leaning over from her seat on Draco's left.
Draco shrugged, wondering what on earth had come over him. That was incredibly against the Malfoy Code (Rule number 2: Love yourself above everyone else. After all, you are a Malfoy) and quite uncharacteristic. Ignoring childish giggles Luna was making behind him, he fixed one sane thought into his head.
"Must. Find. Mirror," he murmured.
"Is it me?" whispered Hermione, "or is Malfoy acting very strangely?"
Luna turned to her with a wide smile. "It's never ever just you. Something's always possible in an alternate universe. Some time, you might be in that alternate universe and not know it. It's not just you."
"Well," Hermione muttered under her breath. "That solves it. If Luna's spouting nonsense then everything's normal."
Despite the fact that it was a double Potions class, that he was partnered with Neville (no offence to the boy, but this was a sure road to disaster) and that he was going to be told off any minute now for eating or drinking in class, Ron Weasley was smiling. In fact, most of the class was smiling.
"Is there something particularly amusing about my appearance today, Weasley?" asked Snape, bearing over him like an overgrown bat.
"Well, now that you men- no, no, not at all," Ron said, still smiling broadly though he'd already realized that his drink was now on the table in full view (Author note: Am I the only person who's noticed that Ron eats… quite a bit in this fic?). Rather than look at Snape's face, he stared at his collar distractedly. Between the lining and buttons of one side of his robes and the other, it was quite evident that underneath the nightmarish black robes Snape was wearing something candy-floss coloured and wedding-dress shaped.
He pretended to keep working on the Potion, exchanging a smile with the shaky Neville (who was too nervous to smile. Now that Neville was sure Professor Snape was a cross-dresser, he didn't dare go near his Professor for fear of being hit with a handbag) and taking a large gulp of his drink.
Oddly enough, it seemed that Severus Snape turned around and looked surprised a few seconds before Ron's knees buckled.
"Augh! My legs!"